Clark gripped the ledge of the barn window tightly. He knew exactly how hard he could squeeze without splintering the wood. Not that the ledge hadn't been replaced a few times before he'd managed to learn that. Even now, the wood was slightly bent from the frequent pressure he'd been putting on it lately. If it had been anyone else, the wood would be cutting into their palms. But Clark wasn't like anyone else.
Chloe had made him realize something yesterday at the Torch. Clark didn't feel so alone because he was different. It wasn't because there wasn't someone else with superpowers around (usually) or because there wasn't another Kryptonian to hang out with. It was because he couldn't share that he was different.
He had to make up excuses, tell lies, and pretend to be something he wasn't. People always said that if you just be yourself, you'll be happy. Clark couldn't do that.
Or maybe he could.
If you couldn't tell your best friend your secrets, who could you? Maybe Chloe was right. Clark could tell that Chloe had suspected something about him for a long time. He suspected Lex knew something, too.
He used to think that he couldn't trust Chloe. Not when she was writing for Lionel or still being threatened by him. That wasn't the case any longer, and Chloe had left his mysteries alone for some time now.
Clark sighed and lifted his eyes from studying the wood's grain pattern to the stars. He wanted to tell Chloe. If Pete could take knowing his friend wasn't human, he figured Chloe could as well. She'd even said being an alien would be a step up or something. Still, once he told her, neither of them could go back.
Yet, that wasn't even his biggest worry that came with sharing his secret. Pete had had to leave Smallville because of his secret. Or he'd wanted to leave. Clark had never been sure if it had been Pete's choice or not, but there was one thing about the situation he did know-- he'd driven his only confidant away, and put everyone in danger. Wasn't sharing his secret, so that he had someone to talk to, so that he felt less alone... wasn't that ultimately selfish?
Then again, Pete had never wanted to know. It had never been important for him to figure out 'the mystery of Clark Kent.' Chloe, on the other hand, would likely be willing take that risk. She wanted to know, and probably always had.
Sharing could bring them closer... if another person could survive knowing his secret.
Clark's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of crunching gravel. Glancing down confirmed that Chloe's car was coming up the driveway.
He sighed again and abandoned his window post, flopping down on the couch to wait for Chloe to come up the stairs.
A minute later, he heard the familiar footsteps, and Chloe cautiously calling out his name.
"Hey, Chloe," he answered back. Chloe greeted him with a smile as she climbed the final step and made her way to the couch. Chloe had stopped making her hair so flippy recently. Maybe she'd gotten tired of styling it; he'd noticed that she just let it fall flat. Clark had never known how to bring it up, but he liked the look on her. He liked the way it made her hair look smooth and silky and soft to the touch.
Clark shifted to look at her as she sat down.
"Are you busy?" she asked.
"Not really." He wasn't sure if he felt like entertaining a visitor at the moment, but maybe seeing Chloe would be better than just thinking about her while staring out at the cows.
"Yeah." Chloe paused before continuing, smoothing out her shirt and fiddling with the hem. "I was kinda bored. Felt kinda lame being inside on a Friday night, ya know?"
Clark shrugged. "It's not like there's a lot to do around here anyway."
The corner of Chloe's mouth twitched upward. "Tell me about it. Although, I don't think even going out would really help."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't stop thinking about that nightmare," Chloe said softly.
"You never actually said what it was," Clark reminded her. "But you don't have to tell me, of course," he added quickly, not wanting her to feel pressured into telling him. He knew he hated when people did that to him.
Chloe brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "I want to... I think... I think it'll help."
Clark nodded and waited patiently. Chloe stared down at the floor, her lips parting a few times as if she was about to say something. Finally, she glanced up at him, and he lifted his eyebrows encouragingly.
"You still don't have to say anything."
Chloe shook her head quickly. "The dream was... not much different from what I told you earlier. I walked into a room, and my mom was in a straightjacket. Or, I thought it was my mom," Chloe said, her voice suddenly choking.
"But when I touched her on the shoulder, she turned around it was actually me. I guess that means my greatest fear is that I'll end up like my mom." Chloe smiled quickly and then wiped a tear off her cheek. "I feel better already."
Clark suddenly felt bad for lying about his dream earlier. It'd been half-true-- being alone was something he'd always been afraid of, and safe to admit. It was nothing too revealing about himself since lots of people had that fear-- probably one of the few things that he had in common with everyone. Maybe... maybe it wouldn't hurt to tell Chloe some of the time.
