Tom could never forget that moment of pure uselessness he felt while the love of his life, Sybil, died, slowly slipping away from him. And when the awful moment came all he could feel was numbness. Numbness and Grief. He remebered holding Sybil's hand to his lips, kissing it repeatedly, murmuring things like 'Don't leave me love' 'Breathe for me'. He could remember Cora's body, next to his own, wracked with sobs. Dr Clarkson confirmed the devastating news that destroyed his world. Sybil was dead. She wasn't coming back. He stayed frozen where we was, staring at Sybil, even when all the others had gone. He'd lost the only one who had truly known who he was. He'd lost his soulmate. He couldn't register the ugly thought in his head, the mantra that kept repeating itself. Sybil isn't coming back. She's dead. Sybil, who looked happy even in death, had been taken from life far too young. She was only 24. Tom studied her face. She looked like she was sleeping, her pale skin, her dark curls framing her face. Slowly, carefully Tom climbed in the bed beside her, longing to hold her one last time. He wrapped his muscular arms around her,pulling her close. Her head fell naturally in place against his chest. And in that moment, his world broke down. His salty tears dripped onto Sybil's lifeless cheeks. The sobs that shook his body, rattled the corpse he held tightly. How he longed for Sybil to wake up, kiss him good morning, ask to see her daughter, ask him why he looked such a state. He would laugh, tell her about his horrible dream and she would laugh too. But it wasn't a dream, it was real. So very real.
Hours later Cora was surprised when she came in, to say her final farewells, to find Tom sobbing with her beloved daughter cradled in his arms. His head was bowed, his shoulders sagged. He looked every bit like a man who's world had been torn apart.
"I...I...I just needed to hold once more, to tell her everything would be OK." Tom croaked, his hoarse voice breaking the solid silence. Cora hadn't been expecting him to speak.
"I understand. You must be feeling so awful. But remember, none of this is your fault. She was happy and that was all your fault. It was your fault she was happy, she loved you." Cora said, her voice steady.
"I'll leave you with her...I need...air." Tom squeaked, wiped his eyes and slid off the bed, placing a firm but soft kiss on Sybil's stone cold forehead. He stumbled from the room, trying to walk the numbness from his legs. He staggered into the Library and was surprised to see Matthew, Mary, Robert, Edith, Isobel and the Dowager Countess all together. They were talking hushed voices, barely speaking above a whisper, heads bowed together. Mary looked up and spotted him, standing shyly in the corner.
"Tom, how are?" She asked quietly, breaking the hush.
"No worse than anyone in the room." He murmured.
"You're the worst off than any of us." Matthew said quietly.
Tom looked over and saw Lord Grantham, refusing to look at him. In that moment his grief became anger, his sorrow became hatred, his numbness became heat. He stood up straight, pointed a finger at Lord Grantham, "You're the reason she's dead. You chose to go against your own and now she's dead. You and your stupid experienced doctor are the reason she's dead! You chose this on your own! You went with some stuck up know it all that failed to notice all the signs that something was wrong! You went against the doctor who knew Sybil since she was a little girl! Sybil could still be alive if it wasn't for you! You chose it on your own and now her life is on your head! I hope you drown in grief! Because...because i want you to know how it feels...but you can't. Because she's gone! And it's all your fault!" He roared, his voice cracking at the end, tears streaming down his face. His body was wracked with sobs. No one moved or made any gesture towards him, to comfort him, to console him. There was only one person he needed now, he needed Sybil. He sunk to his knees, his head in his hands, tears streaming, pouring, rushing from his eyes like a never ending river.