"Mama and Daddy sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love then comes marriage then comes the baby in the baby carriage."
Regina Mills-Blanchard chuckled to herself, of course that was what her step-daughter Snow Blanchard decided to recite to Regina's son Henry, you would think Snow was five and not eighteen. Still her step-daughters innocence and naivete about adult relationships made Regina smile. Snow had an unabashed belief in happy endings and true love. She was ever hopeful and optimistic in a way that annoyed Regina but she also secretly envied. It really was amazing Snow had been able to keep her heartfelt believe in the power of true love when Regina's marriage to her father, Leopold Blanchard, was as far from true love as you could get. It wasn't exactly hate but there was definitely no love between Leo and Regina.
"That's me," Henry squealed, "Right Mama, I'm baby."
Regina beamed at her two year old son. "Yes Henry that's you."
It didn't happen exactly like the rhyme, or anything like it actually but Regina wasn't going to tell Henry or Snow that. She had given up on love even before she married Leo. Her marriage had given her many things; citizenship, freedom from her mother and best of all a family in Snow, which had later grown to include Henry and Emma Swan, Henry's birth mother.
At first, she had been turned off by the idea that she was to be a step-mother. In truth she was turned off about the whole arrangement because who would want to marry someone more than twice their age that they barely know. But Regina was particularly turned off the by the fact that her potential husband had a daughter that was only 10 years her junior. She was closer in age to her potential step-daughter more so than her potential husband.
At 22 Regina hadn't known anything about parenting, except that she didn't want to be like her parents. At that point Regina had learned her mother was a heartless bitch. While Regina loved her father, Henry Mills had never stood up to Cora Mills or tried to protect Regina from Cora's abuse, so even though she was marrying a man she barely knew, who was 28 years older than her, her biggest fear had been becoming a step-mother, which ironically turned out to be the best part of her marriage.
Leo claimed to love his daughter but didn't pay Snow much attention except to give her expensive gifts, and tell her she could have whatever she wanted. Snow had asked for a lot but Regina soon realised that as much as 12 year old Snow was spoiled, her requests were a desperate attempt to gain love and attention from her father that Leo always failed to provide. Regina knew what that was like, having spent the majority of her life desperately seeking her mother's approval and attention but never being enough for Cora.
According to Cora, Regina's marriage to Leo was the one good thing Regina had ever done and she would have been proud of her if she hadn't had to push Regina into it. Cora couldn't understand why Regina didn't want to marry Leo. Cora had hand picked him from a sea of potential suitors, as much as Leo liked to think he picked Regina, Cora had chosen Leo. Cora had wanted the best for her daughter, the life that Cora always dreamed of was as a rich American wife, but she was particular so she had rejected many others who wanted to marry her daughter because they didn't have enough money to satisfy Cora's desires. Regina also suspected most of them were too young for Cora's tastes as it wouldn't serve Cora's desires for Regina's husband to outlive her. No, in Cora's ideal world Leo would be dead by now and Regina the sole heir to his fortune.
It took three years for Cora to find her version of the perfect man and that whole time Regina had been blissfully unaware that her mother had created Regina a profile on an international marriage agency site. Regina never knew which one or even what her profile had said. Her mother dropped the bomb on Regina on July 20, 2009 when Cora informed Regina she had found her the perfect man and he was coming to ensure she measured up.
Regina had thought this man would be one of Cora's connections from the drug trade until she told Regina he was American. When Regina asked how Cora knew this man she learned of her mother's plan to make her a mail order bride, a fact that turned out not to be the most shocking revelation of that day. No, that came later when Regina finally learned the true extent of her mother's cruelty and how far Cora was willing to go to get her way. Regina had always known Cora was cruel but learning what Cora had done and would do to get Regina to marry Leo was appalling.
And so on July 21, 2009 Regina had met Leo, and he seemed nice enough, and really even if he hadn't Regina had no real choice in the matter. She smiled and flirted, pretending she felt something for this man who was the same age as her father. She had hoped she would disappoint him and he would leave uninterested but instead he asked to see her again and this time alone. It was obvious at that first meeting that Leo was attracted to her. He liked to look at her, something that hadn't gone away in their eight years of marriage.
When they met again alone he took her for dinner and then back to his room. They talked for a while and he told her about his daughter and his late wife, who he had met in the same way as Regina. His late wife Ava had been gone for 3 years and so Leo was in the market for a new wife. He told Regina she was perfect, that he would be lucky to have her but understood if she didn't want an old man like him, not knowing or at least wilfully blind to the fact that Regina didn't have a choice in the matter. He told her they could grow to love each other and they would take things slow, that he would never pressure her. Lies that she eagerly swallowed up convincing herself that this marriage wouldn't be, couldn't be that bad.
Leo had promised her they would try and bring her father to America, once they were settled in, he offered her mother as well but Regina was resolute that she did not want Cora joining her. Leo had been smart enough not to ask, and in the end it didn't matter because that was just another one of Leo's false promises.
