Semi-Hostile Takeover
By WhiteInfinity21
Disclaimer: I don't own the Labyrinth or any of its characters.
The throne room was silent and empty. Not a good sign. It usually meant that the goblins were up to no good. Last time the throne room had been empty, they had blown up part of the east wing of the castle trying to get into the distillery (when Jareth had discovered this, the perpetrators ended up slacking their thirst in the Bog of Eternal Stench).
As Sarah continued to examine the scene another detail became apparent; not only was the throne room empty and silent, but it was also absolutely spotless. Such a thing could only mean trouble. Goblins were about as cleanly as sewer rats (no offence to the rats) and they had the unfortunate tendency to spread their filth with them wherever they went.
Now that she was listening harder, Sarah could barely hear any sign of life at all. There was only a far off bird calling, no sign of the goblins at all. She left the throne room and went off in search of someone to explain what was going on.
Not only did she not encounter a single goblin or other resident of the castle, but everywhere she went was as spotlessly clean as the throne room. Sarah internally groaned. This could only mean one of two things: either the goblins had all decided to go on a vacation Aboveground or that her family, Karen in particular, was visiting.
Despite her resolve to be a better daughter and sister after she had won Toby back from the Goblin king due to an ill-spoken wish, Sarah had been unable to reconcile her differences with her step-mother. Their personalities just clashed too much.
Sarah, ever the dreamer, was far more interested in magic and nature than she was in being a proper young lady and keeping her personal space clutter-free. Karen was the stereotypical housewife and home-maker (not to mention being a bossy busybody). Karen expected Sarah to act like a practical, obedient and polite young woman; in other words, boring and normal. Sarah was anything but that.
She hated people bossing her around and did not hold the same views of what was proper or practical that Karen did. Sarah was polite to people who had her respect, not to those who demanded it or acted as if they were entitled to deferential treatment without ever doing anything to merit it.
Plus, Sarah was anything but boring or normal. One couldn't be if they had solved the Labyrinth, bested the Goblin King and had won his heart in the process. No, such feats required determination, loyalty, imagination and flexibility. All of which Sarah's step-mother lacked.
So you can see why these two really couldn't get along. The most Sarah could manage was to tolerate Karen, preferably in small doses. Once she had graduated high school and was able to escape off to college her relationship with Karen had vastly improved (probably because they didn't have to interact on a daily basis anymore.)
Of course the moment Sarah had settled down into her dorm room the Goblin King showed up in a cloud of glittery glory. He had demanded that now she was an adult that it was time that she paid her debts to him. Sarah, being the willful and defiant person was proceeded to argue with him until he admitted that there was really no such debt and that what he really wanted was to see her. Jareth didn't really say that but Sarah was able to figure it out by his choice of wording and body language, despite how he tried to hide the fact behind bored indifference.
When Sarah accused the Goblin King of just that Jareth had blustered and hotly proclaimed that her run through the labyrinth hadn't been all that impressive after all. That of course was the wrong thing to say, for in addition to being determined (stubborn Jareth would claim), loyal, and imaginative, Sarah was also quite competitive. So she had shot back, "well if it wasn't so impressive I DARE you to do better."
The Goblin King in addition to being arrogant, manipulative, and narcissistic was just as competitive as Sarah was (and a sore looser too, she claimed). Jareth of course could not resist such a dare and proceeded to solve his Labyrinth in nine hours, thirty-three minutes and six seconds. He did this without using his magic once, except to dead his sense of smell when he fell through a trap door that almost gave him a dunking in the Bog of Eternal Stench.
"Ha!" he said, dirty and disheveled, but smug and proud, "I bet you can't do better that THAT."
Sarah being who she was not only did, but literally knocked the socks off the smug Goblin king. Apparently the unexpected and heated kiss from his Champion had the ability to cause his boots (and socks) to be electrically discharged from the stunned Goblin King's feet.
After many moments after Jareth finally recovered his wits, Sarah smugly declared, "I know you can't do better than that."
