I woke myself up with my own screams and tears. My shirt was soaked through from sweat and crying and I just couldn't stop. He was already there, holding me…I would like to think that his embrace was what had awoken me, but I know that it wasn't true. He always got to me before I woke up, he always held me before I even knew that I needed to be held. I buried my face in his chest, crying in to the crook of his shoulder and his arms tightened around me, holding me close. "It's ok Nick-o, I'm here."

"I can't take it…" I sobbed. "How could someone do that to themselves?" I looked at him, knowing how pathetic I was. My eyes were red and puffy and tear stains lined my face.

"They weren't happy Nick, they didn't have someone to love them." He pulled me even closer, if that was possible. "They weren't like us sweetheart."

"It's just so…so fucked up!" I sighed, looking away again. That morning I had witnessed someone jump from a building to their death. It had been an accident, me seeing it I mean, not the suicide, I just happened to be looking in the wrong direction at the wrong time. Joe had been with me, he was always with me, but he hadn't seen it, he hadn't been looking in the wrong direction, he had been looking at me.

"I know baby, I know." He put his hand on my chin and pulled my eyes towards him. "Look at me Nick, I love you alright? And I'm gonna get you through this." He kissed the top of my head.

"Joe I need you to promise me that you'll never do that, never kill yourself." I could hardly bear to look at him.

"I would never do that to you." He put his hand on my cheek. "I have too much to live for, I have you." He smiled slightly.

"Thank you." I shook as I tried to slow my own tears, but I couldn't make them stop.

"Baby it kills me when you cry." Joe kissed the corner of my mouth despite the fact that it was wet with tears.

"I'm sorry…" I sobbed. "I just…I feel like humanity is so fucked…I mean to throw yourself off of a building because life gets you down, it's so wrong, so sad!" I squeezed my eyes shut. "The worst part is I know that if you left me that's what I would do."

"Oh Nicky, is that why you're crying?" I nodded slightly.

"Then stop hon, Je t'aime toujours." He kissed my forehead.

"What?"

"I'll love you forever mon petit choux."

"What?"

"Yeah, I have no idea what that means, but it's a term of endearment!" Joe looked at me. "Je t'aime maitenant et Je t'aime toujours." He kissed me softly. "I love you now and I'll love you forever," he whispered in my ear.

"That's beautiful," I said shakily through my tears.

"Not as beautiful as you are."

"I'm a mess." I looked at him. I knew that I was a mess. I was red and blotchy from crying and I was still going.

"Even so…" He kissed me gently and it was almost enough to make me forget everything that was bothering me.

"Joe?" I pulled away.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Because I knew that if you woke up you'd be awake half the night and you need your sleep." He sighed. "I was hoping that I would be able to hold you and soon enough your bad dream would leave you alone and you'd be able to fall back asleep."

"Really?" I looked at him, his words were so sweet, so loving. He just nodded and kissed the tip of my nose.

"I hate it when you're tired because you're grumpy when you're tired…you're unhappy." I felt my tears begin to slow as he spoke to me, almost whispering. "And when you're unhappy, I'm unhappy and I don't like being unhappy."

"Are you happy right now?" I asked him.

"Are you?" I nodded hesitantly. "Then so am I." He pulled me in to his lap and held me there, almost like the Santa Claus at the mall used to when I was younger, except one of his arms was around me shoulders, holding me close and the other was around my waist, supporting me on his thighs. "I love you Nicky." Joe placed a soft kiss on my lips. "That man…he wasn't happy on earth the way you and I are, he's happier wherever he is now…as for me, I'm happy wherever I can be with you." His words touched my heart and I buried my face in his chest, hugging him tightly.

"Mi koro estas vias, Joe."

"What?" he pulled me away so that he could look at me, his expression confused.

"It's Esperanto, my heart is yours…"

"Where'd you pick that up?"

"Kevin's girlfriend."

"Oh…Nick, that's sweet." Joe smiled at me and I reached out, brushing some of his thick hair from his eyes.

"Mi amas vin, mi koro esas vias…toujours." I added the French at the end of the Esperanto just for him…I could say that I loved him, I could tell him that my heart was his, but I couldn't say always in a dead language. He didn't ask what the first part meant, but as he pulled me in to a passionate kiss, I got the feeling that he knew what it meant. He eased me back on to the bed.

"Do you think you could sleep now honey?"

"If you held me…"

"Toujours Nicky, toujours."