Title: Saying It
Author notes: I've written quite a bit of fanfic in my time but this is my first SVU piece (written during a rather boring afternoon at work!) so be gentle. None of the characters will ever belong to me. Sadly.
X
The first time she says it, it feels awkward; she almost stumbles over the words, her tentative voice feels stilted and unnatural. And she says it out of nowhere; they're sitting in her office in the late hours of the evening, going through piles of convoluted witness statements, half eaten take-out on the table, paperwork everywhere, scattered over every surface and she can't concentrate because she can't stop thinking about how this is how it was supposed to be.
She wants her to know she means it (how could she not?) and yet to her ears, she sounds like an unrehearsed actress, unsure of her lines, breaking the silence and wishing she had the confidence to voice it with the certainty that she feels it.
She's not naïve; she is complicated and fragmented and there are pieces of her that won't ever be right, and yet, there is some kind of purity in how she feels; there is safety and acceptance and something she can't quite name because when their eyes meet; she finally feels at home.
"I love you."
The stillness is broken with her words.
"I know."
X
The second time she says it, her voice is light and cheerful and she wishes that she could feel like this every day of her life.
They're walking through Central Park (they are hand in hand and she wonders whether she is the luckiest woman alive) and she slowly feels drops of rain land on exposed arm. By the time they've reached the relative shelter of a nearby tree, they're both soaked to the skin but they're laughing, tucked up against the tree; Alex's hand pushes her wet brown hair from her face, tucks it around her ear and smiles in a way that makes Olivia feel real and wanted and loved.
Her breath catches in her throat because the world feels right; she can't break the gaze between them because she feels everything that she hadn't thought possible.
"You okay?" Alex sounds almost worried.
"I love you." It's a non-sequitur; it's out of place and she says it because she can. Because it's true.
The smile that appears on Alex's face is almost blinding. "Me too."
X
"I love you."
It's dark and their porch is lit only by candles that have started to dim. The night is so still that every word feels like a roar so they exchange whispered words under their shared blanket.
She's not quite sure if she's ever been so happy.
"You say that a lot." Alex replies with a grin on her face (she knows it's there without having to look)
The peacefulness of the later summer evening falls over them and Alex rests her head on her shoulder (the blonde hair tickles her nose) and Olivia holds her hand, her fingers playing with the silver band, rotating it and she can't quite believe it's there.
"I mean it a lot."
"I know you do." There's a pause as she moves her head, shifting to look straight at her with the piercing blue eyes that seem to be able to reach right into her soul. "I love you. Always will."
X
She says it hundreds of times and each time, she feels it more than the last.
X
FIN.