AN: Hey y'all! So, here I am again with a brand new multichapter Deyna fic. And to think I swore to myself this would never see the light of the day. Aaaah the things this ship does to me! After watching the scene where Rayna and Deacon fight in front of his house many many times, this idea hit me and I found myself typing away on my phone in the middle of classes, in bed at night, while I was jogging (yes, it happened and I didn't hit a tree, go me!). I couldn't stop myself. But I was very reluctant about writing a fic set in the past, basically because I fear Callie Khouri is going to ruin how I envisioned those events with one of her brilliant ideas (which I have a feeling is going to happen real soon, please have mercy on me). Eventually with sparklymichelle's encouragement and blessing, after months I found the courage to take this leap and finally publish it. So I guess you have her to blame if you don't like this. YaY. Lol No, just kidding point the gun here.
This story is going to have 4 chapters in total and will give you a chance to take a look into Rayna's life in the 4 days before Deacon's last rehab attempt. Did Rayna really lost faith in him as he claimed? Was that really the last straw for her? Well here's what my mind has come up with. Ratings are going to change around chapter four, thought I should warn you.
Well enough with the rambling, I hope you enjoy this and try to keep in mind these are not the characters you're used to see on your TV every Wednesday, they're younger and more immature and going through a very difficult time of their lives, so if you find any of them out of character this might explain it a little bit. With a bit of luck.
Happy reading!

Friday June 4th 1999

BOK Center – Tulsa, OK. - 1.10PM

Rayna was sitting on the edge of the stage, crossed ankles swinging back and forth, eyes were fixed on the backstage door. The big green 'exit' neon light starting to make her eyes sore. She could hear her band and crew murmuring around her, but she couldn't care less about their complaints and annoyed groans. She was going to wait for that door to open and make the realization she was worrying over nothing sink in. Much to her surprise the door opened one minute later. Rayna held her breath, relief ready to wash over her. Everybody turned around as they heard the anti-panic handles click and looked in that direction. A roadie with a toolbox walked in, a confused expression appeared on his face when he noticed his entrance had been followed by several growls and cuss words. Rayna shook her head disappointed and closed her eyes, withdrawing into her shell. She didn't need all the negativity surrounding her to add to the worry and sick-at-my-stomach feeling she was already dealing with. Taking a couple of deep breaths she opened her eyes again, unable to resist the urge to let them fall once again on the big black door.

"Okay guys" Bucky clapped his hands together demanding everyone's attention. "We've waited long enough. I think we shall start." He gestured to the band to collect their instruments and gather on stage.

"Bucky!" Rayna hissed in disbelief. She pushed herself off the stage and chased after him.

"Steve you know what to do." Bucky patted a tall black guy's back as he walked past him with his scarlet red guitar. The guy nodded in response and made his way to the center of the stage.

"Bucky!" Rayna wrapped her hand around his bicep and pulled him back. She instantly regretted it as she took in the look on his face when he turned around. He was livid, quite literally.

"This is a 20,000 people venue Rayna. You go on stage and do your job." Her manager said between gritted teeth. "Now." He urged her. She knew better than argue with him when he was that mad. So she obliged and reluctantly walked on stage. After all they had a pretty big show that night and as much as they felt like a well-oiled machine thanks to the many rehearsals and shows they had under their belt, they could not rest on their laurels.

"Alright." She unhooked the microphone from its stand and turned around to give the band instructions. "Uhm….let's start with 'It's my life' and then we'll go according to the set list, I just want to try the new song first. How does that sound?" Some nodded, some held up thumbs, some did nothing but plugged their instruments, not much enthusiasm was shown towards the Country star. She sighed and turned around, giving her band her back. Their lack of keenness and palpable irritation were only making her nervous and she was already dealing with an awful lot of anxiety on her own. Rayna put her earpieces on and patiently waited for her cue.

"Get off my bedside. I might do something right. Get off my-No no no." Rayna shook her head and took the earpieces out. "Steve You're cranking it up, come on." She groaned in annoyance looking at the guy on her left.

"Rayna I literally played 3 notes." Steve objected, incredulous.

"And I could barely hear my voice over them." Rayna scoffed.

"What?" Steve looked at the other band members for support, but got a lot of head-shakes in return.

"Listen, It's either you or those damn amps." She pointed to the amps at the feet of the stage.

"I know It's not me." He retorted in a huff.

"Okay somebody check the goddamn amps then." Rayna hollered to the crew guys who were standing on the right of the stage. Once she got the okay they had checked them out and everything was fine, Rayna nodded at the drummer and waited for him to count them in.

