A/N: So, I thought I'd see how I'd do with humorous fanfics. This fic is just a whole bunch of random conversations and situations between different Servants and Masters (some of my OC's may appear too). Well, I hope you enjoy. And I'm sorry if you don't think it's funny. Like I said, I don't do humor very often. Also…cameos by random people from the Nasuverse.

Notes: Many, many, many, many, MANY references to Fate/Stay Night, Fate/Zero, Fate/Prototype, Fate/Hollow Ataraxia, Carnival Phantasm and many other shows/hentai visual novels/ovas.

Warning: Beware of horrifying situations like Caren having wads of cash and Berserker going out to buy more batteries. This warning is especially aimed to all Lancer-class readers…and Servants. It will get even worse if you're Irish. So, read at your own risk. Also…bad language.

Disclaimer: I own none of the other characters who are already owned by Type Moon, etc.

*11 AM, Emiya Residence*

Assassin Number 9: Saber-san! I have an emergency!

Saber: What is it, Assassin?!

Assassin Number 9: What do you think would happen if Scathach-san and Caren-san would hang out together for a day?

Saber: That's not an emergency!

Assassin Number 9: Yes, it is!

Saber: How is that an emergency?

Assassin Number 9: Because I was just casually walking down the streets and found Scathach and Caren-san talking to each other!

Saber: What?! You're right! That is an emergency! What do we do?

Assassin Number 9: I say…

Saber: Yeah?

Assassin Number 9: WE JUST SIT BACK AND WATCH THE CHAOS ENSUE!

Saber: I agre- WAIT, WHAT?! Assassin-san! How could you?! You'd just casually sit back and watch what could become more chaos than the Holy Grail War?!

Assassin Number 9: HELL YES! Haha! Why not?! Come on, do you really think it's going to be worse than Berserker going out to buy batteries?

Saber: Well, you have a point there.

Assassin Number 9: See! If anything, Lancer-san and Proto!Lancer-san will be the ones in danger, but aren't they always?

Saber: Ugh, I hate to say it, but you do have a point there. I'm really starting to wonder why I hang out with such demented people.

Assassin Number 9: That's easy, Saber-san! It's because you're surrounded by demented people!

Saber: *face-palms*

Assassin Number 9: *turns to all readers and starts waving* Have A Nice Time Reading About the Upcoming Chaos – and potential end of Fuyuki City!

Saber: Wait, what?! Assassin, stop this Fan-fic now before something bad happens!

Assassin Number 9: Sorry Saber-san, but I can't. The readers have already started reading this fic. *kitty face*

Saber: Wait, WHAT?! ASSASSIN-

*11:45 AM, Fuyuki Shopping District*

"So, you are the famous Scathach, teacher of CuChulainn, are you?" Caren Ortensia asked her new friend.

"I am. Why do you ask?" Scathach replied. She wore a rather-revealing purple shirt and very short shorts.

"I know where he is", Caren told her.

"Wait, Cu's here?"

"He is. In fact, he is actually my Servant. And if you want, we can go tease that dog", Caren said evilly. Scathach smirked evilly in reply. The two then nodded to each other and started to walk towards the church, passing by two familiar faces (although one was in his spirit form to avoid any trouble).

"Hey Setanta, was that-", Arthur asked his blue-haired friend.

"Yep, that was Scathach", Setanta replied while materializing.

"Then why didn't you say hi?" Arthur questioned.

"I would rather have my older-self take care of those two demons. I already have to deal with Misaya. How in the hell would I deal with her plus Caren and Scathach? Because really…that would lead to this world being even more of a hell to me", the man answered. "If anything, let's just hope they don't meet up with Misaya, because then…I'm fucking doomed."

*12:15 PM, Living Space (Church)*

"Open up, dog", Caren told her Servant outside of the door to his room, but there was no reply.

"Are you looking for Lancer-kun, Master?" a blonde haired boy asked from behind Scathach and Caren. The two turned around to see Ko-Gil standing behind them with a ball in his hands.

"Yes, where is the dog?" Caren asked him.

"Oh, he didn't tell you? Well, he's on a date with Bazett-san right now. I can give him a message if you would like", Ko-Gil replied.

"Hmm…no, it's alright. Do you know where he is?" Caren asked.

"Yeah, they went to Ahnenerbe. Why?"