He took a deep breath. "I... lied to you about my dream. My dream was about Lana."
Chloe gazed down at her hands and nodded. "Well, you told me about being upset over Jason, so I guess I'm not surprised." She glanced up and smiled briefly before looking down again.
"No," Clark replied quickly. "No, it wasn't like that. Lana, in my dream, was killing me."
"Killing you?" Chloe laughed. "I know our nightmares may have been a little unrealistic, but I don't think Lana could ever murder anyone. Well, least not again, but that was out of self-defense after all."
Clark ducked his head and smiled briefly. "No, no. I know."
"Unless, of course, your dream was some sort of emotional metaphor." Chloe gave a small snort. "Let me guess, she stabbed you in the heart."
Clark flinched at the bitter tone. He could easily see how Chloe came to that conclusion, but it didn't make her reaction any easier.
"I'm sorry," Chloe apologized quickly, seeming to notice how hurt he was. "I... I didn't mean it to come out like that."
Chloe stood abruptly. "You know, it's getting late. I should go," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and grabbing her purse from the floor.
At the risk of Chloe's sudden departure, Clark realized he didn't want her to go. He wanted to tell her. Maybe not everything right away, but... something.
"Chloe, wait." He reached out and grabbed her arm. "That's not what the dream was about. Not exactly."
Chloe shifted her weight, as if she was uncertain if she should stay. Clark tugged gently at her arm, and after a brief hesitation, she sat next to him on the couch again.
"The dream was... I was scared if she knew the truth about me, she wouldn't accept me." Clark raised his head cautiously to gauge Chloe's reaction.
Chloe was looking at him sympathetically, but he could still see the shine of curiosity in her eyes. Clark waited for her to prompt him further, but she didn't.
They both kept looking at each other until Chloe laughed again. "You're just waiting for me to ask, aren't you?"
He'd been caught. Clark looked down sheepishly.
"I said I wouldn't. And yeah, I am curious, but I won't...."
"In the dream, another meteor shower hit Smallville," Clark began, cutting off Chloe. "We were in the hospital... Lana was recovering from her dream, and a meteor blasted through the window. The green rocks surrounded me, and they were hurting... they make me sick. And Lana noticed, and she...."
Clark's words caught in his throat. He knew the next part of the story-- knew what it would reveal about him. After this there was no going back.
Clark closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "And I told her I wasn't from Earth and I was worried she wouldn't accept me and she said I wasn't even human it was my fault her parents were dead and she killed me with one of the rocks," he rushed, squeezing his eyes shut even further, as if that would protect him if Chloe didn't understand.
"I knew your secret had something to do with the meteor shower," Chloe said softly.
Clark nodded miserably, his stomach suddenly twisting. "Except I'm not just one of those meteor freaks, it's... I'm worse," he babbled, his voice breaking and tears welling up in his eyes.
"Or better?" Chloe offered.
Clark's head shot up. "Or... what?" Clark slumped down into the couch and turned his head toward the window. "Chloe, did you hear what I just told you?"
"Yeah, I heard you saying that you're... well, an alien? I mean, I hope that's okay to say, I don't want to offend you but I don't know if there's a more politically correct term, I guess extraterrestrial but...."
Clark nudged her shoulder with his elbow. "Okay, I get it," he said, breaking into a grin despite himself.
Chloe grinned back. "So now you must be waiting for me to reject you like you think Lana would."
His smile faded and he shrugged. Truthfully, she was right. The way she was handling the news was almost too good to be true.
"Honestly, I didn't think that you weren't human, but I figured you were somehow changed because of the meteor rocks like almost everyone else here... I did notice how you always disappear so quickly and always manage to come to everyone's rescue at the last minute."
Clark glanced at her and found her eyes twinkling. Chloe was taking everything in good humor, but he couldn't get over his nervousness.
He shook his head sadly. "No, I wasn't affected by the meteor shower. I'm the reason for it."
"And so you think that Lana would hate you because the meteor shower killed her parents?"
Clark sighed and buried his face in his hands. He felt Chloe's hand touch his shoulder lightly, hesitantly, before her palm lay flat and gave a reassuring rub.
"Did you intentionally cause the meteor shower, knowing it would hurt your future friends?"