Of course the Goblin King had to prove to Sarah that indeed he could (the end result ending up in his bedroom on his sinfully huge and soft bed). Events continued on in a similar vein and in a few days the two ended up married, a fact that had surprised them both when they woke up in Vegas, hungover the following morning. The evidence of their lovemaking and several bottles of whisky scattered around the room of the "Love Hotel" they had checked into and the pair of matching rings on their fingers had given the general picture of what had happened to them.
Since they had both secretly got what they had wanted, they called a truce to their competition before their one-upmanship got them into even bigger trouble (a good thing since his next dare would have caused a diplomatic disaster).
After Sarah had finished college she had moved into the castle Beyond the Labyrinth with her husband and continued to make frequent visits to her family Above. It was about thirteen months after she had got married that Karen had caught Sarah climbing out of the vanity mirror in her bedroom. She had been going to visit Toby who by now was an energetic seven year old. Karen, seeing her step-daughter halfway through the mirror had shrieked, turned white, and then red, and had demanded a full explanation from Sarah or else she would file a restraining order against Sarah, barring her from visiting Toby.
Sarah had reluctantly told the whole tale despite the numerous horrified gasps and scolding interruptions from her step-mother. After she had finished Karen had demanded to meet "the irreputable scoundrel" Sarah had married. She rolled her eyes, sighed and called her husband who promptly appeared in a burst of glitter. The customary smirk he wore on his face quickly vanished once Karen started interrogating him. A good four hours later of lecturing and grilling an overwhelmed Jareth, Karen had demanded full access to the castle for the entire family, not just Toby. Jareth, just wanting to make the harpy shut-up, granted Karen's "requests" without thinking about the possible consequences. This he came to regret after the first time she, Robert and Toby had all visited the castle. Toby and Robert's presences had been fine, but Karen had terrorized the poor goblins so much that they refused to come out from under the rocks they had hid under for a week afterwards.
Given the history between Karen and all of the inhabitants of the Labyrinth (the Goblin King included), Sarah was now highly suspicious of what had been going on while she had left to visit her friends from college for three days.
After wandering through the empty portrait gallery, the barracks, the library and the meeting chamber, Sarah finally poked her head into the kitchen and was met with a most unexpected sight. Her father was doggedly making what looked like tuna casserole. What was odd about the sight was that her father detested cooking and couldn't even boil an egg without causing the smoke alarm to go off. So to see her father competently preparing one of Karen's staple meals was simply baffling to Sarah.
"Dad what on earth are you doing?" Sarah asked boggled.
"I'm making dinner sweetie," Robert distractedly answered.
"But you hate cooking," Sarah stated.
Robert shrugged, not answering.
Thinking back to one of the first lessons she had learned in the Labyrinth she asked, "why are you cooking tuna casserole?"
"Because Karen thought it would be a good idea since she's so busy," he answered slightly strained.
"But why are you doing it now when you have never agreed to do it before?" Sarah doggedly continued.
"Because that's what a good husband does when his wife is too busy doing chores and running errands," her father replied sounding annoyed, as if her was reciting a line he had been coached to tell.
"But why tuna casserole? You hate tuna casserole," Sarah mentioned.
"Enough! Why are you drilling me about something like making dinner for the family tonight?" Robert sounded strained.
"It concerns me when you're obviously acting abnormally," Sarah stated, "especially when you're doing it in my castle."
"Not your castle anymore," Robert grumbled so quietly Sarah almost didn't hear it.
"What do you mean not my castle anymore? What's going on around here?" Sarah was getting exasperated and so the words came out as an order instead of a request.
"No more questions! Now quit pestering me and leave me in peace to finish dinner!" Robert exclaimed.
Sarah detected a note of fear in his voice. It was obvious that she wouldn't get anything out of her father, so she left the kitchen and headed off in search of her brother.
Unlike her father, Sarah found Toby exactly where she expected him to be; the playroom. But instead of playing with the multitude of unique, hand-crafted toys that could keep children enthralled for hours on end, Toby was sulkily hunched over something at the playtable, papers scattered all around him.
"Hey Tobes, why are you doing Karen's 'supplemental lessons', instead of wrecking havoc with the goblins?" Sarah asked, bending over so her eyes looked into his, upside down.