At their third meeting Leo had officially asked her to marry him and received her father's blessing. Henry Sr. told Regina that Leo was a good man and that he could give her far more than she would ever get in Colombia. Regina had hoped Henry Sr. would finally stand up to his wife and least try to convince Cora that this was wrong or that it would at least validate Regina's very real concerns about this marriage. Instead, her father told her she would grow to love Leo and his daughter and that she would have a family just like she had always wanted.
They married a week later after only knowing each other for two and a half weeks. They told his friends and his daughter of their whirlwind romance and how it had been love at first sight so they got married so they could live in the same country and give their relationship a chance. This was a story Regina would repeat over and over again adding on how their love only grew as they got to know each other better, lest anyone think she married and stayed with Leo for anything but love. The whispers had died down a bit when Regina didn't leave after the two year mark.
While Leo had told Regina she was free to go once she was a full citizen, their pre-nup gave her nothing if she left, and their marriage wasn't bad enough for Regina to consider being out on the street. Especially because she came to love Snow and Leo was clear that Snow was his daughter and if Regina ever left she would never see Snow again. Regina had always been a good actor and it turned out so was Leo, they fooled everyone, or almost everyone (Leo's friend Elliot Gold always seemed to see right through their story) with their false love story.
Snow's belief in their love had saved Regina from Leo's more violent tendencies many times. He wanted to preserve the façade of perfect marriage for his daughter and so he was always careful to save his hard anger for when Snow was gone. He made sure Regina could hide whatever marks he left on her so that his daughter wouldn't realize what he did to his wife.
Thankfully Snow or Emma were almost always around and so Leo's opportunities to really hurt her were few and far between. After the first time Snow heard Regina cry out in pain and rushed to see if she was okay Leo had made sure to keep her silent when Snow was around. Snow's presence never stopped the whispered threats as Leo held her down berating her for whatever she had done wrong that night but it did stop the yelling for which Regina was grateful. For a man who was constantly cheating on her Leo was extremely possessive and jealous. If Regina even spoke to a man other than Mr. Gold without Leo around she was in for it, but this hadn't stopped Leo from wanting her at these events on his arm so Regina kept to herself, keeping her smiles short and her eyes down. She knew she had a reputation as an evil or ice queen and though it hurt, it was easier for her to be cold to others than to suffer for being herself.
It wasn't all that bad, Regina had long ago learned all of Leo's triggers and how to avoid setting him off accidently. He was always nicer to her when he was cheating and she appreciated her weekends alone when he was "away on business" which they both pretended Regina didn't know meant he was spending the weekend with his mistress. Unfortunately, they never lasted and Leo would go from tolerable back to the jealous possessive man that Regina couldn't stand. It took all of Regina's might not to show her utter distaste for her husband, something she worried her step-daughters ever perceptive best friend Emma had started to pick up on.
Snow and Emma were so different and it shocked Regina the first time she met this Emma she had heard so much about. While Snow was all light hope and innocence Emma was pessimistic and hardened. Snow had taken away some of Emma's edge, just as she had with Regina, but in the end it was Henry who brought light to both Emma and Regina's lives. If she believed in destiny like Snow then she would say Emma and Snow were destined to find each other, to bring Regina the child she so desperately wanted, but her husband couldn't give her.
After two years of trying, when Regina was only 25, they discovered Leo couldn't father anymore children. Regina tried to suggest other options but Leo was adamant they would only have a child if it was his biologically. That had been a dark time for Regina, she had lost a baby when she was 19, which awakened a desire for motherhood that only grew as the years went on. While she loved Snow and being a mother figure to her it couldn't satisfy Regina's desire for a baby.
She often wondered what her life would have been like if she hadn't lost Daniel Colter's baby. She imagined a broke but happy big family. But that was only a fantasy, an escape from the reality that they unfortunately both died, possibly both at the hands of her mother. Cora had admitted her involvement in Daniel's death but swore she had nothing to do with the baby. Regina wasn't sure she believed her mother because only two days after her mother learned Regina was pregnant she lost the baby.
Once again it seemed like Regina couldn't have what she wanted. No amount of begging or pleading with Leo would change his mind, they were not going to have a baby that wasn't his. But then if she was to believe Snow, fate intervened and brought Emma into their lives. While 15 year old Snow still cried over fairy tales Emma had met Neal Cassidy, another foster kid, who ended up in jail after attempting to steal Emma a car. Regina had walked by Snow's room a week or so after Neal's arrest to a bawling Emma and a frightened Snow. While normally not one to interfere Emma had a special place in Regina's heart and so she asked what was wrong. Snow had begged Emma to let her tell Regina and that's when she learned Emma had been kicked out of her foster home because she was pregnant.
Emma felt like she had no choice, she couldn't take care of the baby let alone herself and in that moment Regina knew what she had to do. She told Emma she could stay with them for as long as she wanted and that she had choices. Regina got Snow to talk Leo into letting Emma stay, as Regina selfishly tried to convince Emma to keep the baby, to satisfy her own desire for motherhood. Emma saw right through her and after a couple days told Regina she was going to give her child up for adoption and she already knew who she wanted to adopt her baby. Regina cried when Emma told her she wanted Regina to take her son. Emma said she would move out once she had him, and that she would be his sisters friend, maybe Aunt Emma someday but that Regina would be his mother. Emma Swan offered Regina everything she ever wanted and she turned her down. She could see that Emma wanted the baby but more than that wanted them to have their best chance. And Regina knew the baby's best chance was also having Emma in its life so she told Emma it should be an open adoption and that Emma could be the baby's other mother if she wanted. In the end Emma stayed living at the Blanchard residence and Henry had two moms. Most people thought their arrangement was crazy but it worked for them. Regina was Henry's primary caretaker but he and Emma had their own unique relationship.
