Author's note: As always the characters belong to Elizabeth George and the BBC.
This is a sequel to 'Invisible to the Eye' and covers their Easter in Howenstowe, this time from Barbara's point of view.
Thank you for your messages and PMs. It was time time rather than lack of comments that drove my earlier call to write less but it seems many of you wanted the story to continue. As I moved the original proposal into the first story I have had to adapt. It is a little raunchier than the more gentle Invisible. I hope you enjoy it as it unfolds (i.e. please do not ask me to hurry, I write as fast as my life allows).
The sun shone warmly through the window of the Bristol as it sped towards Cornwall. Her arm was stretched along the window sill and Barbara watched the light glint off her ring. She stared past it at the passing fields; everything seemed greener, fresher and brighter than on earlier trips and she smiled to herself wondering if it was a side effect of love.
She had been Tommy's close friend for years but their relationship had changed so dramatically over the last month that she felt giddy yet euphoric. He had wooed her so sensitively and beautifully that all her doubts and insecurities about a romantic union had vanished. His love seemed so steadfast that she almost believed they could overcome anything. That did not mean though that she was looking forward to telling his family about their engagement. She wanted their approval but she worried she would be a disappointment to the Asherton dynasty.
Barbara knew however that she had not disappointed Tommy. He had vastly more experience in relationships, both emotional and physical, and she had feared that she would not know how to effectively demonstrate how much she loved him. He had been infinitely patient and gentle which had only made her love him more. His proposal had been heartfelt but the fairy tale discovery of her engagement ring had been the catalyst to embolden her. She had suggested they find a hotel but he had refused, saying lovingly that they would regret surrendering to lust. With his reputation she had not imagined Tommy to be a true romantic but he had proved to be exactly that. He had told her sympathetically but firmly that he had a vision of how they should make love for the first time. He wanted a place where there were no time constraints and where they could come back to time and time again to relive the moment. A hotel was not part of his plan.
As always he had been correct and she was glad now that they had driven back to London. After a relaxed dinner at his house Tommy had slowly and tenderly kissed away her apprehension and gradually they had moved from two entities into one; mind, body and soul. All night they had kissed and caressed and held each other. Barbara had explored desires and pleasures beyond her wildest imaginings as Tommy had worshipped her and she had returned his love almost wantonly. She had felt secure yet free to give herself completely to him and receive all that he offered. Just thinking about it now made things stir within her but she was no longer ashamed to feel lust because it was only the physical manifestation of a much deeper need for him.
"You're deep in thought." His rich baritone voice seemed to purr. She looked across to see him smiling at her and her heart quickened. It was his special grin where dimples formed either side of his mischievously curled lips and his dark eyes smouldered with such earnestness that she felt herself melt under their gaze. Through the years she had never seen him direct that smile towards anyone else, even Helen, but now it had so much more meaning. It had barely left his face since she had agreed to marry him, even when they had been making love. On Monday morning he had boldly phoned Winston and she had been amused at his ability to imply something completely different while telling the truth. 'Winston...yes look Sergeant Havers and I went to the opera together on Saturday as you know and I became infected with something very serious. I've spoken to her and I'm afraid it's hit us both with unexpected intensity. Neither of us will make it into the office today and perhaps tomorrow...thank you, yes it is a bad case, I haven't felt like this ever before...oh dizziness, weak legs, tenderness, exhaustion...I don't know about Barbara but I intend to spend the day in bed...no I agree, bed rest is the only thing for it and most definitely I wouldn't disturb her, Barbara can be a tigress at times.' He had grinned at her naughtily the whole conversation but any attempt to rest had been delayed for an hour as she had tried, unsuccessfully, to kiss the cheeky smile from his face.
"Yeah, I still think I'll wake up and find it's all been just a wonderful dream." They had finally made it to work on Wednesday and Thursday and had tried to pretend nothing had happened but she suspected her face had betrayed her every time she looked at him. Barbara had stayed with Tommy each night and every minute together bound her to him more fully. She had no idea how they had sustained their energy levels with so little food or sleep.
"No, it's real; very wonderful and very real. Are you nervous?" Tommy looked as dreamily in love as she felt.
"A bit. I know you think your family will be fine but I still think they'll be shocked at how fast things have moved. I'm not sure they expected you to want to marry me. I wish you had told your mother over the phone to give her time to prepare."
"They will be delighted," he said assuredly, "besides I want to see the look on Mother's face."
"Great. I'm just a pawn in your family drama." He looked vaguely concerned so she laughed to reassure him. Underneath all his certainty about them she knew he fretted that becoming Lady Asherton would be too much and she would change her mind. "It takes more than your family to frighten me off." She had made her commitment to him knowing what it would entail. The opera had worked out well so she could make other things work too. She did not doubt that she would continue to love him as she had done silently for years. Her concern was that he had rushed in again as was his habit, and that he would regret his proposal. She knew he loved her now and it thrilled her beyond measure but would it really last?
"Then let's just decide about the wedding so we can tell them. All you've agreed to so far is sometime in summer."
"Tommy, we don't even know what they'll say about us being engaged yet. I said I'll think about it and we can decide when we're back in London." Barbara wanted to marry him but she was worried about his mother's reaction and whether he would still want this in a week, or a month or a year. She needed to leave him space for a dignified retreat from his offer. Everything had been so fast and so perfect she could not help but feel something would go wrong.
"I'll hold you to it. The sooner we marry the better as far as I'm concerned."
"We're together, why does being married make such a difference?" there was something about his urgency that troubled her.
