Dear all,

Hello again! I have no idea if there's still a fanbase for Jo and Alex out there. I have been MIA for two and a half years and I really… have no idea what's going on. I'd be happy and honored if I'd meet any familiar 'faces' on here but will be also very glad if anyone, really, is still interested in my thoughts and writing. In light of this spectacular finish-line we got thrown through this season finale, I decided to go back and publish all one-shots I continuously wrote over the last three seasons and years. I never did originally because I was in absolute denial about what was happening to those two people I have always cared for so much and loved so much to watch on this TV show, since their bond is just so special (to me). And with great disappointment and trying to cope with the fact, that probably I just had to accept that they were only two characters in a dramatic Shonda-world who would not survive – at least together – I never wanted to share my one-shots because it was just sad to me. And also, I didn't think anyone would wanna read them because – all hands down – they grew rather dramatic at times because I was so desperate for something happening. Anyways, since I… still have not digested all of what happened the last three years and especially the last half year, I decided to go on a three-year-flashback-ride and let any of you who are interested participate. This is rather crazy probably, going from this elated state of mind all Jolex fans hopefully are in, to a way earlier and different Jolex state of mind and travel through hardships and pain again, but maybe this is okay in exchange for some heartfelt writing. And since there isn't a show, I thought maybe you guys would like to ride along. I'm planning to post regularly and with only short breaks – as frequent readers know me – and you can expect to go through seasons 12, 13 and 14 – not with a one-shot of every episode but MANY episodes – starting with 11x24. It'll be very similar to what I did in "Between the lines"- some one-shots will be my perception of what happened in episodes or what they didn't wrap up in my opinion, sometimes they'll be just fluff or rather un-related unimportant short one-shots. I hope that at least some people will enjoy these with me! Thank you for tuning in! All my love.

Title credits: …[across my face], tell you the story of who I am! Heart-wrenching song, leaving me a bundle of sobs last Thursday night. I bow to the great Sara Ramirez and of course the spectacular Brandi Carlile. Incredible words.

P.S.: To all readers out there who have read "Change of Plans" – so… they planned to get married on Bainbridge Island, huh? Any K. Vernoff readers out there maybe? Hehe!

[Following 11x24]

Jo breathed into the kiss, feeling her own unsteady pulse and slight queasiness in the pit of her stomach, trying to black out the anxiety that had escorted her all day; the anxiety about what was happening to them, the anxiety about not knowing what Alex was thinking, what Alex wanted from life, from her, if they could find a common ground to place their relationship on, a relationship that had undoubtedly experienced the good and the bad, had overcome some drama and insecurities and eventually had turned out to show some serious potential for the future. Her reaction alone, her reaction to this past day, had shown her that she herself had changed, had opted to stay, to try and to trust. And now she was anxious beyond reason of what Alex thought about their relationship; if Alex was on board with her – or ideally their – plans. She sensed him running his thumb down her waist where his whole hand was placed comfortably. She reacted with gripping his jacket a little tighter, scrunching up her face and pushing his lips even harder to hers, not wanting to let go just yet. At this, Jo felt Alex raise a small smile on his face, softening their kiss and taking a much-needed breather, their noses playing together. When Jo kept her eyes closed, trying to hold on to that closeness in between them, she felt Alex's hands go up her torso, stroke her upper arms and finally resting them on her cheeks, making her open her eyes, fear reflecting in them. Alex chucked out a breath and raised his eyebrows in wonder. He shook his head in the most imperceptible motion, silently asking her what was going on. Jo wanted to stay steady so bad, but she felt herself scrunch up her eyebrows and avert her eyes from his, feeling tears coming on.

"Hey," Alex whispered in a silent, soothing voice. Jo wanted to break from his embrace, embarrassed by her sudden show of emotion and confused about their silent agreement or disagreement or whatever it was, but Alex realized quickly and stroked his thumbs across her cheeks, stepping an inch closer. "Jo," he breathed out, making her look back up at his eyes with the sincerity of his voice, holding his gaze. Alex smiled cautiously before bringing their lips so close, she could almost taste them. "I love you, too," he told her with the face she knew so well; it was a mixture of amusement, sincere affection towards her and the incredulity of even having to repeat that thought. Jo took a deep breath and felt her limbs starting to shiver, her knees growing a bit weaker. She put her forehead in lines, to not lose anymore tears, and nodded quickly, almost mechanically. Alex chuckled and when she looked up at his eyes, he beamed at her. "Well, what did you think?"