"Because Mom told me to do them or else I wouldn't be able to go to Jason's birthday party," Toby gloomily replied, not looking up at his older sister.
"Toby, you and I both know that you don't have to do Karen's supplemental lessons when you're over here," Sarah pointed out, "and Karen knows it too."
"Yeah but now I have to now that she's in charge," Toby grumbled.
"In charge? Toby I'm in charge here and I'm the one who makes the rules, not Karen," Sarah explained, "what does she think she's doing making you do those horrid extra lessons that aren't even part of your schoolwork?"
Toby shrugged, unwilling –or unable- to answer the question.
By now Sarah was wondering why Jareth who rather disliked Karen was letting her step-mother get away with all this.
"Toby do you know where Jareth is?" Sarah asked, changing topics.
"He said he'd rather be in the dungeon than listen to her harping anymore. So she sent him there," Toby replied.
"What?" Sarah exploded, "and he just let her send him there? It's a good thing he's already in the dungeon or else I'd throw him in the bog!"
"Don't get so angry Sis, it wasn't like he had any choice," Toby quickly responded.
"He didn't have any choice?" Sarah voice was icy, "just what has Karen done that she can force you, Dad and Jareth to do things against their will?"
"Can't tell you," Toby simply answered.
"Well if you can't then Jareth better hope he can," Sarah fumed, forced or not he could have chosen to ignore her. He's done it plenty of times before.
Sarah didn't even bother to transport down to the dungeons. If she saw her husband just then she was liable to rip him a new one. So instead she walked (more like stomped) down from the sunny playroom down to the dark, dank dungeons. It didn't take long to find Jareth, he was in the only cell with the door closed and barred.
"Enjoy your vacation?" Jareth genially asked as Sarah threw open the door.
"What the hell is going on Jareth? Why is the castle clean and devoid of goblins? Why is Dad cooking dinner when he can't cook to save his life? Why is Toby doing 'supplimental lessons' when he's supposed to be playing?" Sarah vented her frustration in a barrage of questions, "and why are you shackled to the wall, locked up in your OWN dungeon?"
"Well perhaps I decided to give the goblins a well deserved vacation. Perhaps your father decided to do something nice for your overworked step-mother. And perhaps Toby- actually I have no clue why he's actually doing his homework," Jareth explained, "and as for me, I thought that the dungeon made a nice change of scenery. It's cool, quiet-"
Sarah arched a brow.
"-and most importantly it is absent of the presence of your tyrannical step-mother," Jareth finished.
"Right- and Hell has just frozen over," Sarah snarked, "now tell me the real reason or else you'll be sleeping with the goblins for the next week."
Jareth sighed dramatically and shook his head.
Sarah rolled her eyes. She was far too used to her husband's dramatic antics.
"Well it seems that while you were away Karen performed a semi-hostile takeover," Jareth finally explained.
"And how did she manage to do that Goblin King?" She stressed the words of Jareth's title.
"She got a hold of the Orb of Command?" he meekly suggested.
"And how did- you know what, never mind. I don't want to know," Sarah groaned, "what I want to know is what you intend to do to fix this mess caused by your carelessness."
"I'm afraid that's going to be up to you Precious," Jareth admitted, "only the ruling monarch can release the lock on these shackles."
"Then there shouldn't be any problem," Sarah stated.
She reached over to release Jareth from his restraints (Jareth freely ogled Sarah's cleavage that her green V-neck t-shirt revealed as she bent over him, he had ever right to, she was his wife after all).
It didn't work. The shackles remained firmly locked.
"Why isn't it working? I'm the freaking Goblin Queen afterall!" Sarah exclaimed.
"Actually dearest, you're not," Jareth bluntly stated, "not with your *endearing* step-mother having possession of the Orb of Command."
"Great! So now she's Queen. What does that make me?" Sarah spoke derisively.
Jareth was tempted to say "a fiery's uncle" but knew that he was in enough trouble with his wife at the moment.
