Hogwarts was both Severus' saving grace and damnation. When he turned 11 it gave him the ability to leave his drunk of a father behind, which he very much wanted.
His 11 year old self had been very naive. To think that he would ever be accepted, he now realized, was laughable. There was nothing about him that attracted people to want to talk to him. He didn't have nice robes like all of the other children; his books were old and worn. He wasn't an attractive person either. His nose was rather large, and his hair never failed to look greasy.
Apparently, everything about him was off-putting, and as Severus got older he learned that trying only led to him feel more miserable about himself.
The day that a certain bushy-haired Gryffindor took interest in him was the day that Severus came to remember as being the best day of his life. He might not have realized it at the time, but Hermione Granger was going to be his saving grace. She was going to be his everything.
He had been sitting at a table in the library, working on his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework when without such much as a "How do you do?" Granger plopped down in the seat directly across from him.
Being in his sixth year, he had seen her around often enough. She was in most of his classes, but he had never talked to her past asking her to move over in the halls when he was trying to get past.
To be perfectly honest, he hadn't paid her much attention till up to that point. At the beginning of first year, she had attached herself to James Potter and the rest of his groupies. Not only were they bloody Gryffindors, they had made it their mission to make his life a living hell. It had been that way since he had first stepped foot in Hogwarts, and Severus had no desire to be around them. Many found him cowardly, but Severus knew he was no coward. He was smart. He knew that he didn't stand a chance against 4 wizards on his own so he didn't even try.
That's why when Granger suddenly moved to sit next to him, Severus was positive it was some kind of trick.
He began to discreetly look around the library for anything that looked suspicious. James was probably behind a bookcase ready to hex him. Granger was simply being used as some sort of distraction.
If they thought he was stupid enough to allow a pretty girl to make him lose his focus, they had another thing wasn't about to let them make a fool of him.
The plan wasn't very clever in Severus' opinion. Granger wasn't even looking at him. Instead she had her nose stuck in a book, which was nothing new. Perhaps they wanted him to let his guard down?
Potter was clever when he wanted to be and he must know that Severus was no idiot. It wouldn't be surprising if Potter had told Hermione to ignore Severus so that he wouldn't suspect anything. No one had ever sat with him before if they didn't have to, including Hermione.
Without looking up from her book, Granger calmly said, "You can stop glaring. I only wanted to find a quiet place to read my book."
Looking around he could see that there were plenty of places she could have chosen to sit that would have allowed her to read her book quietly.
He chose not to say anything, but instead went on pretending like he was continuing on with his homework. The truth was that all of his senses were on high alert. He subtly put his hand inside his robes to grab hold of his wand just in case. If this was some sort of prank he was determined to be as prepared as possible.
An hour and a half went by in this manner. He still didn't trust Granger's intentions, though he was thankful that nothing had happened.
Right when he was about to finish his homework, Granger slowly got up from the table, pointedly gazed down at him, and said, "I rather enjoyed sitting here with you. I hope it wouldn't be too inconvenient for you if I sit with you again sometime?"
Well, what was he supposed to say to that? He had known of her existence for 6 years and now, out of the blue, she wanted to sit with him like they were friends?
What was she up to anyway? She knew he was a Slytherin. A lowly one at that. It was quite obvious that they were on different levels. And to make matters worse, if this wasn't some cruel joke, Potter and the rest of her friends would have a fit if she started associating herself with him.
Realizing that she was waiting for him to say something before she left, he sneered out, "Won't your friends be upset if you did that?"
Strangely enough she smiled at him. Not just a small grin, but a huge smile that transformed her face into something beautiful. Laughing she said, "Yes, well, I can make my own decisions and I have decided that I want to get to know you, Severus Snape. I should have done so six years ago."
He was sure his eyes were bugging out of his head; probably doing nothing to help his already less than appealing appearance. It couldn't be helped, however. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before.
Sure he would talk to a few other Slytherin students, but he had no real friends. This was the first time in his life that someone had ever really shown an interest in getting to know him.
