Evil.
Dreadful.
Bloody horribly moronically terribly darkly…. Sexy. The ignorant little bastard. He has no idea. No bloody fucking idea.
You might be wondering whom I'm talking about. Well, if all of the bloody adverbs didn't give it away already, Severus Fucking Alexander Bloody Snape. Not necessarily in that order. The man is so…so ... Ugh! Damn it all I get horny just looking at the cheeky little bastard.
Of course, he does not know this. He just continues to raise the damn sexy eyebrow and portray the damn sexy smirk and I continue to melt like Lavender whenever Draco comes around. It's just not fair. It's so bloody unfair! He thinks I hate him! Mind you, at times I want to wipe that little smirk off his face, but my methods are different from what he suspects.
You see, he imagines me doing everything from yelling to beating the hell out of him. My mind however, has come up with quite a few more delicious methods of payback. Many of which consisting of full-frontal-snogging, the removal of clothing, or the phrase "Take me, I'm yours." Ugh, how very clichéd
Anyway, enough rambling. You might wonder why I am telling you this. Why exactly is Hermione Granger revealing her deepest darkest secrets to a complete stranger in the form of a laptop? Well, Harry and Ron would have a fit, Ginny is away on vacation and don't even get me started on Luna. So, you see, you are my last alternative. So listen!
I suppose it all started at an Order meeting somewhere. That's really the only time I saw the little prick until I started teaching. Damn Albus and his incessant meddling. That man gets worse with age, I swear! He must have caught my glances…or maybe it was the way I turned red during every banter I exchanged with The Bat. But somehow, some way, Albus Dumbledore knows. And I'm scared shitless.
He hired me at the beginning of term to cover for Vector, as she is on sabbatical. I grudgingly agreed and set myself up for a yearlong stay at Hogwarts.
Then the old bitch went and retired.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to refuse Albus Dumbledore? Its damn near impossible! That twinkle has got to be more than benign omniscience! I'll have to look in the library for any spells involving mind control. But, for the time being, I'll just have to relate to you why I'm in such a pissy mood in the first place.
Little did I know; I 'd fucked up everything.
I, Hermione Granger, smartest witch since Rowena Ravenclaw herself, had royally fucked up. Last night, in the staff room, Severus Snape was sleeping in his chair. Sleeping! In public! Totally unguarded!
Or so I thought…
I couldn't resist as it was my only time to observe him unnoticed. I fully examined him. Like a jeweler inspecting a precious gem I watched him. Damn near an hour had passed before he suddenly spoke in that annoyingly dark and sexy drawl.
"Miss Granger, if you are quite done staring I believe I shall retire."
Bloody Hell!
I couldn't take it any more. I jumped him. Quite literally jumped into his lap and proceeded to do just what I had dreamed of doing for months. I snogged him senseless. He was momentarily shocked, but he surprised me. Severus Snape, the Great Greasy Git, snaked his arms around my waist, pulled me closer, and slipped his wonderfully silky tongue into my mouth.
Oh, yes.
Heaven.
After a few minutes, he pulled away and stared at me. Not a probing stare, not even a stare of mild interest. Blank and utterly emotionless as usual. Bloody annoying snaky git.
"Miss Granger, do you care to explain yourself?"
I, not being able to think up a valid excuse for our staff-room snog, jumped the poor old bat again. Not, of course, that he objected much. He growled hungrily into the kiss, his arms still being around my waist, he smashed himself against me and pushed me off of his lap and onto the neighboring couch, where he proceeded to pin me down with his glorious sex-god body. Oh Merlin.
And it didn't stop there.
After nearly half an hour o the most wonderful snogging I had ever had the pleasure of experiencing, he pulled away yet again and repeated his question.
"Now, Granger, explain. And don't think your tactics will work twice."
Damn.
"I….er…how do I explain that?"
"Oh, bugger your bloody reason." Snape hissed as he claimed my mouth in another forceful, demanding kiss.
Before I knew it, Severus Alexander Snape had picked me up, wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me to the Floo, never breaking our kiss. I found myself gently dropped onto a soft bed, and once again covered by his electrifying warmth.
Oh Gods yes.
"Miss Granger, if we keep going at this rate I cannot promise I will be able to control myself. Make your decision now." That silky voice whispered, tickling my neck and sending sparks down my spine.
I couldn't reply. At that precise moment my brain was only aware of one thing and that was the rather large, rather hard object pressing into my thigh. Didn't leave much room for the forming of words, you see. I let out a soft moan and claimed his mouth again, and quickly found myself void of clothing.
The cool air shocked my skin, but only for a moment as a thick black comforter was pulled over us and warm skin met mine. All coherent thought was definitely lost then, as my skin was teased with teeth, then soothed by the warmth of his lips and tongue.
Oh.
I was filled to the brim with him, his heated strokes and staggered breathing surrounded me. It seemed to last forever, a constant battle of wills. Neither wanting to succumb first. Finally, I cried out, seconds before he collapsed, exhausted, and rolled off of me.
"Well, Miss Granger, I do believe I wont have to endure Albus' incessant taunting any longer." he said when he had fully regained his breath.
"Neither will I." I muttered softly, curling up against his shoulder.
I felt his arm sneak under my neck, and he stroked my hair softly as I fell into a deep, satisfied slumber.
Fucking up has never felt so good.