Rain fell on the sleepy town of Ipswich, and for the first time in a long time, Vanessa began to grow worried. Was there any sense in what she was about to do? Was there any sense in any of this at all? She sighed and ran a hand through her short blond hair, thoughts that she couldn't control racing through her brain. Memories that she'd prefer stay forgotten crept their way back to the surface. Each beat of a raindrop felt like a pounding in her head as arguments and broken statements echoed through her mind.
"It doesn't matter anymore." Vanessa reminded herself. "It's done. Over and done. Nothing can change it now." But even as she thought the words, her heart did not believe them, and this Vanessa knew above all things. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't give up that little piece of hope. No matter how hard she tried, she'd just keep getting her heart broken.
"Okay, this is the place." Vanessa turned to glance out the window, glaring at the sight before her. It just figured that she'd end up here, when where she really needed to be was at home. She glared at her stepfather with all the anger and loathing she could muster with the need to sleep tugging at the back of her fraying mind. "Well, they're expecting you."
"Can't wait to be rid of me, huh?" she growled. He sighed and clutched the steering wheel, seemingly in an effort to control his anger, though Vanessa knew better. Will Reynolds was anything but an easy-going, make-an-effort-to-do-anything kind of guy. She knew that from eight years of experience.
"Vanessa, I'm trying to make this a pleasant experience." Will replied. Vanessa scoffed. "Fine, I'm trying to make this a fast trip so I can make it back to the hospital."
"You don't have to make it a fast trip." Vanessa snapped. "You can take me to the hospital instead of shipping me off to some B.S. academy."
"Your mother wants you in school." Will said through clenched teeth. Vanessa laughed.
"Yeah, mom wants me in school." she said. "And you want to blow all her money on your gambling debts." Will threw open the door and grabbed her duffel bag from the back seat, giving it one good toss in the mud.
"Get out. Now." he growled. Vanessa sat in the car for a long moment, considering her options. At this point, there was nothing she could do. The school was expecting her, and she knew that her mother would be comforted to know that Vanessa was finally settling into a decent place and making friends, not that her mother could really care much at this point, anyway. She sighed. If there was anything good about this situation at all, or anything she could for her mother, it would be this. She bit the inside of her mouth and swallowed her pride, stepping out of the car and slamming the door.
It took Will all of two seconds to get back in and drive away, as if he had never been there at all. Hell, for all Vanessa could care, he might as well not have.
She took one last look at the towering building before her. Spenser Academy – created to educate the elite of the town of Ipswich. "Elite." she muttered. "What a joke."
She walked over and grabbed her duffel bag from the mud, dragging it across the steps as she ascended to the front door. She walked forward and opened the door, gazing at a busy hallway and suddenly remembering exactly how much she hated people. "What the hell." she whispered to herself. "What choice have I got?"
It took her a few minutes to navigate, as she wasn't exactly the type to stop and ask for directions. Never the less, she made her way to office in decent time and soon found herself face-to-face with the wicked witch of the west. At least, her face sort of looked like it had been melted. "Is there something I can do for you?" she asked in a rickety old voice. Vanessa bit her tongue and struggled against her nature to be polite – it wasn't something she did often anymore. Actually, she didn't really even talk to anyone anymore.
"My name's Vanessa Reynolds. I'm a transfer student." Vanessa said cautiously. The woman looked down at some papers on her desk, and Vanessa leaned on the counter, her mind refusing to slow down. It caught onto any little thing it could, a simple phrase on the poster on the wall, or something she overhead someone say, and somehow began a running monologue. She was lost in her thoughts when the door to the right opened, and out came a student looking about as annoyed as she felt. She looked away quickly and shifted how she stood, the aching in her bad knee beginning to bother her. She was comforted, somehow, to know that she was not the only one here who was pissed off, even if she didn't show it. He smirked, and she could feel his eyes on her as he left the office.
