If someone told you love was like sitting on top of a grassy hill, staring blissfully out onto the perfect night sky, they were lying— lying like a foul faker who has never tasted any sort of true love ever before. No, my friend, love is much more like being pushed off a hill and into the mud puddle from the pouring rain that has been haunting the skies ever since that person stepped into your life. A good example for this would be a certain vampire named Simon. Here was a boy who had a lovely sense of humour, a great body, and a perfect charm about him. Of course, he still had an awkward way of handling mostly everything, but that's beyond the point. The point, if we go back to it, was that Simon was in love with a girl called Clary. Clary, a handsome young Shadowhunter, was in love with another Shadowhunter; deciding to dismiss the young child of the night as a friend and no more. This little ice cream Sunday was topped off with a cherry named "incest".

You see, the boy Clary was in love with was none other than Jace Wayland, a magnificent sculpture of all anyone could hope to see in a man: rippling muscles, long wavy blond hair and a wonderful tendency of narcissism— and ironically Clary's brother. Simon would have loved to put his hands around the man's neck, squeeze the life from his perfect body; at least he did until about two weeks after he met him when he was trapped on a ship with his neck slit. Yet another ironic gesture from the heavens, as the man who had done it was Clary and Jace's father.

As Simon lay bleeding on the cold metal floor, several rivets sticking into his back, Simon began to think of all his regrets. After a number of mental shots at himself for not loving Clary enough, he settled on the issue of her brother. How Simon had never really found the right words to say to the guy, something like "Fuck off" or "She's your sister, you sick fuck" or some other rude sentence that included the word 'fuck'. But then, after dwelling on the thought for while, chewing it over, he realized he never actually hated Jace. Well, not as much as he'd thought. In fact, the lad was a laugh most of the time, and though Simon would never dare to admit it to anyone else, he came to the conclusion that he'd rather like to be Jace's friend. And as if God decided to bless the dying dead man, lo and behold: Jace stood in front of him. He wavered there for a second, deciding what exactly was laying before him. Then the golden boy dropped to his knees, picked Simon up into his lap and sat his hand atop his head. Funny, Simon thought half-consciously, this is the exact situation I'd want Clary to be in with me. And yet, here I am with her dream man. A few seconds past as Jace realized the vampire was still alive, and his neck was slit. He then, without hesitation, ripped his wrist open with a blade, and offered the blood to the boy in his lap.

The scarlet drops were like pure energy, and they shot through Simon's system like a bullet. Following their example, Simon burst into life, shooting onto the boy. He felt himself on Jace, pinning him with his extreme strength. He also noticed Jace wasn't struggling much in any way, shape or form. Simon leaned forward, his lips trembling as they passed over Jace's skin. The world seemed like it was moving overly slow, time dancing a salsa with reality. Finally his mouth found his neck, and he couldn't help but spread them as his hunger drew him forwards. A small voice spoke through all the chaos in his head, and it mumbled something as the fangs sprang forwards. You want this. You always have, haven't you? Simon dismissed it, pressing his teeth into the boy's flesh. The salty liquid rushed forward, coating his mouth in its thick sustenance. A wild emotion flew through Simon, a sort of triumph that bounded into being.

Suddenly, Simon couldn't stop himself as the blood flowed into his mouth; he needed more. Half of him was cheering himself on, as if he had finally made his first kill, and the act of drinking its blood was the ceremony. Simon silently wondered if Raphael had planted this thought into him somehow. The other half, however, was in trauma. He had just ripped through a prospecting friend's flesh, and was slowly taking his life. But there was one other opinion in his mind, the small one he'd brushed away earlier. It screamed that this was what he wanted, and what he had finally achieved; a chance to be in this proximity to Jace, his lips pressed against his neck. Now if he could only tear his fangs out and continue, providing him with as much life as he was taking. The voice screamed out, lashing about like a chicken with its head cut off. To his further horror, Jace began to pull him closer. Simon saw the light fading in his eyes, the satisfaction in his face pulling the vampire closer. Simon snapped his eyes closed as the blood finally reached his head, clearing the haze of his judgement. His fangs retreated into their sheathes and Simon launched himself backwards, now sitting upon Jace. A hand flew to his mouth, and he felt himself begin to cry. Jace sat panting underneath him for a minute or two, but what felt like an eternity to both of them.

