Disclaimer; I do not own Death Note or it's associative works, nor do I make any sort of profit on this work. I merely write for pleasure, and in the hope of providing enjoyment to others.
A/N; An alternative version of the infamous rooftop scene.
Dedicated to the one who was there when this idea began.
Please read and review!
With the Rain
The words were soft and haunting as they drifted to Light on the wind, the patter of the rain merely adding to the heart wrenching emotion that filled them. It was as if the world itself were singing to him, but could only voice that with grief; even if he did have slight difficulty in translating them from English to Japanese in his head. He shifted out from where he stood at the door out onto the roof, barely noticing the sudden feeling of rain upon his skin, all he could focus on was the singing. He needed to know where it was coming from, needed to move closer to the source; even though the words were trying to break his heart.
He found the source of the singing on almost immediately, the lone figure stood staring out over the city below as he sang, the rain washing unheeded over his form. It was L, the one he had come searching for up on the desolate and rain swept roof in the first place. L, the World's Greatest Detective and supposedly the most logical and unemotional man Light knew, was singing.
Light had never seen the detective so unguarded, his face filled with the same emotions that made his song so heartbreaking. He had never thought L had emotions, not true emotions like this; he had thought L an automaton. To see that the emotion he had chosen to express, the one emotion that needed release was grief this extreme. It brought the usually stoic Light to tears, the first teardrop coursing down his cheek unnoticed in the rain. But the rest were noticed by Light, and for a moment shock at his own emotions flooded through him before his growing depression overcame him.
His hands flew to his mouth as he cried, body shaking slightly with the effort of not proclaiming his own sadness. He knew he should leave, should run from the roof before L saw him and try to forget what he had seen. It would do him no good, and L wouldn't ever want to talk about this with him. He was a suspect in the Kira case, in fact he was Kira and he knew L would never truly trust him; despite his words of friendship. Yet it was those same words of friendship that kept him in place, because for Light those words of friendship meant something; even with the return of all those memories that told him he was Kira. Was this truly the man he had sought to kill?
He stiffened as L's words came to a sudden end, and he realised that the end of the song had been reached. He debated running now, but it was already too late; L was turning in his direction, turning back towards where the door down into the large building below. Light knew the exact moment L spotted him, the detective's body visibly stiffened and his one visible black eye widened though it didn't quite settle on him.
To Light's own surprise instead of the verbal rebuke he had expected L merely turned to look back over the city again and if anything, looked embarrassed.
"I cannot think of anything that would hold your attention up here Light-kun," L said suddenly, his voice still tinged with the sadness that had filled his song, "After being released from the handcuffs I had thought you would want at least a little time away from my company. I do ask though that this is kept as a secret between... friends."
Light opened his mouth to try and reply, but he failed. His grief still wrecked his soul and all thoughts of being Kira, all thoughts of his plan fled as he wondered just how suffering L had experienced in his life and still continued on because it was the right thing to do. His eyes widened briefly as he heard a small sob, a sound that he must have emitted, something so unlike anything he would normally be capable of. He froze as L turned to face him, facing him fully this time, his gaze filled briefly with all the power he wielded as L. Light stared back definitely almost daring L to say something about his percentage likelihood of being Kira because of this, or some other paranoid statement... that could only prove all that he had realised to be true.
"Are you alright Light-kun?" L asked some of the emotion that had been present when he had been singing creeping into his voice. It was evident though that even these words were difficult for him to say, unused as he was at dealing with people.
"Your voice is filled with so much pain when you sing, no matter how well you do it your words are coloured with it," Light whispered, his words hitching as he voiced the painful thoughts that had so reduced him into this state, "I can only imagine all the pain you must carry inside, and all the horrible things you must have been through... to sound so sad."
It was obvious by the sudden hunching of L's shoulders that this had been the entirely wrong thing to say.
"Light-kun is wrong," L replied, his voice almost mechanical in its tone and his words clearly an automatic and hollow retaliation, "I can only assume that thinking such things and trying to apply them to me is an attempt to justify some actions of yours as Kira."