"Ah, here you are." the old woman said. She pulled out some papers and placed them on the counter in front of Vanessa. "This is a map of the school - note where the dining hall and the infirmary are. Keep this with you the first few days. It's a big place, and it's easy to get lost." she said, cycling through the pages. "This is your class schedule. Seniors have all of their classes at this side of the school, so if you find yourself anywhere else, you've gone too far. This is your dorm room number, it's been marked on the map, and your roommate is waiting for your arrival. Do you have any questions for me?"
"Got any Prozac?" Vanessa asked. The woman frowned. "No, Ma'am. I'm good."
"Good. Welcome to Spenser Academy." she said. "You'd best be off, now. You've got a busy day ahead of you."
"Right." Vanessa replied, throwing her muddy duffel bag over her shoulder and grabbing the papers, feeling slightly satisfied about the giant patch of mud that was now all over the office floor. It was cathartic, in a passive, less fun kind of way. Ah well, Vanessa mused. I'll just have to find ways to entertain myself later.
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"HI! I'm Elisha! I'm your new roommate!" Dear God, kill me now. Vanessa stared in wonder at the bright, blond, ecstatic-looking girl before her, clad in cheerleader uniform, bright blue eyes, and big blond curls. It was her worst nightmare. She glanced down at herself, in her faded, torn blue jeans and Veruca Salt t-shirt. She kicked herself mentally, several times. This was going to be a damn long year. "You're Vanessa, right? I love that name, Vanessa. It's so sweet sounding!" She latched onto Vanessa's arm happily. "I think you and I are going to be great friends." For the first time since she had been dragged out of the house four days ago, Vanessa was actually starting to miss the smell of pot drifting down the halls.
But then again, Vanessa thought, this chick's high enough for the both of us.
"You've totally got to come to this party tonight!" Elisha shouted suddenly. Her voice was high-pitched and she reminded Vanessa of a mouse - a very cheerful mouse. One that probably was not aware that cats actually did exist. "There'll be great music, and tons of hot guys there. Including Aaron…" Elisha's voice trailed off. "What I wouldn't do with him!" Elisha tugged on Vanessa's arm. "Oh, please say you're coming. It'll be so much fun! PLEASE!!"
"Uh…" Vanessa searched her mind for a valid excuse that would get Elisha off her back. For the night would be nice, but for the rest of her senior year would be even better. Sadly, however, Vanessa's brain was still half occupied with the cute boy from the office. The other half was plotting something cruel and very painful to do to her stepfather. "Sure, I guess." Vanessa flinched as she said the words. Had she actually just agreed to go to a party? To play nice with the other kids while they secretly made fun of her behind her back? To spend an entire evening being social, and polite, and pretend that her entire world wasn't slowing falling apart, piece by piece, by dainty little piece?
Had she really fallen so far from where she once had been, so many years ago, when she wanted to be kind, and considerate, and please people?
Elisha began to dance around the room, shifting through the clothes in her closet and talking about make-up and what she was going to wear, and Vanessa found that she could do nothing but stand there. She was too stunned, too overwhelmed. And then it came – that familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach. She shook her head and ran her hand through her hair once again. "I am so going to regret this." she muttered to herself. Vanessa threw herself down on her bed and closed her eyes, feeling the tension in her shoulders fade ever so slightly.
The sun was rising, painting the sky in orange and purple. It reflected off the lake, almost to the point where it was blinding. She slipped her toes into the water, sighing as she waited. The wind blew, a warm caress against her skin, which felt old and beaten, and no longer her own. It was warm, but she felt so very, very cold. "Daddy… I need you…"
"Good morning, sleepy head!" Elisha squealed, and Vanessa wondered if she was naturally that high, or just what her medicine cabinet was filled with. And how she could get some.
"Morning?" Vanessa groaned. Had she slept that long? Elisha frowned.
"Well, evening actually." Elisha admitted. "Good thing, too, or you'd have missed the party!" Ah, yes. The party…
"About that…" Vanessa began. Quick, girl, think of an excuse! "I don't think I can make it." Elisha looked crestfallen, and Vanessa felt a sudden pang of guilt hit her as she found herself in a dilemma. She desperately, desperately did not want to go to the party, but she also didn't feel like starting out her relationship with her roommate by disappointing her, even if Vanessa's plans involved leaving as soon as possible.