That, dear readers, was the first time Simon felt a wavering in his emotion to that degree. He still, without a doubt, wanted Clary— the way a child might want a puppy; something to overwhelm their lives in joy and wash away the tears they might have felt in previous years. But now, the little voice that had shrieked to be heard in his attack spoke softly to him. The voice sat beside him in the subway, the corridors of his school, while he played video games, even when he was practicing with his band, currently titled "Lopsided Syringes". It told him there was more than one type of love. There was a soft love, and then there was the brutally intense take-me-now-on-the-floor kind of love. The latter, it told him, he felt for one Jace Wayland.

The Jewish vampire had decided sub-consciously many years ago that he loved Clary, and only Clary. He had promised himself he would only love her, no matter who else bounded into his life. However, as Simon pondered over the nature of the voice egging him on, he came to the realization that Jace had a way of taking down people's personal walls with his bare hands. Clary's promise she'd never have any sort of taboo relationship with anyone, for one. Alec's that he would never stray from the expected Shadowhunter path, for another. Simon, however, continued to dismiss the idea as far as he could; which really wasn't all that long, in retrospect.

A few weeks past, and suddenly, another chapter of the Valentine experience popped into being, pulling Simon through a portal into the country of the Shadowhunters. All in all, it wasn't a fantastic experience, considering it lead to Simon being thrown in a jail, a crazy man starving him to death, fighting in a war and finally being branded with a curse. At a low point in the action, however, Simon managed to find himself alone with Alec. He couldn't remember precisely when it was, but the memory was vivid.

"Alec."

"Mmm?"

"Was Jace your first love?"

Alec had at the time been drinking a cup of tea, which now seemed to be exploding from his nose.

"What?" Alec half whispered, half screamed. (A fascinating paradox that is achievable by asking your parents what SNM is in a public setting.)

"Sorry, it's just… how did you figure out you were gay?"

"Simon…" Alec sighed, and for a moment Simon was afraid he might just walk away. But instead he turned his gaze on the vampire, looking him over thoughtfully. "You know, he asked me about it a few days ago." Simon must have looked horrified because Alec sped up to continue. "But it was okay, because he helped me figure it all out. He told me I wasn't actually in love with him, but was just using him as an excuse to get away from a relationship with Magnus." Alec looked down, almost as if he were regretting something. "Which I am so thankful for, because without that push, I would never have had the courage to be with him." Alec pushed his chair back, and walked towards the door of the room.

"So you were never in love with him?" Simon inquired.

Alec looked back at the vampire, his eyes suddenly full of an emotion close to sorrow. "No, that part he got wrong. I was always in love with him." Any hope Simon had once had about escaping Jace's hold seemed to peel away at that moment. Simon felt his heart pounding, his breath leaving him. He was in love with Jace. Simon, a strictly straight gift to womankind was now attracted to Clary's not-quite brother (which had been found out some way along). Simon, at first, decided to handle it as best he could: date two women at once and hope to forget any doubt of his sexuality. Of course, he had to pick two of the top warriors he knew: Isabelle and Maia, who both, as it turned out, decided to pummel him when they found out about his relationship with the other.

Simon sat on the side of Clary's bathtub, drying blood from his broken nose. Looking in the mirror he saw monstrous bruises and cut, which were slowly healing. Luckily, apart from his pride, his emotional self was generally unharmed. He didn't love either of them, and he'd only done it as a distraction anyways. The problem was that he no longer had a wall between him and Jace. Which was also literal, as the one and only Jace opened the door of the bathroom. Simon silently cursed his God, and swore at him if he didn't send Jace Lightwood away this moment he would convert to Christianity.

