Sam and his father fought alot, Steve was a manic drunk. It was always Sam's fault his life sucked. Sam's fault he hates his job. All Sam does is try to make his Dad happy.
'Like that's ever gonna happen'
Sam's angry thoughts rang in his head. He headed towards Dean's house, His best friend. He called out, looking up at Dean's window, Mary must be asleep. Dean's head popped out the window, Then disappeared. The lock on the old white, wooden door creaked and groaned as the lock turned in the ancient mechanism.
Dean came out of house, a look on his face that told Sam he knew what had happened, But he didn't, this fight was worse then any fight he had been in.
"Hey Sammy, what are you doing here? another fight with your dad?'' Dean asked, his strong voice remained a whisper. "Yeah..i don't really wanna talk about it.." Sam replied, his voice barely a whisper. Although Sam had known Sam since third grade, and they've been bestfriends since then, Dean didn't know everything. He didn't need to know.
They crept into the old house, It was dark in there. To Sam's suprise, he wasn't scared. He followed Dean up the stairs, some squeaked with the weight of both the boys. They came to Dean's room, Posters of "Underoath" Dean's favourite band covered the walls like a shield, Only showing little bits of the old wall behind it. The double bed, Looked inviting. Sam was beat, Dean hadn't noticed he was bleeding from just above his eyebrow. That was a good thing in Sam's mind, Dean would go to any length to make sure his bestfriend was happy.
Dean stripped down to his blue briefs, jumping into bed. Sam followed soon after cleaning the fresh wound from the bottle that hit him. Laying there, Dean asleep, Sam began to think about his life
'Why did i have to be given the shit parent? I know Dean's dad died in that fire...But Mary is awesome. She understands and is so easy to talk to. She would never hit Dean, Dean was the closest person i have allowed myself to become comfortable around'
Sam lifted himself up onto his elbow, sneaking out of bed. Usually Dean would have heard, After all the hunting, training. They hunted monsters together. Sam snuck over to the desk, on the other side of the room, Eased open the draw and pulled out a knife.
Laying on the cold floor in the bathroom, Sam began to cry. Running the knife over his wrist, Making long, thin cuts. Blood leaked out, like poison. Sam stuck his hand over the running tap, ice cold water ran over the cuts, Making the pain worse. Sam didn't care, he enjoyed it.
Sam put the knife back, and got back into the warm bed. Heat supplied by Dean's radiant body.
Light poured through the open window of Dean's small room, Shining right in Sam's eyes. Blood covered the pillow he slept on, the cut had bled all night. Glancing at his wrist, the evidence of his suffering stared back at him, with mocking eyes. Coming down the stairs, Mary had made breakfast, Dean sat at the small dinner table, stuffing his mouth. The sweet smell of Pancakes filled Sam's nose, Making Sam's mouth water, only slightly.
"Morning Sammy, How'd you sleep?" Mary asked, a warm smile on her face. Dean barely noticed him. "Good mornin', Yeah, i slept alright. Dean hogs the bed abit" Sam replied, a small smile on his face. "Do not!" Dean shot back, taking a mouthful of orange juice. Sam sat at the table, Wishing he was hungry. This food would be so good, if he wasn't so damn depressed he couldn't eat. Sam's sleave rose, a tiny bit. Revealing the cuts from last night, Glowing angry red. Dean noticed, a disappointed look on his face, "Whats that Sammy?" Glancing at the slit "Nothing" Sam replied, pulling his sleeve down. "Amber will be here soon, coming over to see how i am" Dean said. With that a bright red car, as red as a ripe tomato pulled into the driveway, gravel crunched under the black tires.
Amber knocked on the door, Dean answered. They kissed before coming back into the house. They held hands as they sat. A new flame burned inside of Sam, One he had never felt before towards Amber.
'Why can't it be me holding his hand? Wait! you can't be thinking this! Your not gay!'
"Hey Sam" Amber said to him a smile on her face, Sam just smiled back. He was jealous, Jealous? Of Amber? Since when? "Sammy, we have to go for a drive soon, i need to talk to you" Dean said, his deep green eyes looked so appealing to Sam. "Uh..yeah sure" Sam said back, his voice a little shakey.
Amber left after Her lips clashed with Dean's. Again, Sam was jealous. He didn't want to be, yet he was.
They got into the shiny, black Impala, and drove off. Going a steady speed. "Sam, whats going on man? I saw the cuts, the look in your eyes when you came own this morning" Dean asked, a streak of worry in his voice. "I'm just fine, Dean" Sam lied. Dean knew, "Sammy, I know your not happy, why else would you do this to yourself?" Dean asked, Reaching out for Sam's arm, Sam pulled away, "What this?" Sam pulled his sleeve up, Revealing his pain and hurt "This is nothing Dean, I hate this...I hate me, I hate my Dad.." Sam said, his voice quaking. "That it not nothing" Dean took Sam's arm, running his warm fingers over the cuts "Sam, we can get through this together, we can succeed" Dean said. with a caring tone in his strong voice.
