The rain outside made everything feel even worse. I sat at my window and watched the water run down the side walk it was almost as if it knew. As if the rain had known what I had done. Like it was trying to clean my sins, like it was trying to salvage the little dignity I had left. What had I done. I was again alone with my thoughts and I was scared. All I want is her.
She tried to push her thoughts away but they kept coming back. Emma was all she could think about. The last words emma had spoken to her the night before kept sounding off in her mind ' I want to be the person you go to, I want to be the person I wake up next to everyday' the words circled her mind, like an unstoppable carousel, one that she just couldn't get off of.
Chapter 1.
She shook her head like she could erase the thoughts as if it was an etch and sketch. She rummaged through her drawer pulled out a pen and began to sign the notices on her desk. She finally was in full drive she finished all her pending forms and felt relieved. She leaned back in her chair and placed her arms over her head. For the first time that day she smiled. She got up and walked over to the couch, she hadn't slept a wink the night before. She laid down and proceeded to dose off.
She was awaken by a loud sound, she got up quickly only to see none other then sheriff swan standing behind her couch.
"What are you doing here? Regina exclaimed!
"I needed to talk to you I can't sleep and I thought maybe you were as sick to your stomach as I am, but I see your just fine" emma growled. "i guess I'm the only one that cares about anything".
Regina got up her shock over Emmas presence was still present and she shook it off.
"Emma I do care I just dosed off I didn't sleep last night either, come sit Ms. Swan.
Emma hesitated but she quickly realized she was there for a reason, and she had been admittedly aware that this wasn't going to be easy, she took a breath and made her way to the empty couch chair across from Regina.
"Would you like something to drink?" Regina asked?
"No" emma said. "I'm perfectly hydrated already".
Regina cringed and the sarcasm in Emmas voice but said nothing she just stared at the women seated so nervously in front of her.
"So?" Regina asked politely "what can I do for you Emma?"
Emmas face changed from a nervous uncertainty to a angry smile. "Are you joking Regina? What can you do for me? So is the game where u pretend last night never happened and where I laugh uncontrollably as we speak of unicorns and rainbows while we sip some tea?"
Regina pursed her lips as she lifted her head to look into Emmas eyes.
"Your sarcasm is baffling ms. Swan. I am more then aware of last night's occurrence. Would you have preferred I say, we'll hello Ms. Swan how was waking up alone this morning?"
Emmas eyes darted at Reginas smile. She shook her head in disbelief
"is this funny to you, do you enjoy this, it's a sick game for you isn't it your majesty?
Emma bowed her head to the royal, giving Regina a disturbed taste in her mouth.
"Emma please, I know this isn't easy, we have to stop doing this to eachother, hurting one another will never get us anywhere."
Emmas eyes soften as she stared into Reginas whiskey eyes, a tear strolled down Emmas face and Regina gasped. She quickly got up and sat next to Emma. Without thinking she put her hands on Emmas cheeks and pulled her in to her chest. They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, Emma cried uncontrollably and Regina held her tight while fighting the urge to unleash her own tears, she but her bottom lip and restrained the urge.
"I need you to understand something Emma, I care more about you then you could ever comprehend, I never thought this was possible me and you that is..."
A pause took over the room as Regina searched the air for the right words.
"But Robin..." before she could continue Emma interrupted loudly.
"But Robin nothing, he's nothing, he should mean nothing, do you love him Regina?"
The meaning of the world love had become estranged from Reginas vocabulary, until now that is. She knew she didn't love Robin but hadn't realized it until this very moment.
"No Emma I don't, I thought I did.. but... I realize now love.. love is what I feel for you."
Emma pulled herself away from Regina and looked up their eyes locked as seas of blue met a hazel forest Emma pressed her head to Reginas.
"You love me? Then how could you hurt me?"
"Hurt you? Regina exclaimed as she pulled away "how in the world am I hurting you emma?"
Confusion filled her face her emotions where exposed and she felt her heart fall apart.
"When I think of him touching you, kissing you..." she looked directly into Reginas eyes "when I think of him making love to you, all it want to do is die".
Her confession hit Regina like like a bucket of ice cold water. Regina had never realized what it was like for Emma.
"I didn't know you cared about me enough to care about him".
Emmas face softened she realized none of this had been Reginas intention, she never meant to hurt Emma and Emma knew it.
"That's just it" Emma whispered as she lightly placed her palm on Reginas cheek, "I dont care about him, I care about you and it's because in my entire life I have never loved anyone as much as I fucking love you Regina".
Reginas eyes closed at the contact Emmas hand was making with her cheek. She placed her hand over Emmas and pressed it tightly against her cheek, she took a final deep breath before opening her eyes and looked into Emmas eyes with a painful expression.
"What are we ever going to do now dear?" Regina mumbled.
Emmas eyes peered into Reginas gaze she moved her hand to Reginas nape and pulled her in closer. She never lost eye contact with Regina and went in for it. She moved closer and lightly placed her lips on Reginas lips. Reginas breath was taken away but she didn't care she melted into Emmas lips and for that moment she cared about nothing...except Emma.