In despair Light collapsed to his knees and covered his eyes with his hands, shame and annoyance at himself wracking him. How could have ever thought that L would want his advice or attempts at comfort, it was difficult enough to believe that he had offered them. It was illogical, this was the man who stood in his way as Kira. Even in the confines of his mind though those words felt cold and unreal, and he felt fresh tears threatening to consume him. L had managed a victory even if Light managed to succeed in his plan Light knew, for he had somehow found a friend in the man before him. It was all too painful.
L couldn't believe that what he was seeing was the truth. He had assumed that he would be safe to indulge in a solitary and rather embarrassing pleasure, he had thought Light had left the building. To know have the self same man on his knees before him and in tears because he had overheard his singing and been moved by it. It was something that couldn't possibly be happening, which of course had been why he had automatically thought it some strange twisted plot by Kira. Yet if that had been the case Light would have attempted some form of rebuke, he would have retaliated and professed his innocence. The brunette just appeared to be crying more. It was infuriatingly puzzling, and L had to know why this was happening.
He shifted forward and crouched down in front of Light, trying unsuccessfully to remove the boy's hands from his face so he could see into his eyes. He wanted eye contact when he talked to Light, it was one of the few ways he had to tell if the smooth talker was lying or not; Light resisted though and L couldn't help frowning slightly in annoyance.
"Light-kun, you are being so irrational I could almost call you an idiot," L said at last, finding one of the few ways he knew would guarantee Light's attention. He smiled wanly as his ploy worked and the hands fell to reveal Light glowering as he did every time he was about to hit L. He was so relieved to see Light showing something other than the grief he had before he acted spontaneously.
"You are right in some of your thoughts about me Light-kun," L murmured, "My past is a sad one, but it is only to be expected with someone who has chosen the career path I have. Also, have you ever considered what is like to be in my shoes, but how could you understand you have always been around people and been accepted. You also know when you are good at something without needing proof of some sort. Perhaps this is a defect of mine, I do not know."
"You're serious aren't you," Light whispered, the tears still glistening on his cheeks where they mixed with the rain, "you don't believe in yourself at all. Despite what you've said to the rest of the task force, despite what you've always said as L."
"Not quite accurate," L replied, biting nervously at the tip of his thumb, "I know I'm good at being a detective... and tennis."
L was taken aback as this gained him what had to be an almost awed expression from Light, even though he knew it couldn't be possible. Light would never look at him like that, besides it made him look too much like Misa, and that would be something Light would never emulate.
"You're being serious," Light gasped, his previous distress forgotten in the revelation that was this new side of L.
"Light-kun is repeating himself," L murmured, suddenly wishing he had just walked past Light and left him up here. No matter what the state he had been in,... he knew this would have just moved the conversation, but it could have given him time to plan some responses... do something perhaps.
"You're one of the most brilliant men in the world L," Light said suddenly, and his eyes were filled with sudden passion in his need to try and get L to realise the truth as Light saw it.
"You solve cases that no-one else can even begin to understand, and from what I can tell you must have been doing this since you were a child," Light continued, "You've managed to control many of the world's government's in order to ensure justice was done and you've never abused the privilege that must give you. You've always worried about others despite how much anyone else seems to realise or even you seem to realise and... and..."
"And what Light?" L asked, fighting with himself to not bite at his lip. The strange, almost hopeful pain in his chest from Light's words had him desperate to know more. Yet he could barely believe what he heard, it just seemed nothing like him. He couldn't deny the fact that Light believed it though; the teenagers eyes gleamed with the light of his conviction.
"And... and you sing like an angel," Light managed to say, his voice tight and the admission, but he could think of no other way to put it. It was the only word that suited what he had heard; only something so exquisite could have broken past his defences and touched his heart.
"Now I know Light-kun is exaggerating," L commented, forcing himself back up into his usual standing position and away from the emotional man before him. He didn't want to believe what he was hearing.
"Oh yes, and I usually cry whenever someone sings," Light retorted, his voice dripping with so much sarcasm that there was no way L could ignore it. In fact it surprised even Light himself, but he wouldn't take it back; he meant every word he had spoken tonight.
