AUTHOR: Sunnycouger
E-MAIL ME AT: sunnycouger@lineone.net
CATEGORY: Alex/Isabel & Jesse/Isabel
RATING: As low as it gets without being horizontal...we'll say PG for arguments sake but probably lower.
DISCLAIMER: You all don't honestly think that I own any of this do you? Roswell and all its characters are property of Melinda Metz and Jason Katims..I just take them out to play sometimes...The song is by Tracy Lawrence and I don't own that either...very pretty song, very country though...
DISTRIBUTION: If you want to put this story on to another site will you please, please, PLEASE let me know first. Thanks!
AUTHORS NOTES: Set on Isabel and Jesse's first anniversary from Alex's POV. This has hopefully got enough for shippers of both couples to like it. The song is by Tracy Lawrence called I See It Now. I was kinda inspired by it after SO and it's took me that long to get round to writing it. I actually wrote this in less than an hour after I started.
SUMMARY: Alex watches Isabel as she dances and contemplates the differences between his relationship with her and Jesse's. An A/I and J/I fic hopefully proving that they can both co-exist peacefully ;)
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I look at her, I don't even thinks she knows I'm here anymore but I watch her just the same. It's not just me she doesn't see, it's everyone...everyone in the room, apart from him.
It's good to see your face again, it's been a while
How am I doing?
I never thought, deep down that she would do it. But she did and she looks beautiful, like always. But so happy. Happier than I have ever seen her. And it's not me that's made her look like that.
I think that probably hurts more than anything. That she would never look like that if it hadn't happened to me. She's, no matter how she doesn't want to admit it, happier now I'm not around.
I don't know when the bitter realisation hit. Maybe it was when I told her to go to him. Maybe it was when she told me she had never felt this way. Maybe it was the fact that she could talk to me about him without worrying how I felt. Maybe that's when I realised...i didn't mean as much to her as she means to me.
Well, I get by somehow
You sure look good since your new love came in your life
She laughs as he pulls her close as they dance and whispers in her ear. I feel a pang. Does that make sense, should I feel a pang? I mean...come on, I'm not really supposed to be here. I didn't exactly get an invite after all, am I entitled to pangs? Of pain? Of jealousy? Of envy?
You know I didn't see that fire in you he's found,
Oh but I can see it now.
I see his hand caress her back and I wince. Slow torture is never a good thing but I am becoming more and more accustomed to it. I see the way she's looking at him, like there is no one else in the room. Like the room isn't even there. She never looked like that when we danced, even at Prom when she had been the happiest I had seen her...well, the happiest I had seen her until now. Until him.
She looks even more beautiful now that I can't have her.
Oh, I never saw that look in your eyes.
And I never had you hold me that tight
And I never saw you dance with your feet of the ground
Oh, But I See it now
I want to turn away, but what is it they say, it's like a car crash, you are compelled and horrified at the same time. I think what my problem is, that as I watch them together I see what we could never have had. We could have got married, had kids the full shebang but, it would always have been missing something.
Chemistry.
Attraction.
Lust.
Holding him you've never looked more beautiful
Letting go has been so hard on me
I never thought that they were overly important, I mean I always found her attractive, I always felt something, but I don't think she felt it the same way. That's why she always went for guys who were more...more different from me.
And sitting here it's clear to see what he means to you
When you look at him it ain't no mystery
He's all I couldn't be
Like he is. He's different from me. Looks wise he is your definitive tall, dark and handsome where as I would be classed in the 'tall, dark haired, pasty skin and cute' column. What was it that Maria called him? A fricken Adonis? Whatever, the description fits. It was fitting that a goddess would go for someone who looked the part.
I would never look or act the part. I couldn't give her the life she wanted. But he can.
He can give her it all and she knows it deep down even if she won't admit it to me or even to a part of herself. She knows...
Oh, I never saw that look in your eyes.