"Shhh," Jo shushed him – or maybe even herself – immediately, slightly tapping his chest and reaching up to put her arms around him, feeling safer in his embrace. Alex held her tightly, swaying her on the spot, placing soft kisses in the crook of her neck and smoothing his big hands up and down her back. They both startled and broke slightly to look at the door when they heard a noise. "We really shouldn't be here," Jo murmured in a very low voice after they had stood still and listened. She had let her fingers trace down his arm absentmindedly while staring at the dark nothingness towards the door, him taking and entwining them with his once he could reach them. He started walking towards the exit, pulling her with him.

"Come on," he whispered back at her, stretching his head out the door, looking if they were alone, and pushing the door closed once they were out. They took the stairwell to get downstairs and quickly walked out the parking area, still holding hands. When they had rounded the fence and eventually cleared from trespassing, she felt his gaze on her from the side. She turned her eyes towards him, interested in what he was going to say. "So, that's the reason you parked like four blocks away?" he chuckled. Jo looked down to the ground bashfully, feeling the blush coming on. She felt him squeeze her hand reassuringly, telling her he was just teasing, and pulled her closer to wrap an arm around her while walking.

"So…," Jo started shakily, still not having found her usual confidence back. Alex glanced at her curiously. "Does this mean…," she let the unsaid question hang in the air. They stopped walking at Jo's car, Alex turning towards her, waiting for an elaboration. When she just looked down, biting her lower lip, he sighed.

"I guess there's some things we really need to talk about," he suggested, trying to catch her eyes. Jo snapped up her gaze but felt her pulse spike again.

"We do?" she heard a shaky, very unfamiliar voice asking.

"We don't?" Alex smiled at her cheekily. At this she realized how stupid her question had been. She chuckled quietly, looking down again, only sensing Alex wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer, immediately looking up and sinking in a soft, tame kiss with him, making her head swirl. She broke the kiss and leaned her forehead against his, nodding.

"We do," she admitted.

"You wanna go home?" he asked her. Jo sighed deeply, fiddling with his jacket before she felt his fingers cup her chin and made her look up at him. "We don't have to," he told her. "But everyone's at the reception, we're alone," he reminded her. Jo nodded at him.

"I…," she started. Alex shook his head unnoticeably.

"Jo, what's gotten into you?" he asked her softly. The reaction of his facial expression let her know that she was giving him big deer eyes, trying to change them immediately to something more comforting.

"I…I don't know. I guess I'm just… a bit overwhelmed I guess," she stumbled out.

"By…?" Jo shrugged. They stayed in silence for a bit before she looked up once more.

"Can we just… can we get a booth in one of those shady pubs down there," she gestured towards some nameless small bars on the other side of the street. "I just… I guess I just need some neutral ground beneath my feet to have this conversation," she finished. When he didn't immediately react, she looked up. He was smiling.

"I'm not sure what's alarming me most– the fact that you just said… 'this conversation', which makes me uncertain if I even know what this will be about and me trying to not be scared; OR the fact that you choose these bars," he gestured his head in the direction again, "in this neighborhood over the home you've had for the last three years," he looked at her with wide eyes. Jo laughed at this, finally feeling a little more at ease with Alex, her Alex. She gave him a wide smile and then shook her head.

"I am comfortable at home. With you. I'm comfortable with you there. I just… This has gotten so out of proportion and only the last 24 hours have shown me just how bad we need to talk to each other. And I feel like… now we have established that lots of disagreements we had and have circle around where or what home is for both of us… and I think that at this very moment I just… I'd feel more comfortable being with you but being somewhere neither of us associates… you know what I mean?" Alex nodded, looking insecure though. Jo had to let out a small chuckle about themselves, feeling how the scales had switched to heavier insecurities on his side now. She grabbed him tighter and brought their faces together. "Don't look at me like that," she murmured. "I just wanna talk," she stated. "With no intentions to…," she trailed off for a second before looking at him sharply. "What's that you are thinking at the moment I'm gonna do?" Alex looked away with his jaw set. "No, Alex," she immediately reacted, softly guiding his head to look back at her. "This is not a 'conversation'," she used her hands to sign quotation marks, "as in… we talk and then we either move forward or I leave," she paused. "I'm not leaving," she repeated.

"…not even to go join the army?" he whispered in a small voice. Jo's eyes widened.