"I would not know how often Light-kun cries," L managed to say, his mind retaliating for him before he had truly comprehended how his words would affect Light.
Light stood up so quickly that L blinked in shock as stormy brown eyes glared into his own.
"Stop ignoring me L," Light growled, and L knew the drop of his alias was on purpose, that Light was being deliberately provocative. He wasn't going to rise to the bait though.
"I'm not ignoring you Light-ku-" L began but was stopped as a fist slammed into his face and knocked him backwards, almost sending him sprawling to the ground.
"You are ignoring me," Light sighed, and L forgot all about retaliation as he heard the resigned tone of L's voice, "you do this to everyone when you don't want to give an answer. You always respond with another question, or a denial that turns the conversation away in another direction. I won't have it, not today. I refuse to let you run away L."
Light's final words spurred L back into action and he swung round, and dipped down slightly so his left leg could rise and kick Light squarely in the chest and send him back down onto the concrete of the roof with a harsh thud.
"I have never run away from anything Light," L replied, moving forwards to stand directly over Light, his next words snatched from him as the teenager began laughing again
"Prove it," Light nearly yelled through his laughter,
"I see no reason to prove anything to you," L said harshly, and shifted away from Light once more.
"I do," Light added, and L froze at the sound of those two words and twisted on the spot to look back at where light was still lying, "Friend's usually do what other friend's ask of them."
"Why are you doing this Light?" L sighed, and he slumped down to sit on the roof next to Light, "My life is none of your affair, you owe me nothing."
"Not going to talk about the probability of me being Kira?" Light asked instead, and he sounded rather surprised.
"Kira wouldn't be trying to do this," L murmured, "why would Kira be trying to help me? Of course I am not stating that you are helping me, just that that is the way you perceive it."
Light breathed out in a long heavy sigh and he gave L and unadulterated look of annoyance.
"I just wanted you to see the truth about yourself," Light sighed, "You do in everything else, well, at least I thought you did..."
"What do you want me to do?" L said, his question startling Light.
Light sat up so he was once more at eye level with L before he spoke.
"I want to hear you sing again," Light explained, "I'd love to hear you sing again."
"Of course if I can't sing with you listening it proves to you that I am running away from myself," L said, "and if I do sing it you will say that it proves your initial comments about myself. This is a no-win situation for me if I choose to take part in it."
"Surely you already have begun to take part by talking about what would happen if you leave," Light said, "if you leave now we will both think that you are running away and my point will be proven."
L knew with a heavy sinking feeling in his heart that Light was correct and he felt like hitting the smirking man before him. He didn't want to sing in front of Light. He felt he was too open when he sang and he didn't want Light to see him that way, he didn't want anyone to see him that way. Plus Light was still a suspect, still potentially Kira. L didn't want to give his enemy any more information about himself than he had to.
Yet Light had seen him this way hadn't he, seen him completely open and un-composed as he had sung just moments before. Who knew what Light had seen on his face then, all it seemed to have done was make Light cry. L felt a strange knot of tension build inside him as he contemplated singing for this emotional Light again.
It was in that moment L realised he was going to sing for Light. There was no longer any other option available to him. He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths, trying to find some semblance of calm as he thought about what to sing. Calm was hard won though against the fluttering of his heart in his chest.
He could feel Light's gaze on him as he finally opened his mouth to sing. He had picked an old ballad that spoke of returning home after long toil, and, as he shakily sang the first few words he couldn't help but think of Wammy's house and let the love he felt for the place and its inhabitants to show on his face.
He sang on with greater confidence as he moved through the verse, still feeling Light's intense gaze fixed upon him and unsettling him deep within his soul. As he reached the chorus, his eyes opened he felt too defenceless with his eyes closed, but as his gaze met Light's he suddenly wished he had kept them closed. For Light was staring at him, his own face adorned with the happiest, and most genuine, smile that L had ever seen on his features.
