The Deadpool Bros: The First Mission
Plot: Nagisa, Itona and Kidpool are introduced the ways of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children. Each take on a different mission, but meet up for drinks after and discuss them. This one-shot takes place right after Nagisa leaves the Baxter Building in chapter 8 of NAWM.
Just a simple little oneshot to hold you loyal readers over while I soothe out the last bits of my other stories. I hope you enjoy seeing some brotherly bonding and mercenary work.
Read and review, would ye kindly?
Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children was packed as usual; mugs were being clinked, music blaring and fights breaking out.
"Same old, same old." Wesel, the bar-tender and owner smiled as he swiped the bar clean while glancing at the clock. "They should be here by now. Aw well, there Wade's kids. They should be fine."
4 hours ago, Wilson apartment….
"Boys!"
Nagisa, Itona and Kidpool froze as they heard their adopted father's shouts, glancing at their clocks. Under normal circumstances, they would complain about being awoken before they ahd to…But this was Deadpool they were talking about.
"Dad?" The boys asked.
"We must into words!"
The boys groaned and dragged themselves out of bed, Itona grabbing his charging phone and awakening Ritsu.
"What is it, old man?" Kid groaned, not realizing his brothers cringed at what Deadpool held in his hands.
"N-nothing to do with those papers, right?" Itona asked, darting from side to side.
"Itona-kun, you're heartrate is increasing greatly." Ritsu noted. "Why is tha…."
She then saw it.
"You three are into some fucked up shit." Deadpool said, pulling out a printed version of 'Nagisa Assassin with a mouthful of Tentacles', the latest issue of 'Technophile Lolis weekly' and an crudly drawn ecchi manga involving Kid, Hanna and X23. "And I respect that…but you need to get jobs."
"Um we kind of already have one….' Itona pointed out
"Not just killing Koro." Deadpool said. "I put in a call to Wes, he found three low level mercenary jobs. Now that you three are catching up to the awesomeness that is yours truly yet have not taken a life, you need real world experience!"
He looked back and fourth and whispered.
"And besides, Vanesa and I haven't had hanky-panky since a certain Mini-Me rip off showed up."
"Wade…."
"Okay, I guess we're in." Nagisa sighed.
"WHEN I'M DEAD, BOYS! GEEZ! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I need this."
"Well, can't I draw Ecchi until then?" Kidpool asked. "I wanna draw ecchi!"
"Ecchi?" Vanessa asked as she finished making breakfast.
"Porn manga, mom." Itona said.
"Look you little brat." Deadpool sighed, in no mood to deal with his mini-me right now. "You're never going to make any money drawing porn. That's why they call it….Poor-n…..You get it? Like poor? But porn…Its…It's a play on words. Not my best joke I'll admit."
"That joke was really Poor!" Kidpool smirked and laughed at, only to be met with cold silence.
….
…..
….
"You bring shame to this family." Deadpool said simply.
"Um…"
"Soooooo much shame."
"So do you!" Kid snapped back. "But ma never complains about it!"
….
….
….
A smile appeared on Deadpool's face.
"Sick burn, Kid." He said simply, getting up as he did so. "Great job. You know, I uh….just got to air out that, uh…SICK BURN! That you just dropped on me. You…you guys just head over afterwards and do badass work like you're supposed and we'll talk again I am so proud of you…SO PROUD!"
He slammed the door, awkwardly laughing as he walked out of the apartment building.
"If this were any other household, we'd be worried." Vanessa mused as the boys went back to get ready for the day.
Present day
The doors of Sister Margaret's School for Wayward Children swung open, revealing two shorter younge men dressed in their 'battle fatigues' as Karasama-sensei called them. Despite their young age, no one gave them a weird look or hard time.
"Here they are!" Wesel shouted, making the other patrons hoot and applause at the boys. "Our youngest members back from their first jobs!"
Nagisa and Itona removed their masks and let out a sigh as they hopped onto a stool. Kid, while keeping his mask on, tried to hop onto one as well, but kept slipping.
"What'll be, boys?"