"You're what you were before we became blissfully married," Jareth lightly spoke, as if knowing what his next words would prompt Sarah to do, "you're the Champion."
A slow, sly smile spread across Sarah's face, "I am, aren't I?"
Sarah bent down and pecked Jareth on the lips and he took another opportunity to look down Sarah's shirt.
"Well in that case I know exactly what to do about this would-be dictator that has gotten too big for their britches," Sarah proclaimed, shooting a meaningful look at Jareth.
"Have fun dear!" Jareth called after her as she left the cell, closing and locking the cell door behind her.
Hearing the distinctive squeaky click of the cell door as Sarah left suddenly filled Jareth with apprehension. It couldn't bode well for him if she deliberately left him locked-up down here while she went off to deal with Karen.
Jareth gulped in the now silent and dark cell. Suddenly being here wasn't as comforting as it had been when Karen had banished him here. It was obvious that his Queen had something devilish in mind for him later.
Sarah's steps were confident and brisk. By now Karen should know that her step-daughter had returned and was probably waiting for her in ambush. Sarah knew Karen too well to let something like that happen. She had a pretty good idea where her step-mother was.
Right as she had predicted Karen was located in the meeting chamber where diplomatic discussions and affairs of state took place. The room contained an immense circular cherry wood table stained a dark burgundy that could seat up to forty dignitaries. Karen was seated in the King's chair, the most decorated and ornate chair in the chamber. She was sitting up straight, a look of superiority and resolve on her face.
"Ah, Sarah. There you are," Karen began, "it was about time you returned. And late as always I see. I had hoped that going to college would have cured you of your chronic tardiness, but it seems that I've been sadly disappointed. Not that I am really surprised, mind you. You have always been a spoiled, disobedient child. Always wasting your time reading those worthless fantasy books or playacting in the park, never thinking about your responsibilities or your future."
"It's nice to see you too, Karen," Sarah interjected.
"And that's another thing. You're always so impertinent and disrespectful to your betters," Karen scolded.
Sarah could tell that under the influence of the Orb of Command, Karen's true feelings were coming out. Normally she would have said "your elders" but it was apparent that Karen thought herself Sarah's superior.
"Sarah pay attention! It's rude not to listen to someone when they're talking to you, especially when they're giving you good advise!" Karen sharply spoke as she noticed Sarah's inattention.
"Just another one of your many faults," Karen sighed, "well no time like the present to start correcting a lifetime's worth of bad habits. I've already made Robert start to appreciate just how hard I work to keep the house in order and I've made good progress undoing the damage you have done to my son. Your lout of a husband is a lost cause, but you I still have some hope for."
Sarah sighed and rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time as she waited for Karen to quit monologging and to get to the point where she could finally act.
"It's about time you started acting like a proper young lady and a responsible daughter, fulfilling your duties to this family," Karen was obviously enjoying hearing herself talk, "you can start my addressing me as 'Ma'am' and treating me, and your father, with the proper deference and obedience we deserve."
Sarah drew a deep breath, preparing.
"For now go clean out your junk from my chambers and freshen up another set of rooms for yourself," Karen ordered, "it's appalling the level of filth and squalor you let this place fall into. Now get going and clean out those rooms!"
"Oh, Karen," Sarah said sweetly.
She paused, relishing her next words, "you have no power over me."
Instantly Karen's confidence deflated and she slumped back into the King's chair. Sarah reached out and neatly plucked the Orb of Command from Karen's lax fingers. The moment the Orb rested fully in Sarah's palm, her Goblin magic swirled up around her in a cloud of dark glitter. When the cloud dispersed, Sarah's green V-necked t-shirt and worn jeans were gone, replaced by her favorite outfit: dark purple, glittery velvet leggings, dusky violet frock coat with heavy black embroidery along the seams and edges, cream colored silk blouse with lace at the collar and sleeve ends and black leather corset that hugged her middle, empathizing her attractive curves.
"Now Karen you know that part of our agreement was that we respected each other's rules when visiting the other's home," Sarah reminded her, "and that includes not harassing the goblins or my husband, leaving Cook to her work, and letting Toby be a normal little boy who is loud, boisterous, makes messes and plays to his heart's content."
