biPOLAR, a naruto fanfic

Warning: Twilight Movie Spoilers. Probably Breaking Dawn. Which equals a bad fanfiction guaranteed.

"This is going to suck. Like the suckage that has never sucked before."

"God, chill out Forehead. Robert Pattinson is gorgeous times a million twinkle, twinkle little stars plus three hot Sasuke-out-of-the-shower's."

"What a lie. I'm not obligated to drool over a guy who doesn't even shave his own chest hair for a promotional movie poster which is by the way the next big thing ever since Jesus Christ is so not Edward in my book."

"Just because Sasuke's the definition of perfection doesn't mean that there's more fish in the sea."

"Gaspard Ulliel can totally be that more fish!"

Ino rolled her fake-eyelashed eyes at Sakura's sparkle-like swooning behaviour at the aforementioned French star.

"Oh and Ino?"

"Yes Forehead?"

"Please stop referencing my boyfriend and I'll accept your denials of Shikamaru cheating on you with that Temari girl from McDonald's."

"…Shaddup."

The two best friends forever's (though the pink-haired of the two is showing signs of resentment at the moment) squished themselves in between the crowds of hardcore, diehard, non-stop screamo 24/7 fan girls.

Ino swore one of them hissed acid at her.

Sakura settled herself onto the theatre floors located at about four or five rows distanced from the front lines of the large beyond compare white screen.

She up-blew her pink strands of slanted bangs out of her face as she scowled gloomily. No more seats and a crappy adaptation of a cliched vampire romance who drives Volvo's? Puh-leeze.

Ino made a face before settling beside Sakura, nauseated at the fact that she was sitting on the floor, her holy butt in contact with which thou humanity has dirtily stepped on. Damn humanity.

It was too crowded, way too crowded. Perhaps attending the Twilight Premiere wasn't exactly the wisest decision she has made in her 17 years of living and breathing blondeness.

"Okay. Maybe we should've just waited for it to come out on DVD."

Sakura snorted none too gracefully. "Told you so."

Ino roughly elbowed her on the side, "HEY! I spent hours stalking eBay for this! Be grateful you hater."

The pinknette beside her nodded wistfully, her full attention elsewhere. "It's starting." She muttered.

All was quiet.

Images projecting from the screen rendered every girl (literally every girl for there were only girls) speechless.

"How old are you?"

"17."

Gasps.

"And how long have you been 17?"

"…"

Shrieks.

"Oh my god!"

"…a while."

"Hush Forehead! You're disturbing the ceremony."

A sideward glance of disbelieve.

"What did you expect? Coffins and dungeons and moats?"

"No… not the moats."

Giggle. Giggle.

"You're losing it Forehead."

Muffled giggle.

"Did you hear her? She said moats. It rhymes with goats!"

"Sakura…" And everyone knew it was serious when Yamanaka Ino uses Sakura's real name instead of the affectionate calling of the upper section on a human's visage.

"Are. You. Okay?"

"…Moat. She said moat!" Sakura cackled.

There was nothing left to do for Ino…but to wiggle away, casting awkward glances at anything but the pink-haired girl/female/thing.

"Aren't you afraid?"

"I'm only afraid of losing you."

"AHHH! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! IF ONLY WE HAD OUR OWN FANDOM! IT SHOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE SASUSAKU BUT OH MY GOD—"

Ino had to knock her out.

"Fin."

Sakura's coherence was still in progress but she managed to sit upright.

And when she did regain her full consciousness, "Oh my fucking god—Ino, you bitch! You actually knocked me out!"

Ino got up, fixed her long – Head & Shoulders – stylized ponytail, dusted herself off and shrugged. "Might as well I do it before the fan girls decides to use you as their human sacrifice for their own Edward Cullen."

Sakura blinked. "You can do that?"

Brainwashed.

Sakura has definitely been brainwashed, Ino concluded mentally.

"Yeah. And Shikamaru's cheating on me with Temari from McDonald's." And she strutted away before halting in mid-step and looked over her shoulder. Sakura didn't like that smug look focused onto her.

"So…what's that "suckage" of the century you were speaking of?"

"Oh? I was actually referring to you Ino-darling."

A banshee with manicured French nails shrieked.

172, 800 seconds later.

The banshee shrieked part deux!

"ARGHHH!"

Crashes and screams.

"So you were cheating on me with Temari, you sexist bastard!"

Breaking of glass.

"Ino! You troublesome woman! Put the hamburgers down!"

More screams.

"Oh my god! She's heading towards the fryer! Shikamaru do something!"

"You're being troublesome too Temari…"

"I'm being...WHAT?"

All customers rushed out the doors.

An empty restaurant.

The remaining two teens ignored the internal catastrophe boiling a few 4 meters away from them.

"Sasuke-kun?"

The young pink and blue couple was seated comfortably at a corner table in McDonald's.

"Hn?"

"If we're going to make this relationship work…you've got to bring back that Edward Cullen emo-ness of yours. I don't want all that bull about you softening because of the influences of your one true love aka. moi junk. I want some drama! Dazzle me! Bring on the angst!"

A boy with ebony dreaded spikes stared back at her blankly.

Sakura cleared her throat. "So, umm, like…"

Fidget. Fidget.

"As cliché and for seriously bad fanfiction-esque as it sounds Sasuke-kun…will umm, you be— my Edward Cullen?"

Sasuke and his perfect beauty shrugged. He was elegantly munching on a French fry between his slender oh-so-lovely fingertips.

"Hn, sure."

Sakura's eyes widen immensely. "You're actually agreeing?"

The pretty boy across from her nodded, "But…" He intoned intensely, straight faced.

"But…?" Worry taking over her.

"…"

"…?"

"We've got to start on the breaking beds portion first."

Standard Disclaimer Applied.

Author's Note: For Katy. (rawfulbutter and or slash masked caper)
Happy Belated Birthday!

Sorry. In a rush, it was the best I could do. Love me anyway?
And no, I so did not take a peek at your lj entry and got inspired. :D