"O-oh. Um, okay." Elisha choked out. Vanessa was mentally kicking herself as she watched Elisha slide on her coat and head towards the door. "Okay, well, um… I'll just…"
"Let's go." Vanessa said, half angry with herself for giving in, half of her still holding on to that little spark of hope that just wouldn't die. She sat in the bed and gave herself a quick once-over in the mirror across the room. When she was satisfied that she looked semi-decent, she stood up, grabbed her coat, and followed her roommate, who was as giddy as could be, out.
The halls were quiet. It was winter, and the sun had set earlier than she was used to. The moon cast shadows everywhere she looked, and as she followed Elisha, who seemed sure and confident about where she was going and exactly what she was doing, she couldn't help but be struck by the menacing feeling that seemed to engulf her like a cloak. She had to force each step and ignore the pounding of her heart as it sounded deafeningly in her ears.
They reached the end of the hall, and as Vanessa held the door open and took her final step to leave the dorm, she gazed back at the darkened hall and gulped, trying to slow her heart beat. There was something about the school, something about Ipswich, which just didn't feel right.
Vanessa clutched her coat closed to ward off the winter chill as Elisha drove them to an expensive part of town. Vanessa couldn't help but gawk at the mansion where said party was taking place. She had to remind herself to breathe, and that it wasn't the first time she'd been to a place like this, but even as she scolded herself, she noticed that Elisha was trying very hard to do exactly the same thing. Vanessa felt oddly comforted.
"So uh…." Vanessa began. "Whose house did you say this was?" Elisha took a moment to find her words.
"Kate Tunney." she choked out. Vanessa stepped out of the car and scaled the building with her eyes. Okay, so maybe I haven't been to places like… this… "It's amazing, right?"
"Well, yeah." Vanessa said, chuckling. "Amazing. Stunning." She shook her head as she saw people heading in, nodding to Elisha, people talking and laughing, having a good time. "Intimidating." she added, without meaning to. Elisha laughed.
"Don't worry." Elisha said, grabbing Vanessa's arm. "It'll be fun!" Vanessa scoffed.
"Fun. Right." she mumbled, feeling the butterflies in her stomach do back flips. Had she brushed her teeth? What if her breath smelled bad? Was her hair spiky enough that it had that cute, just out of bed look? …Didn't she just get out of bed?
They scaled the steps, Vanessa's nerves all on fire. If she'd had any relief from her nap, the tension that had disappeared was returning. Hell, it was getting worse. Elisha opened the door and looked back on Vanessa. "Vanessa Reynolds, welcome to Spenser Academy." she squealed with a grin, prompting Vanessa to take a step inside. Vanessa reluctantly stepped in. Breathe… just breathe… It can't possibly be as bad as you're imagining.
"Isn't this amazing!" Elisha squealed from behind her. "Okay, let's make the rounds. I'm totally going to have to introduce you to everyone."
"Everyone?" Vanessa whined. She had been hoping to make it through this nightmare without knowing anyone. That was the way she preferred it - no one to say goodbye to, no one sorry to see her go. It was how she survived. Elisha grabbed her arm and pulled Vanessa along, pointing out people as she moved.
"Okay, that girl is Susan. She's dating that guy over there, Malcolm. He's so hot right now. That's…" Vanessa followed Elisha's line of sight, but by the time she had named everyone she saw, she was positive that Susan was Malcolm and Malcolm was Susan. Or perhaps that wasn't Susan. Had she mistaken Susan for Jenna, who was making out with her boyfriend, Tom? Vanessa sorely hoped that she wasn't completely inept, and that it was actually Malcolm that she saw making out with Tom, but she couldn't be sure. "I wonder where Aaron is…" she murmured, before wandering off. Vanessa supposed she was off to find Aaron, and half hoped that it would take a while.
