Hey, fans, just a quick 1 shot my bff and I cooked up fer u tonite! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW
The Last Great Idea
To My Friends Forever, the note had started. Had we been? Eighth grade was a long way behind us. Bradford Court was even further buried in our pasts. I glanced at Mary Anne, trying to catch her eye for strength. She saw my look and sobbed harder. I knew she was taking this hardest of all of us. To My Friends Forever, Kristy had written.
We tried to be that to each other. Some of us managed. Some of us didn't. Now, as a junior in high school, I'd only saw Kristy once a month or so for a quick cup of coffee on the weekends or we'd see each other in passing at a party. The friends forever time of our life seemed to have passed.
It wasn't that we--at least, I-- hadn't wanted to be there for her. Things just get busier when you get older. I was doing so many things. Teaching art classes at the local community center, even taking some at the local college (ha, Janine!). We all had things going on. That's why the BSC had dissolved in the first place.
I don't know how to write this letter. After all, it's been a long time since I've felt close to anyone, let alone the seven of you. I guess that's how I ended up here. Alone.
The sun was shining brightly on the graveyard, which was strange because I always picture funerals against gray skies and rain, maybe snow. Not days like this. As we walked to the burial site, we passed Old Hickory's headstone. I never thought I'd be here for any reason but a prank or visiting Mimi, but I guess... I guess...
I guess sometimes the world doesn't work the way you want it to. I have never felt so powerless than I feel right now. I feel someone come up beside me. Stacey grabbed my hand and held on tight for comfort. No one ever thought that Kristy would be the one to do something like this...She was always so strong. But she didn't feel that way.
I wanted the Baby Sitter's Club to disband just as much as any of you. I was going on to bigger and better things. But I never found the great ideas that I knew were inside. They were always floating ahead; they'd be in the next activity I tried. They weren't there when I was the President of the Young Entrepreneur's Club. They weren't there when I started an Intramural Soccer Team. They just weren't there...
Of course, there had been hints. I overheard Kristy's mom, Elizabeth tell my mother once that she knew Kristy had never handled the divorce well, that her obsession with child-rearing was a way of rebelling against a single mother who worked. That Kristy often lectured her about a woman's place. We all knew, but never mentioned, that Kristy was seeing a therapist. It just wasn't the kind of things that friends are supposed to point out?
It was Karen who found the body. She came home from school and burst into Kristy's room, to find her hanging from the ceiling fan. She won't talk to anyone about it, she just clutches both pieces of Tickly closer and looks on, an empty expression on her once annoyingly chipper face.
If the BSC stayed together, would Kristy still be here? Or would she have succumbed to her own darkness anyway?
When they told me, I didn't know what to do. I sat in my room, the room where so many memories of Kristy were and tried to think. I ended up doing a painting of Kristy from memory...Not what she looked like, but what she was. Kristy as Joan of Arc, our leader, the person we all followed from the start. We always thought that she could battle through her darkness. After all, she could handle anything that a baby sitting charge threw at her...Why not her own pain? Why not?
No one pays attention to me anymore. I see people at school, go to normal high school stuff, hang out with Mary Anne at whatever party's on that weekend...But what do I really matter? I am no one's leader.
On my other side, someone else grabs my hand. I turn to see Mallory and resist the urge to wretch away. Mallory Pike, the creepiest girl in high school. If anyone was going to find themselves on the wrong end of the noose, I'd have thought it would be Mallory.
I thought you all would honor me for what I had been to you, for the times I brought us. I thought you knew everything you had was due to me! It was my ideas that helped us blossom into womanhood. I fought Cokie Mason and others for our honor. I... I was always fighting. I'm so tired now.
Mallory sobs and sobs. "Isn't it awful, Claude?" she whispers, her grip tighter on my hand. "Cute blouse, by the way."
I tried to tone down for the funeral, but Kristy always liked my crazy outfits. For her funeral, I chose black tights, a dark gray mini skirt, a black vintage bowling shirt with the name Freddy stitched on it. I cut up the shirt a bit so it falls off the shoulder. I also threw on black rain-boots and little coffin earrings. I'm wearing a Kristy's Krusher's cap as homage.
