Ava had ended up, very platonically, back at Connor's apartment after they were chewed out by Latham. Neither were feeling up for drinks at Molly's, given their disastrous day, but neither quite wanted to be alone either. In the doctors lounge, as the pair gathered their belongings to return home, Connor had offered beers at his place to decompress after their hell of a day, and Ava agreed.
The two had started out on opposite ends of the couch, drinking their beer and watching whatever game Connor could find on the TV in silence. Over the course of an inning, Ava had inched herself closer to Connor until she was close enough to lean her head on his shoulder, drained after the adrenaline of the day and wanting the comfort.
In response, Connor wrapped his arm around her shoulders- he had noticed that she seemed to be a little more… fragile, after she learned that the mistake was hers and he had to calm her down outside the surgical suite. And her shoulder-butting him on the way out of Latham's office was sweet, but totally not like her typical self. He deduced that her initiating more physical contact was due to the stress of the day, and he wasn't going to deny her comfort.
"You know, this isn't a 'I want to have sex with you' thing, right?" Ava asked, breaking the silence.
Connor, in response, snorted softly, "Just buds, I promise." After they had shared a kiss, Ava made it clear to him that she didn't want to repeat the experience, and Connor was going to respect that. He found her attractive, sure- who wouldn't? But she was his coworker first and foremost, and they scrubbed in on enough risky procedures together, and he wasn't in the habit of ignoring consent, and so he wasn't planning on following through with his attraction. Plus, it was nice to have a friend- if you could even call them that, based on their bickering- a "battle buddy" for surviving Latham's fellowship.
In response, Ava murmured an "okay," and the pair went back to watching the game in silence.
That was, until Connor noticed that Ava's form was trembling, and looked down to see her face tear-streaked for the second time that day. "Want to talk about it?" he asked, not planning on pressing the issue but curious as to what specifically was causing this bout of tears. The day was so stressful, it could be anything, though he suspected she perhaps had some residual guilt from the fact that her error nearly cost a patient his life.
"No," was the tearful reply, and so Connor returned to watching the game (or, pretending to watch the game) and hugging Ava against his side, rubbing up and down her arm in a comforting gesture. It took a solid 5 minutes for Ava to break the silence once more.
"I just… I could have killed someone today! My carelessness! If he had died, that would have been on me, and it was totally preventable! And…" she exclaimed, voice rising a little with each sentence until she was talking the same way she had in the locker room earlier that day. "And the fact that you thought I was worried about my reputation… am I that terrible of a person?"
While Connor mulled over possible responses to the first topic, since clearly what he said in the locker room didn't sink in, he responded to the second, "You're not that terrible a person," he reassured her, "It's just, with the conjoined twins competition that went on recently, I guess I was still thinking in 'competition' mode. That was my fault for assuming, you're not a bad person. And you are an excellent surgeon."
She smiled a tiny bit in response, and the two sat in silence again, pretending to watch the game, as Ava drowned in her guilt and Connor tried to figure out a way to help her. A fleeting thought crossed his mind, something he had read a long time ago and never really followed through on. He had had a girlfriend a few years back who was kinky, and because he had no experience there before starting to date her, she had sent him a list of resources to read. There was definitely something about punishment there, and Connor strained to remember what it was.
This time, it was his voice that cut through the silence, over the background noise of the game. "I think I might have something that could help with your guilt, but you probably won't like it," her offered.
She turned to face him, eyes hopeful, quietly admitting "at this point I don't care if I like it or not, I just feel like I'm drowning."
Connor nodded, proceeding, "A while back, I had a girlfriend who was into some… unconventional stuff." Noticing the look Ava was giving him, he hastily tacked on, "Let me explain the whole thing, please, before you say anything?" She nodded, and so Connor continued, "Anyways, when I was doing, uh, research on the unconventional stuff, I saw a decent amount of resources dedicated to discipline. Apparently it actually helps people resolve guilt?" He said, and then more tentatively said, "Most of the sites was using spanking as an example of discipline." He ended at that, watching Ava's reaction and waiting for her response.
Imperceivable emotions flickered across Ava's face as Connor waited for a reply, until eventually she asked, "Spanking? Like the child's punishment?"
Connor nodded, "Obviously the strength being used and that stuff would be different for an adult, but same basic concept."
"I'd keep my clothes on?"
Connor tried to hide his surprise- he had anticipated a flat-out negative response, not clarifying questions that made it seem like Ava was seriously considering the possibility, a testament to how badly she must have truly been feeling in that moment.