She changed her mind a few minutes later, as she stood in the corner of the large rooms, with nothing to do and no one to talk to. It wasn't like she was unfamiliar with the experience. She was used to being the new girl, or the weird kid, or the person that just didn't fit. It didn't change the fact that as she stood there, trying with every fiber of her being to feel… okay, that every little piece of her felt as though it was being ripped into tiny little pieces on the ground.
Someone moved past her, chatting with a friend. They muttered a tiny excuse me as they bumped past her, then ignored her and continued on with their business. Her eyes gazed over the room as the pounding of her heart, that she'd been trying to calm, began to grow a little more erratic. Her palms grew sweaty, and she blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill. She refused to break down. Not here, she promised herself. Not until she was long gone from this place, where she was alone and safe. Then she would cry for the home that she missed and the people she loved, but not a moment before.
Vanessa stood as tall as she could, sudden determination surging through her. She held her head high, and she stood in her corner, as what seemed to be the entire student body passed her by. Songs began and ended, couples danced, changed partners, then found each other again and made out on the couches, or chairs, or whatever they could find. People drank whatever filled their cups, and when they were empty, they reached for another glass. It was an endless cycle, and Vanessa was the observer.
If she had known that she were the one being observed, she would probably have turned tail and run, but it wasn't until after she locked eyes with someone near her that she realized anyone had noticed her at all, and she found that preferred being invisible.
But it wasn't just any someone – it was the boy from the office earlier that day. The boy whose face had mirrored her emotions, at a time when she would not let her own do so. Blond hair fell around deep green eyes, and for some strange reason, Vanessa felt that he could see right through her.
The moment disappeared as quickly as it had come, and the boy looked away, turning to his friends and chuckling at something someone had said. Vanessa sighed, in either relief or disappointment. She didn't know. She could never really tell. Never the less, she felt the urge to move, to be anywhere but in that one corner anymore. She had been seen, she had been noticed. She was suddenly… vulnerable. She tried to move, willed her mind to move her legs, tried desperately to take even a tiny step forward, but her legs were frozen. She cursed herself and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, before forcing herself to take a step, in any direction that she could manage, as long as she was no longer in that corner.
But where would she go? It wasn't like she knew the place, and Elisha had long since disappeared in the crowd. She sighed and took a few paces, glancing around the room and trying not to bump into anyone. She eventually found herself by a table with cups laid out on it, her imagination left to wonder exactly what was in the cups. She had a pretty good idea, however.
It wasn't long before she found herself in exactly the same position as before, people passing her by, ignoring her. It was the way she liked things, right? The way that she wanted them… Or maybe what she really wanted was to walk right up to that guy and say, "Hey, I'm Vanessa. I don't like parties, I don't want to be here, and in a few days, I'll probably just disappear into the night, never to seen or heard from again. Want to be friends?" Either way, it was not something that she was going to do, and… Vanessa froze. Maybe it was something that she wouldn't have to.
"You disappeared." He had to yell to be heard over the music, but he didn't seem to mind. He seemed to like drawing that extra little bit of attention.
"It's my specialty." Vanessa replied. Her fight or flight instincts were telling her to take flight, but she found that she couldn't. Not when he was so close. He smirked at her words. A cocky, devious smirk and Vanessa got the distinct impression that he was probably a trouble maker. He held out his hand.
"I'm Reid." Vanessa stared down at his hand for a long moment, considering. It was the thing she'd been waiting for, the thing that her mother had always wanted for her. To meet new people, make real friends. That was what shaking Reid's hand represented, her chance for a different life. At least, in that one climactic moment, that was how it seemed to her. Reid watched her with apprehension as she reached out and took his head.
"I'm Vanessa." I don't like parties, and I don't want to be here, but you have the greenest eyes I've ever seen. Vanessa mentally thanked whatever Gods may be listening that she didn't say that last part out loud. She thought for a moment, wondering what to do next. She was never any good at this kind of thing. "Do you know what's in the cups?" Reid's expression never changed, but there was something in his eyes that made Vanessa shiver. It was as though he were sizing her up, judging her. But there was mischief and anger there as well. Lots of anger, which made him brash and reckless, and most assuredly brought as much trouble to him as he himself sought out.
