The Congress wanted an explanation. David gave them one, and he gave them the truth. Standing up from his seat next to the Duke of Ghor, David told the Congress why the sky above every city had become empty, why their special charms, weapons, and even his own eyepatch had vanished.
He told them about the siblings he had met, one with Marion's Blessing and the other a Remnant, just like the Conqueror. He told them of that Remnant's ultimate sacrifice. But he didn't tell them the names.
The silence after he finished was so dense it was as if nobody even breathed. At the oval table, each on their cold stone chair, the lords looked at the young ruler of Athlum, and then at each other, asking: can we believe him?
David stood and faced the scrutinising stares squarely, his fingers stiff, as if wanting to curl into fists.
And then, "if Lord David said so, then it is true."
The first vote of confidence came from the Duke of Celapaleis, his voice boyish but authoritative. Then the leaders of Ghor, Royotia and Balterossa agreed and expressed their trust in David's story. With such backing, the truth David Nassau presented was, with shock and sadness and relief, accepted.
But there was one more question:
"Will the Remnants return?"
David did not answer.
With what they had believed all their lives gone and their faith shattered, some people sank into a state of pure disbelief and despair. Looting, violence and conspiracy theories erupted across the continent. Pockets of resistance grew where a city's ruler was unpopular and now without the supposed protection of a Remnant. The God Emperor was unseated from his throne at Undelwalt. Cults sprang up everywhere, naysayers spreading word that the end of the world was nigh.
Athlum was hardly touched by any of this. After the initial confusion, the people realised their faith had always been with their leader, not the mysterious device that drained a bit of his soul every time it was used or the great sword once plunged into the earth.
"Your father would be proud," Torgal told his lord, now the Duke of Athlum.
David lowered the report he was reading briefly, just enough to catch Torgal's eyes. His smile was even briefer.
"Lord David."
"I'm listening." David's gaze fell back to the latest report of his state's reaction to the changes. It indicated that most faced it with positive attitudes, but he couldn't place too much trust in a mere report. It was time to send Blocter and his team out to do some mingling.
Torgal chose his words carefully. "Is everything all right?"
"Torgal."
"Yes, my lord?"
"It never gets easier, does it." David put the report down. Right now, the man who had watched over him since he was a baby was the only one he could talk to; in front of Torgal he had nothing to hide. And he could stop being the marquis or the duke for a few precious moments. He wished he had realised this earlier.
"What is my lord referring to?" Torgal waited, watching David weave his fingers together and rest his chin on them. "David?"
"My parents. Emma. And others. You have seen many deaths of those close to you."
"Yes... and it never gets easier."
"You watched Emma grow up, as you did me. One day you will watch me die, too."
"I will make sure it is from old age and nothing else."
"You chose a hard path, Torgal, to tangle your life with that of mitras'."
Torgal didn't reply.
"To answer your question: no, everything is not all right. Day and night I ache from the loss. Of everyone in this castle, you would understand this pain the best. Yet I will continue, because I must. Because I am no longer the boy who clutched at the hem of Emma's skirt." Nor could he be the boy who held Torgal's hand as he slept, just to keep the nightmares at bay. Those were childhood luxuries he could no longer afford.
Torgal had never been a man of many words and right now, despite being the older and wiser one, he still had nothing to say. When it came to grief, there were no words that could help; one had to grit one's teeth and push on.
"Do you still want to keep the guest suite ready?"
"Yes." David's gaze went past his friend, general and mentor, as if to look at something far away nobody else could see. "He made a promise to me. I want to believe him."
The first news came in the form of a visistone delivered by a messenger from Celapaleis. "My Lord said that Lord David must view this personally, and in private," she said, and refused to hand the device over to anyone but David himself. "My sincere apologies." The messenger went right to the steps leading to David's seat, knelt on one knee, then held out the visistone as far as she could. Still, David had to get up to take it.
"No need to apologise; you're only doing your job." David turned the visistone over in his hand, as if doing so would reveal a hint of the message contained inside. "You have my thanks. Send my regards to Lord Qubine."
After the messenger was gone, David left the audience chamber under his generals' curious stares and went to the library to view the message. He had no idea what Qubine had to say to him that required such privacy, and there was only one way to find out.
