.x.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

.x.

"One, two, three…"

The words that passed his lips were forced, the air about them filled with annoyance. Gabranth barely listened to himself speak, sitting in the courtyard with business letters, nor did he notice me, running away into the maze beside him.

"I pray, count with more enthusiasm!" called I, my fingers running alongside the bushes. He only counted louder, assuming that was what I meant by 'enthusiasm'. But still, he was cooperating, and that sufficed my happiness.

"Yes, Lord Larsa. Four, five, six…"

Further into the labyrinth, the wind gently shook the shrubs on either side of me. Each step I took, the softer his voice became, too weak to pass through the thick leaves. As the seconds passed, I had yet to find a place to hide, searching for any such possible place fearfully.

"Seven, eight, nine…"

As he reached the last number, I came across a dead-end, and, burying myself into the foliage of the bush, I had no other place to escape to.

"Ten!"



I closed my eyes, listening for his voice in the breeze. No such voice came, only his heavy footsteps in his armor. I held back a giggle, watching as the Magistrate intently read his papers, absorbed by nothing else. He passed by me slowly, not noticing the oddly-colored spot in the bush, nor the gloved hand that stuck out from the leaves.

Quietly, I broke out of my containment, the wind veiling any signs of me. He still stared down so closely at his work, jumping when a small hand tapped his left arm. He turned, seeing nothing. I jumped to his other side, catching him off guard and stealing the papers from his loosened hand. "Wha—"

"Ha, catch me, you must!" I cried, fleeing with the parchment. I smiled brightly. From behind me, I heard a laugh: a gentle chuckle that the proud man tried to mask. He ran after me, the sound of his breastplate shadowing me. And quick he was, strong arms wrapping around my stomach and lifting me up only moments afterward. Such muscular arms did not release as I struggled, attempting to kick myself out of his warm, loving grasp.

Even as I look down at the green labyrinth from the balcony, I can still hear his soft, quiet laughter pass through my ears, a broken melody I haven't heard for years. The brightest sunlight shined down on us both…

.x.


I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.

.x.

…and then the night, cursed with lightning and plaguing my ears with thunder. I hid beneath my covers, the room so suddenly frightening. My small head poked out from under the heavy blankets, my shaking body a lump in the bedspreads. The entryway was on the other side of the room, the wooden door open slightly.



I hesitated in removing myself from my safe haven, but as I looked out the window and saw the horrifying lightning, the open doorway looked quite promising. Running on my tippy toes, I made my way out of my chamber and into the darkness of the corridor. The roar of the thunder followed me, a poor, terrified boy in night clothes.

And as I hurried down multiple hallways, my palms pressed against my ears, I began to cry—the shadows of the night scared me in the eerie passageway. I made it to a familiar chamber, knocking on the door as tears ran down my cheeks. When I heard no one stir inside, I knocked more forcefully and more rapidly, looking about me for possible ghosts that haunted my imagination.

Knocking even harder, I didn't notice the door had been opened, accidently hitting Gabranth's abdomen. Even my small punches seemed to hurt his painfully exhausted body, groaning as my fist collided with his stomach.

I withdrew my hand, startled. "My apologies!"

He stood in front of me, starting down at me almost comically. He could barely open his eyes, his zombie corpse still not completely registering my presence.

"Gabranth, might I impose upon you—"

The rumble of the storm shook the kingdom, and I ducked under Gabranth's limp arm.

"Might I stay the night in your company?!"

Barely a second passed before he replied, mumbling, "My… pleasure, my…Lord." He, not even noticing, held onto my wrist, slowly dragging me over to the bed. It was there that he pulled back his blankets, stepping aside. He waited for me to plant myself underneath them. As soon as I rested my head, he put them back over me, lightly tucking them under my sides.

Feeling as if I were wrapped in a cocoon, I pushed them out from underneath me. And, expecting him to retire on the divan on the other side of the bed, I wished him a good night.

"A pleasant night, my Lord," said he, deciding in his sleep to instead crawl back onto his bed. Guilty thoughts passed through my mind, for this was indecent, but Gabranth already had placed his head on the pillow, half of his body void of covers.

I moved closer to him, the lightning no longer a scare, and pulled the blanket along with me. I reached over him, covering his chest with the warm bedspread. He grumbled in his sleep, pulling up on the blanket so it reached his shoulders and turned toward me, his pleasantly calm face lit up from the window.

