Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Spoofed!
By: xKtynx
The end of another boring summer.
Harry, Ron and Hermione: walk onto train station
Ron: glares at Crookshanks
Crookshanks: glares back at Ron
Harry: whines Everybody hates me, nobody wants to be my friend anymore and I'm bound to die a slow, young and painful death.
Ron: shrugs
Hermione: Actually, according to this book I have here, your death is going to be "filled with excruciating pain." proud of self
Harry: stares Thanks, Hermione.
Hermione: smiles Don't mention it.
Harry: mutters as they walk onto train Don't worry, I won't.
On the Hogwarts Express.
Hermione: reads Hogwarts: A History for the nineteenth billion kajillioneth time
Ron: eats chocolate frog heads through mouthful of frog 'Ey 'Arry, 'and me un of dose 'umpkin fings.
Harry: stares Did you just ask me to brush your pubic bangs?
Ron: stares back in horror cautiously gets a pumpkin thing on his own scoots closer to Hermione
Hermione: shields self with Hogwarts: A History COOTIES!
Ron: cries
The Trio: trios
Draco, Crabbe and Goyle: somehow know what compartment Harry Ron and Hermione are in and open the compartment door, and walk in look tougher and eviler than last year
Ron: hurriedly wipes off the tears Weasley-ness What do you want, Ferret?
Draco: puts on suddenly sexy and seductive voice flips hair back and runs tongue over upper lip I want… your bod…
Ron: faints
Hermione: raises an eyebrow
Harry: teenage hormones kick in Why don't you just leave me alone! Everyone is out to get me! You're all ruining my will-be-short-lived-life! pulls at hair
Crabbe: Grunt.
Goyle: scratches head
Draco: rollseyes Dude, save it for someone who cares. walks out of compartment with Crabbe and Goyle
Harry: stares
Hermione: Wow. I think we just got wizard-served.
Ron: is scared to death Do you really think he wants my bod?
Finally back at Hogwarts.
Harry and Ron: tone Dumbledore's speech out
Hermione: listens as if her life depends on it
Dumbledore's speech in Harry and Ron's POV: Forest out of bounds … BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH … Voldemort … JABBER JABBER JABBER … Please welcome our new DADA Professor that is doomed to either die, get fired, quit, or run away. Good luck Professor Lupin!
Everyone in the Great Hall: stares openmouthed
Random person from somewhere: pops up Didn't we doom him already?
Fred Weasley: also pops up from somewhere He doesn't even go here!
George Weasley: YOU don't even go here!
Oliver Wood: YOU don't even go here!
Ron: SHUT UP AND GET OUT!
Oliver, Fred, George and Un-known random person: troop out in shame
Dumbledore: waits until they're gone
Oliver, Fred, George and Un-know random person: are gone
Dumbledore: clears throat Hem hem…
Harry: is reminded of Umbridge hyperventilates
Dumbledore: sighs fixes Harry
Harry: dazed-ness
Dumbledore: Now, where was I… Oh, yes. Ok Minerva, if you'd be so kind as to bend over this table here and pull up you-
McGonagall: blushes interrupts him Erm, that was this morning, Albus.
Dumbledore: Ah, yes. I believe you are correct. thinks Right then. Lupin has returned for lack of better professor. Ok?
Everyone in Great Hall: eats while shooting nervous glances at Dumbledore and McGonagall
In 'ze common room with the trio.
Hermione: reads magazine
Harry and Ron: play chess
Ron: beats Harry
Harry: Damn…
Ron: reads magazine over Hermione's shoulder eyes widen in horror
Harry: re-sets chessboard
Ron: EW! HERMIONE'S READING A PORNO RAG!
Hermione: gasps No I'm not, Ronald! This is merely a muggle health magazine!
Ron: scoots closer to Harry again Right, and Harry really does have a lightning bolt scar on his forehead… mutters
Harry: stares Ron, I do have a lighting bolt scar on my forehead. shows him
Ron: cries
Breakfast on the first day back.
Harry and Hermione: walk into the Great Hall
Hermione: Where's Ron?
Harry: I dunno…
Ron: motions them over
Hermione and Harry: Where did you come from?
Ron: waves it away Never mind that. It's too nice a day to care. I mean, look around! The Slytherins are Slythering, the Hufflepuffs are Huffling, the Ravenclaws are Ravening and we're Gryffindoring! What more could we ask for?
Harry: starts to point something out that they could ask for
Hermione: eyes widen Oh my God! What in the name of Merlin is that!
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A/N: DUN DUN DUN! This is an abrupt turn of style for my writing, but I hope you'll like it! Until next time!
Xx Kaitlyn
Last Updated: February 26, 2005