"Alex, I meant what I said. I wanted us both to go," she bit her lip and looked to the side to gather her thoughts. "Come on," she bent her head over to show him the way towards the next bar. "Let me explain it to you, alright?" Alex nodded once before letting him get dragged to that bar and entering after her, looking around and scrunching up his nose. He caught Jo's eyes for a moment, wriggling his eyebrows at her and trying not to break out in laughter, before following her into a private booth, sitting down at the chair opposite of her. Jo, who was engaging herself in looking through the menu quickly, to get the order in and continue their conversation, looked up and felt confusion set in.

"What?"

She reached out her hand and shook her head. "Come here," she told him, ushering him to move towards the bench she was sitting on. He sighed and moved the table a tiny bit to fit next to her into the booth, where he settled, a little uncomfortably. Jo immediately took initiative and arranged both their bodies towards each other, slinging her legs across his left thigh and making him put an arm around her. They looked up and smiled when the waiter brought them two beers and sighed synchronically. Jo started fiddling with his jacket again, Alex watching her for a moment before putting a calming hand on both of hers and made her look up. "I don't," she shook her head for a while, bundling her thoughts. "Look," she put a comforting hand on his stomach in return, turning into him a little more. "First of all– you know me, don't you?" she looked up at him cheekily. Alex puffed some breath through his nose in amusement, not changing his serious facials though. Jo tilted her head and felt her own facials change with utter love in her appearance. "You do, Alex," she assured him, caressing his chest before guiding her hand to his cheek and pulling him down for a soft kiss. "You know me better than anyone I can think of," she confirmed.

"I didn't know you had aspirations to join the army," he pointed out calmly. Jo sighed.

"I don't," she put him right, making him look at her in confusion. "I don't," she chuckled. "What I wanted to say today was… I wanna do something with you, I wanna start something with you, I wanna be with you. I don't wanna be that 'girlfriend' anymore," she told him, making him react with wide eyes. She smiled. "I don't mean to break up or get married right now, Alex," she murmured affectionately. "But I wanna not be that 'girlfriend' that doesn't have any meaning if you know what I mean," she told him.

"No," Alex shook his head.

Jo bit her lip. "You know, when we started dating," she knew she had his attention then, referring to something they rarely reminisced about. "Everything was easy, and okay, and casual," she rolled her eyes at his surprise. "I don't mean to say everything was smooth sailing," she sighed out a knowing smile. "I just mean, the way we worked, the way we were to and with each other," she smiled. "It was casual," she paused for a second, searching his eyes. "From where I was standing, of course," she winked at him, taking a longer pause. "Imagine the surprise when you all of a sudden asked me to marry you," she smiled lovingly. "Or – let me rephrase that –," she changed her mind. "Imagine my complete confusion about what we were even doing when you made clear that you wanted to marry me when I was just… casually… dating my superior," she smiled while he averted his eyes. Jo waited a few moments, giving him some space, before slowly refocusing his attention on her. When their eyes had matched, she scooted closer and embraced his neck tightly, kissing him longingly. She only broke shortly to check out his reaction, sinking back into the kiss comfortably when only seeing neutral mimics on him.

"So, what's this got to do with the fact that you don't wanna be the 'girlfriend' anymore," Alex broke the kiss shortly and imitated her signing quotation marks from before. Jo smiled.

