Chapter One

The sign-up list to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays came down the table, and as usual Remus signed it. He passed it along to Sirius, expecting him to sign it as well, as the two of them had spent the past five Christmases together at the school while nearly everyone else went home. But for the first time in six years, Sirius passed the list down the table. Remus quickly averted his eyes, hoping Sirius hadn't caught his momentarily stung expression.

"You're not staying at Hogwarts this year too?" Peter asked, surprised.

"Nah, don't need to," Sirius answered dismissively between mouthfuls of toast. "James' mum invited me for every holiday through graduation. I'm looking forward to it too. Never spent a Christmas with a happy family before."

"Well don't expect too much Pads," James said, rolling his eyes. "I mean sure, my family's not mental like yours, but Mum fusses like you wouldn't believe. She's always such a nag at Christmas."

"My Mum fusses too! She does, she-she spends the whole time asking me about school, and my marks and things and it's a holiday. You're not supposed to care about school anymore," Peter put in quickly. James and Peter immediately started a pissing contest over whose concerned, nurturing mother was the worst, and Sirius and Remus traded eye rolls across the table while their friends weren't looking.

It's not that Remus thought his parents were as bad as the Blacks, per se…it's just that his home life was stressful in its own unique way that made him distant. Though they never said so, and though Remus knew he was loved, he could tell his parents blamed the hardships of their lives on him. Which was kind of fair…life would be much easier for them if Greyback had killed him instead of merely biting him.

With that happy thought, Remus mumbled an excuse and slipped off towards Gryffindor Tower to kill the remaining time before class in solitude. He wasn't in a very good mood anymore.

He really didn't want to spend Christmas alone.

Remus trudged through the portrait hole, up to their dormitory and flopped onto his bed. He pulled a blanket around his shoulders, faced the wall, and allowed a proper sulk now that he was alone. He needed to get it all out before classes started, or he'd fall even more behind than he had already (Slughorn was giving him grief in Potions-he kept thanking Remus for continuing with it and demonstrating to the class what not to do during every practical, which was apparently great for instruction).

Then his curtains were drawn back. Sirius sat down on the bed next to him and prodded his shoulder. Sighing, Remus sat up and let the blanket fall down his arms. "Hullo Padfoot."

"Heya Remus. So what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Sirius shook his head. "We don't have much time before Transfiguration, so do you want to just skip the run around and tell me the truth? Is it me not staying for Christmas or something else?"

Remus opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He frowned, and looked down at his hands. "You don't need to stay at the castle for me. I'm sure you'll have a lot more fun with James."

"I'm not thick, you know? I just looked it up. There's a moon over holidays. If I'd realized that this morning, I'd have signed the list straight away. You should have mentioned something, you know? I've been trying to get this through to you since second year. You can talk to me. I want to know when you're upset, especially when there's something I can do to help. Okay mate?"

"Al-alright. Sirius, really, you don't have to stay for me. I've survived plenty of moons without help. I can do it again so you can have a month off. It's fine." It really wasn't, and he'd miss his friends terribly if he were ever left completely alone.

Sirius seemed to realize that, like he always seemed to know how Remus was actually feeling despite his reassuring little speeches.

"Look, we told you last year when we finally managed the animagi transformations, you're never going to be alone for a moon again. I'm always going to help you. So quit worrying about it. I already signed the list anyway, so it's a done argument."

"Isn't Mrs. Potter going to be upset?" Remus asked.

"Probably, but I'll smooth it all over next time I see her. Now c'mon, we've got to get moving." And Sirius dragged him off to class.

The full moon was the night before Christmas Eve, which was terrible timing. Remus would be too weak for the Christmas Feast, which Sirius complained about loudly on his behalf. "It's okay though, I'll nick you loads of food and bring back as many crackers as I can carry."

James had left his invisibility cloak behind for them, so when it was time for Remus to make his way to the Shrieking Shack, Sirius followed invisibly behind him until they got to the tunnel.

"It's a shame Wormtail's so fat and I'm so tall. If three of us could fit under this thing again, it'd be loads easier to just go along with you rather than follow after later," Sirius said with a wistful sigh, de-cloaking the second they were in the tunnel and out of sight. He cheerfully threw the cloak over his arm and followed after Remus, who didn't say anything and walked faster.

The others had only watched him transform into a wolf once, and though his memories of actual transformation were never very clear, he was sure Moony was a bit tougher about turning into Remus than the other way around. He was a little nervous about having Sirius along for the entire thing, but this was easier so there was no arguing him out of it.