"Dean, you don't get it. When you say 'we can get through this together' i silently wish you mean more then just as friends, I don't know why, But i think...i love you" Sam said, looking into Dean's eyes, "Woah Sammy, you mean, You want to be with me? I loved you, i always have. But i learnt to get over how i felt, Sure deep down, I love you the same way, But please, please stop doing this to yourself" Dean said, leaning closer to Sam, Sam leaned in closer too, Thier lips millimetres away, Both could feel the soft, warm breath on thier lips. Thier lips met, a passionate kiss. They pulled apart, Dean started the car and drove off, Holding Sam's hand.
"You know, if we ever break up, We're most likely going to lose our friendship" Sam said sadly, His hand still under Dean's. Dean didn't reply for a few minutes, Concentrating on getting home, "We wont, i promise. We were fine before this. Why would it change?" Dean replied, glancing at Sam's brown eyes, almost being lost in them.
The car swerved off the road, Dean cried in pain. His psychic abilities kicking in, causing terrible pain. Sam grabbed the wheel, pulled over and jumped out. Running to the Driver's side, he saw Dean had passed out.
"No Sam! I love you! Please. don't leave me here" Dean cried, a tear running down his face. Hitting Sam's nose.
Dean awoke in bed. Sam had bought him back home, The vision still clear in his head. Sam had died in his arms. Sam came in quietly "Dean?" He said softly, Yet firmly. "Sammy.." Dean managed to get out, his throat dry. "Shh, im here, Dean. I'm here" Sam whispered, sitting on the bed next to Dean. Sam's warm hand brushing Dean's cheek. Dean leaned in, Sam's touch made him happy. "Dad's memorial! Did i miss it?!" Dean cried, jerking upright, "Dean, you need to rest. Your Dad's memorial is this afternoon" Sam said, his voice soft anf heartwarming. Sam kissed Dean, his warm lips against his bestfriends. "Sam, is he-" Mary asked, walking in the room. Interupting the passionate kiss. "Oh..hey Dean, you ok?" Mary asked, abit of shock in her soft voice. "Yeah, im fine now that Sam is here" Dean replied, smiling. "I always knew there was something between you, The way one would look away when the other looked him" Mary said, "So, your fine with it?" Sam questioned. "Of course, i just want my two boys happy, Oh, Sam, are you coming to the memorial for John this afternoon?", "Umm..i don't think i should, I didn't know John. Shouldn't it be more of a family thing?" Sam asked, looking at Mary and Dean. "I want you to..come" Dean rasped, "Are you sure?" Sam asked "Yeah"
The sun was bright, birds were singing and even though it was a memorial for Dean's dead father, People seemed happy. Dean made a speach, his eyes filling with tears as he neared the end,
"Dad, I don't remember that night, But i do remember you. You were always there, i just know it. Dad, i mi-" Then Dean burst into tears, Sam walked up, Hugged Dean and helped him off the stage. "Sam, finish, my, speach" Dean said in between whimpers.
Sam walked up onto the stage, cleared his throat and began talking, "Hi, My Name is Sam. I'll be finishing Dean's speech for him, Dad, i know your watching, I hope your proud. Even though your not here in body, You will always be here in soul. You give me guidence. At night i look up into the sky, trying to find the star that is yours" Sam read from the paper, Tears forming in his own eyes. He stepped down and walked over to Dean, Resuming making him feel better. Hugging him, for what it was worth.
All of Dean's family made a speach, some fell apart, others managed to make it off the stage. Dean sat with his head on Sam's shoulder, a small spot where Dean's tears had fallen on his shoulder made his shoulder cold, but Dean needed to be held.
They got back home, pulling up in the driveway in the old Impala, it purred as the gravel groaned and crunched as the car drove over it. They all went to be early that night, the day was both emotionally and physically. Everyone was asleep, but Sam.
Once again he crept over to the desk, took out the knife and sat on the floor on the bathroom, cutting himself an crying.
'Dad, why can't you be like Dean's dad? A Dad who actually fucking cared about his son. Who didn't hate him, hit him and blame him. Dad...why can't you be proud of me?
He finished cutting, running his arm under the cold water, The pain making him feel better. He went and slumped in bed next to Dean, who noticed his absence. "I hope you weren't doing what i think you were doing.." Dean whispered, half accusingly. "Can't we talk about this in the morning Dean? I don't feel like talking about it right now anyway.." Sam replied, his voice a shivering whisper. Dean leaned over, Kissing Sam's soft, lush lips. "Goodnight, Sammy. Sweet dreams" Dean whispered in Sam's ear. "You too, no nightmares tonight, hey?" Sam asked, "They go away when your around" Dean replied, closing his eyes. Preparing for the nightmares he knew would come. He could lie, Tell Sam they didn't come when he was there. But they always did. They weren't even nightmares, But memories of his trip to hell.
