"James, I don't think that book will help you. The name's definitely not in there," she said, tears forming in her eyes from laughing so much.
Lily had charmed a paper swan so that it would keep pecking James in the neck until he guessed what she wanted to name the bird. Of course, the bird only hurt his mind, not him, so he couldn't go to the hospital wing and get it healed. Apparently it was mental and wouldn't physically harm him. He thought he was going mental.
When they had passed Professor Flitwick in the hall, the insane professor actually congratulated her on a "unique and advanced piece of magic"!
Couldn't anyone see his pain? Correction, mental pain, he thought. Brain pain. Ha, that rhymed.
"This book has every name known to man and thought of by man! Half of them have never even been used! Glompoo? Really? It has to be in here!" James exclaimed, "Just give me a clue! I'm begging you!"
Lily sighed. "Well, this is about to get more interesting, at least. The name is Spanish."
"What-ish? Is that the name? Spanish! That's the name, right? Spanish! OW!" he yelped. "What'd I do wrong?"
Lily rolled her eyes at him. "Spanish is a language, James. Honestly, don't you read? Or hear?"
"Er... yes? I'll go ask Remus, he knows everything."
Lily rolled her eyes again. "Just go, James."
And he did.
Lily woke up, disoriented, when an envelope whacked her in the face. She glanced at the clock. It was four in the morning! Who had sent her a message at this time of day? Night?
Sitting up in bed, she gently tore opened the white envelope, careful not to wake anyone else up.
Lily,
I know what the name is!
-James
Somehow she had a feeling that this was an outright lie. Still, she was already awake, she might as well.
James was waiting for her at the foot of the stairs leading to the girl's dormitory. "I tried to go up, but the stairs flattened into a ramp," he explained.
"Thanks for waking me up," she grumbled. "So what's your guess, so i can go back to sleep?"
"Don't you like my company?" he asked with a mocking sad face.
"James!" Lily groaned in a low voice.
"Okay, okay. The bird's name is.. Pajaro. Hey, that peck wasn't that bad!"
"Remarkably close," she murmured.
"But that's not it?" James appeared crestfallen.
"Hey, it's close. It means bird in Spanish."
"Give me another clue," he pleaded. "It's another day, how about another clue?"
"Try another three hours of sleep," grumbled Lily.
"Sorry about that," he muttered.
"What?" she gasped. Never in her life had James Potter apologized. And to her! Had the lack of sleep gone to his head, or did he really mean that?
"Nothing," he quickly dismissed.
But Lily grinned, "The name is five letters long and has to do with its appearance."
"Captiopyxus!" cried James. "Now niether of us can escape this invisible box until this bird stops pecking me."
"You just think you're so brilliant, don't you?"
"Maybe," he admitted. "You'd better give me a clue."
Lily tried to walk away, but slammed into an invisible wall. Running in the other direction, she met the same consequence. "James!"
"Clue, please?"
"Never."
(One hour later)
"Please, Lily-flower? It's 5:30 already! Just a small clue?" James pleaded.
"No, and don't call me that!" Lily growled, ready to fall asleep at any given minute.
"Lilypad?"
"No."
"Lilykins?"
"Definitely not."
"Red?"
"What? Absolutely, positively not."
"That settles it, Red."
"James! Just let me go!"
"I'm not touching you," James held his hands in the air for evidence.
"You're impossible."
"I'm impossible? You refuse to give me a clue just because of your pride! And now I've been poked with this bird a thousand million times and we're locked in an invisible box because of a paper bird!
We're both going mad because of a piece of paper in the shape of a bird! I told you that muggle hobbies were bad for us!" James yelled at her.
Then she did the one thing that he least expected her to do.
She burst into laughter. After a moment, tears were streaming down her face and her eyes were brighter than the sun.
"What are you laughing about?" he demanded. "What's so funny?"
Lily gasped out between bursts of hilarity, "We're both completely miserable over a piece of square paper! A paper bird is killing us!
And James finally joined in, laughing even harder than Lily.
When their cheekbones hurt from laughing too much, they finally stopped chuckling.
Lily took the bird in her hands and unfolded, murmuring a quiet spell over it. She refolded it and it flew out of her hands.
James screamed, clutching at his neck.
The bird flew in circles around him, taunting him. "Don't let it get me, Lily," he whimpered.
The bird came to a rest in Lily's left hand. She gently stroked it, then looked up at James. "For further reference, his name is El Mexicano Pajaro Del Muerto."
As she walked away, James called, "What does that mean?"
"Look it up!" Lily said. Then, on a completely wild impulse, she ran back to James and kissed him full on the mouth.
And then she ran away, her heart hammering and emotions wildly joyful.
After standing so still for so long that he could've been shot with a full-body bind spell, he walked slowly back to his dormitory.
James snatched the English-Spanish dictionary from a sleeping Remus's hands and flipped through the pages loudly.
"James?" Remus sat up, awake. "What is it?"
"The Mexican Bird Of Death!" cried James.
Remus whispered to an asleep Sirius, "I think you were right, he really is going mad."