Legend of Dragoon: OTP Sitcom
by Brookness
Disclaimer: Brookness does not own The legend of Dragoon of any of it's contents. Just this story.
Setting: Sitcom stage.
Topic: OTP's/One True Pairing
Brookness: Today we will be talking about all of the OTP's (One True Pairing)'s out there. Please welcome, everyone from The Legend of Dragoon.
[Audience cheers and claps as the cast join the stage]
Dart: Hello, I'm Dart.
Meru: YOU ALL THOUGHT THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO ACCESS THE INTERNET AND SEE WHAT YOU ALL WERE PUTTING TOGETHER, HUH! BUT, OH HOHOH, MERU'S TECH SKILLS ARE BEAST.
Dart: Meru, you threatened Albert to figure it out for you, or you'd tell everyone about his fetish. Which you told us anyway...
Albert: ...
Meru: YEAH, HEHEH. WHO WOULDA THUNK THAT AL LIKES TO COLLECT BALLS. HE HAS LOTS OF BALLS. BALLS IN HIS CLOSET, BALLS IN HIS ROOM, BALLS IN THE BATHROOM.
[Brookness cracking up]
Meru: BALLS HIDDEN AND STASHED AWAY ALL OVER HIS CASTLE. YOU SHOULDA SEEN THE LOOK ON EMILLE'S FACE WHEN I TOLD HER. PRICELESS.
Rose: Why are you talking in Caps?
Meru: MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD!
Brookness: Turn off the caps or I'm banning you from this conversation.
Meru: NO.
Meru has been temporarily banned
Dart: So, anyway...
Shana: The most known OTP's are *blushes* DartxShana and erhm DartxRose.
Rose: ...
Brookness: So... Dart, Rose... What really happened in that cave, hmm?
Dart: I was unconscious... So, um, you'd have to ask Rose.
Rose: Nothing happened. Obviously, he's Zieg's son. So, of course I felt an attraction to him, because he is just like Zieg.
Shana: So, you admit you are attracted to him..
Rose: Dart is not Zieg. He may be like him, but they are not the same person.
Dart: So, when Pete was talking about us in the cave, and he said "Rose, you gotta confess to him!" He really meant that... *Smirk* I knew it..
Rose: Shut up, or you die.
Dart: ...
Pete: *Running across sitcom stage* SHE CUDDLED HIM! SHE CUDDLED! I SAW IT! I SWEAR!
Rose: Why, you little.. *Chasing down Pete*
Pete: *Running* Don't kill me, please! Meru paid me to say it even though it's true!
Dart: Anyways... All we're saying is, DartxRose didn't happen. It won't happen.
Brookness: *Slightly sobs*
[All looking over at Brookness]
Dart: Uhm...?
Haschel: Dart, you always make the ladies cry. Didn't your parents teach you better!
Zieg: Yes, his father did. But, Dart still likes to be an ass.
Claire: What did you do this time, Dart?
Dart: NOTHING!
Rose: Then what's wrong with her?
Brookness: I wanted DartxRose to happen. *Sobs* It was so cute.
Zieg: Well, it's ZiegxRose now.
Brookness: *Sobs* You son of a bitch, Zieg.
Claire: Yeah before ZiegxClaire died. *Glaring at Rose*
Rose: ... It's not my fault you died, okay?
Claire: Oh, REALLY, 'Black Monster'. *Glares*
Miranda: What if Rose really knew who you were and killed you on purpose just to be with Zieg?
Rose: WHAT THE FUCK!
Claire: I wonder, Zieg... If I hadn't died, who would you have chosen? Me, your wife and mother of your child, Dart.. Or Rose, your lover and former fiancee from 11,000 years ago... *Glaring*
Rose: Yeah, Zieg. *Glaring*
Zieg: What the...?
Brookness: Well, obviously you did die, Claire. So, shut up.
Haschel: Don't tell my daughter to shut up!
Brookness: Would you like to join Meru in the banned group? *Points to Meru sitting in the banned group with her big, sad eyes*
Haschel: ...
Miranda: I think he would have chosen Rose. After all, he was intimate with her first before the first battle with Melbu Frahma...
Rose: He didn't choose. We are one now. Whether anyone likes it or not, got it? *Death glare to everyone*
All: Got it...
Miranda: You know what's really creepy... Is that Rose was with Zieg, and then Zieg married Claire after their part for 11,000 years, and Zieg and Claire made Dart. Which is weird, because Rose almost kissed Dart, which is her ex-fiancee's son...
Rose: ...
Shana: ALMOST KISSED?
Dart: ...
Rose: I didn't fucking know at the time, you assholes!
Meru has been unbanned
Meru: OH YEAH!
Brookness: Meru...
Meru: Sorry...
Dart: Now that Meru's back... What about her pairing?
Meru: Oh, yeah... Who the hell said DartxMeru! He's like, 7 years older than me. Not that love has a number, but seriously... Ew much?
Dart: That's not the only pairing.
Lloyd: They also suggested LloydxMeru. I mean, I know we're both Winglies and all, but I am at least 3 years older than Dart, and 10 years older than Meru.
Lenus: Not to mention, you love ME!
