Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter Title: Again
Author: jazzman31
Rating: M
Warning: This is a femme slash fic. If you do not like this type of fiction, then you shouldn't read it.
Summary: This is a one shot songifc with Willow and Faith. The song is "Again" by Janet Jackson. R&R please. Enjoy. :)
i heard from a friend today and
she said you were in town
"Guess who's in town," B said, as she bounced into the Magic Box where we were to meet for a sparring session, of course beef stick was with her.
"Cordy?" I asked, silently praying it was the socialite, rather than a certain red haired Wicca.
"Nope, Willow," she said, with a huge grin. "She's with Xander right now at his apartment, but they should be here in a few."
I didn't say anything, I just began stretching. B, for once in her life, took the hint and started stretching as well.
suddenly the memories came back
to me in my mind
As I circled B, I tried to keep the barrage of memories at bay. It didn't work, as images of the redhead hovering above me, quaking beneath me, laughing at one of my stupid jokes, or just lying asleep in my arms attacked me. The sudden attack caused me to drop my guard, and before I could react I was on the floor and B was crouched beside me asking if I was okay.
"Yeah, B, I'm good, I'm just going to head home while I have a small amount of pride left," I said, as I took her offered hand and allowed her to help me up.
"Are you sure?" she asked, as she squeezed my shoulder softly.
"B, I'm good, I just spaced out a bit," I said as I popped my neck, and shrugged B's hand off my shoulder.
"Okay," she said unconvinced, as I quickly gathered my things, so as to avoid the powerful Wicca heading our direction.
how can i be strong i've asked myself
time and time i've said
that i'll never fall in love with you
again
I knew that I couldn't see her right now, or else I was going to fall right back in love with her. I had promised myself that I would not fall in love with her again, because I knew that I would never love another the way that I love her, even after all this time. How can I be strong, when she makes me feel so weak, so vulnerable?
a wounded heart you gave,
my soul you took away
"Faith, I have to go. Haven't you ever had a dream that you wanted so badly to see out? I have to do this; I have to know that I am my own person without being a sidekick to two slayers. I want to find my identity as someone other than a slayer's girlfriend. I love you, I do, but I have to do this alone," she had said before she had walked out of my life, taking my heart with her.
Three years. Three years! That is how long it's been since I have seen her, or had any sort of physical, emotional relationship with anyone.
The bell over the door sounded before I could gather all of my things, and I heard her voice greet Giles and Anya. My heart rate nearly doubled, and I began to sweat. I couldn't face her, so I ducked out the back door.
good intentions you had many,
i know you did
"Faith, I don't love you because you're beautiful, I love you because you are an amazing person who deserves to be loved. I want to be with you because you're caring, sweet, intelligent, funny, gorgeous, sexy. My reason for wanting you is not only to show you that you're beautiful, but to show you what it means to be loved," she had told me, effectively convincing me that we should pursue a relationship together.
Her intentions were good, and she did teach me how to love myself, even when I felt that I didn't deserve it.
i come from a place that hurts,
god knows how i've cried
For three weeks I lay in my bed and cried. I wouldn't let anyone see me like that, except Joyce. She came over one day, and let herself into my apartment. She climbed on the bed and held me while I cried. I cried and cried. I never knew that I could cry that way. I never knew there was that kind of pain in the world. Not even when my mother would beat the shit out of me. Not even when she would sell me to her dealers for a fix. Junkies are predictable, you know their pattern, and you know that they will do anything to score a fix, even if it means hurting you. Red hurt me a way that no one has ever hurt me, because I have never let anyone get that close to me, except Joyce, but she became the mother that I never had, so that doesn't really count.
and i never want to return
never fall again
I never want to feel that way again, which is why I can't see her again, because I can't fall in love with her again. I ran home, and took a long hot shower. I slid down the wall and cried. I got out of the shower, and dried off. I walked over to the side table and opened the drawer. I removed a frame that folded over and held two photos. B had given it to me for my birthday one year; we were still in high school. I opened it up, and looked at the two photos. On one side was the whole gang at graduation after the whole thing with the mayor, and the other side held a photo of me and Red staring at each other our eyes filled with love. I traced her face on the photo, and sighed as a single tear slid down my face. I closed the frame and returned it to the drawer.
making love to you it felt so good
and oh so right
I cried as I remembered the feel of her soft hands gently caressing my body. Slowly driving me to sweet release, and then speeding up to send me spiraling over the edge before I had fully recovered. The way that her breath comes in those short gasps when she is really worked up, and in need of more. Those sweet swears that escaped her lips while I drove her crazy. Damn it, I am Faith. I am not soft, and I certainly don't fall in love with some goody-two-shoes, who has to travel the country to find her identity. Fuck that, I refuse to fall in love with her, again, and I refuse to cry over her, again.
how can i be strong i've asked
myself
time and time i've said
that i'll never fall in love with you
again
I know I talk a big game, but standing in the living room at Joyce's house drinking a beer, watching the lithe form of the redhead has my heart and stomach do flip-flops. I looked over at her, and watched her flame colored hair cascade down her back, as her melodic laugh filtered through the noise over to me. She looks good. Her hair is much longer than when she left, and darker. She looks like she's been working out too; her arms have a more defined look and her ass looks a little bigger in her skirt. Those legs, damn they have definitely gained some definition.