"Get off my bedside. I might do something right. Get off my wavelength, you're always telling me what to do, how to…act how-what…Sorry you guys." Rayna messed with the lyrics. She could not shush that voice inside her head telling her something was not right, it was hard to focus on anything but that strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. "My bad." She apologized holding her flat palm up and trying not to meet anybody's gaze, especially her manager's. "Once again, from the top." She encouraged the band, who looked like was about to cry in protest any moment now.

"Get off my bedside. I might do something right. Get off my wavelength, you're always telling me what to do, how to act, how's a girl supposed to think. You keep tu-" Rayna unwittingly stepped on the guitar's wire and unplugged it, producing a deafening noise. "Gosh I'm sorry!" She quickly apologized to Steve who unstrapped his guitar and put it down. Rayna looked around her, the violinist and bass player had unplugged their instruments as well. She caught their drifts and sighed. "Okay y'all, let's take a break." Bucky offered his hand to Rayna to help her get off the stage, her shaking hand gripped his tightly and that earned her a reassuring squeeze. That two minutes long rehearsal had been a disaster to put it mildly and she had a show in less than 8 hours.

"Where the hell is he?" Rayna tried to keep the tone of her voice low, but the microphone in her hand was still on and her voice boomed out in the whole arena, making everybody's stare fall on her. She blushed and increased her speed, holding even more tightly on her manager's hand.

"I'll be damned if I know." Bucky whispered back pushing her through the stage door.

1.30 PM

Rayna was pacing back and forth in her dressing room, biting her nails from worry and royally screwing her morning manicure together. Her brain kept making up excuses and gave her a hundred likely to be demolished reasons. She could feel a hell of a headache coming up, just when she thought she was over and done with that particular kind of headache. She looked down at the phone in her hand once again. No incoming calls, no missed calls, no anything. She held it up and swung it above her head from left to right a couple of times, hoping there was no coverage in there, but the five signal bars laughed straight to her face. Was she supposed to feel relieved it hadn't rung yet or start freaking out for the same exact reason? She threw it on the couch on her left and let out an exasperated groan. Was there really nothing she could do? Did Bucky honestly expect her to sit down and wait while he was making phone calls and asking people around? She took one of the daisies standing in a vase in front of her in her hand and started picking out petals off if it. By the time the vase had been emptied and a pool of petals had formed at her feet, a hand touched her shoulder and shook her out of her reverie.

"Hey" Rayna jumped up. "Sorry I didn't want to startle you" Teddy leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Ready for lunch?" He tenderly whispered in her ear before pressing his lips to her cheek again.

"Sorry no time for lunch, we haven't even started rehearsals yet." Rayna took a step forward to get out of his line of fire, every kiss and every touch felt like taking a shock.

"What do you mean? I thought you were supposed to start at noon?" He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion.

"There's been a delay." Rayna cut short. He wouldn't have understood, just like her band and Bucky and probably everyone she knew.

"A delay?"

"Yes, a delay Teddy." She snorted and sat on the couch resting her head against it.

"Hey why are you mad at me?" Teddy asked taken aback by her demeanor, hurt traceable in his voice.

"I am not. I'm just…." Rayna trailed off looking at the ceiling above her. She didn't want Teddy to get involved, her private life and her career needed to stay separate. It took her over a decade to understand the importance of that, but eventually she learned the lesson. Bucky walked into the room then, his phone latched to his ear. Rayna was sure he was trying his best to track him down but by the look on his face she could tell he hadn't had any luck so far.

"What's going on here?" Teddy asked to no one in particular, fine with whoever would have graced him with an explanation.

"Listen, why don't you go back to the hotel and I'll meet you there later?" Rayna offered, trying to sound nice and loving, but without accomplishing neither of the tasks.

"I can stay if you want." He smiled hearteningly at her and walked over to the couch, he reached out for her and cupped her face with his hand, tenderly stroking her cheekbone with his thumb. With a jump, Rayna got on her feet and leant down to grab her phone.

"Stay, go, whatever Teddy." She grumbled. "I need some fresh air." Walking past Bucky she stormed out the room, her phone glued to her right hand as though her life relied upon it and in a way she felt like it did.

1.53 PM

"What time is it again?" Rayna ran a hand through her auburn locks as she leaned against the brick wall of the BOK Center, an uncountable number of trucks and buses protecting her from the screaming fans and paparazzi camped right outside the parking lot.

"About two minutes later than the last time you asked." Bucky answered uncrossing his arms and stretching them out a little bit.

"Bucky?" She let out an exasperate sigh.

"1.53" He conceded looking down at the watch on his wrist.