"Chocolate milkshake." Kidpool demanded. "With Baileys and a cherry. And don't skimp on the whipped cream or I'll pull a bazooka out of hammer-space."
"Rum and coke." Itona requested as he pulled out his phone and saw Ritsu waking up slowly. "Feeling better now, darling?"
She simply refused to speak to him for the remainder of their time there, giving him the cold shoulder.
"I'll take a blowjob." Nagisa smirked.
'But Kayano's not here, big bro blue." Kidpool smirked, getting a light smack in the back of the head.
"The drink, you idiot." Nagisa sighed. "Sorry, just….dealt with a real prick on this job."
"Me too." Itona sighed. "And you got to admit bro, you did kind of walk into that one."
"….Fine."
As Wesel made boys their drinks, Nagisa and Kid looked over to Itona, who was depressed at Ritsu refusing to acknowledge him.
"What happened with you two?"
"I don't want to say anything."
Their drinks then came and the boys smiled at each other.
"Oh well….To a great first job!" Itona smirked as the glasses clinked.
"And to add another something over Karma and them!" Nagisa smirked as they took big sips of their drinks. Aside from Kid, they wouldn't rush to them again.
"So…who goes first?" Itona asked.
"Why don't you go first, boy-blue-babe?" Kidpool asked. "You are the main character of the franchise and all that."
"Kid, we talked about breaking the fourth wall out of main-fic…."
"Mrotrax said we all could! And its ture about boyish blue beauty, don't deny it!"
Ignoring his little brother's nicknames for him, the young assassin looked back on his job.
Nagisa
He'd spent half an hour looking for the man, and another two hours trailing him. He was hanging out with another deadbeat, watching TV and drinking beer, when the door rang.
"Pizza delivery for Mr. Clovis?"
"I didn't order any pizza…" The target asked.
"That's because I ordered it."
Nagisa stepped out of the bathroom after washing his hands.
"Pepperoni and olives?" He asked, not giving anyone any attention
"Um, yes."
"Yum!"
The blue haired assassin pulled out a slice and was about to take a bite when
"Hey kid, what the fuck do you…"
The man was silenced by a Magnum .44 being pressed to his head.
"You made me drop my slice. And to answer the question, I've been here for hours." Nagisa smirked, look up at the pizza delivery guy. "Jeremy?"
"…Um, yeah?" The pizza guy asked. "Do I know you?"
"No me personally, but my dad scared you away from stalking a girl a few years back."
The room froze.
"Oh god, not again!" The pizza guy whimpered. "Look, I've been straight for years man, I didn't…"
"Not you this time, Jer." Nagisa said as he took the pizza box and lifted his mask slightly to savor a few bites. "Oh, here!"
He handed Jeremy a thick wad of bills. All fives.
"I think that'll be more than enough, right?" Nagisa smiled. "You go on, Jer."
The pizza guy just clambered out of the room, utterly terrified.
"What the hell is this?" The target's guest said, getting up before Nagisa took the safety off his gun.
"It's a potential assassination." He answered truthfully, pointing to the first talker. "For you."
The other man reached for the phone, onto be hit with the cartridge from the Magnum and then feel the cold steel of a Marine Grade knife on his throat.
"Try anything and I will swallow your fucking fish." Nagisa hissed, pressing the knife deeper into the man's neck, just enough to draw a little bit of blood.
"I…uh, I….I….I don't really know what that means, I don't have a fish." The man whimpered.
"Then whose aquarium did I just piss in?"
….
….
"You." Nagisa said, turning his attention to the man whose forehead was making contact with a Magnum .44. "You know a Janet….Coulsen, no wait…Bolsen…nah…OLSEN! Yeah, a Janet Olsen?"
The man nodded.
"My ex-wife." He said. "Look kid, whatever…."
"You're a deadbeat." Nagisa growled, switching and leveling his knife in front of the man and keeping his gun on the other fellows. "A drunkard, abusive, lazy….deadbeat."
The other man in the room began to fear for his lives.
Nagisa reached into his pocket and pulled out photos of a woman and two young children covered in bruises and bandages.
"Man, that ain't right." The guest noted.
