Title: Plan B
Chapter 1 – Surviving the Unthinkable?

Summary: AU Shay's death doesn't only impact Severide, it also affects their child. A close call with death, an open house invitation and an already strained friendship are just the start for them. Can Casey's loyalty help his friend and his goddaughter find a way to cope and move on? Or is there just another disaster looming? Can their friendship survive?

Disclaimer: Chicago Fire and its characters are the property of Dick Wolfe, NBC and….well sadly not me

A/N: Okay so Alice came back from Wonderland with a whole basket full of new plot bunny's! We were excited for all of them but we wanted to go with the one that's most relevant to the season right now. The title Plan B went into effect so the show's timelines don't really count for much b/c it went ahead so Shay's death is later according to this. Most everything else but those 2 things are canon. Hope you like it and enjoy! Thanks everyone!

Casey looks at Severide as he paces outside the ER examination room; his mind praying for the impossible but knowing the stark reality – Leslie Shay had perished in the line of duty; a fatal blow to the head that took her life instantly. She didn't suffer but that was no comfort to those left to mourn her passing.

"Kelly…" Casey starts in a soft whisper; a few of Firehouse 51 waiting a few meters away in the waiting area. All except Peter Mills who had been injured also; his leg. It was treatable and he would be okay.

"Get away Casey!" Severide growls as he jerks his arm free and looks at him with a scowl. "I need to be here…need to be here," he chants a few times as he turns back and heads toward the window just as the doctor pulls the sheet up over Shay's face. "NO!" Severide shouts as he barges into the room, Casey in quick pursuit. "She doesn't like her face covered!"

"Kelly," Casey tries again as the male orderly tries to hold Severide back.

"She has to come back," Severide sobs as the doctor nears them.

"I'm sorry," the older man tells Severide as his hand rests on his shoulder. "Does she have family that should be called?"

"I've called them," Casey pipes up in a somber tone as Severide's flooded gaze looks at him in defeat.

"Matt…"

"I know buddy," Casey states as he takes Severide's arm and tries to guide him toward the door. "Let's go."

"I'M NOT LEAVING!" Severide shouts as he pulls away and heads to the foot of the bed and then looks down at Shay's placid expression. "Shay…oh God, Shay wake up…please…please wake up," he begs as tears slowly slide down his soot clad face and splash on her pale skin. "No," he moans as Casey tries to gently pulls him away from Shay's bedside.

"Kelly we have to go."

"I can't…Matt I can't leave…I just can't…" his voice breaks as he looks back at Shay. But his legs finally start to buckle and it takes Casey and the orderly's quick actions to keep him from crumpling to the ground. They slowly maneuver Severide outside the deathly hospital room, Casey thanking the orderly as he helps Severide over to a nearby chair.

Severide's lips emit an angry yell just as Boden nears. He leans forward with his elbows on his knees as his body gently rocks. Boden sits down on the other side of Severide and looks at Casey in concern.

"They're downstairs."

"What? Chief! No…I don't want them here! I don't want her here!" Severide hisses in anger. But just as he says that, his watery gaze lifts and he sees Shay's father round the corner and stop short. "No…NO!" Severide shouts as he sinks back in his chair.

Donald Shay approaches them, looking at Severide in remorse just as Casey stands up. "Can I see her?" Just as he asks Shay's mother appears and Severide's lips quiver harder. The older woman approaches with a distraught expression.

"Where's Aurora?" Casey asks softly as Severide's head bobs up again.

"At Christie's," Pauline Shay replies with a small sniffle. "Where is she?"

"In there," Casey nods as he hangs back with Boden and lets Shay's parents go in and start the grieving process for their beloved daughter. Severide joins them and both Casey and Boden's eyes water as they hears Shay's mother calling out to her daughter.

"Tonight's gonna be rough for all of them," Boden comments as Casey nods in agreement.

"I think I'll stay with Kelly for a while," Casey tells Boden in concern. "I think it'll be better for them."

"I'm going to check on Mills. Keep me updated."

"You got it Chief."

Casey watches Boden take his leave and then looks back into the room where the doctor is retelling the details of Shay's death to her parents; Severide willingly subjecting himself to hearing the distressing news all over again. He worries for his friend but at the same time remembers how he was when Hallie died; he refused to leave and even a few hours later thought she was still coming home; sometimes he still does. Just be there for Kelly and Aurora until…I don't know when…Boden's words die out in his head.

