Disclaimer: I don't own them.
CLOCKS
Today it's a year.
Last year today I saw Tsusuki walk through the door to this very office, looking older than he'd ever looked in his hundred something years.
*"Soka, I'm...I'm tired."*
Stupid me, I could always read his feelings when he was talking about someone else but me. Never me. Maybe I was blocking them. Maybe they were so strong I was afraid to acknowledge them; maybe I was just scared they wouldn't be as strong as I wanted them to be.
No use in thinking about that now, is it?
*"Well, Baka, if you're tired, nap a little. It's not like anyone's stopped you before."*
I think...I hope he knows...I did think he was a baka. He is a baka. My baka. I think he knew my harsh words weren't meant to hurt him, because that day he smiled.
*"It's not what I mean, 'Soka. I'm tired of this. It's time."*
Time is something you don't think about much when you're a shinigami. At first, maybe, I was still attached to counting the days and the months. But after a while it just seems silly. There's always going to be another day, another month.
I did count every second of this year, though.
*"I just talked to Konoe. I gave my resignation."*
I'm not surprised he didn't consult with me first. It wasn't my business after all. I didn't open up enough to make it my business. Never really got to show him what I felt. But those beautiful amethyst eyes still emanated love and concern.
Can you really love someone when that person isn't enough for you to stay?
I guess the answer is yes, because I know I love him, and yet I didn't go with him; did I?
But I couldn't be angry with him for it. He didn't quit; he didn't give up. It was just time.
Even the after life has a cycle. It is obvious to me now. Konoe, Tatsumi and Watari; they look older now. The Shonkan division looks old. It's time for new blood, I guess. I can see it in their eyes every time they talk to me. Tsusuki made evident what no one wanted to say. It was time.
I was supposed to be new blood too, but I am too attached to all of them; to life. Because in the twenty five years I've been a shinigami I've come closer to know what life is than any of the days I actually lived. They were my family and my friends. And Tsusuki could have been my heart, if it hadn't been broken before I knew him.
That's my one and only regret.
I never dare ask what happens to us when we pass on. I don't think no one knows for sure. It's supposed to be that way. I guess we'd be judged,. like any other person, and then, finally get some rest. All I ask is that they send me wherever he is. I don't really care what my fate will be.
In twenty something years I've never counted the days and the hours as much as I've done the last year. It's the circle that's closing. I counted the days in the beginning, I do it in the end. It makes sense.
Or maybe I'm just counting the time I've been wasting. A part of me can't wait 'til I see him again. And then it won't hurt so much; and then I won't be afraid. It was silly of me to think shinigamis were eternal; but maybe now I can have eternity by his side.
No one cried or pleaded me to stay, like I did to him. They just nodded silently, fully understanding how I feel. I'm tired.
And it's time.
~OWARI~
A/N: This is supposed to be a multi part fic. The thing is, should I continue it, it would turn AU. Would you like me to continue it? It's all up to you. @-@ I've already written chapter two, but I don't mind keeping it to myself, heh, heh.
CLOCKS
Today it's a year.
Last year today I saw Tsusuki walk through the door to this very office, looking older than he'd ever looked in his hundred something years.
*"Soka, I'm...I'm tired."*
Stupid me, I could always read his feelings when he was talking about someone else but me. Never me. Maybe I was blocking them. Maybe they were so strong I was afraid to acknowledge them; maybe I was just scared they wouldn't be as strong as I wanted them to be.
No use in thinking about that now, is it?
*"Well, Baka, if you're tired, nap a little. It's not like anyone's stopped you before."*
I think...I hope he knows...I did think he was a baka. He is a baka. My baka. I think he knew my harsh words weren't meant to hurt him, because that day he smiled.
*"It's not what I mean, 'Soka. I'm tired of this. It's time."*
Time is something you don't think about much when you're a shinigami. At first, maybe, I was still attached to counting the days and the months. But after a while it just seems silly. There's always going to be another day, another month.
I did count every second of this year, though.
*"I just talked to Konoe. I gave my resignation."*
I'm not surprised he didn't consult with me first. It wasn't my business after all. I didn't open up enough to make it my business. Never really got to show him what I felt. But those beautiful amethyst eyes still emanated love and concern.
Can you really love someone when that person isn't enough for you to stay?
I guess the answer is yes, because I know I love him, and yet I didn't go with him; did I?
But I couldn't be angry with him for it. He didn't quit; he didn't give up. It was just time.
Even the after life has a cycle. It is obvious to me now. Konoe, Tatsumi and Watari; they look older now. The Shonkan division looks old. It's time for new blood, I guess. I can see it in their eyes every time they talk to me. Tsusuki made evident what no one wanted to say. It was time.
I was supposed to be new blood too, but I am too attached to all of them; to life. Because in the twenty five years I've been a shinigami I've come closer to know what life is than any of the days I actually lived. They were my family and my friends. And Tsusuki could have been my heart, if it hadn't been broken before I knew him.
That's my one and only regret.
I never dare ask what happens to us when we pass on. I don't think no one knows for sure. It's supposed to be that way. I guess we'd be judged,. like any other person, and then, finally get some rest. All I ask is that they send me wherever he is. I don't really care what my fate will be.
In twenty something years I've never counted the days and the hours as much as I've done the last year. It's the circle that's closing. I counted the days in the beginning, I do it in the end. It makes sense.
Or maybe I'm just counting the time I've been wasting. A part of me can't wait 'til I see him again. And then it won't hurt so much; and then I won't be afraid. It was silly of me to think shinigamis were eternal; but maybe now I can have eternity by his side.
No one cried or pleaded me to stay, like I did to him. They just nodded silently, fully understanding how I feel. I'm tired.
And it's time.
~OWARI~
A/N: This is supposed to be a multi part fic. The thing is, should I continue it, it would turn AU. Would you like me to continue it? It's all up to you. @-@ I've already written chapter two, but I don't mind keeping it to myself, heh, heh.