The whole situation was starting to make him nervous. If he wanted to be honest with himself he would acknowledge how badly he wanted this. So much time had been spent on his own.
He had been sick of it for a long time; nevertheless, there was nothing he could do to change things. A person couldn't make others like them, although, many times Severus had wished he could do just that.
Perhaps this was his chance to make his life better? All he had to do was tell Granger he wouldn't mind if she sat with him from time to time. Not so hard really. Except that Severus was finding it to be very hard. He could feel himself start to sweat even. Do it, Severus. Say yes. Let go of your damn pride and say yes!
"Yes," he blurted out.
If Severus hadn't seen it for himself he wouldn't have believed that someone could look so happy by the prospect of being in his company. She seemed to be glowing with happiness.
Nothing that had happened in the past two hours made any sense. Above all her amusement. "Yes? So I may sit with you? I wouldn't want to bother you of course."
He was doing his best to remain stoic, not wanting her to see how excited he was by this new turn of events. This could all still be a joke and he didn't want to look too desperate.
For some reason, his cynical side was retreating into the dark recesses of his mind and the hopeful part of him was threatening to drown him. "You wouldn't be a bother. " He thought to add, "As long as you don't talk my ear off that is." Granger was known to be somewhat of a chatterbox. It had never bothered him, but she didn't have to know that.
She didn't appear to be put out by his slight insult. "I wouldn't dream of it," was all she had said before she smiled and walked out of the library.
The next few days passed by and Severus found that things were slowly changing. Hermione started studying with him in the library. They would spend hours just sitting together, silently working on their homework together.
She would rarely say anything, and this surprised Severus. She usually talked a mile a minute, but with him she wouldn't say more than a couple of things during their entire time together.
He wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, but he also knew he didn't have the courage to speak up himself. Maybe he was a coward after all.
Neither Potter or his cronies bothered them, and Severus didn't know if that was because they didn't know what their friend was doing or if they were biding their time. He had decided that it didn't really matter.
It was surprising how quickly he had become attached to having Hermione around. In a few short days, she had become something he needed to make his day feel worthwhile.
Classes were tedious since they prevented him from being next to her. Meals time were no different. Most of the time he had to pretend that he wasn't staring at her from a distance.
She was completely fascinating, and now he had to wonder why it had taken him so long to notice her. How could he have ignored how she would mouth the words while she read one of her books? Or how she was almost constantly running into things because she couldn't be bothered to put a book down long enough to walk?
It burned him that her so called friends made fun of her more often than not. While it didn't seem to bother her much, he always got an almost uncontrollable urge to punch every last one of them for not treating her with the respect she deserved.
A week after their first encounter saw Severus sitting down in Potions waiting for class to begin. Right before the professor announced class, Hermione moved away from her place by her usual classmates to sit next to him.
Several long seconds passed with him having no idea how to react. He could feel Potter's intense gaze on the left side of his face. It felt like everyone in the classroom had paused in order to stare at him and Hermione.
This was the first time any one had seen them together. This was a huge step in their friendship. This was all happening too fast. This was...this was crazy.
Feeling a soft hand on his arm, startled him out of his panicked state. He looked down to see that she was touching him. She was touching him.
Hermione's face was carefully blank when she asked, "Can I sit with you? You're a genius at potions, and I could use the extra help."
He couldn't very well refuse. More importantly he didn't want to refuse. Besides, friends helped each other out didn't they? He nodded his acquiesce and quickly turned his head back to the front of the class, doing his best to pay attention to what the professor was trying to teach them.
Hermione was taking notes and raising her hand every chance she got, which Severus was hard pressed not to find adorable. Their arms touched frequently since she was sitting so close to him.
It felt amazing being so close to her, but what made the experience even better was the fact she actually wanted to sit with him in public. She wasn't embarrassed by how he dressed or looked. This revelation was rather amazing.
Every now and then she would quietly ask him a question when she didn't understand something. Pride filled him when he was able to answer her questions without any problems.
The grateful glances she threw his way made him feel 20 feet tall. Without even trying she was turning his life upside down, and he hoped with all of his heart that he never got right side up again.
Too soon for his liking, the class ended. He fully expected her to leave and they would see each other later for their study session. Instead, she got up and waited for him to do the same. He hesitated, but not knowing what else to do he could only stand there and peer at her curiously.
Hermione stared right back before slowly allowing a grin to appear on her enticing pink lips. "Are we going to gawk at each other all day? I had rather hoped we could go down to the Great Hall. I'm famished."
It took far too long for Severus to process what she had said because he was using all of his energy on avoiding the gaping Gryffindors scrutinizing his every move.
Of course when he did realize what she said, he came close to fainting. He didn't obviously. That would have been very un-Slytherin of him, but he was sorely tempted.
She couldn't possibly want to eat with him. He would be cursed till he was no more if he sat at the Gryffindor table. The Slytherin table wouldn't be much better either. He wouldn't put it past his "friends" to try and hurt her with either words or hexes. Maybe even both if they were feeling mean enough. No, he wouldn't put her through that.
Breaking through his racing thoughts she said, "I know sitting together wouldn't be wise. It is far too soon for that." She gazed up at him hopefully before continuing with, "That doesn't mean we can't walk down there together."
Both relief and disappointment crashed through him. Emotions can be very disconcerting, he thought to himself. Nevertheless, he smirked down at her before nodding his head in agreement.
Severus had a hard time falling asleep that night. The day had been perfect despite everyone's reaction in regards to his and Hermione's friendship. He didn't have much to complain about; it could have gone much worse.
Potter and Black hadn't even bothered him, which had given Severus hope. Even the other Slytherins had been stragely mute. Maybe his friendship with Hermione could continue?
He had been half afraid someone would come along and ruin everything, but so far that hadn't been the case. Perhaps it was time for Severus to stop believing the worst in everybody.
The old Severus would never have put his faith in anyone else, but Hermione was changing his previous beliefs.
3 months passed with Hermione by his side and life was absolutely perfect. The other students had given them space, and hardly even acknowledged their new found relationship. Severus could only be thankful for small favors.
They talked about everything, and he found himself telling her personal things about his life that he had never told another soul.
He told her how his father would drink himself silly, and then beat his mother to a bloody pulp. He mentioned how he didn't have the money to buy new things or how no matter how hard he tried, his hair refused to look clean.
He didn't mention that he had taken a lot more care in his appearance since they had become friends. Severus even went so far as to tell her that he had considered becoming a Death Eater, but couldn't go through with it.
At first he had been scared to tell her anything about himself. It had taken some time before he felt comfortable enough with her to divulge all of his secrets, and it had helped immensely that she hadn't pushed him to tell her anything. Or maybe it was how she told him everything about her?
He had known that she was a muggleborn, that she could sometimes be a know-it-all, and that she was extremely intelligent. However, he hadn't know that her parents were both dentists and she lived in a pretty little culdesac where the neighbors all knew each other and the house had a white picket fence surrounding it.
She shared with him when she had first realized that she was a witch. At six she accidentally levitated her bed in her sleep. Her parents found her the next morning, realizing their daughter had magical abilities.
Severus savored every detail she bestowed on him. The more he knew about her, the closer he felt to her. Before long he knew without a shadow of a doubt he was completely in love with Hermione Granger.
His feelings should have scared him out of his mind, but the realization only brought him happiness. Hermione was different - different enough to befriend him despite all the obstacles that stood in her way. He needed to believe that it was possible for her to see him as more than a friend.
The day he decided to invite her to Hogsmeade could only be described as being the most nerve-wracking day Severus had ever experienced. Nothing was going the way he wanted.
His hair looked worse than usual. Even his robes seemed shabbier. It would be a miracle if Hermione accepted to go on a date with the likes of him.
He was fully aware that she deserved much better than him, but he needed her and he had resigned himself to being a selfish bastard. It wasn't like anyone else was good enough for her either. After 30 minutes of staring at himself in the mirror, Severus decided to make the best of it and go and try and find Hermione.
He didn't see her until he entered the Great Hall surrounded by his enemies. They were all there...James, Sirius, Remus..
Beginning to rethink his plan, Severus hesitated by the doors. Could he really do this? If she rejected him their friendship would be ruined. She would feel uncomfortable around him and he would never be able to recover from the humiliation.
It was when he was about to go to his table and forget about the whole thing, that Hermione looked his way and smiled the smile that never failed to make him dizzy with the sheer wonderfulness of her. It was his smile.
It gave him the courage to head towards enemy ground. It gave him the courage to stand in front of her and start with, "Will you... accompany me to Hogsmeade... this weekend, Hermione?" It came out terribly stilted, but he got it out nevertheless.
It seemed like hours passed before anything happened. Enough time passed where Severus wanted to crawl in a hole and die. This was torture. Why would he ruin everything by being so stupid? If only he had a time turner, he could turn back time and forget that this had ever happened. If only.
It was Potter that spoke up first. "Have you gone bonkers, Snivellus? Like Hermione would ever go out with the likes of you, you greasy haired git!" The others joined in with agreement.
Severus didn't have any time to respond before James had brought his wand out and flipped Severus upside down. Everyone began laughing, and all Severus could do was close his eyes and hope it would end soon.
"James, stop this right now!" Hermione's voice filled the Great Hall. "He's done nothing and if you don't stop torturing him, I will never forgive you!" she yelled.
"No can do, 'Mione," James shot back. "He needs to learn his place. I tolerated you two being friends, but this is really taking it too far. I'm not surprised he would try and take advantage of you. He's probably scheming to get into your knickers."
Severus could hear Hermione's outraged gasp. He himself felt blood rushing to his face. He wanted to yell and scream that he would never hurt her.
He wanted more than her body. He wanted everything she had to over him, and he knew that he wanted forever with her.
Unfortunately, his hopes were starting to die with Potter's dirty accusations. He would never be able to face her after this. All the progress they had made would be overshadowed by this horrible memory.
Not imagining that this could get any worse, it suddenly did. Potter didn't just want to humiliate him, he wanted to destroy Severus so that there would be nothing left of him in the end.
"In fact," Potter sneered. "You need to see how little Severus has to offer you, 'Mione."
Without further ado Severus found himself pant-less. It took every bit of pride he had not to cry. He would rather his father beat on him than suffer through this for one. more. second.
Opening his eyes, Severus made eye contact with Hermione, silently begging her to not look. He knew how pitiful his underwear was. They were old and threadbare, slightly yellowed from age. Hermione would never be able to respect him now. It was all over.
Sirius stepped closer, laughing. "I wonder what's underdeath, James. Probably not much."
Severus was horrified. No! They wouldn't go that far. Not even the Maruaders were that cruel. Please. Please. Please. Please. Severus was bordering on the edge of hysteria. He could no longer just hang there.
"No!" Severus demanded. "Let me go, Potter." He was proud that his voice only shook a little.
Potter only smiled. "What would be the fun in that, Snivellus?"
Severus knew that they weren't going to let him go. At least not until a teacher came and doled out punishments.
Again, he looked towards Hermione. She had been unnervingly quiet, and he felt that that was all the answer he needed. She didn't care about him.
The thought of her indifference threatened to break him. He had come to depend on her; he loved her with everything in him, but he wasn't enough.
When their eyes connected, he felt a jolt throughout his body. She looked desperate. Suddenly her eyes changed and determination shone on her face. She quickly moved to stand in front of him, glaring at James and Sirius.
"That's enough," she growled. Quick as lightening she pulled her wand out, pointing it at Jame's neck. "Leave. Now. You don't want to do this. You know how talented I am with curses. Don't make me use my vast knowledge on you."