He waits for what seems like a small eternity and then quietly collects Severide and mechanically walks him toward the exit doors and then outside into the cool night air and then toward his truck. On the drive to Severide's apartment, the silence starts to grow but Casey is remiss to find a topic that won't cause his already hurting friend any more pain.

"If you take a shower I'll um…order in something to eat," Casey mentions softly as they enter Severide's quiet apartment. But Severide isn't interested in Casey's kindness as he merely dumps his sooty jacket on the floor and walks away.

"Not hungry," Severide mutters as he heads for his bedroom and slams the door shut; the action actually making Casey slightly jump. But he can't call his friend on his attitude or mood as he knows Severide is going to hit rock a few times before he even thinks about seeing the light at the end of the recovery tunnel. So he takes off his own jacket and boots, pulls off his firefighters pants, leaving on a pair of dockers and a damp tee. He picks up a few items off the floor and starts to put them away before he heads for the fridge.

He hears Severide in his room crying and knows that now isn't the time to barge in. Severide needs his alone time to grieve and makes a note that he'd check in on his friend at a later time. Pulling open the fridge, Casey is content with making a sandwich and then settling in at the kitchen, wanting to be close to his friend's room just in case needed.

An hour later he hears silence coming from Severide's room and quietly makes his way toward it. He slowly pushes the door open and feels his heart sink as he sees Severide passed out on the bed with a picture of the three of them clutched firmly in his grasp. He feels his eyes water as he tip toes into the room to turn off the light; pulling a blanket over his friend before he takes his leave and closes the door a few more feet. Once again he doesn't close it all the way, just in case he's needed for – well anything.

And he is. Not long after he tries to settle onto the couch for a long night ahead he hears a loud outcry and his body jerks awake. He turns on the small light and looks up to see Severide stumble from his bedroom and disappear into the bathroom and throw up.

"Here," Casey comes into the bathroom just as Severide finishes splashing his face with cold water. He hands him a small glass of Gatorade to keep himself from getting too dizzy. "Just a few sips."

"I just…can't believe this," Severide states firmly as he looks at Casey in disbelief; not drinking anything. "What do I tell Aurora? Her mother is…"

"Tell her the truth?" Casey mildly suggests as anger flashes in eyes as he glares at Casey. "It'll help you grieve together."

"Yeah, whatever."

Severide just shakes his head and utters a curse under his breath as he roughly pushes past Casey and exits the bathroom and disappears into his bedroom once more. Casey offers a heavy sigh as he downs the undrunk glass of electrolytes and heads back to the living room. Over the course of the night, he hears Severide get up and get some cold water from the kitchen and then head back to bed; use the bathroom, go into Shay's bedroom and finally collapse from sheer mental and physical exhaustion until the sun finally comes up the next day.

XXXXXXXX

"How's he holding up?" Christie asks over the phone early the next morning as Casey looks out the window onto Severide's balcony.

"He's raw. I don't know what to say or…do or…" Casey's voice dies out as he hears Severide grumbling in the other room. "Or anything," he huffs as he rubs his face with his free hand. "How's Aurora?"

"She asked for mommy last night," Christie confesses as Casey's face winces. "I'll let Kelly deal with that."

"Yeah. Me too. What time are you bringing her over?"

Casey talks to his sister a bit longer before he hangs up and then heads back into the kitchen to make some fresh coffee and something for his grieving friend to eat. About twenty minutes later, he hears shuffling and looks up just as Severide nears; still dressed in his clothes from the night before.

"Morning," Casey greets Severide as he hands him a mug of steaming coffee.

"Yeah," he huffs as he slumps down onto a nearby kitchen bar chair and leans on the breakfast counter. He looks up at Casey with a heavy frown. "I can't think straight and um…today I know Aurora's coming back so um…can you help with just with some of the funeral stuff? I know Shay's family will um…they'll do the majority but you know…with the guys at 51 and stuff. Just…you know."

"Yeah of course," Casey agrees in haste. "You just take your time with her today and I'll take care of it."

"Okay….thanks," Severide mutters as he takes another hot mug of coffee. Casey watches Severide push away the plate of food and take his mug of coffee and head for the small patio door and disappear onto the deck. This time he follows. "Call Jeffersons. They um…I know it's stupid but she actually um…she mentioned it one time. You know…never mind her family will…they'll um…" Severide states in clipped tones as he swallows back a few sniffles. "I don't know if I can tell her…Aurora, that her mother's um…can't…I can't."

"She has to hear it from you," Casey reminds him softly as Severide looks up a frown. "It's important that she hears it from you. You know it won't mean much if it comes from me."

"Yeah," Severide numbly nods as he looks back down at his steaming mug of coffee.

"I'll make us something to eat."

"Matt…"

"Not an option Kelly," Casey reminds him as he heads back into the warm belly of the apartment and into the kitchen. He starts to make breakfast, the aroma finally pulling Severide into kitchen and up to the table where a plate of food stands waiting. The talk during breakfast is kept to a minimum, after which Severide thanks Casey and then heads into the bathroom to shower and shave.

Casey straightens up the rest of the apartment and then calls Shay's mother to find out what he could tell the guys at 51 while Severide calls Boden and then Christie to make arrangements for his daughter to come home. An hour later a knock is heard at the door and Severide looks at Casey who nods for him to enter and frowns but slowly heads toward the door to open it.

"Uncle Matt!" Violet exclaims as she jumps into Casey's arms; another little body pushing past his legs in fervent search of someone else.

"Daddy!" The happy four year old shouts with glee.

"Hey baby girl," Severide smiles as he scoops his daughter up in his strong arms and holds her close. "Missed you."

"Missed you more!" She states as she wraps her arms around his neck; a cascade of dirty blond curls spilling around her shoulders. His eyes close as he revels in her loving warmth. But her next set of words, cause his blue eyes to open and slightly water.

"Where's mommy?" Aurora Severide asks her father.

Severide's tormented blue eyes look past his daughter to that of his concerned friend standing a few meters away. As much as he wants to hand her back to Christie and tell her that she's a mom and would know better how to answer the young child, Casey's words come crashing back to the fore. You're her father, you have to do this. For both of you. It has to be you Kelly. I'm sorry. Only you.

"I wanna see mommy!"

"We'll um…" Severide starts with a shallow huff as Casey gestures to his sister and niece for them to vacate the space for a while and give them some time together. Severide carries his fidgeting daughter into her bedroom and then slowly sits them down on her bed, Aurora on her father's lap and looking up in wonder.

"Where's mommy?" Aurora presses once more as Severide's throat literally catches.

"She's um…baby girl, mommy is um…"

"Where daddy? Where? Where?" She presses, his frustration slightly surging but then falling back down when he looks into the wide wondering soft blue eyes.

"She's gone. Oh sweet baby girl she's gone…oh God she's gone…" he literally breaks down as he presses her to his chest and holds her close. "She's gone."

"Can I see her?" Aurora asks, not understanding her father's current state of emotions.

Severide quickly swallows back another sob and tries to put on a brave face for her. But as he looks at her all he can see is Shay's face lying there covered with soot and blood and his eyes flood once more. Both Boden and Casey and even his father had told him…you need to tell Aurora the truth. "She's um…she's not coming back. She's dead….she uh…she's not," he shakes his head as her little hand reaches up and tenderly brushes away a few tears.

"What's wrong daddy?"

"Your mother…Leslie Shay. She's not coming back Aurora. She um…she died. I'm sorry," he whispers as he holds her close. Christie had told him that she might not get it at first and he could tell by the fact that she wasn't crying or reacting that she didn't get it yet. In a few days after she would keep asking and not see her mother it would settle in and then he'd have to face the emotional pain all over again.

Casey hovers outside the bedroom door, his eyes also wet and knowing that it was killing his friend inside. And it would for some considerable time yet. So wanting to throw his hurting friend a bit of a break, he clears his throat and pretends he's just about to enter.

"Thought I'd order in some pizza for us and a maybe put on a movie for the kids."

"Barbie!" Aurora shouts with joy as Severide's lips finally offer a soft smile and Casey nods.

"Barbie it is," Casey nods to Severide as Christie and Violet appear, taking Aurora with them. "How'd she take it?" Casey innocently inquires as his slumps down onto the small pink bed beside his friend.

"She um…she didn't get it."

"Funeral's in a few days so maybe then," Casey suggests as Severide nods and tries to swallow.

"I can't um…we had a pact. To uh…always be there for each other…" Severide tells Casey as he looks a picture of him, Shay and their daughter on the little girl's decorated dresser. "And now…Matt I can't just…"

"Give it a few days okay? Of course you're going to be raw right now. Come on…let's just go and have some pizza and beer and just…"

"Forget about it!" Severide retorts sharply before he quickly recants. "Sorry Matt. That was uncalled for."

"Stop apologizing for your raw emotions. I'm still waiting to play referee between you and your father when he comes. Has he called lately?"

"Texted me earlier. As much as he said um…well things to Shay that were at times off color and totally out to lunch he uh…he got it. He misses her to. But big bad Benny Severide just can't quite say it out loud. Maybe to Aurora. But…"

"He'll always be there Kelly. Just a phone call away."

"Sure," Severide replies with a sour tone. The two of them remain in silence a bit longer before Casey suggests for them to join the girls in the living room and take their minds off their misery for a few hours. And they do just that. The three adults talk about the funeral details and then what might happen after that. As much as Casey wants to believe that Severide and Aurora will be okay living in this loft apartment without Shay's daily presence he worries it'll take its toll on his friend. And he'd be right. He just didn't know to what extent.

XXXXXXXX

The next few days are pretty much the same, with Christie picking up Aurora to play with Violet and Casey doing his best to keep Severide from literally falling apart. But none of them talk much about Shay's death, except Severide who tries to keep his daughter from crying herself to sleep every night by putting her into bed with him and telling him that mommy's gone and they'll be okay. Something he's not even sure Severide believes himself.

The funeral finally arrives and Severide is kept busy with friends, relatives and his father. "From here he almost looks normal," he gently snickers as he and Casey watch Benny bouncing Aurora on his lap; the little girl squealing with delight and happily shouting at her grandfather to continue.

"Have you thought about asking him to move in here?"

"I can't. He'd take over and the last thing I need is parenting advice from a parent that shouldn't be giving it. Besides…" Severide pauses, "I don't think he'd want that either. I know he loves her. Damn…I remember when she was born…I don't he's ever been that happy before. He dotes on her and buys her things and takes her for a half day or whatever but…but I don't think he could handle things on a full time basis."

Casey hears his friends words and feels his heart sink somewhat. He wants to suggest to Severide that maybe it was best for them to find a new place, one that wouldn't hold the daily reminders that are slowly eating him from the inside out. But could he without Severide thinking him insensitive? Even on a temporary basis? Would Benny take them in? Would he want that burden? Would Severide? So instead of pressing the subject further, Casey bites his tongue on that matter and reminds him that it was time to get going.

The service is simple and dignified and packed with what seems like a myriad of family, friends and working professionals; all coming to pay their last respects to the bright eyed blond that had taken a piece of each of them with her untimely death. But it wasn't until half way through the service that Aurora finally clues in that it's about her mother and when her father loses it, she does too. Shay's mother pulls Aurora into her grasp and holds her granddaughter close while Severide's hand clutches Shay's mother on one side and Casey's on the other, Boden's hand on his shoulder to offer some added emotional support.

After the service Casey hangs back a few feet, watching his friend and his goddaughter kneeling at the tombstone of their mother. He watches Detective Erin Lindsay approach and give him a hug and the two of them talk; his lips offering a brief smile. But then he watches Severide kneel down to his daughter and his heart starts to ache once more for them both.

"I want mommy," Aurora had cried into her father's shoulder.

"I know baby girl," he whispers as he holds her close. "I do too."

Severide looks up to see Casey standing silently a few yards away and looks at his daughter and tries to put on a brave smile. "We're going to grandma Pauline's okay?" He refers to Shay's mother's place; the home where the modest reception for family and close friends was being hosted. "Do you want to see grandma and grandpa?"

"I want mommy."

"Me too. Come on," he tells her as he gently wipes her eyes and then kisses her flushed cheek. He hoists her into his arms and then slowly heads toward Casey who falls into step with him, the three of them heading for Casey's truck; the lone vehicle in the area waiting to take them to the next emotionally straining event.

Severide's mind starts to spiral downward about half hour into the evening and a few minutes later he literally fantasizes about shouting to everyone within striking distance that he's sick of everyone asking him how he's holding up. I'M NOT FINE! DAMN YOU ALL I'LL NEVER BE FINE AGAIN! EVER!

But he merely puts on a fake tight lipped smile, grabs another beer and heads outside onto the back deck.

"Isn't this your party?" Benny asks softly as he joins his son; the sun setting and the back yard now getting dark.

"Party's over pop. Has been since she died."

"How's Aurora?"

"Think she finally got it today. Wanna take her for tonight?" Severide asks in a half joking tone; Casey watching the two of them from inside.

"She needs you right now more than the rest of us," Benny replies seriously. "But if you two want to come and stay with me for a while that'd be fine. You know that."

"I need to get back to work or…"

"You need to take some time off and be with your daughter. You are allowed leave Kelly," Benny reminds him in truth.

"I know I just…Aurora has her routine and…yeah I uh…damn it dad I just…I keep waking up each morning expecting to go into Shay's room and see her and Aurora sitting there reading or…or playing dolls or…or whatever damn…none of this makes sense," he ends with a small sniff as Benny's hand rests on his son's back.

He had never been good with words of comfort and knows that his own example of running away when things get tough has been his MO but right now his heart tells him that Kelly's daughter needs her father right now more than ever. And him taking time off to be with her would be the best thing for both of them.

"I don't care the time…if you need anything at all, you call or just come over and knock on the door," Benny tells Severide as he prepares to leave. "I mean it Kelly. If not for you then for your daughter."

"Okay. I will," Severide replies in a clipped tone. His arms wrap around his father's frame and he hugs him tightly.

"Take care of yourself and my granddaughter," he whispers as he gives Severide a small kiss on the cheek before he pulls away; the moment fleeting but felt and cherished by his son. Severide watches his father leave and then heads back inside.

"I should get her home and to bed," Severide tells Pauline as he hovers in the doorway to the spare bedroom, her arm looped around her waist. "I miss her so much," he whispers as he looks down at the older woman; her watery eyes lifting to his and nodding in agreement.

"She loved you both so much. You were her life."

"I don't know what I'm going to do without her."

"You have a great support network Kelly. Don't forget that. You don't have to make any major decisions right now about the loft or whatever but please remember you don't have to do any of it alone."

"Okay," Severide nods as he gives her one more hug. "Alright sleepy head, time to go home," his warm lips nuzzle his daughter's ear. She offers a soft moan as he gently bundles her up and then carries her back into the main hallway area where Casey is already waiting to drive them home. After a few more goodnights, the three of the head outside into the cool night air, into Casey's truck and then onward to home.

"You don't have to stay," Severide tells Casey as they enter the quiet loft and Severide carries Aurora to her bedroom.

"I don't mind," Casey answers with a small frown.

"I know you're worried but…"

"You were there for me after Hallie died and I want to be here for you both. You know Shay would have wanted that."

"I just…"

"I'm your friend not your keeper okay? I guess now you answer to Aurora more so than you'll ever answer to me."

"Okay."

"Let's just get some sleep and then relax tomorrow or whatever."

The plan seems solid and the two of them go their separate ways, Severide to his bedroom and Casey into the spare bedroom. He would never think of staying in Shay's, it would be too hard on him also to see things that reminded him of his close friend who had left them all too soon.

He hears Aurora crying out for her mother and Severide's footsteps hurrying into her bedroom and feels his eyes water once more. It wasn't his place to interfere but it was now his place to keep an eye on both of them; it was expected, it was needed.

The night is long and tormented as Severide tries to soothe his daughters cries; her lips finally stopping as her little body sinks into sleep from sheer physical exhaustion, not having the power to keep crying any longer. The morning comes all too early and all he wants to do is remain in bed and mope.

Having Casey there was a blessing as well as a curse. "You make breakfast," he had growled at Casey and then gently cursed himself when Casey's face displayed a rather disappointed expression. He had joked about the damn puppy dog face but in the end, Casey's silent persistence had worn out and he begrudgingly got up.

"Hi Uncle Matt!" Aurora bounds into the kitchen the next morning before her father.

"Hey there sweet girl," Casey greets her with a hug and kiss. "Where's daddy?"