"Don't question me. Thank you for the information, though. By the way, Scathach, this is Ko-Gil; Ko-Gil, this is Scathach", Caren introduced.

"Nice to meet ya, kid", Scathach said.

"Nice to meet you too, new Onee-san!" Ko-Gil replied happily while shaking hands with the woman.

"Shall we go now?" Caren asked the reddish-purple-haired woman.

"We shall. Bye, Ko-Gil!"

"Bye, Onee-san!"

*1:00 PM, Emiya Residence*

Assassin Number 9: Saber-san! Saber-san!

Saber: Ah, I see that you are finally ready to stop this soon-to-be horrific fan-fiction, Assassin-san. Am I correct on this statement?

Assassin Number 9: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one, Saber-san! Haha! No, that's not it. I just had another emergency

Saber: *sigh* What is it this time?

Assassin Number 9: I was just going to ask what you think what would happen if Caren-san and Scathach-san would happen to run into Misaya-san!

Saber: THAT'S NOT AN EMERGENCY!

Assassin Number 9: B-but Saber-san, they actually did run into Misaya-san!

Saber: ASSASSIN-SAN! STOP THIS FAN-FICTION NOW! THIS IS GETTING WORSE THAN THAT DAMNED CARNIVAL!

Assassin Number 9: Saber! I told you that the readers are here for a reason! Don't interrupt the story!

Saber: ASSASSIN-

*1:15 PM, Shopping District*

"Dog", a voice called out from behind Arthur and Setanta. The two turned around to see Misaya with an odd looking red cloth that seemed to just float around.

"Oh, hey Master. What do you need…and why the hell do you have a cloth?" the blue-haired man asked his Master.

"I'm borrowing it", she replied simply.

"Um, okay then. But seriously, what do you wa- What the hell?!" Setanta yelled, as he was caught in the strange red cloth that Misaya was apparently borrowing. His whole body was wrapped in the cloth, including his face.

"Sorry, I need this", Misaya said to Arthur, who stood there confused. And then suddenly, Setanta felt himself being dragged somewhere.

"Master! What the hell is this?! Are you fucking crazy?!"

"Don't back talk to me!" the sadistic woman yelled back.

"And, you think that I'm gonna think of something nice to say about ya when you're doing this to me?!" Proto!Lancer questioned.

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!"

"NO, YOU SHUT UP!'

At that moment, Ayaka walked up from behind Arthur. She looked up at him and then looked back at the odd Master and Servant pairing in front of them.

"They act more like an old married couple than a Master and Servant", Ayaka stated.

"They've always been like that to each other. I'm personally surprised that they haven't started dating each other yet", Arthur told his girlfriend.

"WHAAAAAAATTT?!" he heard both Setanta and Misaya yell at the top of their lungs.

"We might want to go", Saber said, starting to sweat. Ayaka nodded, and they ran back to their house.

*1:30 PM, Ahnenerbe*

"I'd never thought I'd see you like this, dog", a familiar voice said from behind Lancer.

"Hu- S-Scathach?! Wh-what the hell are you doing here?!" Lancer yelled in surprise.

"Never mind me. Anyway, so this is the lady you chose this time? Hmm, tell me your name, lass", Scathach said to the magenta-haired woman in the suit who was sitting across from Lancer.

"Oh, I'm Bazett Fraga McRemitz", Bazett replied.

"A descendant of Fraga, you say? Ha, you did well, dog! I give you my seal of approval!" Scathach responded.

"Yeah, yeah, but seriously why the hell are you here?" Lancer asked his teacher once again.

"Well you see, I ended up running into someone interesting today."

"How does that explain why you are here?"

"Oh, Bazett? I would have never guessed that it was actually true that you two are now official lovers", another familiar voice sounded from behind Lancer. Bazett's face got red like a tomato.

"C-Caren?!" Bazett gasped.

"Didn't I tell you that he is now my Servant? You lost him, remember? It would not be fair to you if I just took your left arm without permission, would it not?" Caren said.

"That is different, and you know it is! Lancer is a familiar which means he can talk to anybody he wants to!"

"I agree, but you are not only talking but on a date", Caren stated, causing Bazett to get up from her seat in frustration.

"So just because we are on a date, you think that I am taking him from you?"

"No, it's just that you should get permission before taking someone else's dog for a walk, otherwise the owner may get worried about where their dog went. The owner would be worried that the dog may have turned into roadkill, especially if said dog is an Irish breed – you know how unlucky and idiotic those breeds are", Caren said mockingly.

"DON'T CALL ME A DOG!" Lancer yelled.

"Do not bark back at me, dog. Know your place", Caren commanded, as she threw the cloth towards Lancer, causing it to twist around his whole body.

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TAKING ME?!"

"Shut up, dog", the Master stated emotionlessly.

"Caren! What are you doing?! Where are you taking him?!" Lancer heard Bazett yell towards his Master.

"That is not information you need to know", Caren said before walking out of Ahnenerbe.

*2:30 PM, Misaya's Mansion*

"Master! Let me go!" Setanta yelled at the person beside him.

"I'm not your Master. Wait a second…Se-tanta? Is that you?"

"Cu? How the hell did you end up here?" the younger version of Cu Chulainn asked.

"How the hell should I know? I think the real question is why the hell are we here", Lancer said. Proto!Lancer and Lancer sat back to back on the ground with blindfolds over their eyes. Suddenly, the blindfolds were taken off, only to reveal a horrific scene. Misaya, Scathach, and Caren were all standing in front of them. Both of the blue-haired males were wide-eyed with both surprise and horror.

"H-hey Cu?" Setanta said to his older self.

"Y-yeah?" Lancer replied nervously.

"I-I think it's safe to say that we're fucking doomed", Proto stated.

"Yeah, I think that would be a safe bet", Cu agreed. The three women before them laughed evilly and started getting closer to the two of them.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the two screamed in unison.

*7:30 PM, Shopping District*

"Let's see here…mhm….mhm…mhm…yep, that's everything", Axer said to herself, as she walked through the shopping district. She wore a casual maroon dress and knee-high black boots with a black jean jacket. Her strawberry-blonde hair blew in the wind behind her. Suddenly, her ruby red eyes widened in surprise. "What the hell happened to you two?" she asked the two Cu Chulainns walking past her. Their clothes were ripped, and their hair was down, completely messed up. Setanta's black tie was loose and hung over his shoulder, and Lancer's wallet chain was missing.

"Our worst nightmare happened", they stated together, as they continued walking. Axer didn't say anything and just stared at them in confusion.

"Ah, I see…who's bright idea was it to let Assassin write this story?"

*7:45 PM, Emiya Residence*

Saber: Where's Assassin-san at?

Assassin Number 9: Saber-san! Saber-san! Wasn't that a great story?!

Saber: No, that wasn't a great story! Poor Proto!Lancer and Lancer got tortured by the three most terrifying people in the Nasuverse!

Assassin Number 9: You're over-exaggerating, Saber-san! They're the third, fourth, and fifth most terrifying people in the Nasuverse! I'm mean, but I'm not that mean!

Saber: Then who's first and second?!

Assassin Number 9: Sakura-chan and Arcueid-san!

Saber: *face-palm*

Assassin Number 9: Aaaannyway, that's not why I'm here!

Saber: Then, why are you here?!

Assassin Number 9: Because, I was going to cosplay you!

Saber: Aww, really, Assassin-san? That's very sweet of you. *blushes*

Assassin Number 9: I know, right? Who knew I could be so sweet? Nyahaha!

Saber: Assassin, are you turning into Henry from Fire Emblem Awakening?!

Assassin Number 9: Haha! Who knows! But, look at this Saber-san! I even have Excalibur to go with it!

Saber: Assassin-san!

Assassin Number 9: Don't worry, Saber-san! It's fake.

Saber: Whew!

Assassin Number 9: Just kidding! EX-

Saber: WAIT, WHAT?! ASSASSIN-

Assassin Number 9: CALIBUR!

Saber: AAAAAAHHHHH! ASSASSIN!

Assassin Number 9: *kitty-face* That's what happens whenever you try to stop the story, Saber-san! *turns to audience* Well, I hope you enjoyed the story! If you have a question that will lead to chaotic events, ask it in the reviews or private message me, and you'll appear in my story if you want! You know, questions such as what would happen if Berserker would play video games, or what would happen if you would bring Nero to a lingerie store – questions like that. So, I have to finish the next chapter of my other fan-fiction, Fate/Stay Night: Routes of the Unknown! So, goodbye and have a WONDERFUL Day!