Hello & thank you for klicking on this story! :)

The following chapters were inspired by the Gilmore Girls Revival in November (Only in the way that I decided to use the four seasons to tell this story). Other than that I won't spoiler you any further. I hope you'll enjoy the first chapter and I'd really love a review or two. Focus is mostly on Spoby, but there will be at least one chapter dedicated to the other characters every season.

I hope you'll like it!

Lots of Love, Lily

Autumn 2015

Part I

The smell of chemicals now seemed almost normal to Spencer, since she'd been practically living in the hospital for the last three months. The wound in her stomach had started scarring a few days ago, but the wound in her chest was open wide still. It was only in the hospital where she found a little bit of peace at the side of Toby's body. He breathed steadily without any medical help but refused to wake up. The car cash had been horrible. Yvonne could immediately be woken up, but she wasn't able to move anything below her neck anymore. Toby was rushed to the hospital; unconscious and bleeding so much they were not sure if he would make it. Spencer often found herself wondering how he would react to the message of Yvonne's state. She wasn't sure if she would like to be the one who told him, but in a way she wouldn't want anyone else to.

She understood him best after all and knew that he would need a friend by his side.

The term "friends" seemed unnatural to describe their relationship, so she hardly used it in her mind. The deep trust and utter happiness she felt when only thinking of him outshined every feeling towards every person she met before she met Toby and those feelings hadn't changed during all the years they spent apart. Spencer had known that all along deep down, but refused to give in to that thought, knowing he was happy with another woman. It was not until right before he left, that she allowed herself a little weakness and drove up to his house with the little book of poems in her handbag. She wanted to know he left with a part of her to his new life outside Rosewood.

It had been a lovely late-summer's day. The light was warm and yellow and the air only slightly chilly. The house Toby build stood picture perfect between the yet green trees in a soft blue with whites, just the colors she'd always liked for her future house. It was amazing how well he knew her and – even though she hesitated to think of the fact that he admittedly built it for her – how well he had incorporated all those little things into a home he nonetheless wanted to share with another person. Spencer made a silent note in her mind to give herself a tour through the house when they were gone. Just the thought of wandering through the rooms and admire every little detail of Toby's hard work made her toes tingle – and since no one lived in there, it wouldn't necessarily be illegal to visit the house a little.

The plan had been to give him the poem book, bid him farewell and then let him leave to his bright future. The fact that Yvonne would be out to get some last boxes and that she would feel horrible about seeing him packing up and getting ready to leave her life for good, she had not counted in. So when she turned to go after her farewell speech, she realized she needed physical contact, smell his scent, before she never would again. But instead of going back to give him a warm hug and stay in his arms for as long as she could, her lips spoke exactly what her heart wanted.

"Toby? Can I kiss you? Just one last time? Just to say goodbye." She had rushed the words out and from that moment pierced her eyes on his to read his mind. He hadn't said yes – in fact he hadn't said anything at all, but during the three seconds she needed to walk towards him, she knew he wouldn't reject her. Spencer had felt him sigh right before her lips touched his and the way he deepened the kiss almost naturally made her heart ache. That was the small glimpse that it took to remind her that he had someone whom he loved and who was going to provide him with exactly what he wanted in life. And it made her pull back, look into his eyes one last time and then turn away from him.

Spencer snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the door to Toby's room open, but relaxed quickly when she saw the familiar face. It wasn't as hard to smile for her anymore and the sight of her good friend made her genuinely happy, along with the fact that she so regularly kept checking on Toby.

"Hey you two." Emily smiled broadly at them and walked over to Toby's bedside. "So, how are you doing today?" she spoke directly to him, without any hesitation.

Spencer looked at his peaceful face. "Still sleepy, I guess." She sighed. "The doctors say that his medical condition is very good – good enough to wake up anyway, but he doesn't. Sometimes after a traumatic experience like this the brain can shut down, without actually being damaged. He's basically hiding somewhere in his head and we have to wait until he decides to come out again."

"Hm.. I hope it doesn't take him too long to wake up. It's about time the both of us sit on my porch and drink some beer together again; it's been way too long." Emily brushed his hand slightly and then faced Spencer. "And it's about time for you to get out of this room and get some fresh air to clear your head. I won't let him wake up to you looking like you didn't sleep in weeks. How about a good amount of fresh coffee?"

The last sentence convinced Spencer to leave Toby's side for just a bit. Coffee was a rare pleasure these days, since the hospital only provided nearly cold one, which tasted anything but coffee. She straightened her navy pants, before she followed Emily out of the room and was surprisingly almost smiling.

They got coffee and two croissants at the bakery nearby and headed for the little park they often used to play in when they were younger. Emily talked about classes at Hollis, some new friends she made and about Paige, whom she had secretly started dating a few weeks ago. Things with Alison had been complicated from what Spencer knew, but they left off on good terms when Ali had decided to keep the baby she was expecting and focus on her life as a future-mother without any more possible relationship-drama.

"It's somehow still new with Paige, you know. Even though we were together for a long time before, Ali isn't between us anymore emotionally. We're taking it very slow, just enjoying the time together. Honestly, I never thought it could be like this again, after all that has happened – but apparently I was wrong." Emily smiled from ear to ear and sipped her coffee.

"I'm glad for you two." Spencer truly was. Of all of Emily's girlfriends she always found Paige suited Emily the best. Unlike Alison, Paige stood for who she was and seemed to love Emily mercilessly. Toby liked her, too.

"So… have you talked to your parents yet? I mean, it's been a few weeks." Emily's voice lost her happiness and shifted to pure uncertainty.

"We talked on the phone three days ago. I told them I was fine and that I needed time with Toby and not think about them or Mary or anything for that matter for a while. Someday I will, but not anytime soon." The croissant Spencer was eating was dry and tasted like paper.

"And have you… did you hear anything?"

"From A.D.? No. Did you?"

"Actually I meant Yvonne…"

"Oh. Nothing since she was released from the hospital. We don't really keep in touch, though she said she'd pop by sometime to check on Toby. But she hasn't by now."

Their conversation had flipped from careless to awkward in just seconds. Spencer was glad that A.D. hadn't shown any signs of life since she got shot by Jenna, who then miraculously disappeared, but she did not trust this peaceful behavior. But there were enough other things to worry about. Like Toby's possibly ex-fiancé, who – after her near-death experience – had left the hospital to recover at home with her family.

"It must've been hard for her, seeing him this way." Emily said thoughtfully.

"I thought so too in the beginning, when she wouldn't come into his room, but then…" Spencer hadn't told anyone about her conversation with Yvonne yet. She felt too embarrassed and too guilty.

"Yes?"

"I… I shouldn't tell you. I should wait for Toby to wake up; I want to discuss this with him." She looked down, because she could feel the tears prickle in her eyes, but it was already too late. Emily had seen her pained face.

"Look, I don't like to say that Spence, but…" Emily gently took Spencer's hand and felt a lump in her throat all of a sudden. "…you know it's possible he'll never wake up again…" The last few words only slipped out as a cracked whisper, because she refused to believe them herself. There still was a possibility. And they had to acknowledge it was there.

"Right." Spencer gulped. "But you can't tell anyone, okay? Not until I'm ready."

Emily squeezed her hand in understanding. "I promise."