HAPPY HUDDY HALLOWEEN
Cuddy was standing up at her desk looking through some papers when House limped into the office.
Cuddy, not looking up, asks "What ridiculous demand are you going to make now?"
House snarks, "I was hoping for a lap dance, but I see you're not properly dressed. Cleavage is all covered."
Giving him a dirty look Cuddy then says, "Can we get this over with? I have to finish last minute preparations for the party tomorrow."
House says, "Ah, yes….the benefit for the sickly children of pediatrics. Ironic since most of them are scary looking enough for Halloween."
Annoyed Cuddy reacts, "You're an ass."
House flatly says, "So, I've been told."
Cuddy inquires, "Are you here just to annoy me or do you actually have a purpose for being here?"
House quips, "Actually both. You see, I don't think I'll be at this big shindig tomorrow, since I'll be bobbing for other apples….preferably Candy's."
Cuddy orders, "You will be here tomorrow supporting the hospital's benefit for the pediatrics unit. Every doctor in the hospital will be there including you. There will be free booze and nurses dressed in highly inappropriate outfits. This screams you."
House wonders, "Will you be wearing a highly inappropriate outfit? Naughty cheerleader perhaps? Cause if you are, I am so there."
Smiling Cuddy says, "Guess you'll just have to show up to find out."
Pointing at her with his cane he says, "You'd better be showing some ass tomorrow or you'll be getting a visit from the Grim Reaper with a cane."
Princeton Plainsboro was buzzing the night of the Halloween bash. It was a great turnout, sure to make a good profit from the donations for the pediatrics unit. House entered the party dressed in a red velvet smoking jacket and white ascot with black pants, smoking a cigar. He limps over to the bar and spies Wilson dressed as Hansel from Hansel and Gretel.
Dumbfounded over Wilson's costume House reacts, "What the hell is this? Are you trying to dress like Taub in a defunct Wizard of Oz movie? If you're trying to be like him I suggest Pinocchio."
Wilson says innocently, 'What …..I thought my costume was original."
House jokes, "You call dressing like a little boy original? I can see the women swarming around you now, since you're dressed like someone who hasn't reached puberty yet. Great way to get laid or suggest you're gay."
Ignoring House's comments Wilson asks, "What about you? Are you supposed to be a porn director?"
House responds "No, that would be too easy. I'm Hugh Heffner. Hoping to score me some Playboy models." He then takes a puff at his cigar.
Just then Cuddy walks over to them wearing a revealing French maid's costume. Tight at the top, showing the tops of the girls and short enough for House to see the white lace panties underneath. She accentuated the look with black fishnet stockings and black platform heel shoes. She completed the look with a white French maid cap and a pink feather duster. Her hair was pulled up with curls flowing everywhere.
Wilson stares at her in awe while House gives a devilish grin.
On seeing her House says to her, "My, my Doctor Cuddy. Think when you're finished down here you can go upstairs and dust my balls?"
"Smoking a cigar are we?" She says. "Trying to compensate for something?" Cuddy snarks.
Wilson says, "He's supposed to be Hugh Heffner."
Cuddy says, "So you're dressed up as a shriveled up sex king. Explains the cigar."
House tells her, "Trust me. In that outfit, even Hugh would unravel. As for me, well I'll be waiting for you to stick something in my treat bag since I might be up all night."
Taking her feather duster, she gently touches his face with it and teases, "You couldn't handle this much sugar."
She then walks away as House's eyes are glued to her ass all the way.
House frustrated says, "Where the hell does she get off dressed like that?"
"Somehow, I don't think she's the one that'll be getting off." Wilson quips before walking away.
House gives him a look.
Later on that night, Cuddy arranged for the hospital to have a haunted scavenger hunt with the winner receiving a gift certificate and $1000 cash prize. She had rented fake coffins, motorized zombies and various other things to dress up the area for the scavenger hunt. As she was checking things out to make sure everything was ready to go in the morgue, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumps and turns around to see House standing there.
Startled she says, "House…what the hell are you doing?"
"Just came to see if your hormones were as dead as the bodies in here." He says.
Rolling her eyes she says, "The morgue is clean. There are no bodies in here tonight."
Seeing a coffin set up in the morgue he observes, "And yet how ironic that you have a coffin in here."
Rolling her eyes at him she says, "It's for decoration. Besides this is last stop for the winner. I'm putting the last scavenger hunt item in it."
He walks over to her and, looking into her eyes, he seductively says, "You know what else can go in there…."
"You're insane, and besides I'm not going in there." She tells him. She then goes back to taping the last item on the inside top of the coffin.
"Come on, Cuddy. You can't stand here and tell me that you didn't get me to come tonight and dress like this just because you wanted me to support the hospital. You did all this because you wanted to support me." He observes.
Sarcastically she looks at him and says, "You're right. This was all part of my evil plan to get you to sleep with me."
"Funny thing is….you really don't have to work so hard to do that." And with that he goes in to kiss her hard and she welcomes him into her mouth.
He slides his hand down to grab her ass, causing her to let out a soft moan. He breaks the kiss for a minute and opens the coffin lid.
"Get in." He says.
A bit out of breath and shocked she says, "Are you kidding me? We won't fit in there."
House with a devilish grin says, "Trust me. We will."
She climbs in and he follows suit, leaving his cane on one of the morgue tables, and shuts the lid.
A little while later, Wilson and one of the nurse's he partnered with walk into the morgue looking for the last item. They hear moaning coming from the coffin and Wilson walks over and pops the lid to reveal House sucking on one of Cuddy's exposed breasts. Cuddy is mortified at being caught.
Not phased in the least House looks at Wilson and says, "Now see…this is what it's like to reach puberty."
He then closes the lid.