Summary: Her heart is divided, her mind is troubled. Caught between two men she loves, but only able to choose one, what is Akalara's thoughts on her sorrows? Her son is more than willing to talk with his mother.
Disclaimer: Akalara is mine, Azrael's mine, Revan's Kingmunkey's, Kandi is Amazon's, Ram's Rameu's. Any and all canon characters mentioned herein are Square Enix's.
Queen's Quornor: I wanted to do a oneshot involving Azrael and Akalara, and I've actually got more than a few in mind. No, I'm not stealing Revan. He's only getting mentioned in here, not put in. There's another oneshot I'm working on involving Az and Andria, as well as their mommies, but that one's being difficult at the moment and it might be a bit before I can put it up. This is meant to take place the night after Akalara finds out about Niki and Revan.
Confessions of a Broken Heart
Cranberry eyes flicked around the room, briefly assessing first the ceiling, then the bubbling fish tank and the telescope, followed by the posters of Sephiroth and outer space before returning to the crack on the ceiling.
That patch on the ceiling was more accessible than sleep at the moment.
Azrael had school in the morning, and he had trained himself into falling asleep promptly at ten on weeknights so he would be well-rested and prepared in the morning. It was now midnight, and he was not in the least bit sleepy.
He knew the cause of his uncharacteristic insomnia. His mother had been tense and high-strung all evening, ever since she had picked him up from Tifa's bar. She refused to explain what had made her so upset, so Azrael had no idea what was wrong. But he did know that his mother was hurting, and that bothered him. He hated seeing his mother in pain, be it physical or emotional. She tried so hard to hide it from him, acting brave and putting on a weak smile for his benefit, but he saw right through it.
And now, due to his concern over his mother, he found himself unable to sleep.
The silver-haired boy turned onto his side and tried to get comfortable. His restless eyes, however, came to rest upon yet another poster of his father, this one merely of Sephiroth's face rather than his entire body, with a sad, emotional message of grief scrawled across the bottom. That was a very rare poster; most of the ones like it had been destroyed when it became clear that Sephiroth was still alive and well, and calling Meteor down upon the Planet.
Azrael had never believed that. His mother's stories of Sephiroth told him everything he needed to know, that his father was not the monster most saw him as. The only resentment he held against him was the same any child would have of a parent they never met: anger that he had left on that mission, and that he would never be there with them in the physical sense. Azrael valued the times he was able to converse with his father in spiritual form, but he wished more than anything that he was actually here with them, and not in the Lifestream.
He knew that part of the reason his mother was always so sad at night was because she missed Sephiroth so much. She put up a brave face during the day, but the pain was still there. It would probably never go away, for either of them.
Azrael sighed and closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to get to sleep. He had a big math test in the morning, and he needed his rest.
Cranberry eyes flew open a moment later.
...Mom?
Guided by that unexplainable sense of intuition known only to kids, Azrael got out of bed and went into the hall, slowly making his way towards his mother's room with both hesitance and determination. Something was amiss with his mother, and he wanted to know what it was, and how he could help.
Softly pushing open the door, he was confronted with the sight of his pajama-clad mother lying curled up on her bed and hugging her pillow desperately, her back and shoulders shaking with the force of sobs kept silent by sheer will. She wasn't facing him, but he knew she was crying.
His mother never cried.
Shaken, Azrael approached the bed and climbed up beside his mother, sitting sideways beside her and softly stroking her forest-colored hair. He whispered words of comfort into her ear, automatically adopting her motto of 'show no weakness' in an attempt to make her feel better. Akalara merely curled up tighter, her knees tight against her chest, and covered her face with her hand so her son would not see her tears.
Azrael leaned on her shoulder and continued stroking her hair, wishing he knew what had driven her to tears. Was it his father? The guys she was currently seeing?
Him?
It seemed like hours, but at last Akalara's subvocal sobs and quiet gasps trailed off, tears no longer flowing from her tightly-closed eyes. She still hugged the pillow, but now with both arms rather than just one. Azrael continued to comfort his mother, humming their special lullaby into her ear. It seemed to work, for soon she was merely lying on her side rather than shaking with silent grief.
"I'm sorry you had to see me like this, Az," she whispered, not opening her eyes.
"What's wrong, Mom?" he inquired gently, still running his fingers through her hair.
Akalara sat up with a sigh and Azrael let her pull him into her arms, leaning against the headboard and merely listening to the familiar rhythm of her heartbeat. He wasn't about to let her hold him like this in public, but he was really a mama's boy at heart. And right now, his mother needed him.
"You're the only guy in my life I can trust," she confessed, gently combing his silver hair with her fingers.
"What do you mean? You've still got Reno and Revan."
"No I don't. Or at least, not Revan."