"See what I mean?" Nagisa growled. "Kids are supposed to be happy, not crying."
"Honestly, I don't feel comfortable around yu anymore man."
"Shut up, what's your name." Nagisa commanded.
"Yes sir."
"Now, your ex-wife, Janet." Nagisa explained. "She's not made of money, what with you not paying your child support, and her kids are mostly certainly not either. But, lucky for them…."
He took a bite of pizza and savored the flavor before continuing:
"I have a HUGE soft spot for anyone who has an abusive or neglectful parent figure. Especially when the kids offer their piggy banks to help mommy pay for a job that could frankly, I'd do for chump change. My own mom used to make me dress up like a girl and keep my hair super longer so that she could braid or accessorize it and before you ask I keep it this way right now because my girlfriend, yes, I have one….she likes it."
His smile grew at the thought of his beloved Kaede Kayano/ Akari Aguri. But he pulled himself back into the real world to hear the man's excuse.
"L-look kid, the economy is in hell right now and…"
The knife drew a little more blood.
"You have enough money to buy a brand new entertainment system and have beer and pizza with your buddies. You can pay for your kids and their mom to have a better house.
"He got you there man." The guest said. Nagisa glared at him.
"You do know that is an ejector seat from a plane right?" He asked. "One false move and your flying into the roof."
The guest jumped out of the chair and ran out the door.
"Now." Nagisa smirked as his licked his lips clean of pizza. "You are going to pay double every single thing you owe your wife, Understood?"
The man whimpered.
"Okay." The blue haired boy smiled.
Nagisa flipped the knife under his sleeve and put the gun back.
"W-we cool?"
"Yeah, we're cool." Nagisa smiled. "Pizza?"
The man hesitantly reached for a slice before Nagisa palm-struck him in the face, redrew hs knife and clamped a hand over the screaming man's mouth, pressing the jagged edge of blade against his throat.
"LEAVE another bruise on any of them again…" He growled. "And you will be the guinea pig for ever revenge fantasy I've ever had. Breathe a word of this and I will slit your throat in your sleep. Got it?"
The man whimpered in fear.
A few minutes later, Nagisa came to a park were a woman watched her children play.
"Mrs. Olsen?"
The woman looked over, concern and fear on her face before Nagisa smiled and handed her a check and several pictures.
"Clovis won't be causing trouble anymore."
She embraced the young teenager, tears in her eyes.
"Thank you….Thank you so much!"
Nagisa simply smiled.
"Just doing my job, miss." He answered. "Just doing my job."
The woman's two children wondered over, concern for their mother obvious.
"It's okay babies." She smiled. "Thanks to this nice boy, we'll have money and a place to stay soon enough."
"Thank you Mr. Nagisa." The kids said, making the blue haired boy smiled as he patted them on the head.
He then began to walk away, only to bump into a teenage boy listening to an i-pod, making them drop their stuff.
"Sorry! So sorry!" They said together. "No, no, no, it was my fault…"
"As they were helping each other pick up their things, they both noticed something: The boy saw Nagisa's Deadpool mask and Nagisa saw that this boy had a red mask with webs on it.
They looked up to each other in realization, shock in their eyes turning to understanding. They smiled and regathered their belongings.
"Nagisa Shiota-Wilson."
"Peter Parker." The young man smiled, stretching his hand for a shake, which Nagisa took with a smile.
The two boys winked and then went about their ways…..neither aware that they'd soon meet again; and this time; it would be in costume.
Present day
"…So yeah, that was my first job." Nagisa said as he downed his coke. "How about you guys?"
"All I did was wedgie a couple of bullies." Kidpool grumbled as he drank his shake and then got some chocolate milk. "No blood, no tears…the bullies didn't even hit back! Snobby rich kid bastards with their 'my daddy can buy anything attitude….pisses me off."
"What doesn't?" The two older boys smirked, enjoying their brother blowing bubbles in his milk to alleviate his anger.
"Good thing you showed up AFTER Asano was exposed…." Nagisa mused to himself, not wanting to even begin to imagine what would've happened if his two 'brothers' had shown up while their school was under its corrupt state…..