And something else… something that Vanessa almost couldn't read, it seemed so small, and it was so hidden. And then, it seemed that Vanessa had grown so lost in his eyes, in doing what she did, that she hadn't heard what he'd said. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "Huh?" Vanessa asked. He chuckled at her and grinned. It was not a bad grin, she decided. But if he actually smiled, he would look so much more attractive.
"I said do you want to dance?" Reid asked, apparently for the second time. Vanessa was surprised and happy… and also…
"I uh- I can't dance." Vanessa said. Reid feigned a wounded look just as a new song started.
"Come on…" he commanded, grabbing her hand. Vanessa tried to pull away as he dragged her out of the corner, but he had a strong grip, and he wasn't about to let go. Vanessa didn't want to cause a scene. Not there, not then, during the party that her insane roommate had invited her to, but she didn't have much of a choice. The second they made it to the designated dance floor, and Reid looked at her with those mischievous eyes and that cocky grin, she did the one thing she knew to do.
With one swift movement, she pulled her arm back and balled her hand into a fist, and lunged at him with all the strength she could muster. Reid never saw it coming, falling to the ground with a loud thud. He grabbed his nose as it began to bleed and glared up at her. "What the hell was that for?" Vanessa returned the glare, anger beginning to rise in her like fire.
"You dragged me onto the dance floor!" Vanessa screamed. Reid looked up at her incredulously.
"I was trying to dance with you!" Reid shouted in response. Vanessa growled and clenched her hands into fists.
"I told you, I didn't want to dance." she snapped.
"You were playing hard to get!" Reid growled. Vanessa's jaw dropped in shock. She didn't know whether to be offended, or just really pissed off.
"I was not!" she snapped. "I don't even know how to play hard to get!" Reid scoffed.
"You did too!" he replied, dragging himself back onto his feet. "Besides, what are you so upset about!? You've been making eyes at me all day!"
"I've been making eyes at you?"
"YES." Vanessa burst out into laughter. This was not how she wanted her first party to go. All she wanted was to be invisible. Now she stood center stage, as all of her classmates stared at her. She swallowed and took a step back, glaring at Reid as held a towel to his nose to stop the bleeding. She took a deep breath and turned around, walking away. "HEY! Come back here!"
"Vanessa!" Elisha called to her, and Reid yelled at her, but Vanessa did not acknowledge either of them. She couldn't acknowledge either of them. It was too much. It was all just too much.
She didn't know how long she walked, or how far, or even where she was. But now that her feet were moving, at last, she couldn't stop them. The winter chill nipped at every inch of her, bare skin meeting the frigid New England cold. The clouds shifted in the sky, and the moon provided some small amount of light as she followed the road ahead of her. Every inch of her was aching, but she didn't notice, and when the freezing rain began to fall, she didn't even feel it.
It was all just too much.
She was alone, on an empty road in a place she didn't know. She was cold and tired, and she felt very, very far from anything she had ever known to be safe, but she couldn't stop herself. She couldn't hold it back or pretend that it wasn't there. Her eyes were sore, and it was hard to breathe, and the tears that she promised herself she would not shed until she was safe were falling. She couldn't control the sobs, the ones that racked her body and tore at her very soul, until she could no longer even walk.
Her steps grew short, until she couldn't step anymore, and she fell the ground and curled in a ball in the mud. Vanessa couldn't tell what she was crying for anymore. Her emotions had betrayed her. Her brothers had abandoned her. Her mother had let her go. She had nothing, and no one.
Vanessa rubbed her nose, sniffled, wiped the rain and the tears and the need to be warm away. She needed to breathe, to run; she needed to be far away from this place. "Daddy…. Daddy, I need you." The words came out as a rasp. Vanessa held her legs to her chest and closed her eyes. "Daddy…" And for the second time that day, she let sleep take her.
A/N: so, did you like it? did you hate it? o.O review! REVIEW, I TELL YOU!
OR I SHALL CURSE YOU ALL WITH WINDOWS VISTA!!
...I am so downgrading...