"Where the hell is he? Honestly!" Rayna threw the cup of coffee Bucky had offered her minutes before against the truck parked right in front of her, creating a coffee painting on its door Picasso would have been proud of. Bucky looked at her in disbelief, that was not the Rayna Jaymes he knew. His hands grasped her shoulders firmly and pinned her against the wall keeping her still. Rayna knew her manager never dug her diva tantrums, no matter how few and far between them they had been over the years. But this time was different, she was just trying to release the tension and concern she had started collecting a couple of hours before.

"I've said this before and I'll say it again there's going to be 20000 people here tonight Rayna. It's a goddamn sold-out show! GET IT TOGETHER!" He roared shaking her shoulders as though he was trying to wake her up, to put some sense into her. "I don't care how you do it, just do it." He let go of her and took a few steps back. Rayna looked down, ashamed of herself for leaving everybody hanging. She was torn between staying and leaving right now. "You might depend on him, but this show can't and this show won't. " He pointed his index at her. "Ten minutes, that's all my giving you. Find him, find a replacement, find a clone, I don't care. Ten minutes is all you've got." He then turned around and walked away leaving a teary eyed Rayna all alone in the empty lot dealing with that chocking burden on her chest. She knew Bucky was right, she knew she was not being her usual professional self, but she just couldn't help it. Trusting her sixth sense was something she had learned by living with someone like him. She learned the hard way to always trust that gut feeling and so far it had never failed her. No matter how hard she was trying not to pay no attention to it, the strong feeling something was not alright wouldn't leave her body and the more minutes passed the more it was intensifying.

2.02 PM

Rayna could not take it anymore. She had to do something, she needed to do something other than wait and careening towards a mental breakdown. On her way back to her dressing room, she spotted her. In different circumstances she would have never even dreamed of approaching her, let alone have an actual talk with her, but hard times call for drastic measures. They both knew were they stood. So far they had managed to keep their relationship strictly professional and actually be very polite to one another in front of the rest of the band. It was public knowledge her violinist and lead guitarist had the hots for each other and Rayna would have bet her bottom dollar they had gotten intimate on more than one occasion. Truth be told nobody ever saw them having any public display of affection, which didn't mean nothing was going on between them. Weirdly enough the country star and her ex boyfriend had initialed this tacit agreement of not rubbing their new partners into the other's face. They both had too much respect towards what they shared together to inflict that kind of pain upon themselves. And anyways, according to the rumors swirling around about him, Aubrey was not the apple of his eyes. There were many apples or so she had been told.

"Hey Aubrey? May I have a word with you?" Rayna hesitantly cornered the short brunette who was on her knees locking her violin in its case.

"Sure. What's up?" She lifted her face up smiling at her. Well it was one of those fake smiles girls put on when they get second place at a beauty pageant, but Rayna appreciated the effort.

"Uhm….I know this is none of my business and trust me I couldn't care less" Rayna began, wanted nothing more but not to be misunderstood. "But…." She wetted her lips nervously "uhm… did you see Deacon last night?" Rayna bit her lip, regretting her choice of words as they were rolling off her tongue.

"You're right, this really is none of your business." The girl let out a laugh and shook her head as she pushed herself up in one swift motion.

"He hasn't shown up yet and nobody has heard from him or seen him in the past twelve hours, I am worried. I just need you to tell me if you know where he might be or-"

"Listen" Aubrey rudely interrupted her. "I am here to play. That's what I am paid for. All the Deacon and Rayna's crap? I'm not interested really. I knew this day would come and I told Deacon several times I did not want to get involved into this. Sorry. He's the one you share history with, not me. I have nothing to say to you." And with that she made an attempt to walk away, but Rayna stepped to the side and positioned herself in front of her again.

"Are you kidding me? I am just worried something might have happened to him. I only asked you if you know where the hell he is, I didn't ask you if you opened your legs to him last night. I don't give a damn!" An hysteric laugh came out of her mouth as she tossed her beautiful long locks off her shoulder adamantly.

"Shouldn't you play the jealous ex girlfriend when he's around to actually see it? Isn't that how winning your ex back, works? I see no Deacon here, so back off." The brunette strongly pushed her out of her way with the help of her violin case, making her lose her balance and fall on her butt with a thud.

"You-did-not-just-do-that." Every word was pronounced in a staccato by the country singer as she clumsily tried to get back on her feet.

"RAYNA!" Bucky's voice rumbled in the corridor behind her. She decided to ignore him and launched herself at her, but her manager moved faster than she did. She felt an arm wrapping around her midsection, holding her back.