When Regina first proposed this plan she was sure Leo would shut it down, however, Snow had worn him down with how much she wanted a little brother and how perfect it would be. Leo had always been helpless to his daughter's pleas and late one night he turned to Regina and asked "Is this really what you want?" like it was so incredible to him that she would want another person's child.
"More than anything" she had told him, and miraculously he agreed, provided Snow remained his and for appearances sake Henry would be his son too but Regina was to do all the work and keep him in line.
For the next three years things were good. But then Snow and Emma left for college, promising to visit often. Things were never quite the same without Emma and Snow. In the first year Emma visited often but as time went on she visited less and less, building her own life. Henry had been young enough when they left that he didn't miss Emma much, content with their weekly skype dates.
Time seemed to fly for Regina and pretty soon Henry was 4 and starting school himself. Regina didn't want him to go, for that meant she would once again spend her weekdays alone in the house with nothing to do but wait for someone to come home. She willed herself not to cry as she hugged Henry goodbye at the door of his classroom, she couldn't help the single tear that fell as he turned around and ran off into the classroom.
"May I offer you a tissue milady?"
Regina looked up and for a brief second forgot about her sadness. Looking at her with kindness was a man who took her breath away. She wanted to get lost in his blue eyes, and she felt herself blushing as she stared at him, before remembering she needed to say something.
"I ugh," Oh god Regina speak "Um yes thank you." She managed to stammer out cursing herself for becoming so flustered. She had never been so instantly attracted to someone before. She needed to breathe because well she was being ridiculous.
"I'm Robin," he said holding out his hand for her to shake, "Pleasure to make your acquaintance"
Oh the pleasure is all mine she thought wryly sneaking another glance at him before shaking his hand and answering politely: "I'm Regina."
"First day for you too I take it?"
She smiled lightly at that. "What the crying didn't give me away?" she joked.
"Well that and clearly you have the touch of a mother, I saw you saying goodbye to your son."
"It's a moment I've been dreading," she admitted, surprising herself with her honesty.
"So have I," he admitted "my son was very excited for school and I decidedly was not."
"Do you want to grab a coffee or something?" Robin offered "Cry over pictures of our children until it's time to pick them up?"
"I can't," said Regina even though spending more time with him sounded heavenly. Oh god she needed to get herself in check, she was married, this was nothing more than a harmless crush on a man she would never see again. No not even a crush, she didn't know him she couldn't have a crush on him, it was a slight attraction that was all. Not that it mattered because if Leo found out Regina went for coffee with another man, there would be hell to pay.
So Regina left, but she thought about Robin on her way home and indulged in a brief fantasy of going for that coffee, getting to know him, looking at him, touching him. Then she told herself that was enough, she would not see Robin again, she would drop Henry off and pick him up quickly, avoiding contact with Robin until she got over her little whatever it was. She would let herself watch from afar but she wouldn't talk to him again until she got her feelings in check. Satisfied with her plan Regina did just that for a week. Her feelings didn't go away but she successfully avoided Robin for a month and let Henry distract her with stories of his new best friend Roland.
She successfully avoided him right up until Henry asked if they could meet Roland and his dad at the park that Saturday. Regina eagerly agreed because Henry had not stopped talking this Roland since the first day of school and so she was anxious to meet him.
Henry practically ran to the park all the while complaining Regina was walking too slow. She basked in her son's infectious enthusiasm. She laughed as Henry broke free at the entrance and ran toward a smaller boy yelling, "ROLAND!" gleefully.
She didn't have the best view but she could see her sons best friend was cute, a mop of curly dark hair and a big warm smile. Henry brought him over and proudly told Roland that this was one of his moms.
Roland gave her a dimpled smile and Regina's heart melted. Regina bent down to his level and asked,
"Hi sweetheart where's your mom?" figuring she should at least exchange phone numbers with Roland's parents so the boys could hang out outside of school again.
"My mommy's in heaven" said Roland matter of factly like she had asked him about the weather "but my Daddy's over there."
Regina felt like an idiot for bringing that up but Roland didn't seem to mind. She hadn't known but she shouldn't have assumed he was with his mom, most parents were not totally detached from their kids lives like Leo was.
She followed Roland's fingers and found herself gazing at the man she had thus far been successfully avoiding. It was Robin, and he looked better than she remembered. He gave her a friendly wave gesturing for her to join him on the bench. It was at that moment Regina realised she was totally screwed, she was far too interested in her son's best friend's father than was appropriate. With a sigh she sat herself down beside the man she had an uncontrollable attraction to and lied to herself that her feelings weren't going to be a problem.