"Okay then….what happened with you and Ritzy, big bro white?" Kid smirked,
Itona looked down at his drink as he walked down memory land
Hammer Industries, Two hours earlier
"Ritsu-chan, I'm sorry!"
Fanthomex leapt over and under tables, gripped onto lights and spun-kicked guards while dodging laser and missle left and right.
It was supposed to be an easy robbery job. Just break into a lab, steal a new invention and get out. But instead, he and to fend of some arrogant nut in an Exo-suit, which apparently cost a fourth of the GNP of the USA.
"Do shut up." The white attired young assassin said.
If only his online and real-life girlfriend wasn't angry at him: Fathomex was sure that with the skills he;d picked from Dad, Koro-Sensei and the others, on top of Ritsu's considerable hacking abilities and his honed reflexes and martial arts, this job would've been easy.
Instead, Ritsu, insulted and hurt that he had apparently been reading something only those who lusted after technology read, and refusing to let him explain himself, had made him do everything: Disarming the alarms (no problem at all), sneaking in (kind of fun), knocking out the guards (a challenge he turned into a game) and finally, stealing the small blaster the client had ordered.
This is where it had all gone downhill;
"You call yourself Fathomex?" The suit-wearer arrogantly snarled. "He had three brains! You clearly don't even use one! And he would've beaten me by now! You really are weak ass…:
"Weak?"
"…Uh oh…" Ritsu noted. "You're in trouble now…."
"Weak!?" Fathomex roared
"Yeah, what else do you…"
The man realized his target was no longer in sight and heard a beeping.
The glass dome protecting his face was suddenly disintegrated by the small blaster now wrapped around Fathomex's left middle finger. His face was then subjected to a brutal onslaught of punches and kciks
"Never. Call. Me. Weak." Fathomex growled, pressing the detonator and using the explosion to send him flying…only to trip more alarms.
Jumping into a room, Fathomex locked the room and gasped for air, wiping the sweat from his brow.
"That was close." He told himself. "Mental note; anger management classes. Or hang out with the guys and Hazuma again. I always feel better after hanging with them."
"While you're at it, wh not just go out and buy a new AI One that'll make you happy?" Ritsu snapped, but Fathomex wasn't paying attention. "Don't ignore me when I'm mad at you, you sexy white haired and suit wearing…"
Fathomex got of his seat and began glancing around him; armored suits, weapons and designs all based off of things he had seen before….And two in particular got his attention:
The first were sheets for robots that looked an awful like the legendary Doom-bots of Dr. Doom….but only Doom himself or Latveriains scientists knew hwo those were built. How did Hammer…?
The second was a suitcase with one word on it; RHINO.
"This looks up Terasaka's level…." Fathomex mused, grabbing the suitcase and making a dash for the exit….
Only to be surrounded by the entire security force and Justin Hammer
"Nice try hero." He smirked. "Now, hand over whatever you stole from me and I may…"
"Okay, screw it." Fathomex sighed, pressing a button on his glove. "DIESEL V!"
The roof collapsed under the gigantic boot like feet of the reprogrammed Sentinel, who fired lasers while picking its master up and flying to safety.
Hammer would be in a state of shock for days: something all appreciated, as this prevented him from signing a deal that instead went to Stark Industries.
Once far enough, Fathomex called a number he'd remembered seeing in his father's phonebook, hoping it was still correct and that things would go okay.
The number was correct.
"Hello, Dr. Doom? This is the new Fathomex. I know your busy, so I'll make this quick: I have reason to believe that Hammer Industries somehow got a hold of the designs for your Doom-bots. I'm sending over the designs I saw as we speak. Just wanted to ask if…"
"Doom was not aware of this."
….
"But he does thank you. What do you ask for in return?"
Fathomex looked over his shoulder and asked.
"If you'd allow, could I text it to you later?"
"But of course."
Fathomex then plugged in his phone/ Ritsy into a port hed installed on Diesel V
Present day
"SO PROUD!"
Deadpool and Vanessa then walked in, the woman helping the Merc with a mouth get in.
