Moments Of Blame

I'm back with a short Crusher-centered story! This is basically some "missing stuff" from the 4x05 episode "Remember Me". So, there are spoilers for that episode. This was supposed to be really short, like a couple paragraphs, but my imagination ran away with me (yet again).

This starts just after Beverly gets away from the second vortex that appears to her in the "warp bubble", though it was really Wesley and Geordi trying to get her out.

Some of the following dialogue is borrowed directly from the episode.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek.

Wesley knew they were going to lose the portal before its brilliant bluish light faded from Engineering. Everything they had tried, during this attempt and the one before, had failed. So he gave up, letting his hands slide helplessly off the control console just as Commander LaForge shouted "I'll go to the secondary equations!"

Wesley stopped the man's work by saying, "No, look." He couldn't tear his eyes away from the picture on the screen; the image of something he had created, something that was now disappearing forever and taking his mother with it. "I've lost it." he added blankly as the image vanished.

Mom…

Geordi hurried over. "Damn!" he swore. After a moment, he looked up. Pity was clear in his voice as he said more gently, "I'm sorry, Wesley."

The one time that the problem is really my fault, I can't solve it. I failed.

He'd done this. Him and his stupid experiment. And now he'd managed to…to…

Don't let me interrupt. That had been the last thing she'd said, while he'd been working on his experiment. But now…that experiment had killed her. "It's over." he whispered. "There's no way we'll get her back now."

LaForge gazed at him sympathetically, but Wesley ignored him as he felt his vague, numbing guilt turning rapidly into something much more painful. He wasn't sure what he would have done next if a disembodied voice hadn't suddenly spoken.

"It's not over, Wesley." He looked up just in time to see the Traveler phase into existence before him.

For a while, even with the somewhat comforting presence of the Traveler, Wesley found his brain function unusually limited to mere reactions to other people's words. It was a strange sensation for him; his mind was usually so busy.

"Is she alive?" Captain Picard asked.

"As long as she thinks she is alive, she is alive."

Mom, please still believe that you're still alive.

"What the hell does that mean?" Riker demanded.

"Your species have very narrow perceptions of time and space and thought."

He said something like that to me when he was here before, didn't he? I've thought about it a couple times…

"When Beverly Crusher was caught in the static warp bubble, she created her own reality."

"Her own reality"? What does that mean?

"Her thoughts at the precise moment she was trapped determined its shape and form."

Wait, didn't she look kind of sad when she came down to Engineering just before…What kind of reality did her thoughts create? A confusing one? A terrifying one?

"Can you go in and get her back?" That was Counselor Troi.

Please say that you can…But Wesley doubted that it would be that simple. He said there was a solution, but if it's not that…

"No, it is her reality. I cannot enter it anymore than I can enter her thoughts."

So she's gone forever? Please, no…"But you said that there's still a way." He tried to mask the desperation in his voice. He wasn't sure if he succeeded.

"I can help, but I can't do it myself. Wesley…" The Traveler moved from the head of the briefing table to kneel beside Wesley's chair. "There is a power within each of us that most people haven't begun to realize. But you have begun to, or else I would not have known to come here now."

Wesley remembered that while attempting to make a gateway to retrieve his mother, he'd thought about trying to contact the Traveler. But he hadn't known how to. Apparently he had anyway.

The Traveler continued to speak. "Together, we may be able to open a gateway for her…" The alien turned to look at the others around the table. "…but she must choose to walk through it." He looked back at Wesley as if to gauge his reaction.

Wesley's thoughts were spinning. How could I possibly help? And what's this "power" he's going on about? And even if we make a stable gateway, will Mom know to go through it?

In the end, he couldn't do anything about his mother's choices while she was in the warp bubble. My "failed" experiment…But that was the point, wasn't it? He'd caused this to happen. According to the Traveler, whom he trusted, he was also the only person who could fix it.

So I'm going to. I have to.

"Okay. What do we do first?"

Later, he didn't entirely understand exactly what he'd done to open the gateway. "Seeing past the numbers" and "trusting himself" completely weren't things he was used to doing. Closing his eyes while working on such a scientific problem didn't make much sense to him, either. But it worked. He got past the equations, into a realm of thought that he'd never known existed. He felt, instead of saw, the gateway open, its blue light illuminating Engineering.

And he knew instinctively when his mother came through it. He felt himself snapping back into the "real" reality.

Then he nearly passed out on the control console.

But a minute later, he heard his mother speaking. He didn't really pay attention to the words, but the sound of her voice told him that he had succeeded. He felt something very similar to victory become prevalent in his consciousness.

And when he stumbled into his mother's arms a few moments later, he could feel nothing but relief.

Over dinner that night, his mother noted that he was more than just tired. And, being his mother, she had an inkling of what was on his mind. "It wasn't your fault, Wesley."

He looked up from his plate guiltily. "It was my experiment."

"But you didn't set it up to catch anyone, did you? And I was the one who walked into Engineering and stood in the exact right spot to be caught."

He sighed, his chest tightening. Speaking hesitantly, he began, "Mom…when the first two gateways failed, and when the warp bubble was collapsing, I thought…" He couldn't bring himself to go on.

She reached across the table and took his hand. "Wesley," she said gently, "It's all right. I'm fine, I'm here, and I'm safe."

She's right. It's okay, she's back now and she's not going anywhere. He managed to smile briefly.

She gave his hand a quick squeeze and released it. "Everything's fine. Though I wouldn't recommend building any more warp bubbles for a while."

"Mom, you don't build warp…" Wesley stopped when he saw his mother grin. She's just kidding, he realized.

"Now eat your dinner before it gets cold, young man." Now she was pretending to be stern.

They both laughed a little before returning to their meal.

Just something random I've been thinking about since I first saw this episode a little while ago. Feel free to let me know what you think!