Light flickered in the visistone's crystals, then two beams emerged to form an image of the "boy" Duke. Qubine seemed to have grown taller within mere months of being free from the Umbermarici. David noted with a mixture of relief and irritation that it was likely one day Qubine would be taller than he.
"David. I'll get straight to the point: there have been two sightings of Rush Sykes just outside Elysion, close to the Holy Plain."
David drew a sharp breath and stumbled several steps back, nearly losing balance until he bumped into the godwood desk that had been his father's favourite piece of furniture.
"I've sent someone to confirm the sightings. Both seem credible and are being followed up, but right now I can hardly concentrate on that," Qubine said with a hint of annoyance; Celapaleis had taken the loss of its Remnant a lot harder than Athlum. "Whatever the case, I'm sure you'll want to hear this news. I'll send this out in private, just as a precaution. Send someone to me if you wish to look into this further and I'll make certain what information we have is passed on. Pick someone you trust."
The projected image dissolved with a crackling noise, leaving David alone in the darkened room. Hands gripping the edge of the desk behind him, he tried to digest this - Rush might be alive. Could it be a lie? As cunning as Qubine was, he would not do something this underhanded - even he had respect for the dead. David could not see what Qubine would have to gain by constructing such a tale. Over the years Celapaleis may seem to not have done anything beneficial to Athlum, but they also had not deliberately harmed it.
David waited for his heartbeat to slow down before summoning Pagus and Torgal to the library. He let them watch Qubine's message and told them what he thought.
Pagus had one arm close to his body and the other's elbow resting upon it, the hand turning in angles only qsitis were capable of. "Given the current political climate, he has naught to gain, indeed. It would do Celapaleis no good to bring harm to the state they have recently let go of. And seeing as Ghor had a hand in securing our independence..."
David nodded. "Celapaleis would end up being on the wrong side of Ghor." And if there was one thing about Duke of Ghor and Duke of Celapaleis that David was completely sure about, it was that they both desperately wanted peace despite their frequent exchange of insults. "Qubine has no ulterior motive," he said quietly, although he already got that feeling from the message itself and this was merely a confirmation.
"If Rush is indeed alive, you cannot let anyone know," Torgal observed.
"No." David sighed. "Damn! I should have fabricated a story for the Congress!"
Pagus shook his head. "You did the right thing, my lord. What happened was perhaps the most important event in all history. The Congress needed to know the truth. History deserved the truth."
"But if those sightings were real, if Rush is truly alive..." David tried to keep emotions out of his voice. He was doing pretty well. "...then he is the last Remnant in the world. His existence will create tension between the nations, it could even spark wars."
"Not many of them knew it was Rush you told them about. And there would be no danger if his existence is not known, Lord David," Torgal said simply.
They would have to find Rush and then hide him away before anyone else could find him.
"Pagus, go to Celapaleis and follow this up for me. Not a word to the others. Come up with a story if anyone asks."
"Yes, my lord."
"Torgal, destroy the visistone. Go, both of you."
When the door closed and he was alone once more, David finally shut off his logical, sensible side.
He coudn't save Emma, but there might still be a chance to save Rush.
He walked around the desk and sank down into the chair.
Rush might be alive.
The Silver Falcons were on the move.
David had made brief acquaintance with Silver Falcons' leader during the Remnant War, but fighting side-by-side did not always brothers make. Torgal was the one with the connections and decades of experience in dealing with them. Their current leader disliked authority, just like all his predecessors, but he had taken a liking to Torgal because they shared the uncommon belief that sovanis should live amongst the other races.
Still, friend or foe, the Falcons were an illicit organisation and for them to suddenly mobilise at the scale described to David was enough a reason for him to feel wary. He sent Torgal to find out what was happening, then immersed himself into the job of running Athlum, just as he did everyday. There had been no further sightings of Rush. He had to keep moving forward and assume Rush was dead, because there was no room in his life for false hopes and faraway fantasies.
He didn't think he could endure another heartbreak.
"You've scared the servants."
David put his pen down, sat back and allowed himself a moment to breathe. "You're back." Torgal stood across from him at the desk. David hadn't noticed his approach. "What do you mean, I've scared them?" It was usually Torgal who did the scaring.