And I never had you hold me that tight
I turn away as she reaches up and kisses him. I think I have seen enough. More than enough. I walk out the room as the music blares and smile sadly. This was it. My last goodbye and I have no one to say it to. I look around as the sun shines down. It would have been nice to feel it on my face again. It would have been nice to talk to someone again, but the one person I can talk to is a little, pre-disposed. Again.
"Alex?" I turn around to see her standing at the door looking at me. I force a smile.
"Hey, Izzy. How's it going?"
She smiled broadly at me as she walked around the side of the building. "What are you doing here?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I was in the neighbourhood, I didn't mean to intrude..."
She shook her head quickly. "Don't be stupid, you never intrude. Did you..."
"See it? Oh yeah, you looked great. Really great."
She smiled at me and I smile back as I continue. "Do you not think you should tell Jesse to lose some of that muscle he's packing, he must be making all the guys in the vicinty nervous as hell."
She grinned at me. "But that's the way we like it..."
Of course it is. "You look happy."
She nodded her head as she rubbed her abdomen happily. "I am...never been happier. Ever."
And I never saw you dance with your feet of the ground
I nod my head, knowing full well that I knew it already but that it still hurts. "I can see that."
"Why are you here, Alex?"
Good question. I guess I just can't let it go, I can't let my life go. My friends go. My love go. None of it. I should be with them.
But not with her. I can see that much just with looking at her.
Oh, But I See it now
"To see how an alien and a human celebrate their first anniversary, plus I wanted to see how my namesake was progressing...he must like it in there." I smile at her as she looks down at her bump proudly. She finally got something to mother who wasn't Michael or Max.
"That he does. But he's good, a quiet baby. Doesn't kick too much..." She smiled as she looked at me. "Alex Ramon Ramirez. What do you think?"
I smile as I look at her. "I love it..."
She nodded as she reached out to me and touched my arm. "Good."
I open my mouth about to reply when I hear a voice calling Isabel. She looks at me guiltily with a grin. "I told Jesse I was going out for air..."
I smile at her. "Don't worry, I'm going."
She nods her head and looks at me. "But you'll be back, right? You know...for the baby?"
I shift, I really shouldn't... "I don't know...I probably..."
"Please? It would mean a lot to me..."
"But Jesse..."
"Understands. He is a big fan of yours..."
I look down. "He probably thinks your losing your mind..."
She shakes her head. "He knows about you, about what happened. About what we had. About what you did."
I want to believe her, and I do. I've saw enough of Jesse to know that he is a nice guy, a really nice guy. A guy that I'm glad she ended up with because he makes her happy. "Okay, I'll try and get back for the baby...but I can't promise. I...really have to go."
She nods her head as she hugs me quickly. "Take care, Alex. Love you..."
I smile as I nod my head. She does love me. Love me like a friend, a best friend. And, that's good enough. It's more than enough... "Love you too, Izzy..."
I pull back and wave goodbye as I disappear. She can't see me anymore but...I can see her as she walks to him and grabs his hand with a happy smile. He asks who she was talking to and to her credit she doesn't lie when she says it was an old friend. He smiles and asks if it was me which she nods to the affirmitive before allowing him to turn her so that they are facing each other. He bends down and kisses her abdomen before coming up and kissing her. I notice a faint blush coming to her cheeks and almost feel myself smiling.
Good for her.
Jesse reaches down and whispers in her ear which makes her grin almost giddily. She looks at him and whispers 'I love you, forever.' To him.
I turn away. I should probably feel worse than I do but, I'm dead. You know, the emotions are probably less real than they should be but yeah, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel sad. But, happy at the same time strangely. Does that make any sense?
I guess I feel sad for me that I never got to see her look at me like that, like I was the only person within miles of her. But I feel good for her...
I never saw you dance with your feet off the ground,
Oh, but I see it now.
She gets looked at like that everyday. And she has everything she always wanted. She has it all and I would never, for anything, take that away from her. I see that now.
~Fini~