A/N: first bunny fanfic :3 and first A/N btw. please be gentle, it took me like two weeks to finish this. and I don't have a beta, so if you notice any mistake, please let me know. this song is wonderful, by everclear.
I needed to unleash my frustration towards my parents divorce, so here it is! hope it's not too lame. my dad never really said that to me what stuart says to kenny, neither my mom, but she got close once. family issues seem to really inspire me LOL.
okay, enough talking! please enjoy and leave me a review if you have the time!
Wonderful
Kenny, contrary to most people, has died many times. He knows, better than anyone, he needs to be happy and give life its great value. He always enjoys to the most the trouble his (kind of shitty, but good) friends put him through, even if he dies once more. Death doesn't even hurt anymore, but still, he wants to live.
On the other hand, Kenny is never actually happy at home. His family sucks hard—his father is a fucking alcoholic and is always arguing with his mother (even beating the shit out of her sometimes); all they scream and shout about is money and the goddamn TV—for fuck's sake, they should learn how to share. Kevin, his older brother, is always busy fighting with someone and Karen, his younger sister, dude, it's almost like she doesn't exist. They don't have anything like family bounds. They suck. Seriously.
But it haven't always been like this.
I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
Once, long time ago, they were very happy. They never had much, but they had each other.
Although Carol had her first child soon, Kevin, she loved Stuart McCormick, so they married. Stuart was a great, hard-working and romantic man. When he proposed to her, everyone in South Park was there—he had asked for them to come and see how beautiful and moved his future wife's face would become. That day, Kevin spoke his first words. They were, "Marry me," probably because all the time Stuart spent with him he was practicing. It was cute and hilarious and perfect to Carol.
They were happy together—they were, like, the most lovely couple in South Park. Out of their love, their second son was born.
Kenny was a smart kid. They had difficult times to keep their children, but it was okay, because love conquers all.
Right?
I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again
Kenny liked Star Wars a lot, he likes it even know, so, on one birthday, their parents gave him a poster; they had to save money for some weeks, but it was for their beloved child. Kenny absolutely loved it and was sure he had the best parents ever. With a great smile, both watched as their little Kenneth showed the poster proudly to Kevin. He even let Kevin hold it.
They were such a lovely family.
Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Can figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words and make me want to cry
It was when Karen came that everything started to get messed up (maybe that explains why she's so reclusive).
With all the pressure to keep three children, Stuart unleashed the stress in alcohol. Carol thought it was childish and they didn't actually fight over this. There wasn't any screams or fists, they just sat to discuss the problem. It took hours for them to hold back the yelling, but, when Stuart looked into his two sons' eyes, he knew they were much more important than any anti-stress bar-made therapy he could ask for.
He promised, holding little Karen, that no alcoholic stuff would reach his lips ever again.
Close my eyes when I go to bed and I
Dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday
Kevin held Kenny close, his hands on his little brother's ears. There were stuff breaking, lots and lots of yelling. Karen was sleeping; how did she never wake up, well, that's a mystery.
Stuart had come home drunk again. It wasn't the second, third of tenth time since he promised he wouldn't anymore (Kenny could only count to ten at the time, so he lost track of how many times his father stormed into the house with that bitter and sick smell on his mouth). Carol was furious; she screamed at the top of her lungs and Stuart kept snapping her aggressions with more unthoughtful words. They kept assaulting each other verbally until a hard smack echoed through the room.
There was silence.
Their father demanded her to shut up, and called her a beach or something. But Kenny didn't understand why—first of all, why would Stuart call Carol a beach? She wasn't full of sand and people on her! Sometimes Stuart said she was hot, but... well, Kenny didn't know that either. All he knew was that his mother wasn't even near the ocean. But be called a beach must be bad, because Carol spent a good time crying until she fell asleep with her cheek numb red.
Promises mean everything when you're little and the world's so big
I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eye
And tell me everything is wonderful now
As time went by, Kenny learned that a promise isn't anything but words. It's easy to promise something, and he also learned that girls like promises. They're dumb.
Kenny's first girlfriend was Tammy. Like the others that were yet to come, she was a slut. After all those excuses about Jonas Brothers, she ended up gave him a BJ (which killed him, but that's okay, he was used to it by now). He would date a lot of girls like Tammy afterwards—hot, whores and with no brain (and unlike Cartman thought, he scored some dirty rich ones). But they only gave him two good things: sex and the chance to stay the weekends out, far from his drunk parents.
No one ever made him feel better about his family or conditions or himself (except for the fuck part, because he knows he is very good at it, thank you).
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
He started hanging out with Butters at some point. He got tired of Cartman's evil plans to annihilate Jews and suddenly Kyle started staying over at Stan's place, like, all week long. Kenny didn't take long to realize something came out of their hormones and their best-and-colorful friendship. They couldn't blame anyone. Thirteen years olds are just curious, right?