"They have spent a long time knocking and you did not answer. They did not know if they were allowed to enter or if something had happened to you."
"Ah... I didn't mean to do that."
Torgal only shook his head gently. "You are far too much like your father, even in this respect."
David usually didn't mind talking about his father, but right now he wanted to know something else. "You have been gone for a whole day. What have you found out?"
"Two days and two nights, my lord. When I left you were sitting in exactly the same position. Have you taken rest and eaten at all?"
"Torgal." David's eyes narrowed. "Your report."
Torgal bowed his head. "The Silver Falcons are moving because of a sighting of Rush Sykes at Ivory Peaks by one of their members several days ago."
David suppressed a shiver that threatened to run down his spine.
"Caedmon, if you recall, sees Rush as a good friend. He claimed the effort is due to personal feelings and a debt his organisation owed Rush."
"How much does he know?"
"If all the lords at the Congress have been following the agreed protocol, Caedmon should know nothing. He knows of Rush's relationship with Athlum, and said he would send Rush here if he is located. I said to him Rush's family wishes for his return and to live a quiet life with him, and so he shouldn't spread word out."
David snorted humourlessly. Being not originally from Athlum, many lords had considered it fair game to ask Rush to help their states instead during the war. Rush was, after all, an extremely skilled fighter, on par with the Four Generals Athlum was famous for.
"And Caedmon agreed?"
"He gave me his word."
If only the whole world were as trustworthy and pleasant to deal with as sovanis. That was an immediate danger averted.
"Elysion, Ivory Peaks... whoever he is, he's heading west, maybe even towards us."
"It is beginning to sound increasingly likely that this is Rush Sykes we are talking about," said Torgal. "David, why don't you sleep on this, then decide what to do tomorrow?"
Ah, sleep. That elusive thing. Suddenly David liked the idea very much. He stood - or tried to, stumbling one step and putting a hand on the desk to steady himself. Wordlessly Torgal stepped behind him, put a hand on the middle of David's back to prop him up.
There were servants waiting outside. Torgal told them to bring some soup to the Duke's chambers whilst discreetly supporting David.
"Am I that much like my father?" David asked when the servants were gone.
They moved slow step by slow step towards David's rooms.
"When his wife passed away, he spent his days the same way you are, right now."
"I owe everyone too much. If there is a chance to save even just one person..." David heard himself say, thought about his own words, and finally sighed. "Who am I trying to fool?"
Torgal, wisely, stayed silent.
"You must think me pathetic, to chase after something so fleeting."
They had arrived. Torgal opened the door.
"Sovanis are often content to just live and watch the flow of time, whereas other races - people like you - choose to burn, brightly and brilliantly."
The bed called to David invitingly, but the promise of food made him choose to sit down at a table instead. He let Torgal pull out the chair for him, turning just enough to look up at the solemn, stoic face. A smile tugged up one corner of David's lips, wry. "So, as it turns out, you are actually a romantic."
Torgal frowned, but David knew his words hit the spot.
It was difficult, but David did his best to refocus his energy, still not placing any hope in the sightings - or telling himself he wasn't - and tried to stick to a rigid routine. Work. Eat. Study. Battle practice. Sleep. It sometimes meant making himself eat when there was no appetite, and staying in bed, wide awake, all night long. But if he stuck to it long enough maybe he could work his body into obeying. His duty was to serve Athlum, first and foremost. He was a ruler and that meant he was not allowed the luxury of personal feelings. On the outside this seemed cruel, but David was glad to have this to hold on to.
Every few days Pagus gave David a report on any findings. In the following month another Silver Falcon thought he saw Rush, but couldn't confirm anything when he was asked for details. This time "Rush" was at Yarman Plain, just a stone's throw away from Athlum. David instructed Pagus not to spend too much time on this; there were many things in need of doing and if that person really was Rush, he would know to make contact discreetly, somehow.
Pagus and Torgal exchanged a look when David said that, age and experience probably telling them to listen to what David didn't say. But their lord made it clear: That Was That, No Further Discussion. Then he went on to do the monthly opening of the castle and holding audience. In an almost childish way, he ensured his generals were completely occupied so that they wouldn't be able to slip in any questions or suggestions. And it worked, because he had finished for the day and gone to bed without hearing another word from them.