Clark turned his head in surprise, meeting her eyes. "What? No! I was just a baby."
"Then it can't be your fault."
Clark swallowed hard. "I... I know that. I keep telling myself that. But... I still feel responsible. And I don't think Lana would be able to get past that, even if she could accept that I'm not human."
Chloe chuckled. "Clark, you know Lana has this extreme complex about her parents."
Clark titled his head, lifting his eyebrows questioningly.
"Seriously, Clark, she lets that rule her life... and just because she chooses not to move past that doesn't mean you should feel guilty for Lana's inability to learn to live happily."
"I... well, maybe?" Clark frowned as he tried to think of what Chloe could mean.
"Look, all three of us don't have all or some of our parents," she elaborated. "My mom left, you're adopted. But the fact is, you love your parents. I still love my dad. Lana could have had family with Nell, except she willingly gave that up, and then even left all of us to go to a different country!" Chloe's voice grew shrill, and Clark could tell by the tone of her voice that this was something that had been bothering her for awhile.
Chloe paused and brought her voice back under control. "Lana won't let herself have family or friends or be happy. Whatever her feelings are, they're not because of you. Yeah, we all have our issues, but Lana's the only one that won't let others really love her."
Clark fell back against the couch, brows furrowed as he absorbed the information. Chloe's hand didn't move when it became trapped between the couch and Clark's back, just rubbed him again before she left it there.
"I never thought of it that way, Chloe."
She did have a very good point. Even if Lana wouldn't be scared of him, which he still doubted, all things seemed to indicate that they'd never be able to have a successful relationship. Even if he managed to hide his secret from her forever, even if he managed to forgive himself for the meteor shower, Lana would probably never change.
Clark didn't know why he did the next thing he did. Maybe it was the relief that Chloe didn't run screaming after his confession. Maybe it was because he felt closer to her now, like he'd felt close to Kyla and Alicia after they had found out. Maybe it was the realization that it was pointless to pine over Lana. Clark didn't know how it happened, but his lips ended up against Chloe's.
It was a light, gentle, cautious kiss. A kiss that tested the waters and made no demands. Chloe didn't make a move to kiss him back, but there was still no running or screaming, so he pressed his lips more firmly and shifted closer. He raised his hand to cup the back of her head, but just then, Chloe broke the kiss and jumped back.
"I'm sorry, Clark, I... I just...."
"No, I get it," Clark interrupted, fighting to ignore the pang in his chest. "I know the alien thing must be scary. I understand."
"It's not...."
"Chloe, you don't have to pretend it doesn't bother you. I don't expect that."
Chloe reached out and grabbed his arm, squeezing it. "It's not that you're an alien. It's that you're Clark."
Clark pulled back and studied her. "I don't understand." He had no idea what that was supposed to mean, or if he was supposed to be offended by it.
Chloe gave a bitter laugh. "Just the other day you were mooning over the picture of Lana and Jason. I know that you're not over her. And a few weeks ago you were just about to kiss me, but you told me 'in my dreams.'"
Clark's jaw dropped. "I can't believe he... Chloe, that wasn't me!"
"Really." Chloe crossed her arms. "You know, Clark, I can see how maybe you'd hide being an alien. I mean, that's huge, I get that, and I have no idea how it feels to have to hide that. Unless you're saying that your species has some sort of multiple-personality disorder."
"Kinda, a little?" Clark answered, looking hopefully.
"Are you serious?"
Clark groaned inwardly. It looked like most of the truth would have to come out tonight. "The red meteor rocks? They... act like a drug, I guess."
Chloe blinked. "That's what happened with your Metropolis stint? Because you were wearing the class ring?"
Clark nodded.
"Umm, okay," Chloe said, holding up her hand, "but you weren't wearing the ring a few weeks ago, were you?"
"Well, no. To make a really long story short, I switched bodies with Lionel."
It was Chloe's turn for her jaw to drop. "That's...."
"Absurd? Yeah, I know."
Chloe frowned and scratched the back of her head. "Although...."
Clark clung to any hope he could convince Chloe he wasn't still lying. "Although what?"
"You did call me 'Miss Sullivan,'" Chloe admitted slowly. "Exactly how Lionel always did. And I remember people telling me you were acting weird that week...."
"So you believe me," Clark said, relieved.
