Fanfiction Authoress

Chapter 1

Authoess' note: Greeting, fellow Stargeeks! This is my first Fanfiction that I am publishing online. It's a relatively short one, only three chapters, but it's an introduction of a larger story I'm writing called A Writer's mind to Jedi Knights, Wizards, Cookies, and Craziness. It's a Comedy/Parody/Adventure story of what it means to have a love for fandom and an active imagination.

Just for the record, Orio's name is pronounced "Oreo," but when I first created him (when I was, like, ten), I seriously thought Oreo was spelled with an "i", so the name "Orio" stuck.

Orio, my fur-ball friend, will you do the honor of saying the first disclaimer?

Orio: Why can't you do it?

Authoress: Because I'm in the middle of getting Kylo Ren out of my alligator trap.

Orio: Fine… Joanfenny Kenobi (or the Authoress, take your pick) does not own Star Wars, Ultron, the Avengers, Sauron's Ring (thank gosh), Home One, Chocolate, or a bus, but for some reason owns me. Weird.

"See, I told you the ship Home One existed." Joanfenny Kenobi exclaimed to her friend Orio the cat. The duo had been arguing at Joan's house about whether or not Home One was really a rebel ship or something Joan made up, so she used her Authoress powers to teleport the two of them to Admiral Akbar's vessel. No one had paid them much attention, despite the fact that talking cats and crazy authoress' weren't common in their universe.

"Well, it might only be in the Legends." Orio hissed. One of the things Orio really hated (besides paper plates) was being wrong.

"Haven't you seen Return of the Jedi? This ship was, or in this case will be, at the Battle of Endor."

Orio sighed, collapsing in defeat on Joan's shoulder, muttering something about "pesty Ewoks." As Joan began observing some flashy button on the white wall, a young blond-haired rebel appeared from around the corner and collided with the two Earthlings. Contents from Joan's backpack spewed all over the polished floor.

"Hey, watch it!" Joan snapped as she collected her things. "You nearly broke my wand."

The rebel attempted to help the Authoress gather her belongings. "Sorry, I—Joanfenny?"

When Joan got a clear view of the man's face, she beamed. "Luke Skywalker! I haven't seen you since I was entranced by Empire Strikes Back. I was trapped in that book for a week."

"That's what happens when you read a book that gets you exited, all while using your Authoress wand." Orio murmured, brushing dust off his fur in an irritated manner.

Joan stared at her wand. It didn't look like much; it was just sparkly purple and glowed slightly. But without it, she wouldn't be able to travel to the fandom worlds. It was tucked up her sleeve when she was reading Empire, and had she soon found herself trapped in the book. The only way she could get out was by going through the entire story.

Luke chuckled. "Yeah, you really surprised Vader when you jumped out of the shadows and sprayed him with that whipped stuff. What's it called again?"

"Whipped cream. I gotta say, it's not the first time I've been hooked on a book, but literally being sucked into one was kinda new. I'll be sure not to have my wand with me when I read The Hunger Games."

While the two of them struggled to stuff Joan's black-liquorish bow into her bag, Luke asked, "So, here for Authoress business?"

"Not this time, Orio and I were having a quarrel about this ship's existence, so I decided to take a little trip."

"Oh, well, how's your work coming along?"

Joan rolled her eyes and sighed. "Slow. My parents want me to get a job, but no one will hire me…"

"I meant your writing. How is it?" Luke pressed. "Have any stories finished yet?"

Joan shook her head. "They're all disorganized. I can come up with plots, but beginning and ends are so hard. My trouble with grammar doesn't help. Not to mention most of the stuff I design are fanfics."

Luke gave Joan a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "You're still learning, just like I'm learning how to be a Jedi. Those things take time and practice."

An eardrum-shattering alarm went off throughout the entire ship, red lights blanketing the hallways in a scarlet glow. The sudden noise made Orio screech with terror and leap into Joan's backpack. A female voice from the speakers began commanding people to the X-wings and Y-wings.

"The Empire's found us!" Luke shouted over the noise. Turning to Joan, he said, "You need to leave now!"

While everyone on the ship was white with fright, Joan's face glowed with excitement. "Are you kidding me? I'm not leaving! This battle might give me some ideas."

"But what if you're killed, or worse, captured?"

"Luke, I can't die in these universes remember? I'm from reality. And why is being captured worse? I can torture the Stormtroopers with Orio's singing."

"Hey!" Orio hissed from the bag.

"Well, for one thing, you could be interrogated by Darth Vader." Luke stated gravely.

Joan was about to make a snarky reply when Leia Organa ran to the group. "Luke, we need you to—oh, hey Joan, here for Authoress business?"

Joan's temperamental expression changed to a grinned. "I am now." She pulled a mini notebook from her pocket, and started writing things down using her wand as a pen. "Mind if I survey the battle for ideas?"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Vader's Tie just landed in hanger B4. Luke, we need to do evacuations now." The princess stated.

"Your Highness," purred Joan, "I'm a fanfiction authoress, and the reason why I come to this world is to get ideas from situations like this. If Vader finds me, fine. His reaction may give me hints on his personality."

"I don't think you want to know Vader's personality." Leia retorted.

"Yes I do. I'm working on a semi-crossover right now, and Vader's a main character."

"Semi-crossover?" Luke queried.

"It's hard to explain. Anyway, my point is that coming here is part of my job as an authoress, so I'm not leaving."

The twins stared at each other, then at Joan. Finally, Leia said, "Alright, but I'm warning you Joanfenny, do not let Vader get your wand."

"Don't worry." Joan said. Tapping her wand a few times, it transformed into an ordinary pen. "Ok, let's go."

Authoress' note: Well? Whatya think?! Was it Awesome? Was it everything you hoped it would be? Do you want more? Or is it so terrible that you want to throw rotten pies at me? Please like and review, but no flames… if you want Kylo here to live! (Evil snicker)

Kylo: Why me?!

Joanfenny: Cause you tried to steal my Swedish fish, that's why!

Orio: And you killed Han.

Kylo: I only impaled him! Would you rather have me chop off his arms and legs and leave him to die on a lava bed?

Joanfenny proceeds to whack him with her bat.