Scully Buys Lunch
A/N: This idea came to me while reading danascully6's really funny story about weird conversations.
SUMMARY: Dana Scully buys Mulder lunch… What can be the harm in that? This is set early season one.
Mulder waited eagerly as Scully was due back from the cafeteria any minute. He couldn't believe how easy it was to make her agree to get him lunch. Part of him just wanted to push at those boundaries, but Scully seemed so tolerant of him. He sighed as he continued looking over a case file. He slightly smiled at the thought of it. It seemed that Scully had done her homework on him and didn't seem to react to his behavior.
"Here's your lunch, Mulder," Scully put it in front of him. She had only worked for him for about a month but knew that when Mulder was engrossed in working he'd forget to eat if she didn't remind him.
Mulder didn't look up from the file and reached out to pick up a couple of chips from the plate. The first thing he noticed was that they were cold… The second thing he noticed was that they weren't chips. It felt like lettuce, bits of cheese and other bits of salad.
"It's not a bowl so you can wash your fingers in Mulder," Scully sat down in front of him. Mulder released his hand from the salad's grip. "What's wrong?" Scully asked with a concerned look. His reaction to the food was unsettling.
"That's not chips and gravy," Mulder put the folder down and studied the contents intently.
"No, really?" Scully almost laughed. "What gave it away?" She asked.
"It's cold and green," Mulder said flatly as he watched it closely as if it was going to attack him or do something spectacular.
"It's a salad, Mulder," Scully rolled her eyes. "And look closely at it and you'll see there's a bit of yellow, brown and red in there," she put down her salad fork.
"I don't want to look closely at it," Mulder responded seriously.
"Why not?" Scully asked. She wanted to get to eating her lunch but somehow for some reason Mulder wasn't allowing her to do so. The curiosity was just too much for her to say nothing.
"It might attack me," Mulder said in his deadpan tone.
Scully glared at him and folder her arms. "It's not going to attack you, Mulder," she replied impatiently.
"It might," Mulder argued.
"It won't," Scully shot back.
"It will," Mulder still continued to argue.
"Why would the salad attack you?" Scully asked as she picked up her fork and was about to continue eating.
"It's green," Mulder said matter-of-factly. "Aliens have green blood you know," Mulder sounded serious when he said that.
"As you see the green is outside not inside so shut up and eat," Scully ordered him.
"It could be an exoskeleton," Mulder observed.
Scully huffed as she placed the fork down once more. "Then technically the skeleton is green not the blood and therefore can't be an alien," she said, smiling at the thought that she had just won the silly argument.
Mulder sat silently until a smile appeared on his face. "How do you know the skeleton isn't green?" He asked.
"Because I've seen enough skeletal bones to know that they're white," she answered. "Now let me have my lunch," Scully said in an annoyed tone.
"I'm not stopping you," Mulder replied and sat silently and waited until Scully had a forkful of salad close to her mouth. "Scully," he asked.
"Yes Mulder?" Scully replied, stopping herself from eating.
"You've just said that you know an Alien's bones aren't green," Mulder said and saw Scully roll her eyes. "How do you know Alien bones aren't green?" He asked.
"I'm not getting into this argument again, Mulder," Scully responded.
"Scully," Mulder said carefully. "If I eat this and an Alien climbs out of my chest, killing me, you and everyone else in J Edgar then will you apologize?" He asked.
Scully put down the fork again. "No," she said flatly.
"Why not?" Mulder asked.
"You and I will be dead," Scully said as she began to eat again, hoping that this time her partner would allow her to finish.
"Scully…" Mulder said.
"Yes Mulder," Scully replied with even more annoyance.
"Shouldn't you apologize to me now then?" He asked seriously.
"What for?!" Scully answered angrily.
"In case this salad kills me and you," Mulder answered as if she should've known that.
Scully shook her head and went to eat again. She then stopped herself this time since she had expected Mulder to interrupt her once again. "Well?" Scully asked.
"Well what?" Mulder dragged the plate of salad closer but carefully. "Aren't you going to eat your salad?" He noticed that she hasn't taken one single bite of her own salad. "I thought you wanted your lunch," Mulder said as he began eating.
"Shut up Mulder," Scully replied. "Remind me to not buy you lunch in future," she added and began eating.
"Scully…" Mulder said in between mouthfuls.
"Yes, Mulder?" Scully asked.
"I'll buy you lunch tomorrow," Mulder said as they continued to eat.