Hey all!! So this is my new attempt at a story. I hope you like it.

The title is taken from a song by the same name: Today - Jesse Clegg. He's a South African artist. The song is on my profile so go check it out and fall in love!!

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight

TODAY

Chapter 1

Dear Dr. Love-Right

I'm 16 years old, and I think I have a problem. I somehow am incapable of ever being in any sort of relationship with any boy. It's not like I'm shy or anything, because I do have a few "guy" and "girl" –friends. But the only problem is I get scared every time a guy shows any interest in me. I tend to get cold and shut him out of my life. Is it because my expectations are to high, or that I'm insecure or that actually I'm very anti-social? Am I afraid of commitment? Do I lack people skills? Please give me some appropriate advice, because I'm stumped about why I repel guys like insect repellent.

Love Doom.

xXx

"Bella! Bella, where are you?" I could hear my mom shouting from downstairs as she slowly made her way upstairs.

"I'm coming mom, just give me a second will you?" I replied with irritation visible in my voice

"Listen you better drop that attitude with me young lady. Save it for your dad and his new 'girlfriend'." I gave her an incredulous look. As if to say not another one. "Yes he has a new 'girlfriend'. Her name is Vicky. Don't look at me like that; you have to go to your dad."

Aaaah. What a joy my life has become. Over the last two years I've been passed along from one parent to the next like smoke in puff-puff-pass. And to be honest, it's just not cool. I don't understand my parents, I honestly don't. I can remember them being happy together but then suddenly it's: "Bells honey, we're sorry but your dad and I are getting a divorce. The family advocate will speak to you tomorrow to determine which one of us will get you." And all I can say in my confused 13 year old mind is… WTF and I don't mean what the fudge.

So yeah. It's another one of my dad's weekends, and as per usual he has a new 'girlfriend'. I'm actually worried about his health, because I'm not going to deny this, but he is quite an old-ish man, and for him to keep up with a different twenty-something girlfriend every week has got to be straining. And when he comes to pick me up for our 'father-daughter' weekends my mom and I always have the same fight. The one where I complain about meeting his new 'girlfriend' and beg to go stay with Alice and then my mom tells me to "grin and bear it".

Great advice mother dearest.

Observe yet another one of our fortnightly fights:

"But mom" I whined

"No buts Bella! You have to go!"

"You know I hate it when…"

"I know you do, but do you think he cares that you hate meeting all his 'girlfriends'?"

"Tell him I'm not coming if he doesn't make that… that floozy go home."

"I'm not going to be the middle man, you tell him."

"Never mind about being the middle man, I'm going to be the third wheel the whole weekend, and…"

"Bella, will you please come, I've booked dinner for eight, and Vicky still has to get ready." My dad said from the doorway of my room

"Charlie get out, will you, I'm trying to speak to Bella" Rene yelled at him. My mother is actually a saint, even though it doesn't seem that way. The thing about her is that as much as she forces me to go to my dad (and that's just to stay out of trouble with the lawyers) she also always picks my side against him, and helps me get my way with him. God bless her precious soul.

"You've had 2 weeks to do that, now it is my turn to have her."

I hate it when they always fight over me, as if I'm not there. Why can't they just stop for 5 minutes? But even if I'm not the subject of their tedious fights, put them in the same room, and they WILL fight. Charlie is the oil to Renee's water. They just don't mix.

"Will you two just stop it? I'm not some THING you can just pass on when it's one of your turns to have me! I'm actually a human being. And dad, I'm not coming if Mickey is going to be there the whole weekend."

"For you information Isabella, It's Vicky as in Victoria, and Yes she will be there the whole weekend, every weekend from now on." My dad huffed.

"Get out!" Just go away! I'm not going with you anywhere, even if you were the last two people on earth with food! Leave me alone! Don't touch me! Mom help me!" I cried

"Charlie how can you do this to poor Bella? What is it with you? Don't you value the company of your daughter? You only see her every second weekend. How can you even dare to invite some pipe cleaner you picked up at a bar?" my mom attacked Charlie

"Renee you have no right to tell me how I should live my life, and what I should prioritise in my life"

"Gee thanks dad. At least now I know that I'm not a priority in your life, and that I'm just some kid that you have to spend time with."

"Bells you know that's not how I meant it. You under…"

"Save it dad. If I'm that much of a shlep, can't I just stay with mom this weekend, because I don't think my self-confidence, will be able to cope with another blow."

And sometimes in desperate cases, when my mom is getting through to Charlie (he has the odd stubborn day) then I play the emotion card. Works like a bomb. My sister Rosalie taught me that trick. While Alice uses the puppy-eyes to get what she wants, Rose and I have perfected the emotion card. It's actually quite simple. Especially for me as I have to go to weekly appointments with my psychiatrist, Dr Goldfinch, to learn how to cope with the stress of the divorce, and overcome my emotional slump that I'm in.

Whatever that might be…

"Look what you've done now Charlie, you've made the child doubt herself again. Dr. Goldfinch, just closed that chapter with her, and now you have to go and open it again."

Dr. Goldfinch is my trusty shrink whom I like to think I can manipulate, but subconsciously I know that I can't. My mom religiously sends me to him every week. I can't say that it helps but my mom likes to think it does so I just go to placate her. It's easier that actually telling her that I in fact do not need to see a shrink. I can just imagine how that conversation would go down. Actually now that I'm thinking about that conversation, I'd rather not think about it because just thinking about it is giving me a headache.

"Are you still sending her to that shrink?" my dad demanded.

"You know she blames herself for your infidelities, and ultimately our divorce."

"Give it a rest woman. I honestly don't blame her for having a low self-esteem. If I were your child I'd also have a shattered impression of myself."

"Thank God I'm not your mother, because if I were, I would've sent you to some school for juvenile delinquents."

"You guys stop it! I'm still here! And then you wonder why I don't have a high self-esteem, and why I blame myself for the divorce. Well I'll tell you. You always fight when dad has to come fetch me. You always fight about me, and how my life should or shouldn't be. Can't you guys ever get along? Even if it is only for the little time you have to spend in each others company when dad fetches me twice a month. If you think about it, that's only 26 weekends a year."

"If only you would apply some of that intelligence in maths honey, you could be top in your grade. I mean it's not as if that Jasper Hale is actually smarter than you."

"Renee what's wrong with Bella not being top in her grade? It's not as if you ever were."

"But she has the potential to be there Charlie!"

"Well it's her choice whether she wants to be there or not!"

Wow. I am speechless. They have now moved beyond the issue at hand, and to my performance in maths, which is not so great. But I can't help it if I didn't inherit the mathematical genius genes and that they went to Rosalie. So this just proves my point. They fight constantly, and about the most trivial stuff.

"Just stop it you guys, I think I should go to Alice tonight, so that everybody can just cool off."

"Absolutely out of the question! Like you said I only see you 26 weekends a year and I don't want to waste the time I could spend with you."

"Make up your mind dad. Less than 10 minutes ago, I was a waste of your time, and now I'm suddenly important to you."

"I think Bella should go to my mother for the night, because then she doesn't spend time, or should I say waste time with you and your floozy, and she doesn't go to Alice's, heavens alone know why you dislike the child so much."

"No. Isabella get into the car. I want to leave, and there's nothing either of you can say to change my mind."

Okay, see now Charlie is angry. Hence the use of my full name.

"You're a dictator do you know that? I hope you don't get voted Police Commissioner, because that will just be a disaster." I just have to add my two cents.

"Goodbye Renee. Have a good weekend… ALONE."

"Bye mommy, I'll phone you tomorrow. Love you."

"See you hon. If you want to I'll come and fetch you anytime you want Okay? I'm just a phone call away."

Well there you have it. That is how my life has been for the last year and a half, since my parents got divorced. I still don't why it happened. Up to my 13th birthday they were very happy. But after that things started to get out of control. At first it started gradually, the fighting, but then by that Christmas it was so bad, they even slept in separate bedrooms, and they would act very stiffly around each other.

Rosalie, my older sister, is so lucky. When all the fighting started she was 18, and could leave anytime she wanted because she had her own car. Not long after that, about July, Rosalie moved out. She told me she would come and visit me as often as possible, and that we could go shopping every second weekend. But now, I hardly ever see her. Since she's become Mrs. Emmett McCarty it's been almost impossible to see her. And it's not like madam will actually pick up a phone to call me.

We got a phone call 6 months ago from her saying that she and Emmett are going to Las Vegas, and that she'll call as soon as they get back, because she doesn't know how long they will be away for, but that we shouldn't be worried because it won't be longer than a month. All I was worried about was which 22 year old has enough money to go to Vegas for a month. Well I was very stupid to wonder about that, because Emmett's father is very well off. He is the CEO of Cadbury. I know how cool is that?

Free chocolate for me! (Though not really.)

So 3 weeks later, we get a call from Rosalie saying that she has news that she can't share over the phone and that we should meet her and Emmett, and his family at their house for Dinner, and that dad would be coming along as well, and that he promised that his then girlfriend Irini wouldn't come along. Lucky for dad she didn't come along so that she couldn't get any ideas.

But back to where I was.

Mom and I were thinking that maybe they got engaged, or that they are going to join the Red cross on their mission in Uzbekistan, or that they're moving to Switzerland (because Emmett is some glorified heart surgeon-to-be, he studied at Oxford, he went to Eton College. That is just another indication of how good life is over at the McCarty household.) The news we got was the last we ever expected because according to mom, Rosalie had always been very level-headed and rational, and would always inform us what she going to do, and ask for advice, and opinions.

The McCarty's have a stunning house. It is a French-Provencal house designed by one of the best architects in France. They had to fly him in from France, and pay accommodation at one of the fanciest and most expensive hotels in South Africa. So we sat sown to dinner (prepared by a gourmet Chef, because I don't think Mrs McCarty (Senior) even knows where the cutlery is kept.) We all asked what the big news was, but Emmett and Rosalie said they wanted to wait until after supper, while we have our coffee.