"YOU ARE FIRED!" Rayna yelled at the short brunette, wiggling her arms to get out of Bucky's grasp. The poor man was trying his best to drag her back to her dressing room but the heels of her cowboy boots were glued to the ground, so he had no choice but to lift her up and carry her. "I DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR FACE EVER AGAIN!" A red-faced Rayna screamed at her, so loud she could have sworn she had scraped the inside of her throat. "I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GON-"

"ENOUGH!" Bucky put her down and pushed her into her dressing room shutting the door behind her.

2.30 PM

"Who the hell is it?" Rayna bellowed when she heard a knock on the door of her dressing room, still raving from what had just happened out there in front of a dozen people. She wasn't fifteen years old anymore, she could not lash out at every woman who would flutter her eyelashes at her boyfriend. And truth be told, she had never been that type of girl, her parents had raised her better than that. She wasn't even jealous of that little smartass, it was all the fretting about Deacon that turned her into a daytime soap actress. Well maybe there was a tad of jealousy hiding somewhere inside of her and maybe she had previously dreamed at night to get her good, but she wouldn't have pushed it this far hadn't she spent the past two hours on pins and needles.

"It's me, Teddy." A soft voice came from the other side of the wall.

"Come in" Rayna looked into the mirror in front of her and took a long deep breath.

"Are you okay?" He ventured closing the door behind him.

"No I'm not." Rayna rolled her eyes, which didn't go unnoticed by her boyfriend. "Teddy what do you want?"

"I brought you a sandwich from craft service. I thought you might be hungry or something." He smiled weakly at her, holding up a brown paper bag. Rayna looked at him through her mirror and instantly softened up. She got off the makeup chair and walked over to him. Her arms looped around his neck as she leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Thanks" The corner of her mouths turned up in an half decent smile as their foreheads rested together.

"What's going on here?" Teddy asked her before pecking her lips again. Rayna tried her best not to roll her eyes at his persistence and distracted herself with the bag he was holding. She snatched it from his hand and rolled it open, hiding her face into it as she inhaled the scent coming out of it. "Rayna?" He pried her stubbornly.

"Deac-"

"Deacon?" A shocked Teddy asked, his eyebrows shot up creating a thick line with his hairline. "He's the delay?"

"Teddy, please." Rayna turned on her heels and marched back to her vanity, tossing the bag on it.

"He's the reason you're almost 2 hours behind on your schedule Rayna? That is absolutely unacceptable, not to mention unprofessional. Who does he think he is?" Rayna looked at him rambling while walking in circles around the small room and shook her head. "You should have fired him. A long time ago."

"Teddy come on now." Rayna admonished him, turning around.

"Don't you even try to defend him." He raised his hand up warningly.

"Trust me that's the last thing I want to do." Rayna returned wryly, her eyes set again on her cellphone.

"Have you tried calling him on his cellphone?"

"Deacon doesn't have one. We tried calling his hotel, but nobody picks up in his room." She sighed, trying to keep calm. She already regretted telling him the truth. Knowing full well how much they loathed each other, Rayna could not believe she had just handed him Deacon on a plate.

"Of course he doesn't have a cellphone. He's too country for technology? Or is it because they don't sell cellphones in liquor stores?" Rayna closed her eyes and gripped tightly on her armrests sensing patient slip off her body again. "Can't Steve just take over for him?"

"No, he can't!" Rayna yelled looking directly at him in the mirror. Teddy looked at her bewildered, but stayed silent. Both their heads shot in the direction of the door as they heard it opening.

"Hey, sorry. I didn't meant to interrupt." Bucky's head peeped out from behind it.

"It's okay." Rayna nodded signaling him to come in.

Buddy pushed the door opened a little wider, but didn't dare to walk in. He cleared his voice a couple of times, mainly to enjoy the calm before the storm. "So…I called his hotel again. They said he has not left his room since he got back early this morning and when the cleaning lady got in with a spare key his room was a mess and the bathroom door was locked from the insi-" Bucky didn't get the chance to finish his sentence for the back of his head collided with the hard wood of the door he was holding open as Rayna pushed past him and ran out of the room.

"Rayna!" Teddy called after her and followed her closely. "Rayna, wait up!" She was running like the wind, knocking people down and stepping on instruments and cables and whatever else in between as she went.

"Rayna!" Bucky started running after the couple as well.

"Where are you going?" Teddy asked her out of breath when he finally caught up with her at the end of the long white corridor. Terror was spelled on Rayna's features.

"To him." Rayna said between spitted breaths without thinking twice. Teddy stared at her openmouthed when the pure honesty in Rayna's eyes misted with tears hit him.