"Hey, you alright?" Jace inquired, looking at him with half concern and half amusement.

"Save for not being able to feel my nose, yeah, pretty much." Simon mumbled.

"You really picked the wrong girls to mess with." Jace laughed.

"Yeah, well, guess I figured that out the hard way."

"No shit." Jace pulled a stool out from behind the door and sat down on it, gazing at Simon with an emotion Simon couldn't quite place. The vampire silently observed that the curls of Jace's hair fell on his face in a completely perfect way. Not one stray strand anywhere, Simon thought as the little voice in him cheered like a twelve year old fangirl.

"What?" Simon said, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks.

"Why are you doing this?" Jace cocked his head sideways.

"I- What do you mean?"

"Don't be like that. You know what I mean. Why are you playing with your friends like this? Don't you care about them?" Simon could tell that Jace was trying to guilt the truth out of him, and he was scared because that technique always worked.

"Of course I do! Its just-" Simon shut his mouth quickly and glared at the floor.

"Just what? What in the name of the Angel could make you do something so idiotic?" Jace's voice was filled with a bitter tone, and he began to lean forward on his stool.

"Please, don't. I really don't want to talk about this with you." Simon heard his voice crack at the last word.

"Why? I thought we were friends now. Aren't I as good as anyone else? Or are you just using this stunt to get close to Clary? I know you're still in love with her, bloodsucker." Jace's eyes were now slits, and his voice had lowered into a growl. Simon was taken aback by the sudden hostility in his voice. In fear and sudden irritation Simon jumped to his feet.

"I am not doing this because of Clary, you dick! I'm doing it because of you!" Simon shot back at the boy. In a half second he realized what he'd said and paled in horror. Don't ask about it. Please, please don't ask. Don't- but it was too late. As Simon bolted towards the door, Jace suddenly appeared in the way.

"What?" Jace practically whispered, holding a hand to Simon's shoulder. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, just forget I said anything." Simon held his head down, knowing he would slip up further if he looked the boy in front of him in the face. The two boys stood for a few seconds, breathing heavily. Then Jace moved his hand to Simon's chin, tilting it up to look in his eyes. "What" Jace said, voice heavy with caution "was that supposed to mean?" He repeated. A violent urge rushed through the vampire, and suddenly he found himself parrying Jace's hand with precision and grace and lunging forward. It wasn't for a few seconds that Simon realized what he'd done. He lips were atop Jace's, and he felt the shudder of surprise ripple through the boy in front of him. As if a dam had been broken, the voice inside of Simon grabbed hold of his body and led him in a fierce dance. The vampire's arms swooped around the Shadowhunter, pulling his body closer. Jace didn't seem to be resisting as far as Simon could tell, so he continued hastily. His mouth grappled Jace's and he felt his tongue brush against his. Simon shuddered with pleasure, and his hand fluttered up Jace's back, pulling his shirt up and leaving his back bare. Simon finally pulled back, letting the other boy take a breath (even though Simon could have continued forever) and saw with horror the other boy's expression.

It looked like someone had punched Jace in the face. His face looked slightly scrunched, and pale like he was disgusted. It then dawned on Simon that he was disgusted, and the tsunamis of regret flooded over the Jew. Jace continued to stare at the vampire with what looked like fascinated horror. He opened his mouth and closed it again, as though he'd forgotten how to speak.

"I- I'm so, so sorry." Simon felt the tears in his eyes, and bounded by Jace and into the hall. The last Jace saw was the boy running out the door. The slam seemed to echo through the halls and Clary appeared in the door. "What the hell just happened?" She cried, staring at the ruffled Jace. "His nose isn't broken anymore." Jace felt the words tumble out of his mouth, not being able to think of a wittier response. Clary glared at him with her female intuition. She decided better than to pry further into it.