"So much has changed over the course of our relationship," she said in a very low voice. "I meant what I said back then, Alex," she nodded at him, receiving a questioning look from her conversational partner. "I was convinced," she moved her hands down literally, "that I would mess us up… sooner or later," she shook her head with a cautious smile. Alex smiled at that memory, shaking his head. Jo just kept on smiling, trying to tell him she wasn't done. "Meaning… that I didn't believe in myself… or you for that matter… – again – not meaning in you as a person but meaning that I didn't believe that you would be the person to change my whole life, my whole… me," she blinked furiously while trying to explain. "I couldn't believe that after so many attempts of going into relationships and trying to make it work… our attempt would actually… turn out well," she flitted her eyes at him and felt a sting in her stomach, seeing his face. She smiled at him curiously before yelping slightly, not realizing he was rumbling down to kiss her soundly. "Alex," she tried taming him, looking around at the clientele they were amongst, laughing against his lips. "Let me finish my thought, please," she whispered, petting his cheeks, before letting him kiss her again, a little longer this time, but softer. Alex gave her a heart-wrenching stare when they parted, making her blush. She laughed and groaned when he smiled cheekily at her. "See, this is ridiculous," she told him matter-of-factly. "Three years later and I could still jump you like… any time of day… after almost anything you say or do… I just… I'm so in love with you but not even only that… I feel like I'm so… I'm just… really where I'm supposed to be in life. As in general… I'm with you and that's where I'm supposed to be. Even when it gets hard – and I really am the person to just… up and leave…," she sensed a sharp breath from Alex, squeezing his hand again, "Please, don't, don't be scared about me leaving, I really am not," she told him convincingly. "But in my past… I was the one always running. Always leaving. If things got hard, I left. Because I always thought it was me. But now, with you, I feel like I belong, and I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be: with you. Even when it gets hard I have this feeling that – still – I'm supposed to do this with you. I just never thought that would happen. In general, but also with you. I was fidgety in the beginning because I actually thought we'd risk our whole relationship, friendship, with giving into that attraction… and affection. Affection that I hadn't even dared to dream that would grow like this! The thing is… with realizing that over time, of course I needed and still need this relationship to grow too… do you get what I'm saying? I just… I mean… we went through family stuff and work stuff and friends stuff, signing weird love contracts, me getting you fired, and dealing with people in our bed and shower and anywhere, really," Jo instantly snapped her hands up to his face, when Alex turned his gaze away with the last statement. "We dealt with it all," she repeated. "We did all that and came out stronger than ever," she added quietly, a little bit embarrassed about the choice of words. "It just also made us two different people. As in apart but also together. It made our relationship different from the one we started. We've grown. Together. And I don't wanna be the stupid naked girl in your bed anymore. I don't wanna be the silly girl in her pajamas with her ear to the bathroom door while another woman is in with her boyfriend. I'm sick of being scared of Meredith Grey," she held up her finger when he started to protest. "I don't wanna be widowed every time your friend comes along and needs something," she pushed on, seeing Alex's face fall with the subject at hand. She faltered for a moment, feeling sick of what she had just said. "Oh God, I didn't mean-"

"Just move on, I know what you meant," Alex interrupted her with an impatient eye-roll.

Jo nodded insecurely, clasping his fingers for support. "I don't mean to nag about petty things like… not being able to have lunch with you anymore because you're eating with your friends, or constantly having your friends over at night or because they're feeling shitty. What I'm saying is: We can have a house that's always open, Alex," she stated pointedly. He shook his head in confusion. "Look, a year or so ago, when you told me that that house was and would always be open… I didn't feel like this was our house that was always open… but I felt like… I felt like that house was open to me too… until I got my life under control. Which constantly makes me feel like having to aspire to somewhere, I don't even know where. Like… I'm just a house guest like Arizona is or Meredith is at times," she explained.

"You know that's not true; that was never true," Alex shook his head vehemently.

"But it's how I felt – or how I feel – about it," Jo countered. "I know you told me that it was our place, and our bed, and I know exactly," she shook her head with a knowing look in her eyes, "that there's a difference between me in your bed and Meredith in your bed," she clarified. "It's not about that, either," she confirmed. "But I always felt like I was just the same… I was… on transit somehow… you gave me a place to stay because you're a good person," she stressed those words with padding her hands on his chest rhythmically.

"No, Jo," Alex interrupted again.

"And even though I know by now that… that you wanna be with me just as much as I wanna be with you," she eyed him slowly, "I need to feel like we're really going home together. Going back to our home. Inviting or having people to or at our place. I was so scared about things changing because change – for me – meant that change would occur in your life and you'd have to rearrange or reevaluate what to do with all your little problem children-"

"Stop it, Jo," Alex thrust out now, a little more angrily. Jo looked at him sympathetically, shaking her head.

"I know, Alex, that you didn't mean any of that with your behavior or words," she clarified.

"Then don't make them seem like it," he chucked out. Jo placed her hands on his. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds.

"What did you mean when you said… 'As long as I'm…. it stays open'?" Jo asked him flat out. Alex scrunched up his forehead.

"Huh?"

"Back then… when you told me that the house was gonna stay open… and that there's a difference between your relationship with me and your relationship with Meredith," she illuminated for him.

"Um… well," he stuttered.

"You meant as long as we're not… as long as you can't count on me staying. That's what you meant, didn't you?" She asked him with complete neutrality on her face. Alex flitted his eyes at hers but stayed silent. "I'm gonna take that as a yes," she continued stoically. "So, here we are," she lifted her hands and let them bounce back on her thighs. "This is what I want for us: I want you to start counting on me staying," she looked at his pensive face. "Because I am," she nodded with raised eyebrows.

"Well, I told you, I want that too," he confirmed. "I want that for us. Didn't I tell you? I want a life with you, I just… I want roots and not join the army," he added again. Jo chuckled, smoothing her palm across his chest.