The night was warm. David left his windows open, listening to the sound of leaves rustling in the breeze, tired but unable to turn his mind off just yet, and not really wanting to. He thought about his father, Emma, Rush, all those people who had passed, and the things they had said, the promises they had made. He thought hard about them until his chest burned. This was the only time of the day he could do this, to make sure he would never forget them.
There was a noise.
He sat up, listening intently. It didn't come from the windows. Then he heard it again and it sounded like something being scratched and scraped - was it metal? Against stone? The source was inside the wall next to his bed, from the passage that was a secret passed only from Nassau to Nassau, one which even the generals did not know of, in case the Marquis ever needed to escape from a coup d'état. He had used this passage before, but for getting out of the castle to run away to Fornstrand, not because of any emergency. He knew it was not possible to open the passage from the other side.
Reaching down the side of his bed, David wrapped his hand around the handle of the rapier tucked down there. He brought himself to the wall, the cold floor beneath his feet further wakening his senses, one hand holding the sword and the other pressing hidden switches in the correct order to operate the opening mechanism.
When that section of the wall began to slide open, David stepped closer and brought his rapier to the neck of the mitra-shaped being on the other side immediately.
"Drop your weapon and state-"
"Wow! Hey I-"
"You..."
"Dave! I - oh wow, I didn't think this'd lead straight to your room - hey what the hell?"
David pressed his blade harder on the neck of the young man in front of him. "Very crafty. Drop your weapon and state your purpose or I will slice your throat open from ear to ear."
The man did let his weapon fall to the floor with a clang. It was a simple, rusted short sword, the type that Jhanas carried. "What's wrong with you? It's me, Rush!"
"Rush is dead."
"I thought I was too, but apparently I'm not."
The young man in front of David had Rush's face and voice. His clothes were torn in places, covered in mud and other things there were probably alive at one point.
"You're not real." He was imagining this. He'd let those reports from Pagus and the Silver Falcons take hold of his head and he created this meeting out of pathetic loneliness. He had seen, with his very own eyes, Rush vanishing from the world, becoming millions of small pieces, like dust. That dust glowed, tiny dots of light swirling in the air, and then completely disappeared. Just like the Gae Bolg. All the Remnants were gone. This could only mean the Rush in his bedroom right now was the product of his imagination, an impostor, or a fine trick made possible by sorcery.
"Come on, I walked all the way from Elysion to Athlum coz I made you a promise and you hold a sword at me and say I'm not real?"
David took a few steps back. "Rush." That promise. That Rush would stay in Athlum with him after the war.
Rush laughed, one hand on his hip. "Dave."
Finally David lowered his weapon.
"You are awfully late, Rush. And you smell terrible. Use my bathroom and get yourself cleaned up. We can catch up when you are less repulsive company," he said, hoping he looked and sounded strong.
With a mock sigh and a raised eyebrow that said he was more amused than annoyed, Rush did as he was told.
David leaned against his bed, putting the rapier down beside him. He could hear the clanking of the water pipes and very faintly, water splashing over flesh. When his breathing slowed down, he let himself sit down on the edge of the bed, his mind frighteningly empty all of a sudden. He had wanted Rush to come back, but he had never thought about what to do if Rush did return; he had never allowed himself to think that far.
Then Rush emerged from the bathroom, wearing David's clothes. He walked up to David, took the sword - David stiffened briefly - and put it down on the floor, then sat down on the bed too, cross-legged.
"There have been sightings of you, but even the effort of Pagus and all of the Silver Falcons trying to find you proved futile."
"I tried my best. I can't let..." Rush sighed. "I've gotta hide from now on. Me being what I am, really nasty things could happen just because I exist."
"We realised that. The plan was, if we found you, to hide you away."
"The less people know about me the better. Can you keep this from Pagus and everyone?"
"Well..." The request made the edge of David's mind tingle. It made sense, but even now he still doubted if Rush was really here, beside him. This could be a dream. How could he prove it wasn't if nobody else knew?