Connor nodded, "I wouldn't do that to you, that's not my place. This is supposed to help you, not shame you," he added.
He watched Ava mull over the information, an in a minute she nodded, "I think… I think I'd like to try it, if you really think it would help," she said quietly.
Connor was surprised, but pulled her towards him in a brief hug, before pulling back and saying "okay." Quickly, he tried to remember what he had read, about how one was actually supposed to go about this. He stood up and walked out of the room, returning with a hairbrush that he set on the side table. He watched as Ava's face showed confusion, then recognition, then trepidation, and he knew that drawing this part out would be unkind.
Sitting in the middle of the couch with his feet resting on the floor, he gently guided Ava's body so that she was laying over his lap, and rubbed her back soothingly. Ava didn't say anything about the childlike position she found herself in, instead burying her head in her arms and waiting for Connor to start… whatever this was.
Once Connor had readied himself, he spoke gently, "I'm going to start, and I'm going to continue until I think you've let go of your guilt. If you want me to stop, just say 'Red,' okay?" He waited for a verbal affirmation that Ava understood before saying gently, "Ava, what do you feel guilty about."
The woman over his lap sniffled, and quietly said, "I made a careless mistake today, and it almost cost a man his life." At the end of that sentence, Connor heard a hitched breath, indicative of coming sobs. She really needed this.
Bracing himself, Connor started with his hand, reaching back and then bringing it across her bottom. He continued, raining a volley of spanks down on Ava's behind before pausing to see her reaction.
Her head was buried in her arms, but otherwise she showed no signs of reacting, and so Connor upped the strength of the smacks he gave her. He spanked hard and fast with his hand for half a minute before letting up to see where Ava was.
Her body was trembling, his best guess was because she was crying, but he knew she was nowhere close to relief from her guilt. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he continued to spank Ava with his hand until he heard soft cries.
Everything he had read said that the ideal place to stop spanking was when the person being spanked gave up and just accepted everything, sobbing. And that a good way to get to that place was, when the person being spanked was steadily crying, up the force of the blows and start lecturing. So Connor grabbed the hairbrush off the side table, turning it over in one of his hands as the other rested on Ava's back.
He felt terrible for lecturing her, especially because he knew how bad she felt, but Ava was right, she did put a patient's life at risk, something that was unacceptable.
"You got lucky today, Ava," he spanked her with the hairbrush, watching her jerk in response to the increased pain. "Our patient could have just as easily died on the table when we went in to retrieve the instrument," another smack, "That mistake should never have happened, and it was just plain careless," the words stung Connor as he said them but he knew he had to continue, to see this through to the end. He landed five more blows with the hairbrush, saying, "I know in the future you'll be much more careful, or else you'll find yourself in this position again." He paused, where the hell did that come from? This was a one time thing, right?
He stopped lecturing, and just spanked Ava with the hairbrush, hard and fast, until he felt her body go limp with silent tears. Once he saw that, he knew it was time to stop, and tossed the hairbrush behind the couch- none of them needed to see that again anytime soon. He gently rubbed Ava's back until she calmed down some, and then helped her sit up. To his surprise, he ended up with her on his lap, her body still shaking some from tears and her head buried in his neck.
Slightly amused by the uncharacteristic behavior of the other surgical fellow, Connor held Ava on his lap and rubbed her back as she finished crying it out. "It's all over kid," he said, waiting for her to calm down. Though she was only a few years younger than him, the nickname slipped out unintentionally but felt natural, "You did great, it's all over now," he continued to murmur to her until her cries reduced to sniffling every so often.
Ava, though her bottom hurt more than she thought possible, felt lighter than she had since the mistake was realized. Once she stopped sobbing, she pulled away from Connor and said, "Thank you," before hugging him.
"Anything for a friend," came the reply, hand still softly rubbing her back. She leaned back into him, enjoying the physical comfort she so rarely let herself have, and watched the until-then forgotten game on the TV.
Connor returned his gaze to the TV as well, turning over what just happened in his mind, and decided to just go with it. It didn't bring him any enjoyment to see Ava in pain, pain that he caused, but he knew that the pain in her heart from the events of the day was much larger than her sore bottom, and that his actions had helped free her of that guilty pain.
His thoughts were interrupted by a tiny snore, and he looked down to find Ava asleep. Quirking his lips in a smile, he stood up with her still in his arms, thankful that she was light, and carried her into the guest bedroom. He set her down on the bed, on her stomach of course, and gently pulled a blanket over her before quietly slipping out of the room and into his own; he thought he had better sleep now, they had a shift again tomorrow.