"Let's go." She felt Bucky's hand wrap around her wrist and let him lead her to their destination. She threw Teddy a couple of backwards glances but didn't find the strength or the courage to utter a word. He came first, he always had and he always would. Teddy stopped fighting it that very same day, as for Rayna…she never really started that fight. She had surrendered a long time back.

The Mayo Hotel – Tulsa, OK - 2.55 PM

Rayna and Bucky made a beeline for the hotel registration desk. A lot of people were gathered in the hall and everyone started murmuring the moment Rayna set foot in the building. Before they could introduce themselves to the concierge they heard a strong male voice shouting "Move! Out of the way people! This is an emergency." They both turned around and saw two men and a woman carrying a stretcher with a man out of the elevator and down the marble steps to the hall.

"DEACON!" Rayna screamed as soon as she caught a glimpse of the man who was being rushed outside. That red flannel, that consumed pair of brown boots, she knew perfectly well who they belonged to. Her heart fell in her stomach when the realization her worst fears had just come true hit her. She ran towards the knot of people around him and the paramedics. She knocked a little girl down in her attempt to reach them as fast as she could. "Deacon? Oh my God Deacon can you hear me? It's me Rayna!" She took his hand and shook his arm a little.

"Rayna Jaymes?" The female paramedic gasped.

"Miss Jaymes you know this man?" A tall grey haired paramedic asked, a little less impressed with the celebrity in front of him.

"He plays in her band. What happened?" Bucky filled in for Rayna gasping for breath as he tried to keep up with their pace.

"All evidence points to an overdose."

"NO! Deacon!" Rayna shook his shoulder more firmly. "Deacon!" She called his name once again desperate to see those blue eyes again or to just hear the sound of his voice again. She felt numb, unable to process what was going on. It couldn't be happening again, she could just not believe her eyes.

"Is he going to be alright?" Bucky fearfully asked when he noticed blood was copiously coming out of a cut on his head.

"We don't know yet, now please let us do our job."

"Of course." Bucky wrapped one arm around Rayna and unsuccessfully tried to remove her from him. "Rayna come on, we'll follow them with our car."

"NO!" She shook her head stubbornly. "Deacon? Babe please don't do this to me. Please please please don't do this to me." She begged him, a sob cracked her voice when tears began to fall freely from her eyes.

"Rayna, come on." Her manager urged her once they reached the ambulance parked outside.

"Ms Jaymes you can ride with us if you want to." The woman shyly asked her, still flabbergasted to have the great Rayna Jaymes before her very own two eyes. Rayna nodded her head and let go of his hand as they lifted the stretcher and gently pushed it in the back of the ambulance.

"Alright. I'll see you there. Where are you taking him?"

"St. Francis Hospital, sir." The younger paramedic replied to Bucky.

"Thank you."

"Okay guys let's move. Quick." The older paramedic instructed his team and helped Rayna get in the vehicle. As soon as the doors closed before her, sirens started to sing and the longest ride of her life began.

ST. Francis Hospital – Tulsa, OK - 3.20 PM

"Claybourne Deacon. Man. 31. Approximately 170lb. Alcohol and drugs overdose."

Rayna followed the paramedics inside the ER. Her left hand holding onto his right for dear life. As they passed to the doctors all the information they had obtained from her, Rayna looked around her disoriented, she felt like she was in a bubble. Muffled noises, people running around without even noticing her, the ambulance's sirens still ringing in her ears. A weird sensation, like dizziness, pervaded her as she took in the white and grey surroundings. Her left hand hit her thigh and shook her out of her trance.

"We found him unconscious and hasn't regained conscience since then. The patient presents a transversal cut on his temple." The other paramedic followed the protocol as well as they pushed the litter through a white sliding door, leaving a wondering Rayna behind.

"Wait! Hey!" She called realizing they were taking him away.

"Miss Jaymes it's alright, they're taking care of him now." The paramedic put an arm around her and tried to keep her still whilst she was trying to break away.

"What? Where are they taking him? I need to go with them, he needs me." Tears started falling down her cheeks again as he disappeared behind the now closed doors.

"Are you Mr. Claybourne next of kin?" A female nurse approached her then.

"Wh-what?" Rayna managed to wriggled herself from the paramedic grip. "I'm…no. I'm his girlfr-I'm his….He works for me. He plays in my band." She ran a hand through her hair, unable to formulate an understandable sentence. And little there was to understand about the status of their current relationship, they were everything and nothing at the very same time.

"Come with me we've got some papers to fill, you might have precious information for us. Is Mr. Claybourne an addict? If so, how long has he been battling with alcoholism?" The nurse asked her pushing her lightly towards a desk in the corner of the waiting room.