"I almost didn't even come back here. I really, really don't wanna bring you any trouble. Think about it. War could be chasing my heels. I'd rather break a promise. I'd rather kill myself again than let that happen."
"Rush! Don't say that."
"But hey, here I am!" Rush grinned. "Thought I'd give sneaking-in a shot and found this tunnel outside the castle walls. Never would've guessed it'd take me straight here."
David snorted. "The passage should be very well-concealed. I need to review my security arrangements."
"Yeah you should."
After a bit of silence, they changed the topic. Rush wanted to know how David was. David didn't know what to say - he didn't have anything to tell - so he talked about Athlum. It brought a knowing smile to Rush's face, as if he knew this would happen. But he let David ramble on until he ran out of things to say.
"You're still tense, Dave. Usually you get that I'm-calm-but-secretly-excited thing going on when you talk about Athlum." Rush scooted closer. "You worried? I shouldn't have come?"
"That is not true." David turned to Rush fully, his brows knotting. "I just haven't had the opportunity to relax lately," he lied through his teeth.
"Good. Coz I wasn't sure if you really wanted me back." Rush was leaning forward, slowy and with hesitation. "I... er..."
It felt like forever before their mouths finally met.
For the first time in years, David overslept. It shocked everyone so much they almost sent for a physician.
"You all overreact," David sighed over his breakfast, a meal he often ate with his generals.
"You should hear Blocter's stomach grumble, Lord David," Emmy told him, "it was so loud the whole castle could hear it!"
"All could hear it, except our lord," Pagus corrected her whilst Blocter choked on his food. "Are you sure you are well, Lord David?"
"Yes. Very well."
"You do seem exceptionally energetic after such a long day yesterday..." Pagus said, clearly hoping for an explanation.
Earlier in the morning Rush had left the castle through the emergency passage. He was going back to Eulam quickly to see his family - without them seeing him - and then he was going to come back. David gave him some money, clothes, and the sword. But he couldn't tell anyone that. Rush had decided that with the exception of David, no one should know about him, not even his own family. David had to respect this decision. To vanish from the world, to no longer be in the lives of people one held most dear in order to protect them was a gallant sacrifice that made his chest tight.
He put down the tea he had been drinking. "I had a very pleasant dream, that's all."
The answer clearly wasn't anything Pagus was expecting and he probably didn't believe it, but he wasn't about to call his lord a liar. David was counting on that, and knew Pagus knew he was counting on that.
"A dream?"
David smiled at his general, almost mirthful. "A dream."
Nobody saw Rush in the few days that followed. As instructed by David, Pagus didn't put all his energy in the search and only focused on Yarman Plain and the surrounding villages. They had to play this game a while longer before David could pretend to give up, or there would be suspicions. Lying to the people he trusted with his life was not an easy thing to do and Pagus and Torgal could certainly keep secrets, but why give them knowledge that would only endanger them?
After a week, David began to have doubts. Rush hadn't come back. It was his imagination, after all. But how could he explain why two sets of his plain clothes were missing, and that he had to replace the sword by his bed? If that Rush was an impostor - a mortifying thought considering what they'd done that night - then what was he trying to achieve? He definitely wasn't after David's life, and he left the castle not exactly very much richer in monetary or intelligence terms. He did find out about the passage, but if he intended to use that to infiltrate the castle he should have done it by now. And it wasn't as if Athlum was enemies with anyone to begin with.
Or was Rush attacked? Did David really make the right choice to let him go on his own?
To finally hear that noise in the wall again after waiting many days was a total relief for David. Still cautious, he had his sword ready when he let Rush in.
"We should make up some code so that you know it's me," said Rush, looking at the sword pointed at him, "since there's no door for me to knock on."
David put the sword away. "I'm sorry."
"No no, it's good you're careful."
They sat down and Rush talked about his trip to Eulam. His family was well. Irina had grown taller; she was definitely going to be taller than Rush within the next two years. David was secretly glad that Rush and he were of the same stocky build.
"And how've you been?"
David shrugged. "Not much has been happening. I am directing Pagus's search for you."
"Sorry Dave. I'm making you lie to them."
"It's for their own safety. But is it truly okay for you to live like this?"
