Guilt
Pitter… patter… pitter… patter…
My eyes opened slowly and I looked at the blurred image of the clock. 2:46 a.m. Another night of insomnia. Another night of nothingness.
I pulled the white sheets off and climbed out of bed. I quietly walked to the open window and looked out into the black night. It was raining. Small diamonds falling onto the cold ground. The moon's light elusively made the rain sparkle.
I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. I turned away from the window and headed back to my bed. A shadow caught my eye. I could slightly see my reflection in my mirror on the dresser. As I stared into the glass, I saw not only myself, but also other faces. Contorted faces of pain and agony.
The faces looked vaguely familiar… very familiar…
"No, it can't be."
Drip… Drip…
I turned my head to see some rain coming in through the open window. The room had suddenly become quite cold. I quickly went over to the window and was about to shut it when I looked at the small puddle etching itself into the white carpet. The puddle was red. I pulled my hand away from the windowsill; it was covered in blood.
"NO!" I screamed as I ran from the window. I went to the restroom and turned on the faucet to wash my hand. Crimson water gushed from the tap and spilled onto my clothes. I turned off the faucet, and ran out of the bathroom.
"Don't try to deny it, Cassie. You know you are a murderer, just look at all the blood you have all over you, all the blood of your victims."
I turned around to see Jake's pale form.
"No… its not true… its not…" I whispered.
"But you see, Cassie dearest, it is true. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it… you are a killer," Jake remarked viciously.
I back up against the wall, trying to push out his words.
"Now, Cassie, come on, reality is reality, lets face the facts. Yes, you feel remorse for all those you killed, but lately, you've been feeling the lust to kill. You actually enjoy it now; it's like a game to you. You want revenge, so you kill, that's how you let your emotions out. I'm right, aren't I Cassie?"
"No… its not true!!" I shouted as tears began to roll down my cheeks. Jake came closer and I tried to bury myself into the wall. I didn't want to look at him, I couldn't. I felt his fingers brush against my face and I closed my eyes.
"Cassie, look at me. You know I'm telling the truth, now look at me," Jake stated coldly.
I felt something wet fall on my head, it rolled down onto my face and more came down, soaking me. I screamed as I opened my eyes. Jake's neck was right before me, and I could see the deep gash in it. The gash I made. I had killed Jake, me. He had been a controller, he had come to take me, but I had taken a knife and lashed out. He had died almost immediately, I had watched his face distort and he writhed in pain as his blood formed a puddle around his dying form. All I did was stare, stare at the blood and the knife in my hand. I had done it in self defense… but what about all the others I killed?
"Go away! You know there were reasons behind my actions! You knew the sacrifices we had to make to win the damn war!" I screamed.
"Oh, really, Cassie? Is that your best response? Just look in the mirror on your dresser. Were
all those so called sacrifices needed? Just look at all those you've killed. There could have been another way, and you know that. Go ahead and look," he declared.I did look and all I saw was blood in the reflection. Jake pushed me to the mirror, made me stand in front of it.
I drew a tentative hand across the glass, smearing away a patch of blood. It revealed a little girl. I wiped away more blood, and more faces appeared. Their eyes seemed to follow me, burning with accusation. Finally, the last spot revealed Jake's face, and all of their faces just stared at me so coldly. I began to back away. I bumped into Jake, and he handled me roughly. He brought my hands to my face, and he shook them in front of my eyes.
"You see? You have all their blood on your hands. The evidence is right there. The simple truth… except it," Jake muttered in my ear as he disappeared.
The crimson blood seeped into my soul, drowning it as my victims came to claim my heart. Distant memories of their screams and shouts ripped through my mind.
"No…" was all I could whisper as I succumbed under the great wave of guilt.
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