"I know, you made that clear. I don't necessarily wanna join the army, either. It was an idea. Maybe a hasty displacement of my genuine intentions. I just wanted to create something for us. Like something… something exclusively us. Something we can call ours. Be it a shared adventure… or a crappy old loft space…," she looked at him with an expectant smile, biting her lip. Alex lifted his hands and rubbed his face, chuckling and shaking his head.

"Is it so bad to live with more people that you know and like than only me?" he asked her once he looked up at her again. Jo sighed and took a dramatic pause, pondering.

"Did I ever tell you about that time… it was my first general solo surgery," she tried remembering, him shrugging, listening. "I kept throwing up beforehand… and Steph asked me if I was pregnant with your baby," she recounted, making him raise his eyebrows. Jo smiled. "I didn't really dive into it with her, but after my surgery, that conversation popped up in my head again and it made me panic completely," she told hesitantly. Alex's gaze dropped slowly, nodding as if he tried to say he understood. Jo – for the hundredth time that night – took his chin in her soft palm and guided it up to look at him. She shook her head. "Do you blame me?" Alex just stared back at her, and then hesitantly shrugged his shoulders. "Even today, between our fights, I wasn't sure what to believe or expect or hold on to! You say stuff like you love me and you wanna put down roots with me and maybe have a dog with me and that I've got you… but you… you don't show," she explained. "I can't feel that connection. I feel like… at some point we lost our synchronicity. I feel like we're just living parallel lives and hook up sometimes," she said.

"What… but I thought… we just talked about what this is…?" Alex stumbled out, seeming overwhelmed.

"Rationally speaking, I do know what we are to each other and what I have in you. And that I do have you. But I need to feel it, Alex. It's not 'so bad'," she repeated his words, "to live with friends you know and like. It's the fact that you want me to settle with you and put down roots, but you aren't willing to compromise. You don't hear me. You don't hear me saying: Alex, I wanna have a life with you and I don't know how to do that because every time I suggest something, you answer with: Yes, but Mer…," she talked onto him crudely.

"That's unfair," he spoke quietly. Jo settled in the crook of his neck, smelling the scent she loved so much, kissing the side of his chest, letting him know that she was there for him but wasn't gonna say anything about this statement; a statement that she perceived very differently from him. After minutes, it seemed, Alex slowly looked over and held her gaze, before kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry that I ever made you feel that way," he said. Jo, who was surprised about this output, let out a smiling breath and pulled him down for another kiss. "You panicked because you thought I'd leave you with a baby?" Jo sighed.

"Not exactly, no. It's hard to explain. I don't have the imminent fear of you leaving me. I just… I have this constant fear of you opting for Meredith or your other friends or career or anything and saying no to me," she admitted. "I just mean… at some point… because anything can happen really," she tried explaining better.

"Yes, Jo, anything can happen. I could die tomorrow. But you could also decide to leave me behind," he gave her multiple outcomes. Jo bit her lip.

"No, I don't mean anything as in I'm scared of losing you in general. I mean, I am," she laughed nervously, "I just… right now I'm trying to say, I'm scared that I'm not important enough for you to do those steps with me," she told him bluntly. Alex pulled his head back in surprise.

"Jo," he started, making her smile dangerously.

"Alex, there's nothing to say here. You like lecturing me about how long you've known each other and what you guys mean to each other and that you've for a long time been a constant jerk, but she always let you stay at the house…," Jo ticked off her fingers. "You never do that with me. You never list what I do for you. What I mean to you," she told him with sad eyes. They stared at each other. "I don't mean to say you constantly have to tell me that, but sometimes I just don't know if there's any reason at all that you can think of why we're together," she told him. They gazed at each other, lost in the moment until Alex started shaking his head, running his right hand over his lips and taking a deep breath.

"I…," he started saying. "I'm not trying to make excuses…," he explained slowly. "But, Jo," he turned even more towards her, inching closer and taking both her hands in his, making sure she was looking at him. Jo felt like she was swaying a little bit, not knowing what to expect, nervous about their whole conversation. "I actually didn't think I needed to say that," he said, making her sigh and look down. "Jo," he roused her again softly, kissing her cheek. "You, Jo, mean absolutely everything to me," he told her, catching her eyes at that. Contrary to her own heavy feeling just seconds before, this did not make her tear up but chuckle. "What?" Jo shook her head.

