A/N: This will more than likely be a two part story. This first part will be from Callie's point of view, and the next will be from Arizona's. I am using the song I Hate This Part by The Pussycat Dolls to emphasis my writing, and the lyrics aren't really in order. I chose the exact lyrics I thought fit. This is post the break up scene and onward after that. Enjoy and don't forget to review!
Everyday, seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now 'fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me?
The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts
Callie refrains from letting go of the blonde who doesn't seem to want to be let go either. She can feel her slowed breaths washing over the crook of her neck, and she takes in the fragrance of her shampoo, fearing the next time she gets to smell the scent she will just merely be passing her by in the halls of the hospital. The brunette is dreading the moment their bodies part, she's afraid of the instance when she removes her arms from the other woman's frame, because she knows after this last embrace; it will be done - it will be over.
"Arizona," Callie says in a hushed tone, unable to apprehend the very reason she said it to begin with. A faint sob followed after the name, and she held onto the blonde's physique tighter to some extent as if she was the only thing keeping her breathing. As if she lost her she wouldn't survive - and she felt it was possible that she wouldn't.
"We'll see each other at the hospital," Arizona repeated those words that came with a nostalgic feeling of comfort, knowing that at least Callie would see her again. But would seeing her again really ease the growing ache inside, or only make it greater? The blonde then forced herself to withdraw from Callie's desperate embrace, refusing the possible contact of the brunette's chocolate brown eyes by staring straight ahead as she lifted herself from the couch. Callie's eyes, however, were closed, hoping to keep composure at least until Arizona had left the apartment. She wiped her face to exonerate it of the tears that had already broke free, only to have another trail down her cheek.
I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothing's wrong
But there is no more time for lies
'Cause I see sunset in your eyes
No matter how badly Callie wanted Arizona to stay; no matter how desperately she wanted her their relationship to last, she knew she couldn't keep living each day the same way. Every day, ever since Callie found out Arizona didn't want kids, it's been the same exact thing - the same consistent problem. She'd say she wants kids, and Arizona would say she didn't, and that would happen every single day. Callie can't and wouldn't be able to cope with that for much longer.
Callie knew that for their relationship to work, one of them would have to make a difficult decision. Either Arizona decides she wants kids, or Callie decides she can be happy in a committed relationship without them. That seemed far from possible. A baby is something Callie wants more than anything, and she needs for Arizona to want the same thing. Life without Arizona would be brutal, but life with Arizona and no child to nurture and care for… she wouldn't be able to live her life like that - creating the illusion that she's happy with what she already has.
The sound of Arizona's suitcase rolling down the hallway causes Callie's eyelids to squeeze shut, as if it were worse than nails on a chalkboard. But soon silence breaks free in the living room, and the brunette hears a sigh from the end of the hall. So Callie opens her eyes, which are now burning from the tears she has been trying to repress, then shifts her body on the couch to face the blonde. "I'll get the rest of my things tomorrow," Arizona's voice is low, like she is struggling to keep from losing her composure, "Good night, Calliope."
Callie wants so badly to say something to her. To just tell her not to go, but she knew that if she did that, she wouldn't be helping their relationship any. They wouldn't be moving forward, there was no moving forward. The only way to move forward would be to move forward separately.
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here
Callie watches Arizona's retreating figure approach the front door, and as the blonde is half way out into the hall, Callie speaks up, "I love you," she's said those three words so much in less than twenty minutes, and she poured her whole heart and soul into them. Letting Arizona go is more than just pain, it is a physical anguish that she feels all over her entire body, "And I don't think I will ever be able to stop loving you."
She notices Arizona's expression soften, but in a second, her features fall and her eyes begin to get red. The peds surgeon opens her mouth as if she wants to say something, but ultimately nods her head and hastily leaves the apartment completely, shutting the door behind her. Now Callie is alone, left with only her thoughts and a bedroom which would seem so empty tonight. She wouldn't be getting any sleep, that was for sure.