"You should tell her how you feel," a voice said from behind me, and I jumped.
"Tara, jesus, what did I tell you about that?" I asked as I put a hand to my chest, in hopes of slowing my heart.
"S-sorry, but you should tell her," she repeated.
"Tell who what?" I asked, though I knew who she was talking about.
"I think you know," she said before she disappeared into the kitchen.
I just shot one last glance at Red, who had started heading my direction, before I slipped out the back door for a cigarette. I took a long drag of the hand-rolled goodness. Tara had introduced me to a little organic shop near the Magic Box, to get me to stop smoking tobacco. The organic cigarettes were better for me, and a lot more calming.
"So that's where you went," I heard a familiar voice, and I sucked in a breath and started choking. "That is exactly why you shouldn't smoke."
"It's organic," I said. "Nothing but sage and cloves."
"Oh, well, I was beginning to think you were avoiding me," she said as she sat beside me on the steps.
"Why would you think that?" I asked.
"Oh, I don't know, you ducked out the back door of the Magic Box before I could get a chance to see you. You have made sure to be as far away from me as possible all night, oh and when I started walking toward you, you practically ran out here to smoke," she said with a smile.
Don't look at her, otherwise you're doomed. Damn she's gorgeous. Idiot, you looked, now you have to deal with the repercussions.
so here we are alone again
didn't think it'd come to this
I took a deep breath, as I slid her shirt off her shoulders. Those pink-tipped breasts that had haunted my dreams for three years were right in my grasp, millimeters beneath my lips. My mouth watered at the idea of tasting that pale freckled flesh. She slid her hands beneath my shirt and up to my breasts, and pinched my nipples. How did we get here? In the bed, about to do the one thing I swore I wouldn't do with her.
and to know it all began
with just a little kiss
I had just leaned over and kissed her. We were just sitting there in silence, and I looked at her. Took in her kissable lips, and body, and I couldn't resist. I had to have her.
i've come too close to happiness,
to have it swept away
don't think i can take the pain
no never fall again
kinda late in the game
and my heart is in your hands
We lay in the bed, and I watched her sleep, and sighed. My heart was full again, and I felt complete. I traced her nose with my index finger tip, then down to her perfect lips. Her breath came in even pants, and I couldn't help but smile. Her cell phone rang, ruining the moment, and I groaned. I reached over to the nightstand, and grabbed the annoying interruption.
"Willow Rosenberg's phone," I said.
"Who is this?" the female voice asked, and my heart sank.
"No one important, who is this?" I asked.
"Her personal assistant, I have a very important message to relay to her," the voice said.
I nudged Red awake, and handed her the phone. I left her alone to take the call, and prayed silently to the powers that she wouldn't leave me again. I couldn't take the pain of losing her again. I want to say that it won't matter to me if she goes, it was just one night, but we both know that it would devastate me; she already has my heart in her hands again.
don't you stand there and then tell
me
you love me
then leave again
'cause i'm falling in love with you
again
"Faith, I'll be back. I promise. I just have to go settle my business, and I'll be back before you know it. I love you, so much. I spent the last three years reflecting on the times when I was most happy, and every one of those moments had you in them. I love you, and I will be back," she said while resting her head against mine so that she could stare into my eyes, with her hands resting on my hips.
Only she can make me feel this vulnerable. Only she can make me cry this way, hurt this way. I hate her for it. I kissed her lips softly, and then pulled away. I looked into her eyes one last time as her flight number aired on the PA.
"You'd better get out of here," I said, and then I walked away.
I walked away, and didn't look back.
hold me, hold me
don't ever let me go
say it just one time
say you love me
god knows i do love you again
Three weeks, three fucking weeks, and she hasn't come back. She's called everyday, and e-mailed me nasty love letters describing all of the things that she is going to do to me when she gets back to the Dale. We talk all night, not just about the sex, but also about our plans for our futures, how we planned to spend our lives together. We talked about marriage, the possibility of children via a spell she had discovered in an old tome. We talked about buying a house together, and maybe moving out of Sunnydale.
I went about my usual routine of spending my mornings training, my afternoons at the gallery helping Joyce with shipments and setting things up, my evenings on patrol, and my nights alone in my king-sized bed waiting for Red to come back. On the night of the first day of the fourth week, I went home from the gallery hoping that she was finally back. I didn't notice any signs of her, but I could feel her nearby. I stripped off my clothes, and took a nice long shower. When I emerged from the shower I walked naked into the bedroom to see her lying in the bed, asleep. I climbed into the bed with her and fell asleep curled up against her. I awoke to find that she had wrapped her arms around me in her sleep, but she was wide-awake. I didn't want her to ever let me go.
"I missed you," she whispered.
"I missed you too," I whispered back, before I kissed her.
We slowly explored each other's bodies, and lay in the bed basking in the afterglow. She made a gesture to move, but I pulled her back.
"Hold me," I stated simply, when her eyes questioned me.
"Always."
"Tell me you love me," I requested.
"I love you," she whispered, while staring into my eyes.
"Promise you'll never let me go," I begged.
"I won't ever let you go, I have you and you are mine. I am not going to be stupid again and let you go," she promised.
Yeah, even badasses need to be reassured. The phone rang, and she groaned.
"Let it ring," I said, as I nestled further into her embrace.