Hey everybody! This is my first humor fic, so I hope it turns out okay! Keep in mind that while writing this I was under the influence of sugar, so if it seems really random, it's Hershey's fault!

To all of my Take Me Away readers: As you may have guessed, TMA was deleted from fanfiction because it was written in the second person. I want to thank all of you who reviewed it; you guys made my day. If you wish to continue reading it, it's posted on Ebony's website (the link is in my profile) under the name "Alexes". Sorry for the inconvenience!

Okay, in the first paragraph, you'll see that I make some comments about the English. I know I may have offended quite a few people with it, but I want to tell you that that wasn't my aim. It's purpose is to mimic the writing style of the Harry Potter books, because J.K. Rowling uses the "Harry Potter was an unusual boy..." line to begin a couple of her books. And I love those books, so I have to have it in there! So please do not take offense to it; I truly don't have anything against the English. I love POTC, and out of that love I'm making "fun" of it in this parody. So it's quite the opposite of hating it. I hope that helps you understand why I wrote it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or any other recognizable characters that you may encounter in this fic (and trust me, there will be a lot). And I didn't invent Animal Crackers, but they play a key role in this fic.

Elizabeth Swann was not a normal girl in many ways. One reason is that she was English. Everyone knows that there is something... strange about the English. They call people 'chap' when in reality the person's skin isn't cold and cracked, and they eat things like spotted dick. I mean, who in their right mind would call a dessert that? Also, have you seen the hats those guys that guard Buckingham Palace wear? Though their accents are really hot. Just watch Notting Hill, and you'll see what I mean. You gotta love Hugh Grant. The point is, Elizabeth's different because she's from England.

Another thing that separated Elizabeth from everyone else is that she's the daughter of a politician. And everyone knows that politicians have scandalous life styles. Have you noticed that Elizabeth has no mother? She may have died of cancer, as they say, but I have two words for you: secret service. It's all just one big conspiracy.

But the most unusual thing about Elizabeth is that she was a witch. However, she moved to the Caribbean when she was ten, so the owl with her acceptance letter in to Hogwarts was quite puzzled when it found not her in her house, but some kid named Tom Riddle, who it gave the letter to instead. But it is all for the better, because if the populace knew she was a witch, and they would have, since everyone knows what goes on in famous people's lives, they would've burned her at the stake, so she was saved from that horrible death.

But she did miss out on having a seven book series written about her. Oh well, that's life.

Anyway, so Elizabeth was traveling the Caribbean on the grand ship, the HMS Asparagus, which actually was the worst ship in the Queen's fleet because she wasn't about to send her best ship down to the Caribbean. So, the old Asparagus was the one chosen. Because it wasn't updated, it didn't have four wheel drive or rear suspension, so Elizabeth spent the most of her voyage throwing up and muttering, "Stupid last year's model," under her breath.

One day, after a very unpleasant barfing spell, Elizabeth was bent over the rail when she noticed something suspiciously out of place in the water: a box of animal crackers. Elizabeth, who felt very sorry for the poor animals that were going to get soggy in their box, cried out, "Cookies overboard!"

The whole crew looked over the side of the ship and saw that she was right. The Lieutenant, whose name is Norrington, which you have to know because he has a larger role in upcoming chapters, ordered for the crane to be brought out. The crew went below deck and wheeled out a giant mechanical claw, like the ones you see in grocery stores with the stuffed animals in them. The Lieutenant was about to deposit the fifty cents, how he got them is a mystery since he's British and not American, when someone cried out, "Wait, don't do it! It's as waste of money!"

"I have to do it for the cookies!" the Lieutenant called out bravely, and inserted the two coins. The mechanical arm hovered over the water, and the Lieutenant maneuvered it over the box, a small bead of sweat trickling down his forehead. He pushed the green button, and the claw dropped and encircled the prize. "Huzzah!" the men cheered around him as the claw rose out of the water and dumped its contents on to the deck.

"Wait!" someone called out. "You got two prizes!"

Everyone looked and saw that it was true; not only did the Lieutenant grab the animal crackers, but he also got a boy. Talk about luck!

The Lieutenant walked over and took the box. However, the boy woke up suddenly, and in a sort of arm spasm caused by being in salt water for so long, hit the box out of the Lieutenant's hand, and it flew across deck and over to Elizabeth. Now, Elizabeth wasn't one to share things, so she picked up the box and hid it under her dress.

The whole crew searched the ship for the box, but didn't find it, and weren't at all suspicious of the square bulge that had appeared on Elizabeth's stomach. When everyone accepted that the cookies were gone and moved on, Elizabeth took them out of her hiding place and opened the box. There were still a few left. She reached in to get one, but something on the ocean caught her eye. She looked up, and what she saw made her gasp and momentarily forget her hunger. It was a sight that would make the toughest grown man with a beard and a Harley quiver in fear.

It was the Good Ship Lollypop.

There's the chapter, and now all you have to do is review it and tell me what you thought! If enough people demand it, I may even write a second chapter!