"But the castle was absolutely filthy, I couldn't just leave it like that," Karen surly protested.
"That's true, but we keep our rooms, the guest rooms, dinning hall, library and family room clean and goblin-free," Sarah pointed out, "besides once you leave, the goblins will come back and make a mess of the rest of the castle again anyway."
"Well I still think that I do a better job of running this place than you do," Karen retorted.
"And that's why we're different. I don't go imposing chafing rules on guests or creatures who obviously can't help what they are," Sarah explained, "I believe that letting people be comfortable and happy maintains better relationships than strict formality, proprietary and obsessive cleanliness does."
"And that's why you ended up getting drunk and woke up in Vegas married to that ruffian," Karen waspishly shot back.
Sarah groaned, now Karen was trying to draw her into a shouting match so she could prove her superiority. It was just like her to do something like this.
"And this is why everyone is much happier when we're not in the same room together," Sarah snapped, "you can't listen to reason and are unwilling to compromise on anything. Dad is too cowed by you to do anything but at least Toby is still able to be himself despite the stifling atmosphere you are raising him in."
Karen was staring at Sarah offended and aghast. Sarah hardly every got this nasty with the woman but this time Karen had gone too far. Bossing people around was one thing, but using the Orb of Command to force them to do things against their wills bordered on something twisted and dark.
The Orb of Command had the ability to command any living thing within the Labyrinth. It was meant to be used as an option of last resort such as stopping bloody revolts (not counting the traditional almost weekly revolts over trivial things, the goblins were real good at triviality, or occasional poultry uprising), assassination attempts or invading armies. A good Goblin King (or Queen) should be able to rule their subjects without ever having to resort to using the Orb of Command.
Jareth was in fact a great king. He had never once used the Orb's powers during his long reign. It was because he was such a good king that he just let the Orb sitting about in his study, confident in his own abilities, assured that no one would ever try to wrest his kingship from him (also because no one really wanted to be the Goblin King and that all of his subjects were too stupid to think up of such a plan).
Sarah rolled the Orb around the back of her hand, counter-clockwise, and then threw it up into the air. The Orb vanished at the apex of the throw, being put into safekeeping where no one but the Goblin Queen could access it. Had Sarah rolled the orb clockwise around her hand, both goblin monarchs could have accessed it. But since Jareth had been so careless to leave it around where anyone could pick it up, Sarah figured that if her husband wanted help controlling some of the more troublesome goblins, he could come to her.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have matters of state to attend to," Sarah stated as she swept past Karen, leaving a trail of dark glitter and the scent of lilac and black roses in her wake.
The first thing she did was liberate her Dad from the kitchen and Toby from his supplemental lessons. Toby excitedly rushed off to find the trio of his favorite goblins and raise hell, while Robert left the kitchen in a much more sedate fashion, an unopened bottle of single malt scotch in hand, seeking the company of Sir Diddymus to trade war/work stories with.
She found Cook standing in front of the vegetable garden, wooden spoon in one hand, rolling pin in the other, guarding the patch of veggies from any and all threats (read: Karen) with a grim determination. Cook, being the strict, no nonsense goblin she was (a one of a kind type of goblin, which is why Jareth had entrusted her with the job of preparing meals for him without inadvertently poisoning him) just grunted when she saw her Queen and waddled off (she was fond of sampling her dishes to make sure that they were just right) back towards the kitchen. Sarah heard Cook grumbling something about trying to salvage the disaster that her hapless father had made of dinner with much amusement.
Toby, her father and Cook dealt with, Sarah now had the impossible task of coaxing the goblins from the nooks and crannies, holes and tunnels that they had taken refuge in with the advent of Karen. Of course nothing was impossible for someone like Sarah, you just had to be imaginative enough to come up a solution for such problems. That, and she had a secret weapon for such occasions.
"This is going to be a piece of cake," Sarah murmured.