Fear flashed in Jame's eyes, and he hesitated, his wand dropping a few inches. Apparently, he wasn't moving fast enough for Hermione because she stepped closer to him and pushed her wand against his neck.
James completely dropped his wand while putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "We didn't mean any harm, 'Mione. Just having a bit of fun," James said.
Severus watched him eye the wand pointed at him warily.
Hermione didn't respond, but she did lower her wand and turn around to face Severus. Not saying anything, she swiftly magicked his pants back and used the spell that would flip him right side up again.
Once he had righted himself, Severus made his way out of the Great Hall. His appetite had deserted him, and all he wanted was to go to his room and cry.
Who even cared if he was pathetic? Nothing mattered anymore. Hermione didn't want him and now that everyone had witnessed him in such a vulnerable position, he would never be treated the same by anyone.
"Severus!" He heard Hermione call from behind him. He couldn't stop and turn around, so he kept walking.
"Please, Severus," she tried again.
No. No, I have to get out of here. I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't. I can't. I can't. Please, leave me alone. Please. Just...please.
His witch was much too stubborn for her own good. Despite his refusal to stop, he could hear her trying to catch up with him. He was so close to making it, but it would seem that fate was not on his side because right when he was about to whisper the password to get into his room, Hermione had grabbed his arm and swung him around to face her.
She pulled him to her, hugging him so fiercely some part of his brain was afraid she would suffocate him. "I'm sorry. So sorry, Severus," she cried against his chest. "There's no excuse for their behavior. I'm ashamed to have called them friends."
Now that the shock was beginning to wear off, Severus started to feel angry. Could life never give him a break?
All he had wanted was a simple date with the girl he loved, but, no. He wanted to rage against the unfairness of it all. His life had been filled with one hardship right after another and then Hermione had changed everything and now she was being taken from him too.
It was clear to him that she felt guilty about everything that had happened at breakfast. He didn't want her pity. He wanted her love, damn it! It all became so much that he burst.
"Don't you dare pity me! Don't. You. Dare," Severus seethed. "I don't need it, or want it."
Hermione stepped back with a shocked expression on her face. It didn't take long for her to recover, however. "Pity? You think I pity you? You idiot!" she yelled before removing her arms from around his waist and began to pace back and forth in front of him.
"Pity is the last thing I feel for you. I'm ashamed that I took so long to act. If I had done something sooner you never would have had to go though all that. I'm ashamed that I called idiots like James a friend! But more than that I'm ashamed I didn't tell you the truth before now. Severus Snape, I love you! I love you so much I feel like I might burst when I am with you," she laughed. "I think about you in the morning when I wake up, I think about you before I fall asleep. I can hardly even read anymore because all I can see in my mind is your face! I've wanted you for three months, Severus, and I have been too afraid to say anything. How sad is that? When you asked me to go to Hogsmeade this weekend I froze! I didn't think you felt that way about me. My hesitation had nothing to do with not wanting to be with you. I was just so surprised, and then ecstatic, I hardly knew what to do with myself!"
The end of her speech left Hermione panting for breath. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks flushed and Severus had never seen anything so perfect in all of his 16 years. She loved him! She wanted to be with him.
Her eyes were starting to dim. "Severus?" she asked hesitantly. "Am I too late?"
Horrified that she would ever think he could stop caring about her, he pulled her into him as quickly as he could, and without giving it much thought, he slammed his lips down onto hers.
He had never kissed a girl before so he had no idea what he was doing, but thankfully Hermione didn't act like she cared. The kiss escalated.
He shyly pulled her bottom lip into his mouth and gently sucked. The moan that escaped her almost brought Severus to his knees. It was perfect. She was perfect. But like all good things, it eventually had to come to an end.
Hermione hesitantly pulled back in order to be able to glance up at him. The smile that graced her face was so tender and loving that he was left dazed.
Deciding his lips needed to be connected to hers again, he took the steps that led to just that happening. And just like the first time - It was perfect.