1 Visions of the Past
What is this ache in the back of my skull? The thought was ringing though his head. And he suddenly realized that someone was yelling. 'Who is that yelling?' The thoughts would form but no words were spoken. 'I can't move my body either; what is this sensation. Some thing wet is falling on my hand. What is that? It's warm and wet. What is that?'
A sudden lose in his train of thought brought him to another place. It's was in the recent past. A sudden voice rang out.
"I'm only going to say it once more....come with me, woman." the words hung in the air as a vision came into focus.
He could see her now. Standing so rigid in front of him. He suddenly realized that it was his voice that hung so thick in his mind. He could hear the coolness in his own voice for the first time. And yet she stood so still looking dead at him. He now understood that stare and that rigidness. It's the compassion she feels for her comrades that she stands so bravely before him. It's her heart.
At this moment of understanding, the vision faded and was gone. He was surrounded by black again. The person yelling came to his ears again albeit harsher now. The sensation of the warm wet drops on his hand came back with stinging reality. 'What was going on?' The confusion built deeper in his mind as he felt his consciousness slipping again. As the new vision began to focus a hot stinging came to his cheek that was unexpected and familiar. The person now in front of him was the same woman as before, however, differently attired. Her expression was sad and angry. With a look of despise in the forefront. A strange ache came to his chest looking at the anguish on her face. A clear recollection of the event did not contain that emotional response before. 'What is this feeling?' Why do I suddenly feel bad for what was said then. Is this some stage of death that I must experience first. And as quick as that, the vision is gone although the feeling lingered.
Suddenly, a flood of images came into focus now. One of Aizen on his throne talking to him. Visions of battle and blood. Visions of confrontation with fellow arrancars. As the visions slowed and lingered he could focus more on what happened in that time. One vision came of a recent lunch spent in the cell of the captive woman. It was a pleasant recollection of a serene time for him. The woman had conversed with him freely that day and seemed to be more relaxed in his presence. This idea made him feel peaceful.
Another vision came now; coming into focus slowly. It was an early morning when he had brought breakfast to the woman. He entered the room and found her still sleeping. She was facing the wall with her back to him. He had the food left on the table and the servant leave. He moved to the bedside slowly, observing her all the while. He was intrigued with her by this point. Her courage and strength was very appealing to him. She was not at all what he had expected. He sat in one of the chairs and watched her for a while. He jolted once when she stirred a bit and moved the blankets off her shoulders. He noticed that her shoulders where bare and so was her back. For some reason she was not clothed while sleeping. At first he thought this strange, and thought he should ask why she would be so unguarded while held captive, but thought the best of it. He examined the fine details of her back and shoulders. Took note of every little nuance in her shape and form. He found her oddly alluring. Most especially her long silken hair. She began to really stir into wakefulness. He sat up straight now; as he had leaned in for his examination. He spoke softly to her and bid her good morning. She sat bolt upright in bed, grabbing the blankets around her. He dismissed himself from her presence and left her to her breakfast. He returned to his own room until lunch time. He meditated on his thoughts of the woman and wondered why such a creature would become so interesting to him. He finally dismissed it as idle curiosity. As the vision began to fade from focus he realized that this was what she had taught him. She had given him heart, and he was in the blackness again.
As before the yelling returned to his ears. The wet drops on his hand had stopped falling but the wetness from before could still be felt. 'What is going on?' He grew more and more confused with each slip in and out of consciousness. What is going on? is the only thing that he could think of at these points. The yelling persisted and he could now tell that it was a mans voice. He was not familiar with the person that it belonged to. He thought that he may have heard it once before but briefly. He could not be sure. He tried to open his eyes but it hurt to move his eyelids. He persisted against the pain. This time he could see through the narrow slits that he could manage to see the familiar crescent moon that hung over Hueco Mundo. There was a fuzzy figure bent over him. This sight made him jolt his eyes open and try to move from the lying down position that he suddenly realized he was in. His body would not respond. It would not obey his commands. He had to get to a defensive position he thought. He looked again as his vision cleared. It was Orihime that was bent over him. She had tears in her eyes and a smile on her face.
For some strange reason this made him upset. 'Why does her discomfort make me feel bad? What is this feeling?' He could now discern what the yelling was about. Orihime was accompanied by a young man that he vaguely remembered. He had fought briefly with him and had removed one of his hands in the process. Although, on farther inspection the hand was there again. The sleeve of his jacket was blood stained and ripped where the injury should have been. He had done it, he had taken the boys hand, but Orihime had used her powers to restore it to before it was so viciously removed. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.
"Ulquiorra." Orihime's voice cracked with emotion.
His eyes flew open and he turned his head slightly to look at her face. Her face was red and streaked with clearish white lines that he recognized as tears. That strange pang in his chest returned. He could not understand what this feeling was. He had never been one that was laden with emotion and so many of them where foreign to him. Many of the other espada had a wide range of emotion. Love, hate, sadness, anger, joy, lust, and so many other odd emotions that where a mystery to Ulquiorra. He figured that on some level he had more emotions then others would have thought; just that they where maybe not as developed or that he was careful to keep them in check, as he felt many of these emotions as weaknesses.
"Ulquiorra, are you awake? Can you hear me?" her voice was soft and melodic to his ears.
Her voice had always deeply effected him though he never showed it. It was one of the emotions that he kept in check. He could never let her or anyone else know that she effected him in this way. Several other arrancar's would have exploited this 'weakness.'
His consciousness was slipping away again. The next vision, that he now expected, came quickly into focus. As with the other visions of the past he was in the presence of Orihime. He recalled this memory quickly as it was the one time that he had really felt remorse for his behavior toward the young woman in his care. That was one of the days that she had refused to eat and he again had threatened to force feed her. Again, she continued to refuse and he had lost his patience this time. He had pinned her to the wall at that moment, but before they reached the wall in his quickness of thought he realized that he was wrong and that it was weak of him to lose his composer. He took a short time to regain his good sense and calmly stated that she eat her food. However, this time he added a please to the order, and quickly exited the room in regret. That was the first time that he had felt regret. The emotion overwhelmed him that night. He could not look at her when he returned to take away her tray. That was the beginning of his inner turmoil. As was usual of these visions the image began to fade and he was in the darkness again. It didn't last long as the yelling came quicker each time and he could really start to feel his limbs.
"Uryu, would you stop yelling at me. I know what I'm doing. He is not our enemy." she pleaded with the boy yelling so tersely at her about why she was healing the enemy. It suddenly dawned on Ulquiorra that he was suppose to be dead. She had brought him back. Why?
"Ulquiorra, please answer me. Are you awake now?"
"Yes, thank you." the words slipped out hoarsely. He was having a hard time getting the words out.
"I am almost done with the healing process. Hang in there."
He sighed in his thoughts and would not show the relief that he felt inside. He would have smiled even, but this was not in his nature. He felt lucky as he thought of what was being done for him. He closed his eyes and relaxed as the process continued.