Right, if it didn't seem like it was happening with all of their friends. Craig was openly dating Tweek, and Clyde and Token's relationship wasn't exactly a secret either.
Despite the fact Kenny's life was starting to get boring since most of his friends were always... busy, there were no problems. Kenny was no homophobic douche and still talked to them. Cartman had hard times to accept that all the South Park kids were turning fags, so he blamed it on some Jewish cause and fought Kyle and consequently Stan, but he settled down eventually. Everything got back, even with all the changes.
Stan's gang was back, but Kenny still hung out with Butters. He was such a good kid, so naive and pure; he was like Kenny's opposite.
Go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh a lot so my friends won't know
Butters was always happy and optimistic about life. Maybe Kenny didn't learn life wasn't a total bitch from his deaths, but from his time with the little blond.
Though mister Stotch was always grounding Butters, he let Kenny play with him, which made the little Leopold even happier. Kenny always found it surprising how Butters never got angry at his parents—he always thought he deserved it.
"Oh, hamburgers, it's obvious, Ken," he told his friend when he asked, with an usual and big smile on his angel face. "M-my parents have their own problems, I think it's good that I don't become one of them. I love them to the most! So I don't mind s-sacrificing some time so they won't worry about where I am when they're st-stressed out."
Kenny thought about it and there was only conclusion he could reach—Butters was the most adorable thing he'd ever known.
But when the bell rings I just don't want to go home to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful some day
Then that day came.
Butters spent most of the day quiet. Kenny asked if there was anything wrong few times, but the smaller one seemed to refuse to tell him a single word.
Almost at the end of the day, when Butters lifted his face to look at Kenny (Kenny had grown a lot in the past months, while Butters didn't change a thing), concern and worry all over his cute features. His baby-blue eyes were sad.
"What's wrong, Butters?"
"I-it's you, Ken," he replied shyly. "Tell me what's wrong with you."
Kenny frowned. He looked at his clothes, shoes, wondered if he did anything unusual. No. Everything was just everyday life. "Nothing, Butters. Why?"
"No, I mean," he started brushing his knuckles together, staring at the ground. "My dad said something about your parents..." Kenny was petrified. What? "H-he said they won't get divorced because they don't have the money, and, and they fight a lot, right? An-and I don't know, it must be tough. For you and your brother and your sister, because, you see, when my parents argue, I get really scared, and I wondered if you were okay..." He looked up.
He doesn't know, but the expression Kenny was wearing must have been really horrible, because it seemed to scare the living shit out of Butters. He blushed and everything and started apologizing like his life depended on Kenny's forgiveness.
"S-so sorry, sorry, sorry, Kenny, forgive me, I didn't know, I—I shouldn't, I, it's your business, I'm—"
"It's okay. I'm okay," was all he said with a soft and slightly hurt chuckle.
He wasn't okay. Butters knew Kenneth wasn't okay.
Now Butters frowned. He didn't like lies. He started picking on the subject, using examples of his own life, but he didn't know how hard it was to be Kenny.
They sat on a bench at the park and Butters never shut up. Kenny was getting annoyed, but Butters kept going on. The taller blond stood up, sighing. "Listen, I'm going home."
Leopold didn't let him. "Stay," he asked with a pleading face that Kenny couldn't refuse. "Tell me, Ken. Please," he whispered.
Promises mean everything when you're little and the world is so big (so big)
I just don't understand how you can smile with all those tears
in your eye when you tell me everything is wonderful now
"Stay with me tonight."
He remembers how sweet Butters' voice was. Kenny had cried so much while telling Butters about his parents; he never knew he had so much water in his body to waste for those two drunk bastards, or for Kevin or Karen. There were so many issues, so many things he needed to let out, so many angry tears to shed, and Butters listened, always holding Kenny in his small arms and stroking his messy hair (by the way, it was so faggy he couldn't even put into words if he wanted to).
"You don't have to go home tonight," he had this genuine smile only Butters had on his face when he told Kenny the most meaningful words he had ever heard.
When they arrived at the Stotch's home, Kenny rubbed his red, swollen eyes. Mister Stotch looked surprised, but didn't say a word. He and his wife welcomed Kenny and said it would great if he kept Butters company while they went out for dinner. Kenny just smiled. When they left, it was the same as always—no alcohol or smoking, no dangerous games, no sneaking out, no irresponsible friends, no partying and no touching penises.
Yes, no touching penises. Butters' parents always said that when they left the kids alone due to that homo wave that once struck South Park and didn't leave it yet, even after two, almost three years (though most of the kids turned out bisexual).