"Great burn Kid! Really did one over on your old man! OOOH I'm a hurting from that one!"
….
"Wade, you okay?" Wesel asked.
"Never better, just cooling off a sick burn!" Wade answered a pained smile obvious under his mask. "So proud….whoo….Yep."
"Has he been like that all day?" Kid asked Vanessa, who nodded.
"Aside from our group hug? Yep. So…how'd it go?"
The boys showed off their fees, making Wade squeal for joy and take them and Vanessa into a group hug.
While it was done more comedy, the family relaxed into the embrace, closing their eyes and smiling as they hugged each other. Several of the patrons smiled or awed at the scene…before Wade broke the embrace and scooped up Vanessa.
"Don't come home!" He shouted. "It's Thursday night! You know what that means!"
The Deadpool brothers cringed at the realization….Intimate Thursdays!
"Were we going to stay now?" Kid asked, some child-like fear in his voice.
XXX
It was 11:30 pm when there was a ring on the door of Xavier's School forn Gifted Youngsters
Luckily, it was Beast who answered.
"…Hi Hank. I know it's late and all but…Can we spend the night?" Nagisa asked sheepishly.
"Wade and Vanessa?" Beast mused.
"Wade and Vanessa." The boys sighed.
"Come on in, we were just having hot chocolate."
"Thanks."
Negasonic Teenage Warhead, aka NSTW, escorted the boys to the kitchen, and soon was caught by Kid's perverted flirting.
"So you make thngs go boom, eh? I can think of something that you and I can make go boom."
NSTW looked at the older brothers for the okay.
"Go ahead." Itona waved. "Who knows, might do him some good."
"Itona, be…oh who am I kidding? Go for it."
NSTW
"I'M OKAY!"
"SHADDAP LIL' WADE!"
"SORRY LOGAN!"
XXX
"Ritsu-chan, please!" Itona begged early in the morning. "Just give me a chance to show you…"
"What?!" The AI shouted. "The cuter avatar with bigger boobies? Faster browsing and computing! That's all I am to you, after all, right? A tool"
"NO!" Itona shouted. "If you'd just…Just two minutes. That's all I need."
Ritsu turned her attention to her soon to be ex-boyfriend if this didn't go well. He pressed a button on his belt, from which came fourth something covered in a tarp.
"This is why I was looking at those magazines."
Ritsu froze in shock at what was under said tarp:
It was a crude robotic body modelled after her avatar.
"I just….I know you can access the internet and are probably smarter than me and the whole class put together and could've found better parts for half the price I've been paying. I just wanted to treat you to some…."
"I LOVE IT!" She squealed. "Oh Itty-kun, if I had lips I'd kiss you! You did all this for me?"
Itona blushed and nodded, some pride filling his being.
"Wait a few moments and you shall, child."
They turned to see Dr. Doom himself floating down through a portal, a smaller robot at his side.
"Worry not; Xavier is well aware of my presence here. I mean you no harm. I am merely here to pay back the debt I owe to Fathomex for proving the Hammer Industries stole the designs for my Doom-bots."
He motioned to the robot that had accompanied him, which quickly turned into an exact copy of Ritsu's avatar.
"All you need do is upload her program into the robot." Doom explained. "I've incorporated magical seals which will make her, as a female Pinocchio would say…A real girl. Now, I have paid back my debt to you…Fathomex."
As he turned to leave he stopped for a moment.
"Itona was it?"
"Y-yes?"
"You'll be happy to know your biological father is woking for me now. He's making my doom-bots even better than before. Feel free to visit when you can, he misses you. And in Doom's opinion, while you may lack your predasscor's brilliance…Doom sees potential in you. Keep up the good work."
The white haired boys' eyes watered slightly as he saluted the armored dicatator, who vanished into the portal.
Ritsu's eyes opened and she smiled….
"Hello, Itty-kun."
"Hello, Ritsy-chan."
Their lips then meet for the first time…..pure bliss for the two of them.
Deadpool: I WAS BARELY IN THIS! AGAIN! Watch your ass O'Trax! I'm coming for you!
Mrotrax: Don't care. Read and review, would ye kindly?