Title: Just to See you Smile
Author: trista groulx aka dustytiger
Rating: T (same as the show)
Disclaimer: I don't own CM it belongs to an evil corperation as well as the lovely creators, writers and actors and actresses who bring them to life. I also do not own the song elluded to, I assume Tim McGraw writes his own music thus he owns that.
Summary: Gideon sees a pregnant Prentiss, and thinks about their past. Has she moved ahead, who is the father?
Notes: This is a response to a challenge at Chit Chat on Author's Corner. The pairing was Gideon/Prentiss, song titl Just to see You Smile by Tim McGraw. The song is really sad, so that's why the fic is sad, at least for Gideon. I hope you enjoy and tell me what you think. Kind of went with the familiar to by the end you'll see. Working on another longfic with a new pairings to my lovely regulars as well as some other bunnies running around.
When I saw her it took me only a moment to accept she really had moved ahead with her life. Her face was luminous, and her eyes sparkling. She was in a long tunic style t-shirt and a long flowing summer skirt, it only took me a moment to realise that her stomach was swollen. She was more beautiful than I had ever seen her. She was the kind of woman who truly glowed while pregnant. I had always known she was beautiful but only then saw just how perfect she was.
All the emotions of the last time I had seen her seemed to come pouring back. I still remembered the day I had met her so clearly. She was so determined, and so strong. She intrigued me, but it took me a long time to make a move. It was after I had left the BAU and I saw her at a function; her family had a lot of influence and she had come to support the charity. I still remembered the long red dress she wore, and hugged her face. As well as the way her hair curled around her face. She looked different than she did when we worked together; yet despite it all her natural beauty shone through. My mind couldn't help but recall the whole thing.
"May I have this dance Agent Prentiss?" I asked her.
She looked lost in the sea of people who were attending the function. She was not the kind of woman who was easily swept away in a crowd, but with the sullen look on her face she made it harder for men to miss her. I could tell she didn't want to be there. She seemed to know a lot of the dignitaries there but knowing many people did not make her comfortable. When I asked her to dance her whole face lit up; a combination of relief and happiness washed over her face. I had never seen her smile like that in the short time I had known her, but I knew I wanted to make it happen more often. Her smile could lit up a room; or at the very least my sullen heart.
"Sure, I'd be honoured, Gideon," she replied.
"Call me Jason."
"Only if you call me Emily."
I lead her to the dance floor, and gently put my arms around her. We both seemed to get caught up in the music and only stopped when we realised there were many eyes upon us. I lead her to her seat and we began to talk like we never had before. It was then that I started to fall in love with her. But I didn't tell her that night, I simply enjoyed the times she would get so lost in a moment she would start to grin. It was the most beautiful thing in the world me. It was always that memory that came to mind when I thought of how we met instead of in my dark days in the BAU.
Part of me wanted to keep moving, to cross the street and forget her. But I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to know the father of her unborn child was. I needed to know if she had really moved forward in a way that I had not. Part of me wanted to feel her soft skin against mine again. I could never forget the way she smelled like oranges and vanilla and my nostrils wanted to be filled with the smell of that. My feet took on a mind of their own and I began to cross the street and walked toward her as more memories flooding back.
It had taken us nearly a year to admit we were in love with one another, and I had never bought her a ring. It was a white gold Celtic band, which she could wear at work without raising suspicion. It was like our little secret that we were committed to one another; I thought it would mean we would be married. She wore the ring for six months before she came and told me something would changed our lives forever. She was smiling less often then she used to when we were together, and I knew that bad news was coming.
There were tears in her eyes as we spoke that night. She told me about how she wasn't sure she was happy anymore. I knew that it had been hard for her to keep our relationship a secret but I wasn't ready to re-join the BAU family even if it was in a very different way. I knew that it would be hard for her, but she was on the strongest people I had ever known. I tried to promise her that we would tell everyone soon, but she told me that it wasn't enough. Then she told me the words I could never forget.
"I'm so sorry Jason," she whispered, through her tears.
"For what Emily?" I asked her.
"For this, for feeling this way."
"What are you feeling?"
"Like we can't move forward anymore," she explained. "I wanted to ignore it but I can't anymore. I feel like I am cheating on you."
"Are you?"
"Physcially, no, but if we continue with the wedding plans I will be having an emotional affair the whole time we are together. I can't commit to you feeling like I am feeling."
"Is there someone else?"
"I don't know, I can't explain it. All I know is that I no longer feel right becoming your wife."