She transported herself to the junkyard and summoned one of her crystals. She shook it hard and dropped the crystal to the ground. The sound of a thousand yowling cats on the hunt filled the entire garbage field and the rats, terrified senseless, came pouring out toward the only refuge available: the goblin city. Their frenzied squeaking echoed off the ramshackle buildings and huts, drawing out all the goblins within hearing range, the call too irrestible for them to ignore.
It was a long known fact: goblins loved roasted rat and this flood of tasty morsels, too scared to bite when snatched up by strong little goblin hands was a siren song. The goblins came pouring out from everywhere, swarming after the rodents, already salivating at the feast to come.
"Rat yummy! Thanks Queenie!" one of the less distracted goblins called as it rushed past.
Satisfied with drawing the goblins out of hiding and dramatically reducing the local pest population at the same time, Sarah popped back to the castle. She checked in on Toby (he along with Snip, Snop and Snipe were painting ugly things all over the entrance way), her father (who was clutching a half empty brandy tumbler, boasting about his latest business conquest to an appreciative Sir Diddymus), Cook (who had thrown the tuna casserole in the rubbish bin and was busily making pot roast and grilled veggies), Karen (she was obsessively cleaning every surface in her and Robert's chambers) and finally her husband.
He gulped as he saw the wicked smirk on her impish, lovely face.
"Dinner isn't going to be ready for a while and I still need to punish a certain careless husband of mine," Sarah practically cackled.
"Now Sarah," Jareth began, almost pleading.
"Hush," she placed one gloved finger over his lips, "you've been a bad boy. You need to learn how to put your toys away."
His eyes bugged out when she pulled his riding crop out from behind her back. He squirmed, trying to get out of the shackles holding his hands above his head on the stone wall. Sarah whacked him lightly on the inner thigh of his right leg.
"Stop wiggling. You're not getting out until I say so," Sarah commanded as she whacked him again, this time a bit harder.
The effect of her tone and actions on Jareth was evident in the growing bulge in his skintight breeches. He whimpered at the pressure his pants were putting on his growing erection.
Sarah smiled a Cheshire grin and ignored his discomfort.
"None of that now," Sarah chided, using the top of the riding crop to force his chin up, "you are getting punished after all. Take it like a man."
Jareth swallowed harshly and prayed that Cook would get done with making dinner soon.
His prayers were in vain. Cook decided that instead of only pot roast that tonight's dinner was going to be a seven course banquet, just to spite Karen since the goblin knew that her culinary skills were far above the pretentious woman's.
Four hours later the dinner bell was rung and the members of the Williams family and all of the invited guests rushed to the dinning hall from all corners of the castle, tummies rumbling, complaining from the lack of food for the past hour. After everyone else was already seated Sarah strode in, smugness and satisfaction radiating off of her. The Goblin King trailed after her, legs stiff and looking a bit worse for wear but ultimately sated after the ordeal he underwent at the hands of his "loving" wife in the dungeons. He was also ravenously hungry.
The banquet passed in pleasant chatter and delicious gourmet food, ending 7-layer chocolate-raspberry cake. Karen, still smarting from wounded pride at her defeat by her "empty-headed step-daughter" stayed stubbornly silent throughout the entire evening; not that anyone cared, it made for a much more pleasant meal.
And thus ended the first semi-hostile takeover during the reign of King Jareth and Queen Sarah. The Orb of Command was never misused again (Jareth's revenge on Sarah for his punishment by her in the dungeon not counting, but that's unimportant) and Sarah and Jareth lived happily ever-after.
At least until Sarah discovered that she was pregnant with triplets about five weeks later. And Jareth discovered just how terrifying his wife's violent mood-swings could be. He sorely wished he had access to the Orb of Command during those nine months, instead he often took refuge in the Bog where his wife refused to venture, since the merest wiff of the BOES sent her running for the toilet.
And they lived mostly happily ever-after, at least until their kids got their hands on the Orb. But that's another story entirely.
The end.
Back to my usual brand of labyfic: fluff with a dash of humor. I should have another one-shot up in about a month. One-shots seem to be my strong point, they're normally pretty long but I found that its hard to sustain interest in long multi-chapter stories, especially considering most of my chappies are at least 5,000 words long.