But, when Butters closed the door and turned to the other with that cute face, Kenny suddenly started finding it a very unfair prohibition.
No, no, I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
No, no, I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
I don't to hear you say that I will understand some day
No, no, no, no.
I don't want to hear you say both have grown in a different way
No, no, no.
Kenny couldn't stop thinking about Butters. Maybe the homo wave reached him? He was always surprised about those fevers in South Park—every single one seemed to spread as if it was a virus. Very few people stood out at those times, like Kyle that one time when everyone was watching that queer show and dressing like fags (or metrosexuals, like they called themselves). Kenny thought that, this time, he was the one who would bring sanity to his friends, but, apparently, he was going gay, too.
He was spending a lot of time thinking about it. Perhaps, just perhaps, being homo wasn't a big deal. Like, if it were to be with Butters, Kenny would obviously top. Butters was too cute, innocent and incapable to top. Kenny, on the other hand, was... well, Kenny. He had had a lot of bottom bitches by now. So he'd know what to do if, in some bizarre hypothesis, Kenny happened to have sex and probably take Butters' virginity. And did it sound that bad? No, he didn't think so.
Virginity, which speaking of, really turned him on. Kenny was a healthy male and it was only natural; all guys once admitted. Craig told them, in some weird kind of top-meeting (if you get what top means here)—to which Kenny was invited even though he never really had sex with other guy—that he'd never been hornier in his life when Tweek made that cute, twitching little face of his and said something like, Craig, b-b-be gentle.
If even Tweek, that freaky spastic guy, could sound so cute, imagine what Butters could do! Kenny almost jizzed his pants when he thought of holding his small Leopold Stotch (but he would never, ever admit that to anyone), kissing him and, oh fuck, that face. Those faces. He thought of more faces Butters could do during sex than he'd ever imagined he was capable of.
Not to mention his voice. Butters' voice was so sweet! Kenny wondered what kinds of moans that tempting mouth could make; Butters had cherry lips, which reminded Kenny of a song he didn't really know, but it was about gay hot boy that made adult men gasp or something. It was all Butters! Kenny never felt attracted to men and was straight like a rocket launching, but when he was near Butters, the only straight thing about him was Kenny Jr.
Thinking about stuff like how the small blond's lips would fit Little Kenny and how his lean waist was hot was kind of sick and he felt like a pervert, but Kenneth couldn't help it. Like, Butters was the most clueless kid he'd ever known and it would be so fun to taint him.
So, with an afternoon of jerking off and impure thoughts, it was decided. Kenny would have sex with Butters.
He just didn't notice, that afternoon, he never minded his parents' shouts and fights.
No, I don't want to meet your friend
I don't want to start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
The more he thinks about it, the more twisted it becomes.
"What is falling in love like?" he asks Stan all of sudden, surprising his friend.
"What?"
"What is falling in love like?" he asks again, frowning.
"Dude, why are you asking me this?"
"Never mind," he rolls his eyes, lighting a cigarette. Oh, getting bad habits with Craig.
Kenny left a confused Stan behind, wandering around school. Now Kenny has a little problem—he might be falling in love with Butters. The problem is not that. The problem is, he doesn't know he whether is or not. Kenny never really had feelings for someone, so he wouldn't know; he's read in books about racing heart, blushing cheeks and nervous actions, but none of these happens to him. He even feels comfortable around Butters. He's never the one who blushes, nor does his heart race when their arms or legs touch accidentally. He just likes the feeling he gets from holding Butters' small hand whenever it seems to be convenient (like in a storm or something, Butters always gets freaked out with that stuff), the touch of his soft, baby-like skin.
But he can't stop thinking about Butters; he can't keep himself of thinking of how cute Butters is, under him or not. He longs painfully for the moments he spends with the smaller one. He can't help but smile when he remembers how cute Butters is, be it when he's stuttering over his name or blushing or, as a matter of fact, doing anything. Butters is just amazingly... Butters.
"Hey, Kenny!" he pops out of the blue. "D-do you wanna hang out today?"
"Yeah," he can't not smile.
"Great! 'Cause I've got some movies, we should watch 'em," he holds a bag full of DVDs and Kenny doesn't know which ones are they, but he can guess it's something about unicorns and Hello Kitty-like stuff. Being with him made Kenny forget about world's wickedness, in a way that is almost childish.
Butters looked at him and made an angry face. "You said you were quitting," he pointed the cigarette.
"It's harder than it seems, okay?" he chuckled, dropping the cigarette. Actually, nicotine was a way to keep his mind in place when he was away from Butters.
"D-did you fight with your parents, Ken?"
Oh, God, how could he see through him so easily?
"Yes," he didn't even bother to lie. Butters would know, and Kenny learned, at this point, that little Buttercup hated lies. "How'd you know?"