"Like what?"
"Like you don't exist. To have nobody know you for the rest of your life. And who can tell how long you might live? Perhaps you could live to a thousand."
Rush shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. When he turned around, he didn't look like he was worried. This was the confident, if completely insane, Rush who once told David he would go and take on the Conqueror on his own. "You know me."
David was taken aback by how direct, how naked the answer was. "Yes, I do," He replied, just as forthright. "But as much as you mean to me and no matter how much I wish I could, I cannot be your entire existence."
"Too much of a responsibility?" Rush grinned.
"Rush. I am serious."
"I know." Rush dropped his smile. "But I don't have much choice here," he whispered, and David immediately regretted bringing this up.
"That was very insensitive of me. I apologise." Shaking his head, David sighed. "Perhaps... after a few months, a year, when people stop looking for you, then you can lead a new life."
Rush's grin was back. "You're worried about me. This is gonna sound wrong but it's really kinda awesome."
Trust Rush to turn the mood of the conversation completely around in one single sentence. But David also knew how to do that:
"Shall we go to bed?"
Rush stayed in Athlum Castle on most nights, always leaving in the morning. He managed to find domestic work as a steady source of income, which wasn't too different from constantly having to clean up after his sister and cook for her, he said. Occasionally he took on lucrative mercenary work at faraway towns and delivered urgent messages that required crossing monster-infested areas.
When David left Athlum for the Congress, Rush stayed away, calling himself the Ghost of Athlum Castle. David could understand that - trying to remain undetected became virtually impossible outside one's own territory. Though, it took three days to get to Elysion, the same to return, and another day for the Congress itself. To not see Rush for that amount of time made David strangely uncomfortable. He was all Rush really had now, the only person he could talk freely with. For Rush to lose contact with him must be a little like...
"Lord David?" Torgal asked when he noticed David staring at him intently, his brows knotted. He uncrossed his arms and stood straight, waiting for instruction from his lord.
David was going to say Torgal was mistaken, but the words didn't come out. Hadn't he just thought that he could be himself and say what he wanted to say in front of Torgal?
"I was just thinking how different my life would have been if you weren't here." He chuckled when Torgal seemed confused. "It's supposed to be a compliment."
Torgal caught on. "There would be no one to clean up after you. I dread to think of the situations that could arise."
"Make sure you don't die before me, then."
A pause. "Yes, my lord."
At the Congress meeting David and Qubine talked briefly but neither mentioned or even hinted at the search for Rush. Qubine was staying out of it completely, for which David was thankful.
"Qubine is actually quite nice, isn't he?"
That was possibly a combination of words never before uttered in history, but David knew what Rush meant. "No. He is kind. Anyone can be nice but true kindness is rare."
"Because he made sure you wouldn't depend on the Gae Bolg or overuse it even though it made him look like an ass?"
David nodded. "Although often he used Athlum as Celapaleis's defense, there were times he sent me out to battle merely as part of the education my father did not give me before he died. It is something Blocter has only just started to realise, I think."
"Emma told me you two are like brothers. I think Blocter's the little brother even though he's older and you're little-er."
That made David smile. "Speaking of Blocter, yesterday he decided I must have made a 'lady friend' recently."
Mock insult on his face, Rush sat back in his chair, nearly knocking the pieces off the board game they were playing. David shrugged, rummaged through his carved bone pieces before placing several on the board to spell imaginary. "He likes to imagine."
"Young Master! Who's the lucky lady!" Rush imitated Blocter's voice, making David laugh, as he looked through his own pieces. "That's a good one you've got there... ha!" He picked out a handful of pieces and laid them out. "Top this!"
Reading the world Rush spelt out - thingamajig - David arched an eyebrow.
"That - "
"Is a word," Rush interrupted.
"I'm afraid - "
"It's so a word!"
" - I'll be stealing your points." David added a few more pieces to the end of the word Rush had just constructed so that it became thingamajigger. Rush's jaw dropped.
"Apologies, dear lady friend." David allowed himself a small smirk. "I get to lead the dance tonight."
Afterwards, they lay on the bed, more parts of their bodies exposed than covered.
