Standing there, so studious and so full of the simple life, I want you when all the others fall at your feet.
You don't talk down to anyone and you don't play games – this I know just by looking at you – but you shut the door to your nice car and you don't look back.
/ /
In my bed, long after the night has come and gone, with sunlight fingers on the sky – there you are, beautiful blonde girl and sharp blue eyes and skin soft as… soft as these licks of fire along my thighs, tender as the flame rushing up in my chest…
I love you and I don't even know you yet.
/ /
I envy those boys that make you laugh and I envy those girls that make you smile.
You take a sip of water from a plastic bottle and I envy the hard rim.
You don't skip classes and you don't make the honor roll – what kind of contradiction are you? What kind of middle ground have you so easily found?
I love you and I don't know how to stop doing so.
/ /
Make-up smeared like war-paint, this is a battleground and we are all soldiers and none of us fight fair when it comes to you.
We all plan our attacks – a saved seat, a cheat to a test – but you shoot everyone down without saying a single word. You shut the door to your nice car and you don't look back.
I love you and I don't know who the hell you really are.
/ /
Standing there, I see you standing there and you lean against your locker door and you stare at the concrete floor and this is it – I know it and I think you know it, too.
I think you've been waiting for someone to finally drag you over the line.
This is no daydream. This is no sweet song. And yet, it is all these things and more. It is everything.
And I love you, Spencer Carlin, but I don't even know you.
/ /
"Hey."
"Hi."
"You like the beach?"
"Sure."
"Know when the best time to watch the ocean is?"
"Anytime?"
It isn't the first time I've seen you smile, but it is the best time – up close and shy and like the fluttering of a billion butterflies.
"Pretty much, but especially now."
"Now?"
"Yep. Let's go."
"What about school?"
"I don't think I can fit the whole school building in my car, but I can try… if you like…"
It isn't the first time I've seen you smile, but it is even better this time – you reveal it and you set it free – and I want to… I want to…
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Let's go to the beach."
"Right. Okay, good."
/ /
It isn't until we are up to our necks in warm saltwater that you ask my name and I tell you and you repeat it back to me. My name sounds good from your mouth.
My name, Ashley, said by you as we bob and as we dip and as we dive under.
The way you get close in these waves and then push away, the way you tug me back to the shore and the way you take it upon yourself to towel the both of us off… the way you toss your head back and close your eyes, the way you do everything so effortlessly…
And there you are, in my car, falling asleep beside me as if you do it all the time.
I love you. It beats out like a drum against my ribcage. It blares out louder than any guitar solo.
/ /
Your number on my pack of cigarettes, pressed hard on my palm, and the parking lot fills up with so many people – they talk to you and they grin at you and they pull you into hugs – and you walk to your nice car.
But this time, you look back and find me.
Out of all of these admirers, you find me and latch on tight… before driving away….
"I love you, Spencer Carlin." I say, daring this day to get any better.
/ /
END