Chloe gave a tiny smile. "It fits." Then she smiled wider. "Hey, I'm the keeper of the Wall of Weird. I can't really shoot it down, with all we've seen, right?"
"I hope not." Clark grinned.
"But, I still don't think that... us... would be a good idea."
Clark's stomach fell again. "Why not?"
"I'd still just be the rebound girl. Again," she said with a little laugh, raising her eyes to the ceiling. "And you're really emotional right now and you'll probably regret it tomorrow."
Chloe glanced at him again. "Just because you told me doesn't mean you're attracted to me or anything like that." Clark could hear the wistfulness in her voice.
She suddenly chuckled to herself and shook her head, standing up and making a move toward her purse again. Again, Clark leapt up and stopped her, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her towards him.
"Chloe," Clark said as he reached out and cupped her cheek, "I think you're beautiful."
Chloe smiled and looked down. She didn't pull her face away from his hand, but it didn't seem like she believed him either.
"I do," Clark emphasized, rubbing his thumb across her cheek, tracing the triangle of freckles he thought about whenever he pictured Chloe's smile.
"Okay, so maybe you think I'm pretty. It doesn't mean you want to be with me. You told me just a few months ago that you only wanted to be friends. And that one time with the football jersey, embarrassing as that is to bring it up again... well, you certainly didn't look like I was making you have second thoughts."
"I know," Clark replied softly. "But in that hotel elevator, when we were investigating Lex's murder case? Didn't you... I mean...."
"Feel something?"
"Yeah."
Chloe smirked. "Oh, I felt something."
"What?" Clark asked, confused at Chloe's teasing tone. Then he suddenly remembered what his body's reaction had been to being pressed up against her. At the time, he'd hoped that Chloe's indifference meant she hadn't noticed, but apparently that wasn't the case. He felt the blush crawl across his cheeks. "Oh."
Chloe smiled briefly. "In all seriousness, I've always felt something with you, Clark. I thought that much was obvious."
"Well, I guess I'm saying that I think something's changed between us this year."
"I appreciate that, Clark." She sighed. "But that still doesn't remove your obsession with Lana."
"I'm not obsessed!"
Chloe just gave him a look.
Clark fought the urge to glare back. "Really, it's just... c'mon, Chloe, now who isn't letting someone love them?"
Chloe raised her eyebrows and looked taken aback. "I...." She hesitated. "Maybe you're right."
Clark grinned at his small victory.
"But if you tell me tomorrow how you think we're still better off as friends, I will hurt you," Chloe said, right before stepping toward him and wrapping her arms around his neck as leverage to kiss him.
Clark closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of her lips against his, the taste of her lipgloss, but then smiled into the kiss as he thought of a retort to her comment.
"You couldn't hurt me."
Chloe raised an eyebrow again.
"Only kryptonite... the green meteor rocks can," Clark quickly amended, remembering that Chloe wouldn't know what kryptonite was.
She poked his stomach. "I hope you don't say that to everyone who threatens you. No wonder you get beat up as much as the rest of us."
Clark grabbed her hand and laughed. "The freaks find out somehow."
Chloe just smiled and tugged against his grip, pulling him back toward the couch. Clark followed willingly, allowing Chloe to turn him and push him down onto the couch. Climbing into his lap, Chloe leaned forward and kissed him again.
Tonight wasn't the first time they'd ever kissed, nor the second or even third really. But it felt like it, and Clark suddenly realized that Chloe had been absolutely right when she'd told him yesterday that telling someone made the secret's weight easier. Suddenly, he felt happier and more relaxed than he'd been in months. Maybe it was the hormones, too, because Clark was starting to feel the effects of Chloe's tongue sliding into his mouth and her thighs straddling his.
Then, Chloe pulled back from the kiss gently, both of them slightly breathless. "See? I'm not scared of you, Clark."
Clark's breath hitched as she shifted in his lap. He was about to put his hands on her hips to pull her closer when he suddenly realized the reason for her movement-- she was leaving. Chloe squirmed backwards and stood up.
"Let me know if you still feel the same way on Monday."
She gave him a smile and reached for her purse the second time that night. This time, Clark didn't make a move to stop her, sensing that it probably really was for the best.
"I'll see you Monday then," Clark agreed. Monday was only two days away. Maybe the time to think would do them both good.
Chloe gave him a final smile, and Clark was left alone on his couch again.
THE END.