Frankly, he couldn't tell if, when the others treated the transformations like fun they were trying to make him feel better, or they really did enjoy the romps as animals enough to forget how painful the whole experience was. Considering the lengths they'd gone to help him, he knew that wasn't it, but sometimes when the others treated it so casually it was easy to forget that.

Sirius chatted a little bit about the Christmas Feast, and homework and classes, and complained about Snape, or complained about James' crush on Evans, and before they knew it they'd reached the Shack. Sirius stowed the invisibility cloak on an empty bookshelf in what would have been the den in an inhabited home, then jogged up to the bedroom, where Remus had kicked off his trainers and was shrugging out of his robes.

He turned bright red when he noticed Sirius standing in the doorway. "Um Pads, don't you think you ought to wait downstairs while I'm actually transforming?"

"Why?" Sirius asked.

Remus thought it was obvious. Apparently not. "I'd, er, rather you not see this."

"I've already seen it loads of times. Once a month for over a year now."

"Yeah, but…look it's different when I'm going from me to wolf than when I go from wolf to me. I'd rather be alone." Remus turned around to start pulling off his shirt, both because he hated when people saw his scar and to avoid the hurt look on Sirius' face.

Once he was nude, Remus sat down by the boarded up window, hugged his knees to his chest, and waited for the moon to work its horrible magic. He started breathing fast, which was nothing to do with the transformation and everything to do with nerves. He really hated this, feared it more than anything he could think of, and now that it was so close the fear was paralyzing.

He let his forehead drop to his knees as a small sob escaped his throat. He tried to tell himself that it'd be over soon, and he'd romp around the Shack with Sirius and it'd even be fun, but the transformation-the transformation hurt so much that the fun to come was small consolation. He was going to be sick. It was almost time. Almost time.

Then the door creaked open and Padfoot came trotting in. He bumped his wet nose against Remus' shoulder and messily licked the tears from his cheeks. Another strangled sob escaped him, and Remus hugged the shaggy dog, digging his fingernails into the thick fur as he sobbed out his fear and shame. Padfoot let out a low whine, but stayed, letting Remus use him like the world's largest, worst smelling teddy bear. When the transformation began to wrack his body, Padfoot turned his head and gave Remus sloppy dog kisses until there was more fur than skin. He backed up, and was soon looking into Moony's amber eyes.

Moony wagged his tail, but didn't get up right away. Padfoot sat down next to him, shook his shaggy head, and waited for his companion to get his breath back. After about five minutes or so, Moony nudged Padfoot and then took off down the hall. Padfoot followed after for what proved to be an excellent wrestling match, which they followed with a pissing contest (well, they were both dogs at the moment), and then they destroyed a sofa and rolled around in the ripped stuffing. Moony went over to the tunnel entrance and whimpered and scratched at the trap door a few times, but Padfoot shook his head. They'd agreed back in the castle that they weren't leaving the Shack this time, not without Prongs to help keep Moony in line.

So they had a few more wrestling matches, played in the sofa stuffing some more, and then Moony went upstairs and flopped on the bed, looking tired but pleased. Padfoot made his way over and sat down next to him, and Moony rested his great vicious head on his friend's ribcage.

When they were both human, nothing like this would ever happen. Remus was far too reserved and jumpy for this kind of physical contact. Sirius reckoned he'd been going a bit far lately in enjoying the monthly transformations, but part of the reason he did like them so much was because he got to do things with Moony that he never could with Remus. And even when the others were along, it was something like one on one time, since they were the only canines. There were just some games a dog and a wolf could play that a dog, a wolf, a stag and a rat couldn't.

And lately Sirius had found himself wanting more and more one on one time with his friend…

After a nice nap, Moony got up, jostling Padfoot awake, and licked his snout. He went over to the boarded up window and sat down on the same spot Padfoot had found Remus in earlier. It was only then that he noticed the golden tinge to the light from between the boards. Sunrise already? That had gone by fast.

In no time at all, Moony let out a pitiful whimper, which had Padfoot next to him in an instant, nuzzling and licking him until eventually there were human arms digging into his coarse black fur, and a human throat was rasping out those horrible noises instead of a wolfish one. Sirius turned back to himself in a painless instant, pulled Remus into his arms and hugged him protectively. Remus regarded him through a pain haze, let out a shaky breath, and then passed out.

Sirius held his friend a moment longer, waiting for his knees to stop shaking before he got up to carry Remus to the old broken bed in the room. He carefully laid him over the blankets, retrieved his clothes and dressed him. Before he put his shirt on though, Sirius paused and ran his hand over the largest scar on Remus' abdomen, the only one he hadn't given himself. Suppressing a shudder, Sirius finished with the shirt, lay down next to his friend and dropped off to sleep, physically and emotionally exhausted himself.