And Was That His Teeth He Saw on the Tavern Floor?
Jack sat at the table in the corner drinking rum, a commodity he and his crew had gone without for a good week at least, ergo the stop in this poor excuse for a port. He would have to make a note to stock more rum aboard, a rather stupid mistake he'd made before the last voyage. He evidently hadn't taken into account his own rum consuptin let alone that of the crew. A mistake he'd rather not make in the future when he'd seen the grumbling and unrest the runnin out of rum had caused in the crew, and his first mate Barbossa makin the most racket about it.
Jack saw a pouch hit the table in front of him and a deep gruff voice near his ear ask, "How bout a romp deary?" A few thoughts ran through Jack's head as the man's words registered in his ear. He was used to being mistaken for a member of the opposite sex, at least from behind. The mistake was usually, although not always depending on the level of intoxication of the person making the mistake, corrected once who ever it was saw the front of him. He was usually able to talk himself out of such situations if it happened to be one of those occasions where the mistake hadn't been corrected by the sight of his front. And as the man behind him began semi molesting his back he better not waste any time making clear to him just what a mistake he'd made.
He picked up the pouch, peeked inside as he stood to face the man, noting it was at least half full of silver and gold coins, and with a wide white smile said, "Sorry mate, seems ya made a bit of a mistake here, might want ta be givin this ta one of the doxys about stead o me. Savvy?" Jack said as he held the pouch out to the man. When the man, who looked quite tall and husky from Jack's vantage point, stood there and looked at him and did not take the pouch from his outstretched hand, Jack added with a shrug, "No harm done mate."
Jack danced back out of the reach of the two hands that reached out for him, a more than surprised look crossing his face as the man said, "Aye, you'll do."
"I'll do? I'll do? I'll do what?" Jack said in a high-pitched soprano, and then because the meaning of the man's words registered shouted in the same high-pitched soprano, "I will not do! Not do at all!" as he continued to backpedal away from the grabbing hands. Jack, with a bugger bugger bugger coming out of his mouth as he looked around the tavern at his crew for some semblance of help that might be there, and saw to his dismay the only one still sober enough to see what a predicament their Captain was in was Barbossa, and he was sitting across the room with a big grin and no intentions of interceding.
Jack was grabbed by the shirt front and jerked towards the man who evidently had the idea he was going to kiss him. Jack in a panic, said what he would judge much later when recounting the encounter not to be the smartest thing he'd ever said in his life, "Mate, I'm not usually partial in respect ta the gender of whom I'd be swivvin, I am however a little picky bout doin the act with someone who's face could be mistaken for the aft end of a pig." This elicited a very dangerous growl from the man and the jerking of Jack's person even closer. So Jack did what he though anyone in his predicament would do, he brought his knee up and rammed it into the man's groin. The man did double over a little but Jack's aim must have been a bit off because he had not totally disabled the man it seems, just made him very very angry.
As fast as Jack's reactions were he was not able to duck or get out of the way of the two fists that came crashing into both sides of his jaw, knocking him back over the table he was up against and on over to the floor on the other side. He lay there stunned for a moment, the wind knocked out of him. Then the man came crashing after him, although lucky for Jack he crashed on the table first, smashing it and landing a foot or two away. Jack dimly thanked what ever powers that be the man hadn't landed on him or untold damage could have been done to his person. He looked up to see the bartender standing there with a belaying pin in his hand and a smirk on his face. "Never been much of a one ta put up with bullies." The man said as he walked off.
Jack lay there for a bit assessing the damage to his person. Well only one way to determine whether there were any broken bones and that was to try them out. He struggled to his feet and stood on wobbly knees, supporting himself on one of the unbroken chairs as he looked around, wiping the blood coming from his mouth on his sleeve. He looked down at the man at his feet and cursed him. Then something caught his attention, then a few more somethings. He bent over to take a closer look. "Was that teeth he saw on the tavern floor? His teeth?" Jack thought to himself as he ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth and did in fact find several empty places where there should have been teeth, teeth that were now apparently laying on the floor in front of him. As he bent over to collect them something else caught his eye, the pouch the man had thrown at him earlier. "Hmmmm," Jack murmured as he picked the pouch up and tossed it up and down in his hand. He looked at the unconscious man and said, "I'll just take this on account mate, on account of you owe me some teeth."
Jack walked over to the bar and thanked the bartender for his intervention. The bartender slid a mug Jack's way, shook his head as Jack started to dig some coins out of the pouch and said, "Didn't seem ya was willin, only reason I stepped in. Hate a surly and bullyin drunk sure 'nuff." Jack took a mouthful, swished it around a bit and spat it out and finished the rest, gave the bartender another thanks, pocketed the pouch and headed for the door. As he walked back towards his Pearl he was thinking about buying some new teeth with the coins, then a much more better idea came to him. "Aye," he said to himself with a gap toothed smile as he sashayed along, "Not many pirates I'm sure with a mouthful of silver and gold, and I am after all Captain Jack Sparrow!"
The End