She gave me her ring back, and my heart sunk.I wanted to tell her that things could change, but I could tell there was nothing I could to change her mind. This was a choice she had made. I hated to see her crying like that. I didn't want to be the reason for her heartache. All I had wanted to do was pull her close and comfort her. Then I realised that was no longer my place. I didn't open my hand to take the ring.
"It's yours, always," I told her.
"I can't keep it if I am not keeping my promise," she explained.
"It's yours, and any time you want it I will put it back where it belongs."
"I'm sorry Jason," she whispered, kissing my forehead.
She left my home, and it was the last time I saw her there. I could hear her sobs as she left. I peaked outside every few minutes. She had stayed outside the building, sitting in her truck for nearly two hours after. Then she was gone from my life. For a few weeks smells of her still lingered everywhere, but they dissipated; the smell of oranges and vanilla always brought back those days with her.
Seeing her now pregnant I had to accept that she had moved on. At first I didn't see any rings on her fingers, and was holding out hope. But as I walked closer I saw she was wearing a white gold chain around her neck, with two rings on it. I knew that my ring, which I still had was never going to find its way back to her finger. She had moved on with her life without me. I knew I would always regret not being honest. As soon as she saw me I got to see a glimpse of that smile that I had fallen in love with her.
"Jason!" she exclaimed.
"Emily," I replied. "Congratulations, you look beautiful, you're glowing."
"Thank you, I'm not sure that's how I would describe myself right now."
"Don't sell yourself short. How far along are you?"
"Thirty two weeks."
"Then you really are radiant. Are you ready for his or her arrival yet?"
She smiled and rubbed her belly. "Yes, we are. I think Spencer had everything in the nursery since I was twenty weeks along, just in case he came early. He's also read just about every baby book published in English."
I was surprised when she told who the father of her unborn child was. I couldn't believe that my former co-worker and protégé had been the man to take her heart. I knew that that had been good friends, and she had helped him through his demons, but I never thought it would move further than that. There was still a part of me that didn't want to believe that Spencer Reid had become a man instead of the awkward youth I had recruited to the FBI
"I'm happy for you," I lied. "Both of you, I would expect nothing less of him."
"Thank you, he makes me happy," she told me a smile like I had never seen falling over her face, and her hand gently rubbed her belly. "I am sorry we didn't work you, you know that, right?"
"Yes I do, and it wasn't meant to be I suppose. But you found the right person for you."
"Thank you it was so good seeing you. I'm sure Spencer would want to see you, he's just picking out a suit for my mother's annual spring fundraiser."
"I have somewhere I need to be."
"All right, it really was good seeing you again, Jason. Honestly, I miss your friendship."
"Yours as well, you're more beautiful than I remember," I told her before kissing her cheek.
She hugged me gently before I went on my way. It was nice to have her in my arms again. As much as I wanted to be her friend again, as well as his, there was too much history between us. I didn't give her my new number, and she didn't ask. As much as I missed my old life, with the BAU, and with her it felt more healthy to me to stay away from that. I knew I would miss her friendship and her smile every day for the rest of my life.
I went back to my car and watched as Reid came to toward her. He first put his hands on her expanding belly, then he kissed her as if no one was watching them. His arms slipped around her waist, and went up her back. The embrace was intimate, more intimate than I would have expected of them in public. His hands explored and massaged the small of her back beneath her shirt. I never thought that she had meant him when she told me she couldn't be with me anymore because it would be like having an emotional affair.
Watching them together I could tell they were truly connected. It didn't take a profiler to see it. After their passionate embrace they stood on the sidewalk, their foreheads against each other, staring into one another's eyes; touching each other's faces tenderly. His hand went back to her belly, and a part of me wished it was my hands splayed on her belly. Feeling the baby, our baby, kicking, instead of his.
But they were his hands on her belly, it was his baby growing inside of her. Reid had her heart in a way I never had, but had always wanted. Watching her for a moment longer I could tell she was happy; happier than she had ever been with me. She smiled at Reid softly and they took hands and went toward I could only assume, home. I wiped the tears from my eyes and drove away my mind reeling about what could have been. If only had been honest from the start.
The End
Notes: This is a stand alone, that was so hard to write because Gideon is a hard character to write. Thankfully the song made it easier to think of the plot even if it was sad. I hope you enjoyed. Don't forget to check out Chit Chat on Author's Corner in the forums section of the site. Thank you for reading hearts and hugz to you all