Miranda: Actually... I think he just used you to distract the whole group while he ran away, that's what it seemed... I mean, he obviously knew we were going to defeat you. That's why he told us where to find him before he ran away like a little bitch.
Lloyd: Hey...
Lenus: ...
Miranda: Why would he leave you to die if he really loved you?
Wink: It's because he wanted me. That's why he saved me twice, and I'm not even a Winglie.
Lenus: Shut up, you [CENSORED].
Wink: Not before you shut up, you stupid [CENSORED].
Lenus: Lloyd! Is this [CENSORED] true! Did you really just use me, and cheat on me for this stupid [CENSORED] [CENSORED].
Lloyd: ...
Brookness: Hey! Who the [CENSORED] is [CENSORED] censoring!
Meru: Heheheheheheheheh...
All: Meru!
Brookness: *Snatches the Censoring button away* Goddamn you.
Haschel: It cracks me up every time I hear the one's about HaschelxMiranda.
Miranda: ARE YOU KIDDING!
Haschel: *Laughs* Not at all.
Brookness: *Brings out laptop and types* HaschelxMiranda... *Scared face* OH MY SOA!
[All crowd to look]
All: WHAT THE FUCK?
Miranda: That is disgusting... He's so old... Like, I have great grandmothers, and grandfathers that are younger than him... WHO THE FUCK...?
Haschel: No need to go overboard...
Miranda: I'm serious... ew..
Rose: I'm actually not surprised.
Miranda: *Glares at Rose*
Brookness: *Chuckling at the laptop while everyone else is talking, but everyone notices*
Dart: What are you doing...?
Brookness: Look.
[All look, and see]: DARTxLLOYD!
Brookness: Hahahahaha! Apparently when you asked the girl at the bar in Fletz about looking for Lloyd, and she said; "You're more interested in a man than stars!" People took that a little too inviting.
Shana: Actually, that's kinda hot... *blush*
Dart: Shana!
Lloyd: Wow... I am actually kind of scared of our fans now...
Rose: Why? Because they found out that you're really gay?
Lenus: So... YOU LEFT ME FOR DART! YOU MAN-WHORE! LITERALLY!
Lloyd and Dart: !
Brookness: *Typing* DartxLavitz...
Dart: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!
Rose: I think that's what brought up the pairing, your close friendship. Apparently, Lavitz is the girlie one, according to all of the fan-fiction...
Dart: ...
Albert: And how do you know this, Rose...?
Rose: ...
[All look at Rose]
Rose: What? So, I have a fetish... So what?
Meru: Hey! Where is ol' Lavie anyway?
Brookness: He said he had something to do. He'd be over here later.
Lavitz: Well, I am here... Apparently at the wrong moment.
Dart: Lavitz! *Back pat, and hug*
Rose: ...
Meru: Rose is horny.
Rose: Shut up, you little [CENSORED]
Brookness: *Sighs and snatches Censoring button away from Meru again*
Lavitz: I spotted one called LavitzxRose just the other day...
Brookness: *Types it in* I found it! Woah... pretty graphic details there. "Slambert finally expresses his true love for his darling Rose. His mother, finally happy that he found a woman to truly make a life with. They soon get married, buy their own home, and have children."
Rose: ... *Sigh* Why do people do this to me?
Brookness: Wait a second...
[All look at Brookness]
Brookness: The founder of this website is... Lavitz Slambert...
[All look at Lavitz]: ...
Lavitz: Heheheheh...
Rose: YOU LITTLE SHIT. *Chases Lavitz*
Kongol: ...
Meru: So, Kongol finally speaks, and it's just little dots!
Kongol: Kongol self-conscious...
Brookness: You know, there was one I saw about KongolxIndora.
Kongol: KONGOL'S BROTHER!
Meru: Incest! That's kinda... eh... awkward right there...
Kongol: ... Human have sick mind... Kongol more freaked out now...
Brookness: *Typing* Holy... I kind of regret typing this... but this is kind of funny... *Chuckle*
[All crowd]: No way...?
Rose and Shana: WHAT THE HELL! *Look at each other with the 'holy-shit-what-the-fuck' look*
All the guys: Now that's hot...
Meru: *Smacks Haschel* Shut up, old pervert!
Haschel: Ahh!
Rose: WHO IS THE ONE WHO MADE THAT! I'LL KILL.
Shana: *Scared*
Brookness: *Typing* Hey, hey! Listen to this, *Cracking up* "Over 10,000 years apart makes no difference for their love... For today, is the day that they finally express their true love for one another... Rose and Meru kiss..."
All: !
Rose: No fucking comment.
Meru: That is just... wrong, on so many levels...
Brookness: *Looks at clock* Well, guys, looks like it's about time to end this show. Thank you all for taking the time to sit here with me and discuss all of the OTP's.
All: Of course.
Brookness: And thank you viewers/readers for sticking around. Now I'll just [CENSORED]
All: ...
Brookness: What the [CENSORED]. I can't believe [CENSORED]. I DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING THAT T[CENSORED]. MERU! You little [CENSORED]! I'm gonna [CENSORED]. WHAT THE [CENSORED]?
Meru: Well, that's all, folks! Please R&R, and tell me how beautiful I look and whatnot!
[Brookness swearing in censored in the background]
Meru: Kisses from the Forest of Winglies!