"What?" Rayna couldn't have connected two dots on a blank page if they asked her to right now, let alone have a conversation of any sort. She was in pure and utter shock. "Listen, I need to go in there. I need to stay with him." She tried again in a desperate attempt.

"In a minute, Miss Jaymes is it?" The woman asked scrubbing a pen across some papers.

"Yes, Rayna. Rayna Jaymes." She replied absentmindedly as she looked around to find a way out, or better a way in.

"Rayna Jaymes? As in that Rayna Jaymes? As in country biggest-?"

"Yes, it's me." She blurted cutting her short. "Please please let me go in there, I'm begging you."

"Rayna?" She heard a familiar voice calling her name from the other side of the room.

"Bucky!" She squealed relieved to see him there. She ran into his arms and buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing hard.

"Hey hey calm down, he's gonna be alright." The man held her tight and rubbed her back in circles.

"They won't let me go in there with him and now they want me to fill some forms. I don't know. I need to see him Bucky, they just left me here. I cannot leave him alone." Rayna broke the hug, not a centimeter of the skin of her face below her eyes dry. "Oh my God this is all my fault, I should have checked on him sooner, I should have gone to his hotel. I should have kept an eye on him all this time. God!" She covered her face with her hands and started sobbing again. Guilt was asphyxiating her as she tried to breathe through sobs and hiccups.

"Rayna stop!" Bucky took her hands in his. "Look at me." He commanded her and she did as told, squeezing her lids open. "Okay, take a big breath now." Rayna opened her mouth and inhaled deeply, the refund oxygen shaking through her body. "Like that. Good. Keep breathing, keep breathing." Bucky encouraged her. "Better?" Rayna nodded, the lost puppy expression still plastered across her face. "Okay you sit here and I'll just talk to that lady over there." He walked her to a nearby seat. "Don't move." Rayna nodded and sat down, her gaze lost in space along with her grip on reality.

3.28 PM

"Alright, follow me." Bucky grabbed her hand and pushed through what seemed a maze made of white sliding doors. "He's in that room." His finger pointed to a big room hidden behind a glass window. " What do you know, a couple of signed pictures still do the tricks around here. Didn't even have to play the VIP passes card." His attempt to play down things, falling short.

"I wanna get in there." Rayna said with a shaky voice as she wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. Bucky shook his head and rested his hand on her shoulder giving her a gentle squeeze. Rayna shut her eyes closed, bracing herself for what she knew what's coming next. She knew the drill, far too well. Her eyelids freed her pupils then and she watched as a male nurse and a doctor put Deacon on his left side and lowered his head while another doctor put a tube in his mouth. He was still unconscious, ha hadn't opened an eye on the ride to the hospital or gave any sign of consciousness, as the doctor kept calling it. He was breathing on his own, his heartbeat was slow but steady and they told her that was good. Surely good would have been the last word she'd use to describe his condition. A male nurse noticed her and Bucky picking in through the glass window and rolled a light blue curtain around Deacon's bed to give doctors some privacy. A tears escaped the corner of her eye. She stood there, immerse in a silence that was ripping her apart while they pumped his stomach. She would have taken it upon her shoulders, that pain, that sorrow, she would have gone through it for him. And in a way she already had shared part of that affliction with him. She had put him already four times in rehab, she had made out of his battle, her battle. She had cried and begged and cursed and prayed, but nothing had worked and nothing had changed. They were back to the start. Rayna's only hope was to never see that start line fade into the finish line Deacon had too many times dangerously got close to.

4.05 PM

Her hand fumbled in her pocket and pulled out her phone. She pressed some buttons down, to compose that number she knew by heart and patiently waited as the phone rang and rang. "Cole! Thank God you picked up." She let out a sigh of relief.

"Rayna? What's going on?" The man on the receiving hand asked worried.

"Deacon overdosed." A strong pang hit her stomach as the words came out of her mouth, realization kicking her in the guts only now.

"Fuck! Is he alright?"

"He's alive if that's what you wanna know." She leaned against the nearby wall, needing some support to get through that conversation. "They pumped his stomach and they're performing a CT scanning on him right now. He fell in the bathroom and hit his head, He's probably gonna need stitches too, I don't know."

"Was it just alcohol or…?" Coleman trailed off, unsure of what to suggest really. There was not 'less of two evils' in circumstances like this one, he knew from experience.

"I don't know. Did he start taking those pills again?" Rayna asked trying to figure out what had gone wrong, what did she miss.

"I don't know, I haven't talked to him in weeks." She knew that man like the back of her hand and it was no surprise to her his voice was dripping with mortification. They had failed, both of them. Again.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." She sighed running her hand through her hair nervously. "I thought….I thought we were passed this."