"We need to change venue," Jo burst out laughing full-throatily. "I can't do this here," she shook her head at him, trying to keep her laughter in. Alex raised his eyebrows at her, before chuckling, too, looking around at the pathetic excuse of a bar. He waved the waiter down and paid before getting up hastily and pulling her out of the bar and walking across the street towards their car with determined steps. Jo, who was biting her lower lip, partly to reign her still rumbling chuckles in, partly because she felt her nerves flare up again, startled when they reached the car and Alex stopped, moving her to lean against the car and stand before her, giving her the most affectionate and genuine stare down.

"Jo, listen to me," he told her. "You are everything to me," he said, making her scrunch up her face, going from amusement to pure affection in a second. Alex squeezed her hands and took a sharp breath. "It's not only that I wanna spend my life with you, wanna put down roots with you, have a house…," he searched for words, before waving his left arm somewhere in the direction behind his left shoulder, "or a crappy loft space with you," he chucked out. "I don't care or mind – whatever it will be! I just want it with you. But it's not that exclusively. You're the first person in my life, who actually took me for who I was and who I am. The one person who understands what I'm talking about and also understands what I'm not talking about. The person who roughly pushes back when I'm being a jerk and who lets herself get treated way too often way too crappy, because I don't know how to act when I'm mad or irritated or disappointed or even insecure. You are everything to me because you take me and every day as it comes – with me. You don't pry, you don't judge, you don't make me vindicate," he listed. "There's not only a difference between you in my bed and Mer in my bed, but there's a huge difference between you in my life and Mer in my life," he set her straight, Jo listening with wide eyes. "I never thought to have to tell you this because I thought that we had a silent understanding of this. You're the only person who I've never had to change for. Who never hated me first and made me better myself to even hang out with or have a chance of knowing them or me. I better myself automatically while being with you. Of course, you're my… my… Jo, I don't even know what to tell you, you're my person I wanna do anything and be anyone with," he added quietly. "Let's put in an offer, hell yes, let's buy a freaking loft if that's what you want. Of course, I want it, too," he said. "I had no idea that's something you wanted. Something so… so… something that will bind you so much to one spot or person," he explained.

"What do you mean?" Jo asked him in confusion. "I mean, we've been living together over the course of our entire relationship," she pointed out for him.

"Well, yes… but I always thought… the fact that you live with me in my house is the silent compromise between us… an agreement that you'd live with me but it's not so much as to buy a place together, or even more than that," Alex tried showing her. Jo shook her head.

"Why would I-,"

"Jo, I had no idea until an hour ago that you felt that way. I mean… of course I knew somehow but as we established… you never said so much. You never said so. I couldn't ever be sure if… if…," Alex searched for words frantically. Jo watched him at it for a minute before putting a calming hand on his chest, making him look up at her.

"I'm staying," Jo stated softly. "I wanna have roots with you," she shook her head slightly with a smile. "It's just… I'm not ready for… for… for a dog… or maybe… even more," she blushed slightly. Alex grinned.

"So… there may be more…?" he teased. Jo smiled.

"Yes, Alex, of course. At some point, maybe. I mean… look, now that we have found that common ground… that agreement that we are… we are both in this… I mean for… for the long haul," she waivered her gaze, nervous again.

"We are," Alex pulled her tighter, hugging her waist.

"Okay," Jo smiled. Alex bent down and touched their lips together very softly. "You know… when you don't know what you're doing, you can't really say where you're going… you know what I mean?" she looked down at his chest, where her hands lay. Alex looked at her questioningly. "I just mean… I didn't know… with not knowing what this is to you, what or who I am to you… I just never planned ahead. I never let myself think about what we could do together or who we could be or where we could go together… and that's why I just had to know… that's also why I suggested joining the army together… I just wanted to… try to… I just wanted to learn what we could be together… I didn't mean to scare you or anything with the army thing… I just wanted to know I guess. It was just an idea… but, Alex, I'm not going anywhere if you say you want me around," she whispered. His eyes were fixed on hers.

"I want you around." Alex smiled, affecting Jo. She smoothed her hands up to his head, holding his cheeks, bringing him down and closing the gap between their foreheads.

"Okay," she breathed against him. "Thank you," she said, running her thumbs across his cheeks.

"I love you, Jo," Alex confirmed again. Jo nodded, smiling.

"Yeah," she gave him with a loving gaze. "Me too," she murmured against his lips. When they finally stopped talking and focused on telling each other with the help of their lips, they sank into a spectacular kiss that made Jo's knees finally stable again and her spiked pulse tune in with Alex's because that was the only rhythm she needed to her life.