The man who had reappeared in David's life covered in all sorts of organic and inorganic matter turned out to have a slight obsession with cleanliness. David lay motionless as Rush wiped them both clean. He didn't mind; it was more comfortable this way, especially when Rush decided to lie diagonally on the bed afterwards and use his stomach as a pillow.
"You usually fall asleep straight after. There's stuff on your mind."
David snorted quietly at the way Rush made his deduction. "At Congress," he began, speaking slowly as he tried to put words together, "it became apparent how deeply people are affected by the rapid changes. The violence seems to be ceaseless. In some places it even seems to be escalating."
Rush made a noise in his throat to show he was listening.
"People turn to violence when they despair," David continued, "and they despair because what they believed in with their hearts and souls turned out to be false. I am in a position of power. It is my duty to guide them. Yet I don't know how."
"This isn't the kind of thing you can make right overnight, Dave."
"I know."
"But you can definitely do it."
"Thank you. I certainly hope so." David closed his eyes. "The world you sacrificed for... you're still sacrificing for... I can't let it fall apart."
David felt Rush move, shuffling closer to him.
"So, as it turns out, you are actually a romantic."
"Hn."
It took all David had to not pace around. Instead he waved for the servant to bring him another fresh pot of tea, staying put where he sat at the drawing room as Pagus looked on.
"In moderation, my lord, or you may have trouble sleeping tonight," Pagus advised when the tea arrived, not saying more than necessary.
Holding the cup in two hands and staring into the tea rather than drinking it, David nodded. "Leave me."
Pagus didn't need to be told twice. He left David to wait alone, but every so often someone would appear to check if David needed anything. David tried to concentrate on the historical studies he had missed because of Congress. After five checks from Pagus's men, two further pots of tea and many unsuccessful attempts at reading beyond the first page, Pagus reappeared with Torgal.
Torgal was still dressed down from his meeting with Caedmon; neither wished to be seen with each other, in case of complications. "Rush was seen at Blackdale," he said, getting straight to the point. "The area being quite far inside our borders, he and I agreed that it should be left to us. Large-scale movement of the Falcons inside any state would cause panic during such unstable times."
"In that case, I will get right on it." Pagus headed for the door.
"Wait."
Both generals paused to look at David.
He couldn't let them find Rush. But how could he convince them to stop without raising suspicions? David wrecked his brain, fingers tightening around the cup in his hands. "I have been thinking about this. If that is indeed Rush and if he wishes to see us, he will eventually make his own way here. But there is a possibility that he doesn't want to see us and is just passing through on his way west towards Eulam or another island."
Pagus turned to face his lord fully. "It would be dangerous to let him be out there on his own."
"I think," David sat back, forced his hands to let go and put them on the armrests, "he must know what kind of danger he represents. Perhaps he's choosing to stay away from us, for everyone's sake. The further he is away from the continent, the safer it is, would you not agree?"
After taking the time to consider, Torgal nodded. "There is such a possibility, and it would be safer that way."
Pagus rubbed his chin with a palm for a few moments. "But is it really all right to not bring him back?"
Frustrated that he had to repeat his lies, David took a deep breath, but then he saw the look in Pagus's eyes and understood what he meant. It seemed like everyone knew, apart from Blocter. "If he comes back, we'll welcome him. If he doesn't... let's respect his decision."
It was strange, the feeling that rose in David's chest and pushed up towards his throat, like it was closing up and he couldn't breathe, just because he briefly imagined life without Rush.
After a few moments, Pagus nodded and quietly left the drawing room.
"I have a feeling he might keep trying anyway," David said to Torgal when he approached, standing within arm's reach.
"He worries for you and wishes for your happiness."
"For which I am truly grateful. However..."
"Are you still getting those dreams, David? The ones you mentioned to Pagus before?"
Dreams. That would be when Rush started visiting and Pagus commented that David seemed different from before, and David said it was because he had been having good dreams.
"Yes. Yes I am. Why?"
"Just curious. By your leave, I shall go and check what Pagus's plans are."
"Please do."