I remember envying his facial hair, a trait I wouldn't have the pleasure of having for a long time. I remember staring at his closed eyes and slightly parted lips, wanting to reach forward and touch them. But I mostly remember how serene he looked, his light breathing became my lullaby that sang me to sleep.

I still stir in the middle of the night, especially on those stormy hours of darkness, when the lightning disturbs the moonlit sky. I see him at rest, peacefully sleeping across from me. I reach over, touching the empty space beside me. I can still feel his warmth. The darkness no longer seemed fearsome…

.x.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.

.x.

…and in the morning, when Gabranth awoke to find me in the bed beside him.

"For Heaven's sake, my Lord, awaken!"

Through my hazy sight, I could see his silhouette above me, standing on the side of the bed. The bright orange sunrise made him glow in the most divine light, making me smile ever so warmly in my light doze. He was yelling at me, nervous.

"What shall we do? What shall they do once they find you not in bed—but mine?"

He hid his face under his large fingers, turning to exit out to the balcony. Shrouded in fatigue, I slid off the bed and followed him, the kingdom of Archadia beyond the railing.

He placed both hands on the golden bar, gripping it over so tightly. There I stood behind him, staring at this bare back, bruised from battle.

"'Tis the dawn, Gabranth. I am still able to return to my chambers—"

He took his hand away from the rail, turning slightly to face me. Guilt filled his eyes. "How uncomplicated that sounds, Lord Larsa. If only it was that and nothing else."

"What is it you mean?"

He returned his gaze toward Archadia, a kingdom yet to be awoken.

"I looked upon your sleeping stature, late into the night," said he, "when I awoke to your face. How startled I was, but how… pleasured I became."

He quickly spun around, his back fully against the bars of the rail.



"Lord Larsa, forgive me. I have committed a sin."

He walked forward, ever so uncertainly toward me. I stood my ground, my eyes following him as he came closer—looking down upon me with uneasy eyes. He stood before me, silently waiting for my clemency on behalf of his offense.

I held his hands.

"Show me this sin again," I replied. His eyes widened.

"Never, my Lord, can that be done—"

"Give me this sin again! Without knowing the act committed, I cannot forgive and forget." I held his hands tighter, pulling him closer. "Show me this sin again!"

Gabranth sighed. He began to shake his head, refusing, even with me tugging on his hands. "This cannot be done."

I released them, letting them drop to his sides. "Refuse my orders! I shall take my leave and never speak to you again. Never again—"

He bent down on one knee, grabbing my arms to keep me still. Stiff as a board, I looked into his eyes and blinked, startled by his actions. He heaved another sigh, fear little by little leaving his face. It left behind an affectionate, peaceful expression and a weak smile. His hand ran along my back, palm passing over my neck. His fingers tangled themselves into my untidy hair, pulling my puzzled face forward.



He stopped just before our lips touched, breathing into my mouth. "God, forgive me," said he, and he brought our lips together, leaning forward into a kiss. His lips were soft, almost as soft as the blankets he placed me upon, planting kisses on my neck and soon chest.

And as my moans of long ago ring in my ears, his loving face from that daybreak implanted itself in my mind forever. The sun had rose, and no longer did either of us care about the rest of the empire. It was just him and me, entangled together in the greatest sin either of us had committed.

And yet, we both loved it…

.x.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine.

.x.

…until that evening came.

After the battle, when he lay in the back of the Strahl. His hands were cold, and his face pale. Oh, how his groans made my eyes water, watching as he spoke to Basch in an unfamiliar, uncomforting voice.

His voice of pain and suffering.

And soon, death.

I couldn't look away, wishing over and over silently for this to be a dream. We were still running around in the maze. We were still laughing and smiling. He was still teasing me. I was still mocking him. Wait, we were still not talking to each other across a room. We were still mad at 

each other. He was still unyielding toward me. I was still stubborn toward him. No, we were still together in his chambers, Gabranth's arms wrapped around my body. We were still kissing each other. We were still holding each other. He was still staring down at me. I was still gazing up at him. All of Archadia, Rozaria, and all of Ivalice disappeared, and we were the only two lovers in such universe.

Until…

A hand—a hand so gentle, a hand so soft—slipped into mine; our fingers intertwined, a small shiver running up my back. Basch mumbled in his sleep, mistakenly holding me in such a way. Even with a scar to ruin his face, beyond it was Gabranth, still watching me, even in the night.

The darkness no longer seemed fearsome…

.x.

And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be.

.x.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XII. Nor do I own the lyrics ("Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt).