Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS.
The Last Words of Andrew Wells
If you're listening to this tape it means my cold, lifeless body has been found. I have recorded the events of the last few hours for posterity. It wasn't meant to turn out this way. I only wanted to try on Spike's coat and see how it felt. And let me tell you it felt great. It was like my very own cape, swishing around me. I was a vampyre with a soul, dedicating my life to good. I was a hero with dashing good looks and beautiful blue eyes and perfect cheekbones….
Sorry, gentle listener, I digress. Back to my tale of woe. As I explained I was merely trying on the coat when the terrible deed happened. One of the slayers offered me a cigarette, saying I needed it to complete the look. A little apprehensively I took it and tried to inhale the nicotine. However, unused to the effect I coughed and dropped the cigarette on the leather. I didn't notice the smell of burning leather immediately as I was overcome with a racking cough. Realizing the cigarette was burning a hole in Spike's coat I bravely grabbed the cigarette and flung it into the fireplace.
"Why me?" I roared to the heavens, knowing that my vampire friend would be upset at the damage to his coat. I knew I had only a few options open to me. One - Fake my own death and spend my life on the run or Two - just run for my life. Not having the luxury of having time to plan out my death (which of course I would do a great job of) I chose to just run. And I have been running ever since…..
It has been five hours since my world came crashing down and now I am hiding in a booth in McDonalds. Let this be a lesson to you. Never forget smoking kills, gentle listener. I ask that you remember me fondly. I have left my last will and testament in the copy in issue 42 of Astonishing X-Men. And please tell Spike I forgive him for murdering me.