As soon as the hidden door closed, David shoved Rush against the wall and crushed their lips together, muffling the sound of surprise and giving Rush no chance to refuse. After a moment Rush let him, despite the hilt of the sword he was carrying digging painfully into his neck, and gave little resistance when David held his sides with a bruising grip. But when fingers began to work on his clothes, he finally pushed at David.
"Wait. Give me a sec." He got himself enough room to take the sword down from his back and put it on the floor. By the time he stood straight, David had calmed down a little.
"Were you in Blackdale yesterday?"
"Yeah. How did you - oh crap."
"You have to be much more careful. Pagus thinks he knows what's best for me and I cannot control the Silver Falcons."
Rush put his arms around David. "Sorry."
"If you are found by us I will be able to hide you, but you'll spend your life under house arrest. I don't want to have to do that."
"I know. Sorry."
"If others find you - "
"I'll fight them and run away," said Rush. "Man, you're shaking. You're really stressed. Damn, I came back to make you happy, not stress you out!"
Forcing himself to breathe deeply, David pulled himself away from the embrace. "No, I think I'm just paranoid," he said with an embarrassed smile and a shake of the head, his hair tumbling into his eyes.
"I'm not her. I can protect myself."
It took David a moment to realise who Rush was referring to. The suggestion shocked him, that he might have been comparing Rush with her, but the desire to protect was indeed the same. He stared at Rush, at a loss as to what to say.
Rush cocked his head. "Hey, what if I change my look? Bleach my hair, grow a beard? You think that might help?"
"Motion rejected," David deadpanned, not-so-secretly breathing a sigh of relief that Rush changed the topic. "But you may wear a hat."
"Dictator!"
They laughed for a bit.
"So, you make sure they don't find me, and I make sure I don't get found. Sounds like a plan?"
David nodded. It was the only plan.
When Pagus walked up to him and asked for a private conversation, David could not move. The fear and dread that gripped him was like nothing he had ever felt before, even stronger, perhaps, than what he felt when he was named the Marquis at age fourteen. It took him long minutes to agree and even longer to go to the library, where he waited. Torgal showed up a minute later, also called over by Pagus. David couldn't tell if Torgal could see how he was feeling, but the general went to stand with him, half a step behind and to his right.
Pagus returned a little while later, his face lacking the usual assurance. "Lord David, forgive me, I have disobeyed you and pursued the search for Rush. It is my opinion that finding him would be the best course action for you, Athlum and, indeed, for the world, even if it means we have to hide his existence."
David's throat went dry. Torgal spoke for him. "Do you presume to know better? To defy your lord is a grave offence!"
"I am prepared to take any punishment my lord will give. Before that, however, I will present the result of my search so that the matter is drawn to a close." Pagus opened the door behind him, making a gesture. A mitra entered the library.
David's head whirled.
"This young man is on a grand tour and has been travelling from the Holy Plain all the way to the west continent, going through Yarman Plain and Blackdale." Pagus looked up at the mitra, a black-haired young man the same height as David and looked so very much like Rush. But he was not Rush. "I understand he is not the person we hoped to find, but this also means we need not worry about another war and I believe Lord David needs to know this, no matter what."
David could feel Torgal's hand on his back propping him up. "Pagus."
"My lord?"
"Thank you for your work. Send this man on his way, we should not be hindering his journey." David pushed himself away from the support. He said something else he couldn't decipher himself, muttering incoherently as he excused himself from the other men's presence and ignoring their calls after him.
He returned to his suite and opened the emergency passage.
On the floor were two sets of his clothes, folded the way the laundry always did them. On top of the clothes, a small purse filled with money. A rapier also lay, clean and with no sign of ever having been used.
David woke in his bed, feeling Hell's fire alight within him. Something cool and damp was on his forehead, and another - a cloth? - wiping his face. He turned his head determinedly, every muscle aching from the small movement.
"Torgal..." he called out weakly to the man sitting next to the bed, and reached out for him. His throat burned.
Torgal paused briefly, lifting the wrung flannel from David's face. "You passed out, and now have a high fever. You need to rest."
"I think I had a very bad dream... a nightmare."
Torgal held the hand that was searching for his. "It was just a dream, David. Rest now. When you wake up, everything will be better."
"Stay with me."
"I will."
"Stay with me."
"I will never leave you."
-end-