"Logically it doesn't but it is important to me. I can't articulate why but I want to be married to you more than anything else I've ever wanted." His expression was so sincere she wanted to ignore her reservations and drive straight back to London and find a celebrant. She smiled as she reached out and put her hand comfortingly on his thigh where it rested until they reached Cornwall.
The car pulled up in front of the sprawling family mansion shortly before lunch. It was Good Friday but the traffic had been lighter than they had expected. Tommy unloaded the bags then took her left hand and fidgeted to ensure his fingers fully covered her ring. "I want to tell them rather than let them see," he said in response to her raised eyebrow. Together they entered Howenstowe.
"Tommy! Barbara! How wonderful to see you again," his mother greeted. Anyone would think it had been six months and not six days since they had seen each other. Barbara struggled to match her hug with only one arm but Tommy's grip intensified rather than relaxed. Matthew and Judith appeared from another room followed by two bouncing dogs and George. The dogs jumped excitedly up at Tommy who awkwardly used only his left hand to pat them. Barbara noticed that all eyes were on their clasped hands. They know! Rather than hide it Tommy had drawn their attention.
"Mother, Judith, gentleman," Tommy said formally, "Barbara and I have some news to share." He held up their hands and adjusted his grip to show off the ring. "Barbara has agreed to become my wife and we plan to marry in the summer." His tone was triumphant and she knew he had planned this announcement for maximum effect.
The men shook hands heartily and the women overwhelmed them with hugs. Cries of 'about time' and 'oh that's wonderful,' accompanied warnings about his moodiness and foibles. "Please," he cried in mock horror, "don't frighten her off with the truth just yet." Barbara was relieved, if not surprised, by how readily his family had accepted her and she realised she how anxious she had been about this weekend. Now she could relax and enjoy it.
Barbara helped Tommy take their bags upstairs. She had expected that for the sake of decorum she would stay in a guest room but he took their bags straight to his room. "What will your family think?" she asked horrified.
"That we love each other and want to be together or that it is our house and we can do anything we like or that we are going to keep them awake all night with our insatiable lovemaking."
"Sir!" she exclaimed shocked at his last comment. She could feel her face blush.
Tommy grabbed her playfully and pulled her onto his bed. It was pillow soft and they sank into it. "Sir again is it?" he asked as he started to kiss her neck in just the spot that made her tremble.
"Stop it Tommy...we need...to eat," she said between kisses, "we can't stay in here all afternoon."
"More's the pity. I think Matthew wants to show off the mares he brought down," he said as he stood and extended his hand. "Come on the sooner it's over the sooner I can have you all to myself."
Lunch was informal and Barbara continued to feel more at home with both the house and the company. The family seemed genuinely happy about their engagement whereas she had expected at best reluctant acceptance. Tommy fawned over her and made no attempt to hide his affection. It was a side of him she had imagined had existed, but only in private, and she was still awed that he was so openly amorous and that his family seemed completely unruffled by it. The other night she had asked him how long this glorious, passionate and insatiable desire lasted in relationships. Tommy's answer had been well considered 'With us I hope it lasts forever. Usually lust morphs into commitment and companionship but we already have those so while the rate of our lovemaking will probably slow, the intensity of feeling never will because our desire is an expression of the abiding love we already share.' As she processed his speech his eyes had burned into her and stripped through her last layer of hesitation. He needed to love fiercely and feel loved and she knew she could match his needs.
The mares awaited and after he had visited the kitchen to thank the cook, Tommy took Matthew and George to the stables to do whatever horsey people did. Horses and the running of the estate were things she did not need to understand, not yet at least. She had always known that one day Tommy would return here in some form. Now they were to marry she knew her destiny was also to spend much of her life here. It was a daunting prospect for a city woman but Tommy needed the excitement and buzz of London too so they would work through it. He delayed leaving her as long as he could but Barbara had reassured him that she wanted to spend time with Judith and his mother who was now insisting on being called Daze. She watched him walking and talking to Matthew. He looked so much younger and more vibrant than he had been in years and she wondered if others would think the same of her.
Dorothy gave her an extended tour of the house; every room and it seemed every cupboard. She was told the history of the furnishing and ornaments. The list of silverware was impressive and the paintings sounded valuable. The suits of armour in the hall fascinated her most but she had almost knocked one over trying to lift the visor to peek inside. She had half suspected to find the skeleton of a long lost uncle. Barbara was interested but bemused the way Daze seemed to be handing it all over to her like the final inspection before a house settlement. We only announced our engagement an hour ago!
As they returned to the casual sitting room she caught Judith and Daze exchanging knowing glances. She tried to ignore it but the women knew they had been caught out. "Barbara," his mother began. Here it comes, the 'you're good for my son now but not good enough to marry him' speech! "Judith and I, we are so glad you and Tommy are together. You've been close for years and, well, I always knew there was some sort of unbreakable bond between you and I'm glad that it is love, whatever that means."
Barbara smiled tightly waiting for the 'but'. "My son needs a strong woman who will love and respect him with as much depth and power as he feels otherwise he'll retreat. He and Helen made a mess of their marriage because they stopped communicating. You have to be stronger than him Barbara, you have to know when to push him to act but you have to always keep him close, make him feel needed. I think you know how to really love him better than anyone does but just promise me that if things ever get hard you'll pull him to you and not push him away."
His mother looked at her with such desperation and remorse that Barbara understood she was talking about her own actions all those years ago. All her doubts flooded back as she listened to his mother's words. She had been pushing him away regarding their wedding. Was it his actions or her insecurities? She had stood in Windsor and told him that they both needed to stop overthinking their lives. She sighed heavily before she replied sincerely, "I can't promise I will always get it right but I can guarantee I will always try."
"That's all we can ask," Judith chimed in as she out her arm around Barbara's shoulders and hugged her.