Perfect
By Pepperikeys
Chapter 1: Never good Enough
Disclaimer: still dont own anything
Yes I'm Back and im not dead! Well yes here is a new story i think ill put most of my time on this one...i hope everyone enjoys this story!!
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Its started only a few months ago. At first it was only little things that drove me to do what im doing. Thoughts erupted my mind, telling me that the reason he didn't love me the way he loved her was because she was so perfect. My mind told me i would never be as pretty or talented as her, never be as calm, elegant as her or skinny and then i thought i dont need all those factors for him to love me. But things started getting worse.
He called me by her name one day and to be honest it hurt, it really hurt. Im not even sure he realized it, I just let the statement slip by me.
Then one night while he was sleeping i heard him call out her name and i felt my heart shatter i never felt that pain before, it all started that very moment.
Day after day i felt a little piece of me die, ever time i heard him call out her name in his sleep my heart would shatter just a little more.
Soon i realized that ever little part of me that died was replaced by nothing. Its hard to explain how i feel inside if i were to put it in words the only way i could describe it would be; A pain that grow ever passing second, its like a ball of bad energy settling into the pit of my stomach swirling nonstop, eating away at my very soul.
The pain was building inside me but was pushed me over the edge was one simple comment.
"Damn Kagome your getting harder to carry, what the hell have you been eating?"
That ball of energy burst and all i could feel was pure misery and i realized that i would never be the same again.
I had drop so low.
I had Depression.
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I stood half clothed in front of the fool length mirror that hanged from my bedroom door glancing at the pale body it reflected.
'Maybe what he said is a hint, maybe he was telling me to loose some weight.' She frowned at the reflection in the mirror in disgust, maybe it was just her but the image that she was seeing was absolutely repulsive.
All she could see was accent fat hanging from her body, she pinched her thigh appalled. 'I bet Kikyo doesn't have all this fat on her legs, I bet Inuyasha feels disgusted when all this fat touches him while he's carrying me." She thought bitterly 'I bet when people see me they are really thinking im a fat disgusting waste of a human soul.' She looked down at her leg and the "fat" between her two fingers.
"Ugh Kagome stop thinking this way there's nothing you can do about it." She gave her thigh a gentle last squeeze before letting go of the skin and returning her hand back to her side.
Your just saying that.' A voice cut in out of no where.
"What the..." Kagome sputtered awkwardly as her eyes swept over her empty room.
'I said your just saying that' The voice replied sounding slightly annoyed at Kagomes comment.
"Who are you?" Kagome asked as she grabbed a pale blue shirt off her bed and slipped it over her head
'That's not a important matter' The voice stated in a sly tone.
Kagome knobbed slowly while she walked crossed the room to her closet, her feet seemed to melt into the carpets warmth.
"I think im finally loosing it." She muttered under her breath as she slide the white open.
She taped her right foot gently on the rug as she cast her eyes to the skirts that were neatly hung on the far left side of the rack.
The voice chuckled at her comment 'Perhaps you are Kagome, perhaps you are.'
Kagome pulled out a short white skirt off the rack and shut the door behind her.
She walked back over to her bed and sat the skirt on her pink flowered comforter.
Calmly she gathered her shirt in her hands and rolled it up to just about where her bra would be seen. She glanced down slowly oh yeah she could see her stomach perfectly, it and all its fat glory.
'Disgusting!' She voice made a gagging sound at the back of its throat.
Kagome ignored the voices out burst and carried on with her task. Angrily she snatched the skirt from her bed and stepped into it and began inching it up her legs slowly.
'Ew! What the hell do you think your doing? That skirt shows off those fat stubs you call legs, do you want people to see those lumps of cottage cheese?" The voice yelled disgustedly at her.
Kagome stopped midway to her thighs and looked down. Now that she thought about it the skirt did show off her legs a little more then expected.
The voice was right, her leg looked like matching blimps. She didn't want people to have to look at them like she did.
'You should just stop eating all together do us all a favor maybe you'll loose some pounds and wont be so fat." The voice coldly commented
Kagome discarded the skirt and stumbled to her closet 'Its right im a disgrace maybe if i do stop eating ill become as skinny as Kikyo and Inuyasha will be pleased with me.' She thought as she quickly opened the closet door and began searching around for some baggy clothes.
'Ever heard of Anorexia?' The voice asked in a low tone.
Pulling out a pair of dark blue sweat pants and a black baggy shirt from the closet Kagome sat back onto her feet and stared off into space thinking.
Of course she heard of a anorexia, she never really thought about it but at the moment it sounded like music to her ears.
She never seen want was so wrong with it...in a way she always thought that those skinny girls look so...perfect.
Maybe...
'You know you want to, you want to become skinny its what you long for.' The voice teased.