"Right here," Severide groans as he slumps down into a nearby chair. Aurora climbs up onto the one beside him and starts to mimic his facial expressions. He can't help but smile as he remembers Shay used to do that when he was acting like 'Mr. Grumpy Pants' as she had called him. His eyes well at her memory, but thankfully Casey is able to make a lame joke that instantly lightens the mood and his mind switches over onto something a bit more manageable.

"You don't have to move in here Matt. We got this okay?" Severide tells him a bit later; Casey having just told him that he was going to go home, do some laundry and get a few new clothing items for the week. "I don't need a babysitter."

"I don't mind. I like the company too," Casey reminds him. "Just until things get back to…."

"Normal?" Severide interjects with a small hiss as Casey's face winces.

"Sorry. Bad choice of words."

"I know what you meant. Matt.."

"I'll be back later," Casey states firmly as he picks up his duffle bag, kisses Aurora and then disappears into the hallway.

"Is Uncle Matt stubborn?"

"Yes," she replies affirmatively, her sweet expression only making him smile harder. He takes her back inside and the two of them work at doing some laundry of their own. After that he puts her down for a nap on his bed and crawls under the covers with her; his body also depleted of energy from his restless night.

Casey arrives a few hours later with a roast chicken under one arm and new duffle bag of clothes under the other.

"I came bearing gifts."

"Okay you can stay," Severide teases with a smile as Casey hands him the aromatic offering and heads for the spare bedroom.

"What'd Uncle Matt bring me?"

"Chicken," Severide holds up the box with a wide grin. His daughter's face screws and he can only smile as he carries it into the kitchen. She sits at her own little pink table coloring away while the two adult males talk about the funeral, who they had each talked to out of the ordinary, and any plans going forward.

After supper the three of the retire into the living room to watch a pre-season hockey game, Aurora already being trained to cheer for the Blackhawks and boo for any other team they deemed unfit to go against the home tome favorites. Aurora falls asleep half way through the third period and Casey watches as Severide takes her to bed and then returns to have a few more beers.

"How is she?"

"Cried all last night. Did she keep you awake?"

"I'm a sound sleeper."

"Liar," Severide tosses back in haste.

"It's okay. She'll probably do that for a few more nights."

"I'll have no sanity left," Severide whispers and then shakes his head. "Wow that was a stupid thing to say."

"Don't worry about it," Casey assures him in haste. "I'm not judging."

"Yeah," Severide states under his breath as he finishes his last beer.

Once again the two of them offer each other a casual goodnight before heading for their respective bedrooms. Casey's eyes close as soon as his head hits the pillow but he wonders how many hours of solid rest he'll get before he's awoken by Aurora's cries and Severide's footsteps.

Tonight he actually makes it to about midnight until he hears Aurora's cries and his eyes struggle to open. He looks at the time and inwardly growls; but also thankful that he had taken this week off to be with his friend and just help him and his goddaughter past the toughest point after the death.

However, tonight he doesn't hear Severide's footsteps and wonders what's going on. Aurora's cries continue, her little voice calling out to her mother but getting nothing in reply. Not really wanting to interfere but thinking that maybe Severide had had one too many beers and was too tired to get up, he carefully removes himself from his warm nest of covers and enters the belly of the quiet, dark home.

"Hey sweet girl," Casey whispers as he enters Aurora's room. "Hey shhhh now."

"Want mommy," she cries as she buries her head in his shoulder.

"I know you do. I think daddy's sleeping so why don't we go for a walk," Casey suggests in a soft hush as he stands up. However, Aurora's cries won't be quelled as he gently bounces her as he enters the hallway and heads for the living room. But the fact that Severide hadn't already awoken from his daughters cries despite his drunken stupor, troubles him.

"It's okay…shhhh," he tries to soothe as he nears Severide's bedroom. But as soon as he opens the door his world literally stops short.

Severide's bed is empty.

Where's the hell did he go!

A/N: So yes kind of emotional but it was supposed to be right? now we'll get into a bit more angsty tension and some danger up next (lol yup you heard me right). so where is Kelly? Will he find a way to cope with Shay's passing and help his daughter? Or will Casey's presence there force resentment to grow? Would love your thoughts on the start to this little ficlet (have only a few chaps planned). So please do review before you go and thanks so much!