Disclaimer: None of this is mine w/ the exception of Eleanor.
A/N: Constructive criticism is GREATLY appreciated. I don't just mean spelling and grammar either. I promise not to bite anyone who points out the flaws in my writing. I for one, am looking to improve.
It was our lunch break, and I was sitting with all four of my fellow CSI's around the break room table. I was back at work for the first time since my nasty ordeal and they had just finished easing the story out of me. Now we were all silent as they thought it over and I remembered.
Suddenly, without warning I said, "you know what the worst part is? I used to love the night. The stars, the moon, the dark, the way the summer air cools to that perfect temperature…just, everything about it. And now, now after that…that…" I sniffed and swiped at my eyes angrily with the back of my hand before continuing, "now I can't stand it, it terrifies me. Every time the lights go out I feel like I'm back there, back in that little cell…" They all watched me, eyes warm with understanding and worry.
A strong hand gripped my shoulder, "Let's deal with this right now. Lets go outside, I'll go with you," Warrick suggested.
"Yeah, me too" Sara added hurriedly.
When I recoiled reflexively at the offer to face my fears Catherine interposed, "hey, we'll all be with you. You won't be alone, not for a minute."
I hesitated and was startled into jumping when Grissom's voice issued from the doorway, "if you don't face it now, you'll keep telling yourself 'tomorrow, just one more day' until you realize that you're never going outside again. You can't put it off forever, you work night shift remember? People don't always die in the light."
Nick was nodding his agreement. Slowly I looked around, meeting the eyes of everyone present and seeing not pity, but care and empathy in each face. When my eyes fell on Catherine I blinked, she's been through this too! Her scare was different, but she was attacked. She faced it and look at her now, she got over her scare. Mine might take a little longer, but eventually things will have to settle right? Only if you make an effort, I reminded myself mentally, she faced the guy, looked him right in the eye…and up his nose.
With this last, somewhat silly thought I nodded and slowly rose to my feet. "After you," Grissom said, with a gesture at the hall beyond where he stood. I glanced back once more, saw Nick's reassuring smile, Warrick's warm encouraging eyes, Catherine's pleased little smile, and Sara's expectant, unwavering gaze.
I stepped past Grissom into the hall, and strode, not too fast, but without dragging my feet either, towards the exit. Halfway down the hall, as we passed Greg's lab, he stuck his head out and with twinkling eyes asked, "what's this? A parade? Can I come?" Catching the look Catherine gave him he stopped, and looked a me in the lead. "Oh." was all he said before falling into step with my train of supporters. Baby steps, I reminded myself as we drew near the double glass doors that marked the exit, just the dark, and it's perfectly safe, six friends at my back…
Still, when I reached the door I hesitated for a moment, glancing back at them. My eyes met a pair of soft green ones, and Warrick stepped forward, took my hand in his, and placed it on the door. His hand was warm and firm and as he held my eyes I felt secure. I pushed the door open wide and was rewarded with a smile.
Behind us, unnoticed, Nick and Catherine exchanged a look with raised eyebrows. Grissom pursed his lips contemplatively, and Greg grinned. Sara continued to look expectant and a little impatient. The door's opening caused his hand to slide off of mine, but he stayed right beside me, a comforting presence as I stepped through and onto the patio which was just as brightly lit as the inside of the building. The parking lot beyond however, was not. One light was flickering and another out completely, only the one farthest from the door was fully functional and between it and the entrance there was a void of darkness.
I nearly balked before someone rested a steadying hand on my shoulder. I tore my eyes away from the darkness to see Catherine, "come on," she said encouragingly, gesturing towards the unlit expanse of asphalt. Nick walked past where Catherine, Warrick, and I were standing, and as I focused on him, my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I could see his teeth flash white as he smiled encouragingly. I licked my lips hesitantly, and Greg moved to stand with Nick, looking as cheery as ever. Just seeing him usually brought a smile to my face, and I felt it tug at the corners of my lips feebly.
Taking a deep breath, I put first one, and then the other foot forward. Baby steps. Nick's eyebrows rose in a 'you gotta do better than that' gesture. I took another step, and another, until I stood halfway between where Nick and Greg stood, and where Grissom, Sara, Catherine and Warrick waited. Suddenly it struck me that although I could see most of what was around me, the interiors of the cars were shrouded in shadows too deep to penetrate. My breath caught in my throat. What if he was right there? Right in one of those cars. Could be any of them. He could be in MY car! My gaze flicked too my right where a building blocked my sight of the green Rav four I drove to work every day.
I was no longer moving forward, imagining all the ways he could hide in the parking lot. Memories supplemented by imaginings of what he would do if he caught me a second time welled up and I started to shake, staring straight ahead but seeing neither Greg nor Nick. I could feel the four rough stone walls pressing in on me, the air was short in my lungs and I could smell the stench of human excrement and fear laced with the copper tang of blood.
"No!" I whispered, eyes wide with terror, "no, no, no!"
Then there was a warm presence at my side, and strong, warm fingers gripped mine gently. Warrick put his other hand on my cheek, making me face him. I blinked as those green eyes replaced the pitch black that had filled my vision.
"Eleanor! Ellie! Hey, hey, calm down, shhh…" My realization that I wasn't back in that cell must have shown on my face, because he allowed me to look away as he wrapped a protective arm around my shoulders. My brain was muddled, and I felt woozy. My brow furrowed as I continued to stare at him, confused, "Warrick?" I asked uncertainly.
"Yeah," he reassured me, "I'm here."