It was perfect its not like it could really hurt her and maybe she wouldn't feel so...ashamed of her body anymore.
"What ever." She groaned out and slipped her pants on and covered up her legs in a rush to hide them from the world.
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Inuyasha watched as she began putting on her clothes, He felt so dirty watching like all those dirty old men that watch her when she passes or something.
But he couldn't help it She looked so perfect to him. Not just him by lots of guys, he hated it when they mutter things when she passes by them like "I would love to spend i night alone with her." or "Look at that body, god damn." He felt himself growl in the back of his throat.
"Damn it all!" He breathed out as his nails dug into the tree branch that he sat on.
'What is she doing to me?' He thought silently.
She was taking over his life, she was all he could think about for a while now. When he was around her he couldn't stop looking at her and when she was gone she was all that was on his mind.
He knew he was falling for her for a while now but now there's no going back, and if his feeling get out in the open he was 100 sure that most of his enemy's would go after her.
But now even if he knew that he likes her more then he should he still has Kikyo to deal with and it was confusing him who did he really want? Who meant more to him?
He decided that he will try to push Kagome away...Kikyo can handle herself from all the demons, but Kagome could be in more danger. He called her Kikyo a few weeks ago...and no it wasn't on accident he did it on purpose. He seen that it hurt her, but its what he feels he has to do to have push her away.
He called her fat a day ago...and she left back to her own time. He went a little to fair that time He was here to take her back.
"What ever." her soft voice broke him out of his thoughts.
He watched as she walked over to that "desk" of hers and laid her head in her arms.
His Golden eyes softened 'I must have hurt her really bad this time.' Oh god he felt like a big jerk now.
Letting out a sigh he reached out his right hand and taped the glass window lightly
Kagome turned her head a little to the side to get a full sight of her bedroom window. Her midnight blue eyes landed on the white haired golden eyed Hanyou out side her window.
Closing her eyes she turned her head back into her arms fully 'Oh god he's probably here to tell me how worthless i am.' she felt her lips curve up a tiny bit. she let out a empty chuckle.
God when did she start having low self esteem?
'Probably when you started being depressed, comes together like a package, ya know." The voice laughed at its own statement.
There was another tap at her window followed by a low muscular voice.
"Damn it Kagome just open the god damned window already." Inuyasha yelled from the window still tapping on it with his sharp claw.
Letting out a sigh kagome slid her wooden chair back and used her desk to push herself up.
She slid a loose strand of black hair behind her ear and turned towards Inuyasha.
'Her eyes...they look so sad.' Inuyasha thought to himself did he do that to her? He looked away from her as she walked from crossed the room and stood in front of him.
He saw her let out another sigh before she reached for a small wedge on top of the window before she pushed the glass upward and stepped to the right side giving him access to enter.
Inuyasha climbed in gracefully and turned to look at her.
She couldn't look at him, he was probably thinking about how much she looked like Kikyo and how much better she was she didn't have flaws like Kagome did.
"I came to get you come on lets go." Inuyasha let out a sigh 'She cant even look at me'
She knobbed her head sadly and turned to grab her yellow bag from beside her wooden desk.
He didn't know what he was doing his hand reached out all on its own. She stopped when his hand collided with her shoulder.
"What's up with the change of clothes, what happened to all those skirts you wear?" He asked. Not that he minds that she stopped wearing those short skirts.
Kagome look down and watched as her hands fiddled with the hem of her over sized shirt that hide her curvy body.
"I just dont want people to look at to much of my skin." and fat' She said nervously.
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at her before tucking his arms into his sleeves "What ever just start packing." He said coldly adding a Feh at the end and then turned around and looked out her window down at the well house.
'What better time to start now right? Next thing you know you'll be cutting yourself...your pathetic no wonder your the way you are, never good enough." The voice was laughing at her again.
Kagome sucked in a breath of air though her teeth. she felt like crying she felt like screaming oh she just felt tired...it was going to be a long week.
"Im ready!" She turned around smoothly and gave Inuyasha the brightest smile she could.
Yup it was going to be a really long week.
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So how was that for a first chapter? I hope you all liked it...i need 5 reviews to update :D. So review please!!!!
ok so if your confused ill explain some stuff.
One Kagome is NOT fat.
She is suffering from a distorted body image When you see yourself in a way that others dont.
Heres some information on the subject
Someone with anorexia may also have a distorted body image, shown by thinking she or he is fat, wearing baggy clothes, weighing her or himself many times a day, and fearing weight gain.
Anorexia can also cause someone to not act like her or himself. She or he may talk about weight and food all the time, not eat in front of others, be moody or sad, or not want to go out with friends.
Ok now that that's straighten out. Please review!!! Until next time!!! BYE!!!!