Azrael raised his head, his gaze quizzical. He knew how much the blond swordsman cared about his mother; Revan had taken him out for a man-to-man talk once, and explained how he felt about her. This had earned him Azrael's blessing. Reno was a cool guy and all, but Revan seemed like a better choice in lieu of Sephiroth. Especially since he wasn't sleeping with a multitude of other women behind Akalara's back. He couldn't imagine him hurting her.
Akalara closed her bloodshot eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, watching the ceiling as if it held the answers to her inner turmoil. "You remember Niki?"
Oh yes. He definitely remembered Niki. She had gotten him in trouble at the big feast last year by convincing him to shoot frozen peas at Tseng's ass. "You mean the crazy bitch who's trying to steal Reno from you?"
"That's the one." The green-haired Turk hugged her son a little tighter, moisture appearing at the corners of her eyes once more. "I found out today that she's also after Revan. She slept with him last Saturday."
Azrael didn't say a word, but his mind was racing. Revan? With Niki? How could he? He knows how Mom feels about her!
Why would he betray her like this?
"This is all my fault," Akalara choked, a single tear sliding down her cheek. She didn't bother wiping it away, unwilling to let go of her son just yet. "If I wasn't so hung up over Reno, this never would have happened. Revan's been so patient with me, but I kept forcing him to wait. Now he's gone to her, and there's not a thing I can do to get him back. I wasn't faithful to him, so why should he be faithful to me?"
"Because he loves you." Azrael raised his head, looking straight at his distraught mother. "I've talked to him about it, Mom. He would never betray you, because he loves you too much. If he didn't, he wouldn't have waited for you."
"If he loved me, he wouldn't have fucked that wannabe bitch." The green-haired Turk was crying again, albeit silently. "I wouldn't let him have the relationship he wanted, so he went to greener fields. Or should I say, younger."
"How did you find out? I mean, could it have been a mistake?"
She shook her head, her emerald locks swishing about her shoulders. "It was pretty clear on the voicemail. I mean, what else could it have been? They played board games or something? No, she fucked him. It couldn't be anything else."
"Why would she do it? I thought she was obsessed with Reno." He'd certainly heard his mother and his Aunt Kandi discussing it over booze enough times.
"I did something really mean to her last Friday. I think this was her way of getting back at me, even though I apologized."
"What did you do?" Azrael inquired.
Akalara didn't answer.
The silver-haired boy sighed and made himself a bit more comfortable, scooching up higher against his mother in an effort to get her cotton-covered boob out of his neck. "Mom, who do you love more? Reno or Revan?"
Her hand stilled in his hair. "To be honest, I don't know, Az. You know how I felt about your father, even though I realized it after he died." Azrael nodded. He had heard Kandi tell Ram once that Akalara and Sephiroth could be what she referred to as 'soul-mates'. "I didn't think I'd ever be able to replace him. No, that's not the right word." Akalara frowned, thinking. "I know I can't replace your father. Nor would I want to. But I'll settle for someone else, so I don't have to go through my life alone."
"You have me," the silver-haired boy reminded, hugging her.
"I know I do," she replied, smiling sadly at the overhead light. "But you'll grow up and leave me someday. Besides, you can't marry me or date me. That's illegal.
"Anyway, I can't replace your father. But now I've got two other guys, both of whom care for me and make me feel...whole again, I guess. Before Niki started this shit, I was perfectly willing to share Reno with her. I've known the guy for years, and he's cool. He's a great father, and fantastic in the sack. I do love him, but no more than I did while I was with Seph. I don't want to lose him, though. Especially not to a little girl like Niki."
"And Revan?" Azrael asked softly.
Akalara's cranberry eyes slid closed once more, and her son felt her chest rise and fall in a heavy sigh. "If I hadn't loved Seph so much, I would be in love with Revan."
She rubbed her tears away with the heel of one hand. "I care so much about him, though... I never dreamed it would hurt this much, him sleeping with somebody else. It wasn't like I wasn't expecting it; with what I was doing with Reno, I'm surprised it took him this long. But I never thought it would hurt so much."
"So why don't you talk to him? I've seen how he looks at you, Mom. I know how he feels. If you just talk to him about Niki..."
"No, Az." She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes. "No. It's too late for that."
Cranberry eyes closely examined her face, searching their optical twins for a clue as to her meaning, but the Turk revealed nothing. "Mom?"
Akalara shook herself, and offered him a reassuring smile. "It's ok, Az. Why don't you go to bed, now? You have a big test tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah." Azrael released his mother and kissed her cheek, same as always. "Good night, Mom."
She continued smiling, but her eyes were troubled. "Good night, my son."
The silver-haired boy left the room and returned to his own, sliding between the covers with a heavy heart. Consumed with forboding, his eyes once more came to rest upon the face of his father, preserved on glossy paper.
Watch over her, Father. Mom needs you now, more than ever.