When we finally reached that part of the evening, I was so nervous, I could barely eat my dessert, which was Crème Brule, and the best Crème Brule I've ever tasted. And for me not to eat dessert is like the equivalent of an apocalypse. We then moved along to the formal sitting room and the maid brought us our coffee and biscotti. Then Emmett and Rosalie got up, and said the following: (it is a direct quote, I kid you not)

"You're looking at Mr and Mrs McCarty."

Then Emmett's mom, Matilda, said, "I know Emmy (can you believe his mother still calls him that?) mommy and daddy (and she also still refers to herself as mommy) are sitting right here, but what is your news?"

Then Rosalie spoke, "Mom, Dad, Bella, Mr and Mrs McCarty, as you know, Emmett and I got back from Las Vegas yesterday. But we've decided to tell you why we really went. We didn't go to gamble. We decided on this almost 2 months before we went."

"Rosalie and I got Married at the Little Cleveland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas by father Jim 'The King' Sampson."

There was a moment of silence where everybody just had to come to their senses about what they just heard. Matilda was the first to speak, and she said that she's glad for them, but would've appreciated it if they could've been there to. Jesse (Emmett's dad) was also happy for them, and he knew that Rosalie was the girl for Emmett.

Dad was his gallant self, and said that they better be joking because, but he never finished the sentence because mom interrupted him by saying that if Rosalie thought it was the right thing then she was very happy for them, and wished them all the luck, happiness and love in the world. But she also asked Rosalie not to have any children before she doesn't have a decent job. But Rosalie assured my mom that won't be a problem because she's decided to finish her Mechanical Engineering course, and then become a designer.

When mom and I got home, I wished I had rather stayed with Matilda and Jesse. They invited me to stay over, because they felt that it was now their duty to get to know me better, because they didn't want to do it earlier in case they got too attached to me, in case things between Rosalie and Emmett don't work out, and then there would've been less complications.

Mom went off about how responsible, and sensible Rosalie had always been. She then described her as Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice or Elinor Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility. All I was thinking was 'earth to mommy, if you have ever actually read either of those books, along with any of the classic classics, like I have, you would know that love does crazy things to a person. Okay not crazy in the sense of jumping off the Nelson Mandela bridge because that's just stupid, but crazy like giving up everything to be with that one person. And I know that Rose and Emmett are truly in love. Have been since the moment they met.

It's been a month since Rosalie and Emmett announced that their married and I've only seen her once, and that was the night they tempted fate by announcing their married. Oh yeah, she's phoned me once or twice, but only to say hi, nothing special. We decided that the only reason mom gave them her blessing, was because dad didn't approve of the wedding. She also told me that dad said he didn't want her to rush into anything, because maybe it's a mistake, like him marrying our mother. Rosalie responded by telling him that Emmett was there for her when she needed someone, while her parents got divorced.

Okay, Dr. Goldfinch said I should express my anger in a diary, and record all my dreams in a dream diary so that we can analyse them, and that he can understand me better, and that our sessions together can be more productive. As if. I'm definitely NOT going to record my dreams, but I might still write in a diary sometimes. I'm really just doing this to humour him, I mean honestly what purpose can it really serve?

Monday, 12 February

Dear Diary,

This sucks! I had to spend another weekend with dad and one of his 'girlfriends'. Rosalie doesn't phone anymore, and if I phone her she says I'm interrupting her 'vibe' or something, and that she need clean energy to successfully design what ever car she's busy working on. I hardly ever see Alice now because, I have to spend my time with my dad, or with my mom. I wish I didn't have to divide my time between them, because it's really getting irritating. Schools boring as usual. I wish I didn't take Geography, because it is so boring having to learn about all the major rivers in South Africa, and where their sources are. I mean really, who cares?

We have a new guy in our grade Edward. I don't like him, because he has such an attitude. He thinks all the girls love him and that we will give anything to just spend five seconds in his company. Then there is this new girl Tanya Denali. She really is the biggest flirt I've ever met. She's not that bad though, we get along quite well, except for the fact that I don't actually flirt as much as she does. Actually I just don't flirt. We do have some things in common though, she also lives with her mother, but that's because her father died in a car accident. Not because her dad cheated on her mom like mine.

Enough about that, I will now say goodnight and goodbye until next time. And remember: I'm not going to write in you everyday, because that will just give Dr. Goldfinch a sense of satisfaction, and that he can control me. (And this is to you Dr.: I'm only doing this to humour you and I know that if I don't write in this stupid diary that you will probably phone my mother and tell her, and I just don't want to have to conversation that will follow after your tattletale phone call. And don't you dare phone her about this entry because you never said what I have to write! You only said I have to write in a diary. So beat that!) I'm not going to let him think he can control me, because I am an individual, and can think for myself. (Take note of the last sentence doc.)

Love

Bella

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