"Well it's only been…how long has he-?"

"253 days and 17 hours." She interjected him. "Didn't get to count the minutes too, they were done pumping his damn stomach by the time I reached that point."

"Ah Rayna…" Coleman sighed in the phone.

"I think he relapsed a couple of weeks ago. He just hit rock bottom today, you know?"

"Why didn't you call me earlier?" The accusatory tone in his voice enough to set Rayna off.

"You think you are the only one he shut out of his life? Well newsflash, you are not." She snapped, unable to control herself.

"I just thought…I don't know being on the road with you, I mean come on. I guess I just hoped the two of you would fix things or whatever. I don't know….I'm sorry."

"I'm with Teddy Conrad now and he screwed all the nubile women in our band and crew, rumor has it he's going around again." She said wittily.

"I just know if there's one person who can help him sober up it's you." Coleman tugged at the right strings.

Rayna let out a sob and started crying again. "I can't be that person for him anymore. And I honestly think he doesn't want me to be that person anymore." She thought she had already cried all the tears she could, but surprisingly they kept falling down ceaselessly.

"You know that's not true."

"Maybe, but it's how it feels Cole." She sniffed and took a moment to regain her composure. "I need you to take care of him. I need you to take him back to rehab and do whatever it takes to make sure he finishes his program and get back on the right track." And then she lost it again, sobs, hiccups and sniffs making it impossible for anybody to decipher whatever she was trying to say.

"Hey hey calm down now. Consider it done. We'll try this again and again and then some more until he sobers up. I promise you."

"It's gonna take this time, right? He can do this, can't he?" She sniffed, waiting for who she considered like a brother to restore hope in her.

"Of course he can. We're not giving up." The resolution in Coleman's voice cracking a smile on her features.

"Like hell we are." She agreed with equal determination.

"Alright, I'll take care of all the arrangements to get him back there. What about the bills?"

"It's all on me."

"Rayna this is his fifth try, you're gonna be bankrupt by the time he sobers up. We should probably find a less expens-"

"Coleman no." She interrupted him again. "I don't give a damn about the money. I'd rather panhandle than see him like this again, you just have no idea Cole. Hadn't they told me he was alive, I would have sworn he was dead." She felt tears coming back and shut her eyes closed.

"I'm so sorry, I promise you we're going to fix him. Do you want me to come to…where are you guys again?"

"We're in Tulsa. And no it won't be necessary, I'll put him on the next plane out. Just pick him up at the airport?" She asked hesitantly.

"Of course. I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah, later." Rayna smiled a little, grateful both her and Deacon had this wonderful man in their lives.

"Take care of yourself Rayna. Bye" She pressed the button to end the call and looked down at the phone in her hand, wondering why there wasn't a button to press to put an end to that torture as well.

6.13 PM

"Rayna?" Bucky entered Deacon's room after he knocked a couple of times but got no answer. Rayna stood up and gestured him to go back outside, she didn't want to disturb his sleep.

"Hey." She smiled at him.

"How is he?" Her manager asked nodding towards the door she had just closed behind her.

"Hangovered doesn't even begin to cover it, I think they sedated him or something."

"Teddy has been calling my cellphone no-stop." Bucky informed her sternly.

"Oh shit!" Rayna hit her forehead with her hand. "He completely slipped off my mind." She sheepishly admitted.

"Do you want me to go and bring him here?"

"No, he wouldn't be of any help right now." She could not believe Bucky would even formulate such a thought, not to mention actually suggesting it to her.

"What can I do for you?" He said putting both his hands on her shoulders.

"I uhm…" She tilted her head to the side and looked down at his wrist trying to read what time it was.

"Don't say a word." Bucky held both his hand up in mock surrender. "I'll cancel the show." He announced resigned.

"Bucky I'm so sorry. You know It's the last thing I want, but…" She trailed off not sure of what to say. She had performed with the flu, with high fever, with cramps, she was a pro. But right now she couldn't even fathom the thought of dethatching herself from him. There was just no way she would have left him alone.

"Hey it's fine, we'll refund the tickets or just reschedule, I'll handle it. You take care of him, alright?" He hugged her patting her back.

"I am so so sorry." Rayna repeated softly in his ear before breaking the hug.

"I know, I just hope the label will be as understanding towards you as I am. This is not the first show you cancel because of Deacon. I don't know how to defend you with them anymore." He sighed shaking his head. "Rayna a lot of money is going to be thrown outta the window tonight. Thousands and thousands of dollars. And don't even get me started on all the trouble people might have gone through to make it to the show tonight and how disappointed they will all be. I know you care about him, we all do but-"

"Bucky…" Rayna tried to stop him in vain.

