I was just decorating a Xmas tree with my consumerist grandma when this idea came upon me. It's not exactly my favorite holiday, but I could practically see the members of the Eleventh Division (and Matsumoto and others) prancing around the tree (with sake, of course), and it was such a funny image! Sorry for any characters who're OOC.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: No I don't own it, but it's on my wish list!! (hint hint, Santa)

And a Very Violent Christmas to You

Matsumoto was having a boring day. A very boring day. First, she had been peacefully dreaming on the couch when her prodigy taichou had burst in, shouting at her to get up and get started on the stacks of paperwork laying around on all the nearby surfaces. Then Hitsugaya had been yelling at her throughout the day for drinking sake, applying makeup, and generally slacking off. Matsumoto sighed. She really needed a break (even though she had done absolutely nothing all day). She decided to head over to the Eleventh Division. It was just around the corner, and besides, they were always having fun over there.

Yachiru was gazing out of the cracked front window of the Eleventh Division offices, and she saw Matsumoto round the corner and bump into Renji. They exchanged greetings, and Renji, obviously very confused about something, started talking earnestly to Matsumoto. After Renji finished talking, he continued down the hall, leaving a very excited Matsumoto to rush through the door to the Eleventh Division. "Yachiiiiiiiiiru!!" she yelled.

"No need to yell, boobie-chan. Did you bring candy?" Under the name calling, Yachiru and Matsumoto were very good friends. Surprisingly, both loved to gossip (well, not so surprising for Matsumoto) and both loved to indulge in hyperactivity/drunkenness. Matsumoto fished a cherry lollipop out of her pocket and continued. "Renji just told me about this mortal thing that Ichigo told him about – it's called Christmas!!"

Yachiru popped the lolly into her mouth, licking her lips. "Is there candy?"

"Definitely," Matsumoto would humor Yachiru's sugar obsession if she could just get her way. "And lots of other fun stuff too. Anyway, I was thinking that the Eleventh Division should have a Christmas party!! It'll be so fun!!"

"Okay," Yachiru's face broke into a wide smile. "I'll ask Ken-chan. What do we need?"

"First," Matsumoto said, "We need a tree."

(AN: look at the perdy snowflakes in the middle of the page!!)

When Byakuya caught sight of Matsumoto and various members of the eleventh squad hauling an obscenely large fir tree through the hallway outside his office, he blinked, somehow believing he was caught in a nightmare. Matsumoto had the top of the tree over her shoulder, and was bending down under the weight, attracting stares from passing men as even more of her cleavage was revealed. Yachiru was sitting on top of the tree, bouncing up and down under the effects of excitement and sugar. She was also yelling orders to the sweating shinigami laboring under her.

Byakuya shook his head, and replaced the calm and impassive expression upon his face. Then he refocused on his paperwork, thinking it was just some strange eleventh division ritual. Little did he know how much it would affect him.

Yumichika was examining his reflection in a glass ornament that Matsumoto had mysteriously produced out of a crate marked 'caution – special delivery.' However, he also saw in the ornament the woman in question, Matsumoto, directing Ikkaku to hang sprigs of a poisonous white and green parasite above convenient places for people to stand or walk.

"Ikkaku, no, a little to the left, no a little forward, okay great!" Matsumoto was smiling broadly. "Okay, now come down – I want you to go pick some stuff up with Renji, Hisagi and Kira now."

Several of Matsumoto's drinking buddies walked in, looking more than a little annoyed. "You said there would be sake," complained Renji, "Why is there no sake!?!?"

Kira sniffed. His eyes looked distinctly blotchy. "Matsu," he whined, "Yachiru poked me in the eye and it made me cry and my guyliner is running!"

Matsumoto rolled her eyes. "Just go pick the stuff up!!" She went over to the other side of the room to see how Yachiru was doing with the tree, leaving her three disgruntled friends with nothing to do but go pick up the supplies she wanted.

Just as Renji, Hisagi and Kira disappeared out the door, Yachiru unearthed the star that was to go on top of the tree. Everyone was awed by the sheer amount of glitter.

"It's… so… PRETTY!!" squealed Yumichika as he tried to glomp the star, getting glitter all over himself in the process.

Everyone was running around, talking to each other, and haphazardly decorating the room when Yumichika stopped hugging the star and pointed out that the tree was at least twelve or thirteen feet tall. Everyone looked at him strangely for a moment until he said, "Well, obviously we'll need some sort of ladder or something to place the star-"

"Don't worry, Yumi-chan!" said Yachiru, who was then showing Kenpachi into the front of the division office. "Baldy will just stand on Ken-chan, and you can stand on Baldy, and I'll be on the very top and put the star up!"

Everybody quailed under Kenpachi's eye. They expected him to disagree and say that the Christmas party was not worthy of the fearsome Eleventh Division, but he just grunted and said, "whatever."

That was how, in a few minutes, this very wobbly stack of people had formed next to the tree. Kenpachi was standing still, looking bored, Ikkaku was yelling at Matsumoto for coming up with this whole ridiculous idea, Yumichika was yelling at Yachiru to not mess up his hair, and Yachiru was squealing with joy as she adjusted the star on the top of the tree. Then, just as Yachiru was about to climb down, Hitsugaya Toushirou burst in. "MATSUMOTO!" he yelled, "What is the meaning of this!?!?"

Matsumoto's response was to hug her taichou into her ample bosom, effectively smothering him, but Yachiru's was somewhat different. "Whitey-chan!! You came!! You're a little early for the party though." She started dancing around on Yumichika's head, who tried to shove her off, but instead she just jumped down to Ikkaku's head and tried to bite Yumichika's ankle, but instead chomped down on Ikkaku. Ikkaku gave a yell of surprise and fell into the tree, sending Yumichika with him. Kenpachi held the tree upright, and Yachiru tumbled down onto his shoulder, leaving the third seat and fifth seat to fend for themselves inside the dense web of greenery. Eventually the two emerged from the tree, but by then everyone had forgotten about them and were making final preparations for the party.

Finally all was ready, and guests (otherwise known as random people from other divisions who had heard about the party) started arriving. Kenpachi was instructing Yachiru to drink only juice or punch, no sake, without noticing that someone had spiked the punch. He then went off to drink his own private case of sake (provided by Matsumoto in return for letting her wreak havoc on his division). Renji and Hisagi started up a game of dice in one corner of the room, and Matsumoto was busy buzzing around, getting the latest gossip, and trying to get Hitsugaya and Hinamori under the mistletoe together.

Eventually even Byakuya and Nanao Ise were there, although they said they were there not by choice, but because of their more fun loving taichou/fukutaichou. After a bit into the party, Matsumoto headed over to Nanao and Byakuya to give them glasses of "punch". There were many bets taken on whether either had had alcohol before, and who would get drunk first. Renji, in any case, was watching his taichou very attentively, and some people (Matsumoto included, of course) claimed that they saw the two leave the party together.

Once the party was over, cleanup began. This included dragging the people too wasted to walk outside, or to the fourth division to recover. Matsumoto mysteriously disappeared during most of the cleanup. No one wondered why. Finally just the eleventh division remained.

"Okay," said Yumichika when he had finished re-doing his hair and the others had finished sweeping the floor, "That's done."

"Yeah, and a very," Ikkaku was unsure of the adjective to use in this situation, "violent Christmas to you all."

DA END. Urk. I really didn't like it that much, actually. I was kind of hurried at the end, so it came out sort of passive and boring. Well, review, or I'll send Aizen to do your hair. And trust me, you don't want that to happen.