"W-well, you always smoke like crazy wh-when it happens," he explained simply, walking side by side with the taller teen.
"You do know me, huh," he smiled, dropping the half cigarette. "But it's okay I'm with you now."
"I, I'm glad to hear that," he touched Kenny's hand lightly, failing at hiding the red color spreading over his cheeks. "Ah, m-my parents are out tonight. You, you don't have to go home if you don't feel like it, Ken," he remarked, all caring and sweet, as soon as they arrived the small blond's house.
Kenny's mouth was slightly open when Butters opened the door.
That's too much for my self-control, he thought, entering.
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...
Though his night at Butters' was more than he'd ever ask for (and his mission was accomplished, since Butters apparently liked him back!), Kenny had to go home sooner or later. He stood out his door, staring at it. He checked his pocket and there were a couple of cigarettes in the pack. He sighed, massaging his temples and prepared himself for... uh, whatever it was that he found when he crossed the door. He thought the name for them was family, but that word was lost in his mind long time ago.
He didn't even have to open the door and he heard screams. Soon his mother stormed out the house, "I DON'T NEED YOU, STUART! FUCK YOU!"
She stared at Kenny and didn't say anything, just threw him a disgusted look, walking away with a bag in her hands.
"FUCK YOU, WHORE!" Stuart screamed back, throwing a few bras that didn't fit in Carol's bag. He looked at Kyle. Oh, here it comes. "Where have you been, for fuck's sake?"
"Butters'."
"Well, while you spent the night at your little rich friend's nice house, your fucking mother was fucking yelling at me like a goddamn mad woman!" he said in an unnecessarily loud voice, like it was all Kenny's fault. "Why don't you grow up and GET A FUCKING JOB?"
Kenny lowered his head, looking away. He should be used to it by now, but it hurt every time his father released all that stress on him. He didn't ask for this. He never asked to be born, and, for God's fucking sake, all he did was eat and take showers under his goddamn roof. He didn't even sleep there, he was always at someone's house whenever it was possible.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy," Stuart grabbed his face hard, forcing him to look up. Enough to notice there were light hickeys on Kenny's neck. "What is it?" He lifted his face even more, but this time Kenny slapped his hand away. "Oh, a girlfriend?"
Well, luckily, his father was too dumb to link the fact last night he was with Butters and no one else was there. Or maybe he thought he sneaked out to meet a girl, whatever.
"Grow up, you piece of shit," he kept going on. "You think hot make out sessions are love, but see just what the fuck they brought me," he pointed to Kenny. "Three useless children. Think about it, you little fucker," he poked Kenny's chest hardly, as if it wasn't aching enough. "Before you end up screwed like me, with three living mistakes."
As his father came back into the house, Kenny wondered if it was too soon to go back to Butters.
I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now...
Later that same day, Kenny couldn't make it until night fell, his father only kept swearing against him, while Kevin was out and Karen in her room. In the afternoon, he was crying his eyes out on Butters' shoulder, while he tried to calm him down. It wasn't fair to take all that alone.
"K-Ken, everything will be fine," he stroked his boyfriend's hair. "Look," Butters tried, gently. "I..." he blushed violently. "I, I love you. N-no matter what your father says, he's a di-dickhead, he doesn't know you," he stuttered, frowning so adorably Kenny's cries ceased. "You're great, Ken."
When Butters' lips met his, so pure and untainted, Kenny almost felt his heart melt.
"I love you too, Butters," he said in a hoarse, worn out voice. "Love you."
"Everything will be fine," he said again, hugging Kenny tightly, as if trying to protect him. "S-someday we can, we can just run away from those problems," he smiled. "I'll take you far, far, very far away from those words," he held Kenny's face on his small hands, trying to cheer him up with soft kisses on his forehead. "We'll be okay. Everything will be wonderful, y-you'll see, I promise."
Butters wasn't sure of how he would fulfill his words, but he knew he would. He would do anything for Kenny.
And, for that one lovely moment, Kenny forgot that promises were just a bunch of beautiful words.
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...
Everything is wonderful now...
Everything was just wonderful with Butters.
"I love you so damn much, Buttercup," he wrapped his arms around Butters, getting the fear that, if he let him go for one second, their love would slip away like his parents'.
"Don't ever leave me, Ken," he whispered, tears, which were the whole time in the corner of his eyes, fell. In anyway, Butters was still smiling; he was so strong.
Sobs came out from their love, and they kept promising their love would never die, no matter how many times Kenny had to give up his life and come back. They made plans and, for the first time, Kenny felt that life was worth it.
And they fought through every single moment, no matter what.
Kenny didn't even remember his parents' fights on his last breath of life, on his last death, while he whispered, more to himself than to his lover,
Promises aren't just words, Buttercup...