"Rayna let me ask you one thing: is he more important than all this? Your career, your relationships, your friends, your family, everything you built so far in your life?" Rayna remained silent and looked away. "Honey He's destroying all of that for you. If the answer to that question is yes, then alright. Your choice. But if you have the slightest doubt, well…."

"You know damn well how much he means to me." She deadpanned looking him straight in the eyes.

"I do. What I don't know is how much more you are willing to sacrifice…for him." He planted a dagger right into her heart.

"I don't know." Rayna replied quietly, lost in thought. She really didn't know, but most of all she didn't think she was ready to know yet. Deacon was not just part of her life, he was part of her being. Letting go of him would have meant saying goodbye to a part of herself, forgetting that that Rayna she used to know even existed. Once she retreated to Deacon's room she too that sight in and fought tears back, he looked so defenseless. She was running out of options with him. What if the fifth time in rehab wouldn't take? What if he refused to go to rehab? What if he died on her for real next time and all her efforts would go to waste? She brought a trembling hand to her mouth and covered a choking sob. She had been this close to lose him more than she dared to remember. Yet this time seemed different. Did that struggle consume all her strength already? Did fighting those demons exhausted her to the point she could take no more of it? She shook her head, knowing full well there was nothing she wouldn't try to win that battle with him, no limits to what she would have done to get her Deacon back. Wiping her eyes, she regained her previous position on the chair next to his bed and took his hand into hers. She brought it up to her lips and pressed soft small kisses to it as she watched him rest ,just like she used to do in happier times. Times when she was the reason he would pass out in bed, tired from the highs of their night, and not a bottle of liquor and some pills.

8.31 PM

"Ray?" A soft familiar voice woke her up. Rayna had rested against his hospital bed and somehow managed to fall asleep. She lifted her head up from her arm, that had served as her pillow for the past hour or so, and straightened her upper body, leaning back against the chair.

"Hey." A smile appeared on her face when her blue orbits met his.

"What happened? Where are we? My head hurts." Deacon demanded confused, the sound of his voice different, stifled from his flurry tongue.

"Yeah, I know." Rayna nodded caressing his arm tenderly, as Deacon looked around him trying to put everything on focus.

"I-I-I'm sorry." He muttered closing his eyes again. " I'm really really sorry." He repeated as he drew in a ragged breath.

"Just close your eyes and try to rest, okay?" She told him sagely, her hand still entangled with his. He feebly squeezed her hand in return and drifted right off to sleep. Rayna felt her body relax and finally let out a breath she had been holding for hours now. Regardless of the disappointment and frustration and wrath she was feeling towards him right now, that sense of relief overcame them all. He was awake and he seemed to be doing alright and that's all that really mattered to her. There would have been time to talk, maybe yell a little, and to figure things out, right now it was time to thank God for giving him yet another chance at life.

11.47 PM

"Hey you." Rayna elatedly greeted him when his eyes opened for the second time that day.

"Wh-what happened? My head is throbbing." Deacon seemed confused and in a whole lot of pain, the same pain that was bouncing back on Rayna twice as strongly. She could just not deal with that grimace on his face. She felt so helpless.

"That's because you were acquainted with the tile floor of your hotel bathroom earlier. Got yourself a couple of stitches too. You look cute though, bandaged and all." She joked, to release the tension.

"Hitting on me already?" He smirked at her.

"You know me. I can't resist you." Rayna smirked right back at him and clasped his hand tighter.

"Damn straight." He laughed and gave her one of his flirtatious looks. He could still make her weak at her knees, even after everything he had been through that day. "Wow, it hurts so bad." He frowned in pain bringing his free hand to his head.

"I bet it does and I'm happy it does if I must be honest. Want me to get you something?"

"A new body would be nice. I feel like death." Rayna laughed and kissed his hand before letting go of it and getting up. "A glass of water and some mints, please?" He looked up at her adoringly.

She leant down and brushed her lips gently against his before murmuring "I'll be right back." Deacon was pleasantly surprised by the quick kiss, but enjoyed that brief moment it to its fullest nonetheless. They hadn't been that close in almost a year. It felt weird for both, but at the same time it felt normal, right even. Rayna walked down the corridor to the cafeteria and mindlessly touched her lips with her fingertips, the ticklish sensation produced by his scruff still lingering there. She probably shouldn't have kissed him, she told herself. But then again when it came to Deacon it was never a matter of shoulds, it was always a matter of wants, a matter of needs.

TBC