Dean jerked out of his nightmare, Sam had already woken up, thank god. Sam emerged from the bathroom, Just a towel wrapped clumsily around his waist. He pulled some clothes on, making sure to cover up the fresh cuts. He walked over to Dean, leaned over and gave him a light peck on his warm lips. Dean grabbed his wrist, pulling up the sleave of his jacket, revealing the slits..slits of hate and jealousy, Sam was jealous of Dean. "What the hell, Sam? You promised you wouldn't do that anymore" Dean said, disappointed in Sam, "Dean, I'm sorry..just after the way you spoke so highly of your Dad. How proud you are to have him as your father..it hurt" Sam said, turning away. "How about tonight, we look for a job to do? Take your mind off a few things, I've been looking and something has been going down, not far from here. I think it might be another Werewolf, you in?" Dean asked, kind of excited. "Um..yeah sure..why not" Sam replied, Dean releasing Sam's wrist from his tight grasp.
They knew it was here, somewhere. Searching, for it's next victim. Sam couln't help but stare at Dean in the moonlight, he looked like an angel, A serious one at that. His lips pursed tightly together, his deep green eyes straining to find the werewolf.
A twig snapped under the weight of the werewolf. Not only were the boys looking for it, It was looking for them. It was hungry..so hungry. Dean heard the twig snap, instinct kicked in. His gun raised, loaded with silver bullets. Dean was always the better hunter, Sam guessed it was because he intended to kill the Silver Eyed Demon, The demon who killed his father. They already killed her brother, The Yellow Eyed Demon.
Dean was thrown into a tree, his gun flung in the other direction. The werewolf had made it's move. Dean let out a groan of pain. Sam sprung into action, Raising his gun. Trying to get a good shot, The werewolf hit him. Sam flew into a group of rocks, He hit his head. Sending him soaring into unconsciousness. Dean's face, Serious, Even with a line of blood travelling from his hair line.
Dean pulled the trigger, A silver bullet shining in the beautiful moonlight hit the werewolf, One last howl before it fell to the ground. Blood pouring out if it's heart. He ran over to Sam, holding him in his arms. "Please Sammy, Please..don't go.." Dean whispered, Tears welling up in his eyes. "Sammy, stay with me..please..Sam" Dean cried, tears began to fall, Gracefully, like sacred crystals. "D-dean...?" Sam whispered, Dean only just heard him.
The writings on the wall,
you've read that I'll be gone,
but if you call my name
Just know that I'll come running,
for one more night to spare with you
This is where I'm meant to be,
please don't leave me.
"Morning, Sammy" Dean whispered in Sam's ear. His head on Dean's chest, the pumping of his heart so comforting, "Dean..i love you" Sam croaked. "I love you too, which is why...i want you to go see your Dad" Dean asked, expecting a 'Fuck no' or 'Why?' but Sam replied "Ok..I guess i have to sooner or later".
Sam walked to his house, Bracing himself for a fight. He could never hurt his Dad the way he hurt him...never. He eased open the door, the door..."Sam is that you? Where the fuck have you been, you ungrateful fuckwit" Steve's angry voice came from the loungeroom. "Yeah, it's me.." Sam replied, knowing this would end well.
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?(Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take this anymore
What would you do, do, do?
A sharp, hot pain shot through his arm. Sam saw his Dad's angry face, The knife in his hand before it was buried in his arm. Sam cried in pain, begging his Dad to stop.
Come, break me down Bury me, Bury me I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life.
What would you do? (Do,do)
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you (from you)
Sam's Dad yelled in his screwed up face, "SAM IT'S YOUR FAULT. YOUR FAULT I SUFFER!' With that he kicked him in the ribs, Sam cried with more pain.
Come, break me down Bury me, bury me I am finished with you Look in my eyes You're killing me, killing me All I wanted was you to be proud
"I never wanted you, Your mother made me stay. Only to raise a fucked up kid like YOU!" Sam's Dad screamed, punching him in in the face. Sam begged, pleaded for his Dad to stop hitting him.
I tried to be someone else But nothing seemed to change I know now: this is who I really am inside I Finally found myself Fighting for a chance I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM
Dean burst through the front door, Running to Sam's side. Passing Steve, he king hit him in the face. Steve stood, Whacked Dean in the back of the head with a chair. Then pulled the knife out of Sam's arm. Steve's hand, holding the knife came rushing down, Towards Sam's face. Sam winced, shutting his eyes. Waiting on the impact. It Never came, Sam opened his eyes. His Dad lay dead next to him, A knife buried in his back. Dean standing, panting. He walked over and sat with Sam, taking him into his arms. Sam's muffled sobs made Dean want to stay there forever.
"It'll be okay, Sam. It'll be all ok. I'm here now, Shhh"
Lyrics from this story are: You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance and The Kill by 30 seconds to mars.