I finally realized what there was for me. I was a leader and no one was following me anymore. I had just one last great idea. I laughed to myself when I thought of it...After all, Peter Pan had said it was the last great adventure and I'd played him. Death. I would lead and the rest of you would follow me again. I would be the first and the best once again.
Mary Anne falls to her knees at the side of the grave, breaking down, weeping into her palms. No one knows what she'll do without Kristy. Her first best friend.
I stare at the coffin, knowing that inside Kristy is dressed in the last thing Stacy could do for her. She chose her last outfit. Just a simple black skirt and blue sweater...Nothing fancy. Just something that she thought that Kristy would like, that she'd thought of when she wore it at her last modeling job for "Seventeen."
Lord knows, I was scared. But I had been afraid before. I was afraid that night the bridge washed out and Bart, the Krashers, and I stayed in a haunted mansion. I was scared of the Phantom Phone Caller. I was scared of our stalker at Shadow Lake. But I lived for the fear of adventure. And now I would live... for death.
Later, there will be a tribute to Kristy. A small gathering. Creepy Mal (seriously, what high-schooler covers their locker in unicorns?) will read a story she wrote about Kristy. Jessi will dance a piece she choreographed for the occasion called "Kristy at the Gates" and I will showcase my portrait of her. It'll be nice. If only we could have pulled together like this to pull Kristy back, as she stood at the edge of oblivion.
A bit of all of us is going with her, the first one to go. Some of it's less literal, after all, Abby put her soccer jersey in with her. The BSC is strong but we've never had to go through anything like this before. I don't know if we'll hang out more or not. I'd be fine with seeing some of the girls...All right, all of the girls except for Creepy Mal more...But we're different people.
Kristy had written that exact line in her note, I realized, a pang of sadness stabbing my heart.
We're different people now, I get that. I don't hold anything against any of you. We really are friends forever. I just. Everyone else has a niche. I don't. I think I always knew the day would come when I would move beyond all of you. I thought it would be to explore the Artic or be president or something. The best part about this adventure is you all can follow. Some of you will follow in old age. Another may meet their end from cancer. Maybe one of you will be brave enough to follow me again. Maybe.
I hope none of us ever have to be brave like that. Instead, I'm going to be brave in that I'm moving to New York with Stacey the day after graduation. She thinks she can get me some modeling jobs...What am I doing? Why am I not thinking about Kristy? Look...There's Mrs. Brewer. Watson's carrying a sobbing Emily Michelle. I heard that Kristy pretty much took care of her 100% of the time after Nanny died two years ago. Why didn't she think before doing this to us?
I will always love you all, my Friends Forever.
Mary Anne--You were my first friend and you are my friend to the end. I hope you realize that there was nothing you could have done.
Claudia--Remember to paint what's in your heart. You have great ideas like I used to...Just let them out! But don't take them for granted! I know! One day you're somebody, with genius and the next, well, well, you'll all know soon enough!
Dawn-- I have never liked you, but I have always loved you. I think you're a weak-willed liberal hippie who should have stayed on her coast and you stole Mary Anne from me slowly, a little more every year. I love you.
Mallory-- You are very nice.
Stacy-- You have so much vision and sophistication. It is to you I leave the task of leading now. You are strong and smart, maybe even wise.
Jessi--Remember what I wrote for Claude? Well, it's true for you too...Dance those ideas out! But don't anger the gods...I think that's what I did. Then the muses leave you alone.
Abby--I'm glad we could play sports for a few years. I don't hold it against you that you're better than me. Really. I never did.
The coffin is lowered into the ground. Our friend is truly gone.
I don't even cry. I am deadened to the pain. It feels like it's happening to someone else. I try and think of one memory, just one beautiful day to hold onto, to bring me back in the moment. None come to mind. I know there are dozens but... they're missing.
Our friend is truly gone.
Remember me well, guys, and take care of each other. And don't forget to write your sitting jobs up in the club journal! Just kidding!
Your Friend Forever, Even In Death,
Kristin Amanda Thomas