He shifted into the second verse, and he found that he was unable to break eye contact. And he wondered if this had become yet another challenge, or whether something more was going on between them. L's thoughts pondered on this as he continued to sing, his voice shifting back to the words of the moving chorus before he began on the third and final verse. He felt a small burst of relief pass through as he realised that he had nearly reached the end of the song, and he hoped this would be enough to prove to Light whatever he had needed proving.
He had to force himself to continue singing though as Light began to hesitantly sing along with him as he moved into the chorus once more. It was certainly not perfect, and because the song was in English it was evident he found some words difficult to sing properly due to the rarely used sounds they contained but he managed it.
It was as Light added his voice to his that L realised the quality of his own voice, because Light's voice was majestic in its quality yet still his own stood out above it, and that was even with his own harsh criticism. He found he was smiling as he sang, and he knew then that Light had been correct and the joy of the moment had him singing with even more strength.
It was only as Light smiled back at him as he sang, their voices shifting through the notes together as they sat on the roof in the rain, that L noticed he had repeated the chorus and that the song should have long since ended.
He brought the song to an end as he reached the end of the chorus once more; the words that would usually form an excuse for his 'mistake' dying in his throat as he continued to stare at Light. He felt a knot of anxiety twist inside him as he took in that gaze filled with an emotion he just couldn't recognise.
He leant forward slightly in an attempt to break the gaze that held him, but it did no good and only brought him closer to it and its owner. He noted with some surprise that Light attempted the same thing, but he too had failed. It was as if something terrible would happen if they looked away from the person before them, that everything depended on them being here right now. It was illogical, it made no reasonable sense, but it felt like the absolute truth.
It was Light who finally managed to break the eye contact, but it was in no way that L would ever have envisioned. Light suddenly closed the gap between them, lips meeting his and a hand rising to keep L in place and stop him from breaking the kiss as the brunette drew him close.
For a moment L debated doing just that his body writ immobile by the shock of the moment. Then Light's lips pressed harder against his and something inside him shifted and he could feel his body responding without him, pressing back towards Light in the kiss. As the powerful emotions brought about by the kiss thundered through him L lost all hope of rational thought and all the worry about what this could mean, and if it was some other ploy by Kira faded and he simply let himself enjoy it.
Light forced himself not to frown into the kiss; he wasn't sure what had made him do it. Just everything seemed to lead to this moment no matter how rational he tried to be. Despite the knowledge of all he had planned and his growing turmoil this felt right. Just as joining in with L's second song had happened before he had been able to stop himself. His careful months of planning and execution were falling apart as he realised he had fallen for his worst enemy. Everything was falling apart and it dawned on him suddenly that he was going to let it.
He broke the kiss only to hold L close to him, his head buried in the crook of L's neck. He gradually realised that he couldn't let his plan continue. A life without L in it would be no life at all, it was inconceivable. He smiled as he decided on what he was going to do; he just needed this moment of happiness to continue on for just a second longer before he acted.
"Light-kun, what exactly do you mean by this?" L said suddenly, his words cutting across Light's thoughts; his voice surprisingly calm.
L felt a burst of panic pass through him, as Light finally released him from the embrace and he saw the look on Light's face. He was smiling, but hidden beneath that smile was the same look of grief he had gained from hearing him sing. L wondered if he shouldn't have allowed himself complacency for just one moment and allowed himself the kiss, it had been a lovely experience but had it been worth the pain it seemed to be causing Light. Or had he compromised himself somehow by this brief fraternisation with the person he considered his chief suspect?
Light debated briefly about what he should do, he knew this could quite easily be a spur of the moment decision. No, it was almost certainly an impulsive act brought about by L's so completely human and open display. He had planned so carefully what was surely about to befall the man soon, so could he truly throw it all away? He knew though that it was that fate that drove him to this, he had seen too much of L's humanity for him to continue on. He breathed in a deep and heavy breath.
"L, I'm Kira."
A/N; Yes, this is a one-shot. It is up to you and your imagination as to what happens next. I wonder if you have picked a happy or a sad future for these two... and will you perhaps tell me?